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Mo Money, Mo Problems
Topic Started: Sep 21 2017, 01:11 PM (873 Views)
geomease
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Fabulous
[ *  *  *  * ]
The Motley crew of the Cream Pirates had been traveling through the seas with the aid of their newest member and ‘ship’ who Cream had begun to affectionately call “This Land” as some sort of obscure sci fi reference. They had gone through the innards of the beast and gathered up as many of the SS Corey in Da houses supplies as they could. Many rooms and sections of the ship had managed to partially fuse to the creatures insides. Thankfully this didn’t seem to bother the eldritch abomination too much, and if offered some much needed stability and consistency for the often changing tunnels and rooms.

The ship had turned out to be quite the mischievous prankster. At one Point Cream found an exhausted Rick who had been going in a literal circle for an hour as Ship kept turning the rooms around to confuse him. A stern talking to from cream who had entered what Miriel dubbed ‘Mommy Mode’ and pranks on behalf of their living vessel had died down to manageable levels. An inventory of the surviving goods was taken and put into safe storage, luckily they had more than enough to get to the next island and Ship could help them out by catching a few sharks or other sea creatures for Cream to prepare. He was more than willing to help out the parasites living inside him so long as Cream kept him well fed.

Speaking of, Ship had become extremely attached to the woman, likely owing it to her skill in handling animal and she often spoke baby to him and petted his walls and floors while speaking to the ship in a sing song voice. Cream had moved her room into the control center, located fairly close to the creature’s brain. Given her skill with animals and her medical knowledge, she could effectively steer the ship better than anyone else. Rick and Miriel still spent nights in her room, with the big exception being that now they had a larger more fleshy bed to slumber on. It was a little off putting for Rick and Miriel at first, but Cream was finally able to tempt them into more sultry activities, and the beasts transparent shell gave them a wonderful view of the stars above or the seas below when making love. Cream had attempted to find Rune Guy, hoping he too survived the ordeal, but hadn’t seen head nor tail of him. She’d have to ask Doc Boy, he seemed to be fairly close to the super hero for some reason.

After a few weeks of sailing and getting their new home set up the next island was in sight, and it was one Cream was very excited for. Iron Knife Island was known as one of the premiere stages for cooking and displaying ones skills as a chef. They hosted regular contests for chefs with grand and numerous prizes. Not only was Cream hoping to get those prizes, but she was aching to flex her chef skills against the best of the best. There was just one tiny problem; the island had a HUGE Marine presence. While her bounty wasn’t that high, she would still be hunted down and barred from entry. She needed a plan, luckily her closet survived the Merger with Ship, and so she had all her outfits to choose from. The ship would arrive in just a few hours, so she had prepared breakfast for the whole crew around their new fleshy table. Cinnamon rolls, Orange Juice, Apple Juice, Milk, Coffee, and an Egg Bake. As the meal was winding down, she stood up to announce their plans.

Alright gang, we did good surviving that Boin ordeal, and we even made a new friend/house as well. The next stop is Iron Knife Island, and I intend to enter the cooking contest incognito. Miriel and Rick, neither of you have bounties so you should be fine to do as you please, but Doc Boy and I need to keep our pretty faces hidden or else every Marine on the Island will be on me like STD’s on a hooker. So Doc Boy unless you want to stay on the ship I’m going to have to give you a teeny makeover to make you look different. On top of the contest, we got an assload of treasure to turn in for actual cash money. So we’ll need to find someplace to do that. Now then, which of you guys are any good with money?” Cream asked, looking around the table. Miriel deflated and scratched the back of her head, Rick stared blankly, looks like it was up to Doc Boy.

