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Stepping Up (literally, because you took the stairs to get here); [Ask First - still accepting one more player if anyone wants in]
Topic Started: Jan 3 2014, 09:28 AM (526 Views)
The One True Nobody
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"...does this clockwork hand follow you... or guide you?"
"Destroyin' info?" Kyo asked, blinking, looking confused as all getout. "Wait. I remember hearin' Sora's people were bad eggs, but I don't remember hearin' about that..."

It was mind-boggling to Kyo. She could get not giving a damn, but why would anyone actively help the ungodly powerful underground mystery woman whose end goal might have been anything from escaping the ruins so she could get at some decent food to the complete obliteration of time and space for all anyone knew? It just seemed... stupid to Kyo. Not to mention insane. Completely batcrap bonkers.

She grimaced, and tilted her head back. "I dunno 'bout Treo's reasons," she said. "I never asked... I was too busy askin' about shit like the Russian mad science stuff and that. I didn't care much about the ruins at the time, and I always figured, 'well, I'm too weak t' stand up t' the big bads anyways.' More of an excuse, even if it was true at the time."

Kyo held up a hand and flexed it, looking at it with a self-depreciating smile.

"It's what I was thinkin' about before ya got here, actually. The way I was thinkin' up t' now don't exactly fill me with proud feelings. Y'know, I don't think I ever once went outta my way t' look for documents or anything. Just sorta figured, like, if there was anything important t' do or find, someone else'd do it. Too much o' my own shit goin' on t' care, y'know?"

Kyo's eyes went deadpan, and she leaned her head against the fence, glaring up at the sky.

"It shoulda occurred t'me that most everyone else was thinkin' the same thing I was," she said dubiously. "...I like t' think I'm smarter'n most people sometimes. Cleverer, like. It's always a punch in the nose when I realize I'm just as dumb as everyone else in the ways that matter." Kyo pointed to Manabu. "Don't sweat not bein' able t' do anything for the moment. Well, I mean don't sweat it too much, I know it's too much t' ask ya not t' worry. Just work on figurin' out what blocked your Persona and how t' get around it, yeah? Friend o' mine was blocked for a while, too, but I hear he's back in action. Benkei Watanabe, college dude. Pretty cool guy. 'ThisMachineKillsShadows' was his screen-name last I checked, dunno if he's changed it. Maybe ya oughta talk t' him about it?"
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FirebreathFishslap
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I'm the best! I'm the king of me! I'm gonna eat chips out of the garbage!

Manabu blinked back at Kyo. "Is that really so surprising? We already know the Shadows in the Ruins want to destroy any trace of their origins, and they were offering power to Mori's people. All they had to do to keep their power was assist the Shadows in their destruction of information. It was really quite disgusting, in my opinion."

He turned his head away and stared off toward something in the distance as Kyo spoke about her own issues and then segued into talking about Benkei. He had seen that guy on the forums a couple of times, but he'd seemed rather frustrating and unapproachable. Not someone Manabu was really interested in talking to.

And, if he was being honest about it, it was embarrassing. Having a Persona made him feel in control, like he could actually change things about his life and how he acted. He wasn't the weak little frog when he had Kuranes with him. Though, he supposed everyone knew about his lack of Persona by now; the details of the Qlippoth incident had most likely spread to the larger community since then.

"I'll think about it," Manabu said. Maybe if he happened to come across Benkei at the store, he'd ask him, but he doubted that he'd go out of his way to ask him about it. "Meanwhile, you should be focusing on your own Persona. Yours is the one that eats magic, right?"
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The One True Nobody
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"...does this clockwork hand follow you... or guide you?"
"Oh, no joke," Kyo said dubiously, rubbing at the back of her head. "I needta straighten my shit out. Even just as a matter o' practicality. Sleep always hasta be this big project and I can't use Armored Form without wipin' myself out for a week. What kinda help am I s'posedta be if I'm stuck with those kindsa handicaps?"

Kyo grinned and waved Manabu off.

"I'm workin' on it," she said in a voice that was an inch away from an exasperated laugh. "Right now my brain just keeps circlin' back t' the Qlippoth, though. I can't get the image of... Suzume aimin' her gun at me outta my head. Although I guess there was always a good chance o' that happenin' at some point anyways."

