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Validation; [Kyo Charinko - Single Post]
Topic Started: Apr 4 2014, 07:48 PM (234 Views)
The One True Nobody
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"...does this clockwork hand follow you... or guide you?"
"So. A few more days and it's all going to finally, really begin, right?" a voice said, cutting through the darkness and tranquility of sleep like a sword through a straw post. "The heroine steps up to bat to save the city from its inevitable descent into madness... that about right?"

Kyo's eyes popped open, and she frowned up at the dark ceiling of the hotel room. Her first thought was that she wasn't sure whether she was actually awake or just dreaming a very lucid dream that happened to be set in the same room she'd fallen asleep in. Either way she was in California, Los Angeles to be exact, that she was sure of, and it was only the first night of the trip. There had been... a talk with Hiroko... and at some point after that, she'd gone to the movies... had she gone alone, or invited someone? It was hazy... she vaguely remembered a movie about samurai that she hadn't liked, and she'd sent Nana a message about it on the way home...

...The girl blinked a few times, and rubbed at her eyes. She felt warmth next to her. Hiroko...

"You're not dreaming. Take your time getting that brain of yours in gear. You're proud of it, aren't you? That clever little ball of mash inside your skull?" And as Kyo turned her head to look at the bed next to her--because she and Hiroko had naturally fallen asleep in the same bed, the room's spare was unneeded and simply acted as a table on which their bags had been discarded--she saw her yellow-eyed otherself sitting there, kicking its legs one at a time in a distinctly childlike way. Its head was tilted to the side so that its hair hung out of the way of its left eye. Once more it was dressed in the boyish manner that had been Kyo's trademark until the ascension from Nevan to Cereza.

Kyo frowned at her Shadow, who lifted a finger to its lips to signify that Kyo shouldn't talk just yet. Then it stood, and began to walk around the bed, beckoning with its finger. The girl carefully slipped out from under Hiroko's arm, out from under the blanket. The heating was so nice in here that she hardly even noticed she wasn't covered by anything but shorts and a t-shirt anymore--what a contrast to their cheap apartment back in Japan!

"Nice, isn't it?" her Shadow half-whispered, turning to face her as it neared the bathroom, the door of which hung ajar as she'd left it when she'd showered before bed. "A lovely distraction. But I think it's time you and I had a talk about this scheme of yours. So sweeping! So ambitious! So original." There was sarcasm in all of these compliments, but most of all in the third. Kyo gave her Shadow a sour look. It slinked into the bathroom... Kyo followed silently, quietly closing the door behind her, and holding the door handle down before it shut so that it wouldn't make a noise.

This left her in complete darkness for a full two seconds, and then she clicked the lights on.

It was blinding, the sudden switch from black to brightness. Her Shadow was suddenly nowhere to be seen. The shower curtain as wide open--there was nowhere to hide in there. The room was just empty--

"Psst. When you're in a bathroom, where do you look when you want to find yourself?"

Kyo looked at the mirror. Her reflection was, well, a reflection... it even wore her bleary-eyed, nonplussed expression, except... those bleary eyes were growing yellow. And then it smiled brightly, all bleariness forgotten.

"Ding-ding-ding!" it said. "This is where you saw me first, in the mirror, remember? What I said back then? Basically wishing my parents would both die?"

"Yeah, yeah..." Kyo said in a low voice, turning toward the counter and leaning forward on her arms, bored eyes fixing on her reflection's as it mirrored her movements and stance, but not her face. "...So what. You wanna talk neighborhood watch shit now? Of all times, now?"

"Just wanted to make sure you actually plan to go through with it when we get back to Nagashima, that's all," Shadow Kyo remarked casually, leaning against the counter's reflection... and then breaking stance to scratch its nose. Its grin widened behind its hand. "That bed sure was comfy. Right now I'm feeling more like putting it off a bit, focusing on college stuff... getting back to it when I have a bit more free time."