Alright… since Doc Boy here is the only one any good with money, he’ll be the one having to do the negotiations and shit. But Doc Boy can’t fight his way out of a paper bag so it’ll be up to us to act as his bodyguards for the time being. So here’s the plan. First we’ll make landfall in disguise, then we’ll take our stashes of treasure to get them priced and sold. Even with the Marines I bet the whole city will descend on us once they find out about our sweet sweet loot. So we’ll need to be extra careful. Rick you and Miriel will need to work as a team ok, I’m not too bad in a fight but there’s only so much I can do. Doc Boy I don’t want you fighting, and not just because you’re about as threatening as a limp noodle. You’re the only one who can talk money with whatever grubby guy is willing to deal with 4 strangers, if you get hurt or god forbid killed then we’ll just get fucked up the ass by whatever smooth talking operator recognizes that we don’t have a red cent of common sense between me Rick, and Miriel. So then, any questions?” Cream asked, laying out the plans for the group. They had plenty of time t prepare, Ship was capable of driving himself provided Cream gave him some instruction, this meant that the whole crew was free to do other things for the most part. For Cream that involved an even greater increase in private activities, and sleeping, and eating, and generally being a hedonistic loaf. Miriel had plenty of time to read, and Rick, when he wasn’t busy satisfying Cream and Miriel, was free to sleep as much as he desired, stopping only to wake up and work out to keep his Adonis body in shape, usually while Cream and Miriel watch from a safe distance, fanning themselves and sweating profusely.

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Minerva O'Mally


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Gigasheep
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Brycen’s room was surprisingly unchanged after it had decided to merge with their new ships body. The being still didn’t have a name, however was sometimes known as “This Land” or “Ship” by Cream, which he supposed would do for now. He personally didn’t get her obscure reference, but… Ah hell to it, he was going to name it. As he laid on his surprisingly comfy bed, he fiddled around with the box he’d found before. It was a sort of distraction to him, sometimes to keep his mind busy, as he pushed at various buttons and switches he’d found covered its surface. Hmm… What name would suit this giant behemoth which had unfortunately become their vehicle?

“Steve”

He nodded to himself, yeah that sounded about right. He’d never known a Steve before, so… Now he had! He smiled a little, happy with himself for making such a large decision like that. But, now he had stuff to do. Throwing the box to one side, he sat up and looked around lazily. His desk was still broken, but… Now they had that treasure he supposed he could get a new one, with like… A tonne of drawers, and a tonne of hidden compartments for only the most important documents. His eyes briefly looked over towards the stack of magazines, crammed behind the leg of the aforementioned desk. Yeah, those.

With a sigh, he got to his feet and thought to himself for a while. It was morning, and morning meant breakfast. He always looked forwards to whatever Cream made, though he still hadn’t had a chance to sit down with her and have that drink… They’d both been too busy, him with studying some samples he’d collected from Boin and her with… Catching up on missed fun time with Rick and Miriel. He looked over to his desk again, the plant samples he’d collected finely cut to inspect under a microscope. Still no luck yet… But he’d find that cure he was looking for.

A little while later the doctor arrived in the kitchen, in his usual white lab coat with the sleeves rolled up. Underneath he wore a white shirt, black waistcoat, black trousers and some dark brown smart shoes. He knew that the next island was coming up, so he was making sure he was dressed up nicely. Before he’d even sat down his mouth was watering at the food, and although there wasn’t a huge variety he was still excited. Taking a moderate spoonful of the egg bake, he placed it on his plate and got to eating it, listening as the blonde spoke about their plans.

Iron Knife, he’d almost forgotten that was their next destination. In all honesty it sounded like a pretty dangerous place, but if he was renowned within the chef community… Well he’d trust Cream on this, like usual. She always ended up being right, at least in the end. The idea of going in disguise interested him quite a bit though, seeing as the last time he’d done that was on Romulin Island, and well… That had turned out rather well. Upon hearing the question about money, he looked around at the others, suddenly realising he stuck out a fair amount right here, with Rick being unable to talk and Miriel having presumably spent most her life as a nun and so not really having to deal with money. Whereas with him… Well he’d spent a lot of time on Swiftbreeze haggling whilst being a student, plus it kind of came natural with how great he was with women.

