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Another Way; [Kyo, Aleksandria - Closed]
Topic Started: Mar 11 2014, 09:43 PM (507 Views)
The One True Nobody
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"...does this clockwork hand follow you... or guide you?"
Kyo's hand wrenched away the moment Aleksandria snapped at her. Kyo looked at once defiant and apologetic, but in the end she acted on neither emotion. She just turned to face the fire, now sitting nearer to Aleksandria than before. Eventually, she reached over to where she'd been sitting before, retrieving the bottle of vanilla Vodka and taking a sip. Then she set it down.

"Maybe I'm biased," she sighed. "I don't like thinkin' o' my friends bein' hurt. And what if he didn't letcha go? ...I'm just... urgh..."

The girl ran a hand through her hair, rubbing roughly at her scalp, a textbook show of frustration.

"I'm tired of my friends doin' all this stuff that just hurts 'em 'cause they think they have to." The admission was subdued, distracted. Chika, Isoroku, Nana, and now Aleksandria too. If it wasn't physical pain, it was hurting them on the inside. If it wasn't one, it was both. Why did they all have to go throwing themselves in the goddamn fire all the time? ...Dammit.

"...It's not my place t' tell ya how t' deal with things. Sorry. I know ya'd rather not think about it much," Kyo murmured. What kind of tortures had Aleks endured, though? Kyo's mind went immediately back to the opera house, where Aleksandria's mother had been subject to the same nanomachine torture Aleks had once used on Isoroku. What else had Mikhail done, with time and surrender preventing outside intervention this time...?
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Dante
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WHERE THE FUCK IS MARIO
Aleksandria crumbled. Tears rolled down her eyes. She was trying so hard to be the big strong leader, to not let the scars bother her. But it all... it all hurt. There was nothing left to say or do. Nothing she could say or do. "I tried. I tried to put it behind me... but... I can't. He tore me apart and put me together again. He did it over and over." It was clear to see this was figuratively. "I tried to... outlast him, but he broke me. Then he threw me aside."

She heard the words but could not amount anger. The truth was, Aleksandria was tired. Tired of life. Tired of living. Tired of running and hiding to stay in a city that didn't want her. Now she was no better than scum on her father's shoe. Disowned and cut loose from the family, like a cancerous lump. A lump that served no purpose other than to leech money. Each thought cut her deeper. She finished her bottle of vodka and sobbed.

There was no resistance left in her body. The torture had been sure of that. "I understand... the truth was... I told you because... because I knew you would understand. That what I did... what I did was pointless. If I had reached out to someone I could have... I could have stopped him. I could have I could have left Russia with my head held high."

She looked down into her lap. "Instead of leaving it a crumbled wreck."
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The One True Nobody
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"...does this clockwork hand follow you... or guide you?"
Oh jeez. Oh jeez, oh jeez, oh shit. Kyo wasn't sure how she'd missed it. She was so used to Aleksandria being stoic and immovable that the idea of her just holding it all in hadn't clicked until now. She almost forgot to set the bottle back down--she'd gripped Aleks by the shoulders just that quickly. "Hey, hey," she whispered. "It's okay, y'can let it out now, aight? No one here but me. Let it out."

They were words Kyo should have said to someone else once, to Chika. She had been at that crossroads between indignation and sympathy that time, and she'd gone the wrong way. Not this time. This time she was there and she was going to be there well and proper, the right way, the way that she should have been back then.

"Y'could've, yeah. I'd've been right there with ya t' the end. But never mind that. You're here, you're back, y'can pull together and find your pride again. For now, just let it out."

She didn't pull Aleksandria around into a hug, though she dearly wanted to. If Aleksandria wanted to pull away or keep some physical distance, whether from reluctance or from a desire not to appear weak, Kyo would give her that choice. But the offer was obvious in how she held herself, and in how she held Aleksandria.

Beneath it all, unseen, Kyo almost wished she were back in that opera house, so she could hit Mikhail Fyodor again. And then again. And then again and again and again.

They never should have sent that man back to Russia, she thought in silent fury. They should have ended it when they'd had the chance. Ended it for Aleksandria's sake, because she couldn't find it in herself to do it on her own. ...No, that was pointless, and even more than that, it was ugly thinking. They--she--had never had the right to interfere with Aleksandria's or anyone else's problems that way.

Still, the thought of punching that monster's stupid jaw again was undeniably appealing.
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Dante
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WHERE THE FUCK IS MARIO
Aleksandria, despite the fact she wanted to let it out, tried to force the sadness back inside. Like pushing a cloth into a bottle. It didn't work. It only made her hurt more. When she felt Kyo's arms on her shoulders she reached out to her. The Russian, the woman who hadn't flinched when 30 people lost their lives couldn't stop crying.

Aleksandria Fyodor. A woman most people would kill to get their hands on, was crying in a warehouse in Nagashima. She kept crying. There was too many tears. Too much pain. Even her, who was stoic, who wasn't swayed. Too much to hold in anymore. "But it didn't matter. Because I tried to fight him and he... I couldn't do it. I could have killed him with a thought, but I couldn't do it. Because no matter how much of a monster that man becomes..."