"If I put it off I'll just keep putting it off," Kyo said dubiously, folding her arms. "Besides, so what if I won't have much time for anything else? Least I'll be able t' look myself in the eye when I brush my teeth every morning."

"Is that why you're doing this? So you can feel better about yourself?" the Shadow asked, rolling her eyes. "It's kind of fucking selfish to treat the whole city like a stage for your own psycho-drama. Or a dollhouse for you to pretty up."

"...I'm not doing it for that," Kyo said through gritted teeth. "I'm doing 'good things' in general for that, yeah. My decision t' do this is different."

"Is it?" her Shadow asked in a voice of distant interest, leaning forward still father to hit could rest its elbow on the counter--and its head on that hand. This had the side effect of sticking the Shadow's rear end straight out behind it in a pointlessly cute-sexy pose. "You sure you're not looking for more validation there, 'kitten?' Not trying to be the hero in everyone else's story? Same story, different format? E-book instead of hardcover novel?"

"I'm not trying to be a hero in anything, and you can cram that shit because I already get what alla that is," Kyo said, almost (but not quite) raising her voice and pointing into the mirror at her reflection's nose. "You're just spoutin' this crap 'cause you're the part o' me that still wants t' think I'm doin' everything outta self-servin' reasons! Well I'm not, so you can go fuck yourself."

The Shadow's expression faded into a contemplative, curious look. "But you do want validation," the Shadow said. "Whose approval are you looking for, exactly? You never would have thought to do this if 'Cheshire' hadn't ripped into you about what a waste of life you are. But you're not looking for her approval, so whose approval do you want...? Who are you trying to impress?"

Kyo felt the first real flicker of uncertainty she'd had over this idea so far--uncertainty over something other than the logistics of it--and moved back. She shook her head. "I... I dunno," she answered hesitantly. "I wanna say I don't want any, but..."

A pause.

"Maybe... everyone's. The city's. No, that ain't right... ah... society's. I think."

The Shadow's eyes brightened. "Validation of yourself as a useful and productive member of society. Validation of yourself as someone who belongs in society. Validation of yourself as something society needs. Without changing who you are like everyone else does. Without fitting into a pre-defined role. No, you'd rather take a spiked flail to the mold than fit yourself inside of it, wouldn't you? But here's a question..."

Yellow eyes vanished almost completely behind eyelids that lowered until just a sliver of white and yellow peeked out underneath.

"Who are you to say the status quo isn't the way things should be?"

"Who's anyone else t' say it's the way it has t'be?" Kyo countered.

"It's the way it is. That's pretty strong evidence. You, on the other hand, are living under the umbrella of a sparkling fantasy."

"Maybe," Kyo said with a shrug, turning toward the door. "Won't know if the fantasy ain't meant for reality unless I try, will I? Are we done here? I wanna get some shuteye so I'm at a hundred percent for tourism tomorrow. Gotta make the most o' my vacation while I can, right?"

"Mmm..." Kyo's Shadow agreed softly, eyes still three-quarters lidded. Kyo clicked her tongue, opened the door, and clicked off the light. And just as she was about to step out of the bathroom...

...She felt soft arms slipping around her stomach, gently embracing her, breath in her ear, a tender and gentle whisper:

"You don't have to be so afraid, kitten..."

Kyo was flabbergasted, and stood there, frozen, with a blank look on her face. In that moment it was nothing but warm and comfortable, as if she had been caught by a surprise hug from her dearest and most treasured loved one.

And then the feeling--and the arms, and the voice--were just gone. Kyo looked over her shoulder, where there was nothing but the darkness of the hotel room's bathroom and shower. Letting out a frustrated breath, Kyo shook her head. No doubt there was some oh-so-cryptic symbolism or something at work here yet again, and she was in no mental state to make sense of that shit right now.

So, she silently crept back into bed and re-assumed her place at Hiroko's side. It took all of three and a half minutes to fall asleep again. The beds here really were just that comfortable.
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