“Yeah I’ve got this, I’ll woo them with my wits and we’ll be making more money than we thought plausible. And I’ve got the perfect disguise idea… Oh man, I’m getting hyped for this”

He grinned to himself, sitting back in his chair a little bit, listening as Cream continued to explain their plans. He had to agree, he wasn’t incredibly strong or capable as he was right now, and he still hadn’t figured out that whole Rune-Guy transformation thing, which made him wonder if he’d ever see his alter ego again. He was sure he would… Sighing a little bit, he continued to eat his food, taking a sip of coffee too. He wasn’t all that scared of getting attacked, not because he trusted the others to protect him but just because… They were the damn Maelstrom… The damn Cream Pirates, and things just tended to work out in the end. Sure they were missing half their family but… They’d find them again, even if Clyde was most likely in a vacuum cleaner at the bottom of the ocean.

“Thanks, sounds like a mean a lot”

He said sarcastically, aware he’d basically just been told not to die just so that they don’t lose out on the money. He wasn’t planning on dying though, he’d been through a lot already, death wasn’t on the agenda. Stretching a little bit and letting his back crack, he sighed and reached out to grab a cinnamon roll having finished his egg bake and washed it down with some coffee. Taking a bite, a small smile formed on his face at the sweetness. Thinking for a second, he pondered about any questions before asking:

“Got any wigs?”
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Shintai Hakai
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The Worst Generation
[ *  * ]
Shintai sat around in a small doll house, contemplating suicide because of the fact that he was stupid enough to land on an island with heavy marine dominance and also basically forget where his ship was. On top of the fact that he was being actively hunted by a psycho-bitch with big tits who has a hard on for patriotism -- kinda kinky, but just a little too much for the now basically in a delayed puberty Shintai. Shintai sat around in the little doll house, moving a dollie about his size into a chair. "Okay, now you're gonna sit down and have some damn dinner because I don't work THREE JOBS to feed a NO GOOD piece of CRAP FREELOADER" Shintai said, slamming a tiny fake teacup down in front of the doll. Honestly, this constant isolation had began to the drive Shintai to madness, his mental state was deteriorating, but in the end -- he was fine with it. Shintai pulled his fencing sword out and pointed at a doll on the other side of the room "You are not going out like that I swear to god Jenny I did not raise a whore! You are a good semi-religious woman who will PRESERVE her PURITY until MARRIAGE" Shintai said, walking over, grabbing the doll and putting her down in a small seat at the table.

Shintai sat at the table with the other dolls, falling deeper to insanity as he opened the lid of a plate. On it, a raw mushroom harvested from the island -- much larger than him because of his shrunken size. "Everyone hold hands for prayer." Shintai said as he connected the two dolls hands and joined them with his own. Shintai closed his eyes, and then looked up "Oh yeah I'm not religious" Shintai spoke, letting out a big laugh as the other dolls stared off into space, silent. Shintai picked one of them up, carrying it in his hands. He walked to the master bedroom of the dollhouse, putting the doll down on the doll bed.

"Now, we will produce an offspring worthy of my NAME" Shintai yelled out, and then proceeded to pat his hands on the doll's face. "Yeah you like that don't you" Shintai spoke as he smacked it harder, sitting next to the doll on the hard bed. Soon Shintai increased the force with which he was smacking the doll, as well as the intensity. the sound of hands knocking on wood rumbled throughout the small dollhouse, shaking it as well. "ASK ME FOR MORE" Shintai spoke as he grew more intense with the slapping with ferocity. Shintai slammed his fist down into the doll, sending it flying to the other side of the room and breaking it apart. Shintai walked over and put the doll back together and rubbed his hands together. "And now for the climax..." Shintai said, walking over to the doll, he pulled out a nut from the local forest and bonked it on the doll's head, cracking it open. "The deed is done, I have bust a nut."

Shintai stepped downstairs and looked his dollie daughter in the eye. "Don't you look at me like that or it won't just be your mother that catches these hands." Shintai said as he vigorously shook them in the air, doing jazz hands for his dollie daughter. Shintai stepped toward the doll, rubbing its fake hair and holding its chin "Don't worry honey, I know the famine has brought our food supplies down to an all time low -- your mother is malnourished, and I am forced to work for the corrupt government and preform experiments on unsuspecting mushroom children, but the world is a better place for it..." Shintai said as tears filled his eyes he drew his sword as it grew bright with heat. "I will end this once and for all... you will suffer no longer" Shintai said as he stepped outside of the dollhouse.