Kyo leaned her head back against the fence and grimaced. "Ryouta told her, see," she said quietly. "His part in the Chouko thing. He told her. And then she figured out I knew all along and now I can't look her in the eye. It's why I'm up here right now and not down with the other Archery Team members."

The girl's right hand drifted down to the floor and her fingers began to drum on the ground.

"Part o' me still wants t' think how am I supposed to think about myself with somethin' like that goin' on, but I can't think like that. Can't ignore the ruins 'cause o' that sorta thing, either. I needta... I dunno, get my shit in perspective. Either way it all goes back t' solvin' what's goin' on down below, 'cause stuff like this'll just keep happenin' if we don't."

A pause. And then:

"So my first order of business is gonna be straighten shit out up here," she said, tapping her forehead with the middle finger of her left hand. "Once I've won that battle, I dunno, I'll think o' somethin'. Everyone and their great aunt Bessy's been tryin' t' organize their little groups and shit and it always falls apart. I'll prolly just focus on tryin' t' figure out ruins shit when I've got the time and bring along whichever o' my friends is available that day instead of, y'know--tryin' t' make a new S.O.S. Brigade or Persona Research Group or somethin'. At the same time, though, it's not like I can just ignore what's happenin' up here, either..."

Kyo ran a hand through her hair, a frustrated sigh escaping her lips.

"I don't know. I just don't know," she grunted. "I gotta find some kinda balance. Some kinda happy medium. Somethin'. I just don't know how or what just yet."
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FirebreathFishslap
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I'm the best! I'm the king of me! I'm gonna eat chips out of the garbage!

Kyo's comments about Suzume, while just as serious as the previous discussion, were a welcome distraction from his own problems, and Manabu seemed a lot less on edge as Kyo rambled about what happened with the older girl. He supposed it had been a matter of time until the birdwatcher found out the truth, though he would have preferred it not ended in Kyo getting her eye shot out.

"I heard she was quitting the archery team," Manabu remarked casually. "Or that she was thinking of doing so. I can't remember which."

He shrugged as she continued. "You can always abandon what's 'up here' and join me in the Occult Club," he said, grinning. "Honestly, I don't think it's worth it to worry about test scores when the world is crumbling literally underneath us. But I've always preferred the ruins to what's up here on the surface. You could say that they're proof of what I've always dreamed of."

Indeed, they were proof that there really was something out there that was worse than his life. Something that made everything on the surface worthwhile, because there was really nothing any better.
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The One True Nobody
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"...does this clockwork hand follow you... or guide you?"
Had Manabu glanced away at a coincidentally bad moment and missed Kyo tapping her own forehead? Well, whatever. The bit about Suzume quitting Archery Team, though, that was worrying. It was a sign that Suzume was doing exactly the opposite of what Kyo hoped she might do--her optimistic expectation had been that Suzume would accept that Ryouta didn't deserve retribution, that she would perhaps settle for being pissed off at Kyo and the others who'd known and hidden things from her. Of course, there was always the chance that it was just Suzume focusing on her academics, but Kyo... didn't think that was the case.

No, it looked like Suzume was still fixating on Chouko's death. And Kyo wasn't in any position to do much about it, either.

The green-haired girl shook her head, deciding to focus on Manabu's probably-tongue-in-cheek offer to join Occult Club. "It's funny, though, 'cause of all the things that've wowed me since the start o' this, the revelation that there is somethin' besides the natural ain't really done much for me. Like, okay? There's magic and monsters and maybe that means there's gods and demons too."

She shrugged, her expression the picture of who-gives-a-shit.

"People're still people and the world's still what it is, so all it is, is another layer t' what's there. Never really understood why people chase that sorta thing anyways. Like it magically makes things mean more just 'cause there's a little more flash. I can see people wonderin' about an afterlife--"

Kyo faltered. Afterlife. Yeah, there probably was something like that, since Kazue could communicate with dead people and all. Dead people had to exist somewhere for that to be possible, right?

"--but eh, whether we go somewhere or not after death don't change much in the world o' the livin'."