She looked up, eyes puffy from her crying. "He is still my father. I choose to believe even a shred of the man I respected remains in there." She didn't push away, she didn't do anything but reach out with her arms, hugging Kyo. Whatever problems Aleksandria had were insignificant to this moment. "I did exactly what I didn't want to do. I went alone. I went alone because I didn't want to bother any of you with my family business."

Aleksandria sighed, a small hiccup from crying and drinking. "I try to be strong. Aleksandria Fyodor. The woman who will not be swayed, will not be moved. But... I'm just a teenager who never got to be a child. Who never got to be a teenager. Just... became an adult. I lost my innocence and made a wall around myself." She looked at the floor. "Not strong at all. Just... broken."
Edited by Dante, Mar 13 2014, 09:49 PM.
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The One True Nobody
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"...does this clockwork hand follow you... or guide you?"
Kyo felt the arms wrap around her, accepting the offered embrace. It was the instinctive desperation of someone who needed someone, because some things couldn't be carried alone. A truth Kyo knew well, a truth that had ruled her life and influenced her down every path she'd ever walked: the lonely little girl peeking around an alley corner, wishing she could be stronger so she could let her loneliness out... the bitter teenage homewrecker, shattering love where she saw it because she couldn't find any for herself... the lovestruck young woman, desperately clinging to the one person who'd given her that... the busybody, pushing herself on everyone else because that craving was still there, because she never felt like she had had her fill. And the path she walked now? She didn't even know.

Crying, sobbing. It was coming out, all the frustration and pain as though a dam had burst, Kyo had seen it before in Chika, felt it before on the day she'd cut her hair off and smashed the dye bottles. Explanation, confession. And then that word: broken. Broken.

Kyo's mind went to Chika again. While the redhead had never said it flat-out to Kyo, she knew that Chika believed--or partly-believed, or whatever still remained of the mindset that had birthed Tisiphone--that she herself was broken as well. To believe oneself broken beyond repair... to believe that one had lost their innocence, missed a vital part of life. Chika was the thing these words brought to mind because Kyo could relate to them in no other way. Or was she doing it again, as she had with Isoroku? Projecting her regret over her failure to support Chika onto Aleksandria at the slightest prompting...?

It doesn't matter. She needs you. Be there, and don't worry about motivation.

Cereza was right, of course. So Kyo held Aleksandria until the woman pulled away of her own volition. "You can put yourself together again," she whispered. "If it seems like too much, y'have me and the others here t' help. We can't make up for what's lost, but we can help y'make the most o' whatcha have. Don't lose sight o' hope, yeah?"

She didn't berate Aleksandria again for her decision to go alone. Shame wasn't what was needed. She didn't need to be told that her decision had been the wrong one, or that it was stupid, or that she never should have done it. That had been Kyo's mistake before. She would never make that mistake again, not ever, never. All Aleksandria needed reminding of now was that she wasn't alone. The rest could come later.
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Dante
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WHERE THE FUCK IS MARIO
Her words of inspiration, no matter how much she wanted to believe them, fell on deaf ears. "No I can't. I can't pull myself together. I was born to be a successor. I had to hunger. I had to fight. I had to desire strength. Everything I needed was handed to me. I was taught to be strong. Taught to push others away." It hurt to speak of herself. But it needed to be said. "I was fashioned into his heiress. Now without that, I am nothing."

She wanted to believe those words. "He ruined my life to turn me into a perfect successor. I have no idea what teenagers do, or even what children do. My life is nothing but combat. A neverending fight. I didn't ask for this! I just... I was born into fighting. I hate it. I stare in the mirror at the twisted visage my face has become. All to hide in this town."

The Russian sighed. "I'm tired. I'm tired of running and hiding. I'm tired of holding it all back. I can't do it anymore. I can't be Aleksandria Fyodor." A moping reply. "There... there is no hope. Hope would have meant my father wouldn't have broken me."
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The One True Nobody
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"...does this clockwork hand follow you... or guide you?"
"I didn't say it'd be easy... and I ain't expectin' ya t' just get up and move on in a blink, Aleks," Kyo answered in a murmur. "But you ain't a 'nothing.' Not by my reckoning. And even if y'are, everything starts with nothing. Y'can find a new way t' go. The stuff y'don't know y'can learn. You aren't the only one who's needed to. Y'aren't alone in that sense, either."

A slow hand rubbing at Aleksandria's back. Comfort, not urging. Sometimes people did this with an attitude that it would stop the crying and cheer the person up instantly. That wouldn't happen here. Kyo knew it wouldn't. There was no putting the mask back on now and that mask was the very thing Aleksandria was so tired of. So...

...Tired of.

