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Check up from the Love Doctor; Love Doctor, Home Wrecker, it's all good! [Satosu, closed]
Topic Started: Apr 23 2012, 09:46 PM (542 Views)
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Picking whipped cream out of her brown locks was not how Kira intended to spend her lunch hour, but a particularly hectic food fight had ensured some time would be dedicated to the task. Escaping the absolutely livid cafeteria lady was motivation enough. Note to self- don't waste food in front of her.

As she walked out to one of the benches nearby the school entrance, Kira stuffed her hand into her bag and placed her finger into the open and empty water bottle and muttered under her breath. Pulling out the now full container and setting her bag aside, she dumped its crystal clear contents out over herself, washing away the various contaminants as best she could.

"Better." She nodded to herself, turning on her heel and sitting down on one of the benches. She noted there weren't any other students around at that time- a bit odd, but she wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth- before taking out what remained of her lunch for the day. She bit into the sandwich with a grin and savored the moment.

Nothing like a little peace and quiet. No distractions, no noise, no worries. Kira continued to eat, forcefully quashing a building sense of isolation.
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Monika Apologist

Satosu checked off another small box in his notepad. "Ask Marika-chan about friday... check." He stuck the pencil into the bindings and put the miniscule rack of lined paper into his pocket, yawning and walking around the outside of the school. There were still a few things left on that list, but they could wait. None were very important, and in general, his friends were in good moods lately. He frowned. Except for Miyuki. If anything, her life had been getting more stressful, something he wasn't doing a very good job of helping with. He'd have to fix that later.

He was about to walk into the school when his peripheral vision caught an unusual sight. He turned around, seeing someone sitting on one of the benches outside the school. He frowned. People didn't usually sit there. Strange. Looking closer, it even seemed to be Kira. His eyes widened, and he frantically pulled out his notepad, shocked to see that she wasn't mentioned anywhere there. Strange. He'd forgotten about her completely. He scribbled down another thing in the checklist.

"Go see how Kira's doing..."

Pocketing his notepad, he walked over to Kira, pondering his words on the way. He walked up behind her, one hand held up and the other holding the other elbow. "Feeling lonely?" He smiled, amiability with a tinge of sympathy forming his voice.
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Kira cringed and sighed. Great, some prick trying to pick her up. "I'm sorry, but I'm really not interested in a rela-"

She jumped as exactly who the voice belonged to registered. Turning from her half-finished lunch to confirm, she smiled politely. "O-Oh, Satosu! Sorry, was a bit distracted." The brunette rubbed the back of her head. "A little, yeah. How are you? Everything going well with Miyuki?" It occurred to her she was deflecting the issue, but she couldn't really bring herself to care.

Did you forget your conversation with Akiko already? Otohime's disappointed tone earned a grimace.
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Satosu couldn't help but laugh at her initial response. "Not interested?" He put on a mock hurt expression. "Ouch. Rejection hurts you know, Kameko-san." He gripped his chest, pretending as though he had been shot; he even stumbled backwards a bit. It was all fairly amusing but he soon cleared his throat, standing back in his normal posture. He adjusted his slightly skewed glasses. "It's going..." He had a minute pause, one that was hardly even detectable. "... well, thank you for asking."

He frowned at her. "On a more important note." Satosu put one hand up to his chin and looked off into the distance, as if thinking. "You automatically assumed I was trying to pick you up, so you've got relationships on the mind, and you said you were a little lonely, but changed the subject far too quickly." Being himself was fun, sometimes. He turned to Kira, eyebrow raised.

"So, let me ask again: feeling lonely?"
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Kira smiled ruefully. "Heh. Yeah, yeah I can sympathize." She took a large bite of her sandwich and chewed thoughtfully, trying to delay the inevitable. "You changed the subject too, I might point out, but I'll admit that I did it first." The brunette scratched her head, looking suddenly weary. She knew perfectly well what the upcoming conversation was going to be about.

"Yeah, I've been feeling lonely. It's been getting better, and I'm learning to deal with it." I really don't want to talk about this...

You need to.
Her persona was running short on patience with the subject, and Kira couldn't blame her. She sighed. "Might as well rip off the bandage... I took the break up a lot harder than I should have, and I think I made Ryouta feel like a heel when a lot of it was circumstance."
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Satosu put his hands up. "Okay, you caught me. So I'm worried about Miyuki's more adventurous habits." He shrugged. "Still, that's just me being a doting, careful, and overall wonderful boyfriend." One that was cheating on her. He kept the guilt of his his face and continued speaking with a smirk. "She'll be fine. You, on the other hand..."

He allowed Kira to finish speaking, nodding slowly. His expression melted into a more thoughtful, caring one. "I see... First break ups are always hard." Unless you were Satosu, but she wasn't. He paused for a moment, thinking of where to take the conversation. Biting his lip, he decided to take a bit of a risk. "I... should say this before anything else. You see, before..." Unconsciously, he took a step away from Kira before turning around, starting to pace.

"Before he broke up with you, I met Ryouta in the park. He looked trouble, I asked why, and he said he was having relationship issues and, from what he told me, I... judged that he didn't like you." He paused. "... Romantically, I mean." He turned back to Kira. "He didn't have the raw, emotive spark most lovey-dovey teenagers have, and he certainly didn't have the passion of legitimate love. He just liked you as a friend." Satosu paused again. "I don't know how much he told you, but essentially, he was just going out with you to be polite. He felt it would be rude to break up with you, but I thought it would be better for both parties to break it off sooner rather than later. So I told him to do so."