Kyo drummed her fingers on the rooftop floor for a few seconds, looking at her own knees with a dubious frown.

"Feels like it's all distractions and excuses for the way people are. We're so obsessed with explainin' why things are the way they are like that's more important than them just bein' what they are. Or maybe we just don't like bein' undecided about whether or not our ideas're right. Need t' think we've got outside approval." Another shrug. "It's all stupid."

She put on an uncomfortable smile, then, and said, "In any case, even if savin' the world is a thing, I got my future t' think about after the fact. I don't think I'll be able t' put down any o' this Persona-user crap as an excuse for bein' behind the curve, so I gotta do somethin' about it while it's there."
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FirebreathFishslap
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I'm the best! I'm the king of me! I'm gonna eat chips out of the garbage!

"You're really too logical for this kind of work," Manabu said, leaning back and putting his arms behind his head as he did so. "It's more than just augmenting reality. It's proof that there is something more, something worth living for that isn't the monotony of real life. We've mapped the world, so all that's left is to map the unseen and evil, that which influences our world without doing so overtly."

He leaned forward. "Like, let's focus on the afterlife. We have all of these superstitions about the dead. You can't touch corpses, you have to purify yourself after a funeral. There's all these games on the internet where you channel the souls of the dead into dolls and play children's games with them. People may be people, but the sociology that creates these traditions and brings them to life is important, don't you think? It's shaped our world in its own, subtle way."

He shrugged as Kyo talked about her future. That was something he probably needed to focus on. His grades weren't great and while his father had never cared, he wasn't so sure about his mother. Maybe he needed to step things up a bit.

"I suppose. Entrance exams aren't for a while for me, so I don't mind slacking and focusing on what I find important for now," Manabu said.
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The One True Nobody
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"...does this clockwork hand follow you... or guide you?"
...That isn't the monotony of real life.

If they needed something more than real life, wasn't that just an underline to the fact that the real world as it was sucked ass? That things needed changing, on a large scale, not just the personal one? Wasn't looking for that kind of supernatural influence just something people did because looking for something that might or might not already exist was easier than trying to affect change, change that couldn't be achieved by just one or a few people working alone?

The afterlife subject brought Kyo's mind back around to Kazue and her strange power again, though. Kazue, Kazue's ability, it was proof that people weren't being total idiots when they talked about this stuff. Or... was it? Just because Kazue could temporarily channel spirits of the dead, did that mean they existed "somewhere" when she took them into herself and gave them voice? What if they simply didn't exist between dying and using Kazue as a vessel? What if when they left Kazue's body, they went back to simply not existing?

Given Kazue's only spirit communication so far had been with Edward Keller, Kyo had to admit the idea of the dead just becoming nothingness was comforting. If there were indeed some sort of heaven-and-hell equivalent in the afterlife, Kyo didn't want to think of Edward going to the latter. Or maybe there was a God out there after all and he wasn't as bone-dead stupid as the ones in human myths, and maybe he could tell when humans were well and truly reformed, and maybe he would judged based on that than some checklist of people who'd followed the rules or followed his religion or...

...or maybe thinking about this was stupid in itself and she should just stop doing that.

"...Well, I ain't one t' lecture people about their school lives, just, um, don't be like me," Kyo said, blinking herself out of a distracted reverie. "Don't leave it till the butt-end o' your senior year. 'Cause there's always gonna be stuff you feel's more important than school, but y'can't leave school undone either. Havin' all the shit crammed inta the 'last minute' time slot just means there's a big old blob o' time where y'don't have time t' multitask between school and the 'important' stuff."

She shrugged.

"Maybe I am too logical," she added, swinging back to Manabu's earlier point with a deadpan look on her face. "Human beings in a mob. What's a mob to a king? What's a king to a god? What's a god to a non-believer who don't believe in anythin'? Sometimes it's just easier t' look at life like none o' that stuff exists. Sometimes that's the liberatin' thing. Sometimes it's liberatin' thinkin' that stuff does exist. All depends on where you're sittin' in it, I guess..."
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FirebreathFishslap
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I'm the best! I'm the king of me! I'm gonna eat chips out of the garbage!