Something clicked in Kyo's head, something unrelated. She promptly shelved it. Now wasn't the time, and she couldn't have concentrated on anything other than Aleksandria now if she wanted to in the first place. She didn't think she was even going to get around to the things she'd hoped to discuss with Aleksandria now. Perhaps it would be better for them to talk about those things another time, or after Aleksandria had gotten a rest, although this warehouse was a poor place to cry oneself to sleep.

"...If you don't wanna be Aleksandria Fyodor," Kyo said, in a clearer voice than before. "Then figure out who y'want t'be. And do whatever it takes to be that person. I know y'have it in ya. I also know it don't feel like y'do now, might not feel like it for a real long time. But y'have it in ya. I believe that. Believe it with all my heart, I do."
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Dante
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WHERE THE FUCK IS MARIO
"Everyone else would expect that. That's what I am. Strong, proud, Aleksandria, strong Alexis. She doesn't let anything bother her. If they all only knew how weak I am on the inside. How stupid I am. I'm no leader. I just delude myself into thinking I can lead and the answers come that way. I can't learn how to be a teenager Kyo. I can't delude myself like that."

She felt the hand on her back and her tensed muscles relaxed. Aleksandria had done a lot of fighting. Too much fighting. There was little that she hadn't tried to solve by throwing herself at it. Only now when she was reduced to a wreck could she see it. Vodka made her honest, after all. A flare of anger entered her eyes, but she was too tired to act on it.

"I cannot do that. To become someone else means moving away. To be something else means leaving. I promised I wouldn't leave. Once we solve the mystery of the ruins, I'll leave. For now, Nagashima is stuck with me. I cannot be the person I want to be Kyo. It means giving up everything I have fought so hard for. My relationship with you, my relationship with Kira and the love of my life. All gone in an instant."
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The One True Nobody
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"...does this clockwork hand follow you... or guide you?"
Kyo's motions slowed, but only for a few seconds. Tension, surprise, confusion. Aleksandria would probably be able to feel it without looking. She didn't understand. Only here did Kyo feel true confusion in the face of Aleksandria's feelings, something she could neither relate in some roundabout way to herself or to someone she already knew. "...Why... does it hafta mean leavin'?" she murmured. Then: "Because Nagashima means hidin'. And you wanna be able t' stay out in the open."

Of course. She had been thinking it herself earlier. That she wanted to be able to spend time with Aleksandria out in the sun, with no disguises in the way. That they would probably need to leave the country for it to even happen.

"...Oh, Aleks," she sighed. "Distance couldn't break any o' that. But I know it feels like it would. Wherever y'go, all of us're still connected. I wish I could show you proof of that..."

Then again, even if Kyo could confer her Left Eye's sight on someone else, that vision came with a burden all its own. Aleksandria did not need that burden. She would have too many ghosts hovering behind her... Kyo had only two, and sometimes, that knowledge alone--for what has been seen cannot be unseen--sometimes that was too much.

The Left Eye of the World would have broken some of the people Kyo most dearly wanted to prove its lesson to. Chika would see her family, the family she could never get back. That would overpower the sight of the connections. It was the same for Aleksandria, and for Nana, and perhaps for Kakeru or Manabu or maybe even Treo, who knew part of it but not all of it. The Left Eye's sight was a double-edged sword. It could be seen as bonds providing strength and support from the past, or it could be seen as "proof" that the ghosts of one's past held them in bondage.

The difference between the Devil Arcana and the Lovers Arcana... perception as the difference between imprisonment and freedom. The difference between Dream Catcher and the Left Eye itself, between Nevan the Lightning Witch and Cereza, the Umbra Witch.

"...Even if we part ways, I'll always be on your side," Kyo said softly. "I know the others'd say the same. There'll be sadness, and hurt, but as long as a feeling lives in the heart a bond can never die."

And Kyo leaned back, just enough to look into Aleksandria's eyes with her own.

"But no need to rush. If you needta part with us, do it when you're ready and at peace with it. No sooner."
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Dante
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WHERE THE FUCK IS MARIO
Aleksandria sighed. There was no more energy left to cry. No more energy left to turn her own power on herself. there was simply nothing. Simply nothing left in her body worth fighting with. "It means... being alone in the darkness. I can't be myself. I don't have that right. If I survive, what of those that suffered? Inspector Shin is correct. I am a monster."

She smiled, all so softly. "You can't show me proof of that. That's why those words are hollow. No-one stays connected over distance. If I leave this city, I leave everyone behind. I know for sure everyone would be better off if I did. But I'm going to be selfish. I want to see this all through until the end. I want to see it to the end fully.

The Green haired girl continued and softly, Aleksandria began to let down her guard again. It was like when they first spoke. When she and Kira first spoke. Putting a face on those she cut down without remorse, that was what had twisted Aleksandria, had blunted her fangs. There was no issue killing those she had no connection to, but when you gave the faceless masses a face, it became impossible.

"...I wish I could believe you. But you'll forget me, Kira-san will as well. Even Charlotte will move on. I am but a seed in your gardens. A seed of evil that cannot even sprout. You took pity on me and for that, you made an enemy out of yourself."

The Russian said. "For that, I am sorry."
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