He paused, scratching the back of his head. "... I still stand by that. This would have happened eventually. That, or ended worse. I've seen it before." Satosu sighed. "My apologies for possibly instigating this, but it was in your best interests, I promise." He bowed, an action almost uncommon for Satosu. "I'm sorry, basically."

Satosu shifted his weight from foot to foot, appearing nervous. "So... can I try to help you with what you just told me, or should I start running?"
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"...you did what?" Kira had stiffened when he began his explanation, and hadn't moved from her position since. A glob of purple and brown dripped out of the sandwich as she squeezed. A warning from Otohime snapped her from whatever thoughts she was intending to act on. All at once, she exhaled and slumped, looking years older.

"...you made the right call." She set her lunch aside and buried her face in her hands. "As much as it hurt, Ryouta didn't love me, and I think some small part of me realized that shortly before we separated." She swallowed a lump in her throat. "That might have been why I took it so hard- we had just gotten back together again, and I thought it would be a second chance. No crazy stalker bitch, no insane persona users attacking us... not like how it was the first time. I felt like I'd never got a chance."

She lowered her hands, crossing her arms. She wasn't crying, but it was obvious she wasn't doing well. "It really hurt. It hurt the first time in the park, when he told me he didn't love me like that the first time. But then he took it back, and he was getting back to his old self, and I finally started hoping again just in time for it to hurt when he did it again." She bit her lip. "I know it wasn't intentional, but it felt like I was being toyed with."

"More than that, though... I brought in upon myself. It was pretty obvious in retrospect- I proposed every date, I started every kiss... minus the ones involving alcohol, at least." She coughed. "He was a friend, but I tried to force him to be more." Kira looked about, nervous. "Before Manabu moved in, I lived alone for a while. My family are all over the place, and since my sister went out of town to pursue her dream job, I'd been focusing on my studies."

"That and... well, remember way back on our field trip I told you how I never really had a suitor?" She shifted in her seat, feeling embarrassed. "Akiko and I talked about it; we're pretty sure I have a complex regarding abandonment. This was probably my way of coping..." Kira came to an abrupt halt when realized what she was doing. A faint blush spread over her cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be- I shouldn't have unloaded on you like- just forget all of that. I didn't mean to talk your ear off." She shook her head.
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Satosu stayed quiet, listening to Kira ramble on and on about her troubles. For a moment, legitimate hurt and concern could be seen on his face, but otherwise, he stayed passive, as if thinking. When she interrupted herself, he shook his head, frowning. "No, no. Go on, really. This happens to me pretty much every day." He paused. "Seriously."

There were a few things he could have said at that point, but he held off. Satosu made a hand gesture. "Continue, if you'd like."
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"...thanks." Just like that, Kira seemed to improve ever so slightly. "But yeah. Self loathing was always a problem for me. I ascended when I got over it by learning I didn't have to be perfect... or so I thought. Turns out getting over the source of my self-loathing doesn't mean I don't still have a problem with it. Failing still gets to me, as does the idea of being left behind."

Kira unwound little by little as she spoke. It felt like the tension she had been building up was starting to fade. "Have you been keeping up with Moshka? That interview series for persona users who have ascended. I admitted that I've been having nightmares about my shadow on and off." She cringed. "The long and short of it is that she insists I'll be thrown away eventually, and I'd be better off leaving before then. Pretty much my go to strategy for dealing with danger- running from it."

Her expression looked less grave as she went on, posture straightening. "But honestly? I don't want to leave. There's too many friends and loved ones here. Even if there's times I struggle to remember one good memory of me and them, that's just more reason to stick through this- so I can make some good memories."

She sighed. "But that's not the main problem either. My shadow is my self loathing and anger. Dealing with the source is just avoiding the problem itself- I still can't get over how easily I feel down and get furious, and I still don't know how to cope. Latching onto Ryouta like I did was just a stop gap and it wasn't fair to either of us."

Kira lifted her head, a sort of mental block fading and allowing her to pursue that line of thought. "I want to be more than a friend, but more than that I want him to be happy, and until I get over this issue I'll have a hard time being the friend he wants and deserves. Just as importantly, I don't think I'll be happy until I've gotten over it." Slowly, the teen let out a calming breath. She felt a pang of hunger and quickly took a bite of her lunch before her stomach could embarrass her.

"...I just wish I knew how to cope with my temper."
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Satosu said nothing as Kira spoke. He occasionally nodded or adjusted his glasses, but otherwise, he made no comments. When she seemed to have finished, he looked at her. Then, he smiled. "Well, you're certainly better off than most of the girls at this school." He said this with no hint of mockery in his voice. Satosu tapped the side of his head. "You're at least able to think and talk about your own problems rather than keeping them inside, or just not knowing what they are at all."

He continued, starting to pace. The words were coming easily. "Plus, your problems aren't that severe. You're not going on a knight-templar vigilante rampage due to the death of all your relatives and a close friend, or having visions of the future in which everyone dies." He shrugged. "I mean no offense, but out of all the persona users, you're probably one of the healthiest."

Satosu bit his lip. Whoa, where had he been going with that? "Not to belittle your problems." He felt off for some reason. "But it does mean that you shouldn't really loathe yourself. Even if you think you're emotionally volatile, you yourself just admitted that you won't run away from danger just for your friends." He shrugged. "Your bad points are just a part of you. They might be there, but don't forget about all the good points as well."

He started to stroke his chin. "As for Ryouta, well..." He sighed. "Tons of fish in the sea. And it's not like you'd have any trouble attracting guys." He chuckled. "I literally sent you out there to pick up any random guy you saw, and the first one you found instantly said yes."

He paused. "... Why do you think you're so attracted to Ryouta, anyway?" He had a few ideas, but he wanted to make sure.
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