"You're not very religious, are you?" Manabu asked. He didn't know many people who were, but it was a point worth bringing up in his opinion. "But you're right, it does all depend on where you stand. For me, just knowing something is out there that influences my fate, that makes things worse than they are... that in itself is liberating."

He chuckled and turned toward Kyo. "By the way, you're not fooling anyone with that little speech of yours. Believe it or not, I do use the internet, and I know song lyrics when I hear them." He grinned, and then he stood up, turning back to look toward the field. The sky had begun to turn orange in the time since they'd gotten there, and he stared out wistfully across the landscape.

"I... do care for this town quite a bit, though I used to hate it. The me of when I first got my Persona wouldn't have cared if anyone else died, so long as he lived. All he wanted was his own satisfaction and validation. But now..." He put his hands in his pockets. "If what's going on here is allowed to continue, I'm sure it'll put everyone in danger. And as much as I hate to admit it, that's the real duty of one who seeks the occult, isn't it? To find it and contain it for the protection of everyone else. So maybe I am an idealist at heart. That's why..."

He shrugged. "Well, you've read the files that Nakagawa-san leaked to Bedlam. I wish he wouldn't screw with my personal files, but what can I expect from someone like that..."
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The One True Nobody
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"...does this clockwork hand follow you... or guide you?"
"Are those song lyrics? Huh, I'm gonna hafta look that up now," Kyo said, scratching her chin and looking at the sky through narrowed eyes, the look on her face so curious it was obvious she had no idea where the line had actually come from--she'd just plucked them off a social networking site at some point. "Nah, not very religious. Y'know... 'the Devil' and all. Actually never gave it whole lotta thought, though, not on my own. It was Ken who usedta say a lotta the fancy shit I used as justification for everything I do, I just sorta... adopted it all at some point. Seemed easier t' agree with stuff that already fit with the way I was than t' think up my own ideas, I guess."

The girl shrugged a bit and tilted her head to the side, and then in the other direction, as if silently weighing one idea against the other.

"What's the meaning of life?" she asked. "...What's the point of having a meaning in the first place? What's the meaning behind that meaning. If a God exists, why's that God there t' begin with? Or are we s'posedta just stop askin' questions once we have a 'tier' of existence that's one rung higher than ours? Say all that supernatural stuff you look into is true, or half of it is, or sixty-two percent of it, or whatever. What's behind alla that then? Or is it enough t' just think there's 'at least one higher thing?' I can't help thinkin' if we're gonna 'stop' somewhere it might as well be on our own level. Even the supernatural stuff we do know about now seems more like... it came from us, rather than, y'know, us from it. That'd make it a layer below, wouldn't it? Actually, that's a comfortin' thought, 'cause it means we're above it, which means we can beat it."

Kyo scratched at her nose, then, looking at Manabu. "Gotta say I agree with ya on stoppin' the danger though. The files Nakagawa leaked? Yeah, I remember readin' that at one point. God, that guy... I swear. I oughta take another look at that sometime, it's been a while. I remember it was sorta interestin' but at the time it was just a curiosity. Wasn't seriously thinkin' of Persona stuff outside of how they work in our own heads."
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FirebreathFishslap
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I'm the best! I'm the king of me! I'm gonna eat chips out of the garbage!

"'It's turtles all the way down'," Manabu said, chuckling a bit as Kyo mused on the existence of a higher being. "I'll admit, I don't think too much on the existence of higher powers than the ones we know. It's interesting enough just thinking about the Shadows, and our Personas, and the possible origins of them. The butterfly is probably the closest thing to a higher power we have, or at least that I'm willing to acknowledge at this point in time."

He shrugged before turning to the subject of Makoto and the files. "People rarely do. Sometimes I wonder if Nakagawa was trying to spur the community to action by revealing my thoughts on the matter... though, I usually remember that it's Nakagawa we're talking about right after that and forget that little thought. Those two won't even lend you a pencil unless it has some kind of benefit for them."

He looked up at the sky as it began to turn a blend of blue and orange. "We should probably go before they ring the final bell. Wouldn't want to get caught up here and have to parkour our way out, would we, Charinko-san?"
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