Shintai looked on forward at a scarecrow outside, staring it directly in the eyes. He charged at it and swung his blade, slicing into its body, he screamed out loud, loud enough for anyone nearby to hear -- "I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN NUT MY WIFE YOU PIECE OF --" Shintai said, before he was cut off by the sound of a dog barking at him. Shintai looked directly in the dogs eyes, doing a "im watching you" hand gesture and walking back off toward the doll house. "No witnesses.." Shintai said, cackling as he walked back upstairs to continue busting nuts.
Edited by Shintai Hakai, Sep 23 2017, 12:58 PM.
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A piece of benevolence, a shard of good will is sometimes all that is needed to raise a truly loyal army.
Shintai the Mouse Boy

We judge everyone by the sum of their actions -- not the cards they're dealt.
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geomease
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Miriel and Rick lay on top of one another, sweat coating their skin and slumbering peacefully after a vigorous work out. Cream had managed to extricate herself from the pile with little trouble, and stepped gently to her room’s adjoined bathroom. She didn’t bother closing the door, since pretty much the whole crew has seen the goods at one point or another and she was never the type to be bashful about voyeurism. She hummed to herself, a giddy high as the endorphins still washed over her from the vigorous ‘exercise’ session she had just had. After popping a squat on the toilet she gathered her washing supplies and stepped into a small cuboid section of her bathroom. The soft fleshy floor gave gently under her feet, allowing some adhesion. A small stand of rigid muscle jutted out to one side, and Cream placed the numerous soaps, shampoos, conditioners, and skin softened on the ledge. She tapped one side of the wall, and several nozzles came from the ceiling and walls, the fleshy bulbs pointed at Cream from all directions.

Alright Big Boy, lemme have it~” She sang. The fleshy bulbs twisted, before they began to spray her down with focused streams of warm, filtered seawater. Cream sighed contently as the water beat over her from all directions. She took a few minutes to allow the hot water rinse away the sweat and gunk from last nights and the mornings carnal activities, before finally grabbing her loofa and applying liberal amounts of soap to it and beginning to scrub herself down, singing a catchy tune. Once she was mostly done with the ever enjoyable act of washing, with the water spraying nubs helpfully pointing away from her during that part, she held out the loofa which was taken by a tendril extending from the wall. Bracing herself with her hands and leaning against the wall Ship helpfully scrubbed her back down for her, before rinsing her off from every angle. A small fleshy sea formed for her and she plopped down, flicking her wet hair back as Ship began to apply the shampoos and conditioners to her hair, working it in and even massaging her neck, scalp, and shoulders for good measure.

You are just, like the BEST Ship! I don’t know how I got along before without you~” She exclaimed, sighing as it was like having her own personal spa attendant at all times. After the shower she stepped out being passed a towel helpfully by ships tendrils, and dried herself off. She looked at herself in the mirror; she’d need to disguise herself, nothing to drastically different, or too obvious. The further one tried to get from their image, the more unnatural it looked. She wanted to change just enough that she could be mistaken for another. She had an outfit picked out, but to pull it and the disguise off she’d need a few things. First of all, she had a number of very distinctive features. There was little she could do about her wings, but she could do some other stuff. Gathering some skin and hair care products from beneath the cabinets, as well as her case of specialty contact lenses, she set them along the sink and prepared to don her new identity.

Stepping back into the now dry shower body she began to apply spray tan to herself, darkening her pale eggshell white skin to light cinnamon tan. A pair of cyan contact lens, ones designed not to correct vision but change eye color helped disguise her distinct pale purple irises. For clothes, a cute leopard print wide neck top, worn off the shoulder, a black tank top, skit, and thigh high black boots, a bit of bedazzlement under the eye, and finally straightening her hair and trimming her bangs. The alterations were minor, but the overall shift was noticeable. You’d have to really look hard to recognize Cream as herself, even with the wings; after all there were plenty of Skypian’s around the world, especially the grand line. Tossing in a bit of gold jewelry and she was all set. The new and improved Cream sauntered out of the bathroom, the light scent of a feisty perfume waking up Rick and Miriel who had to do a double take at the stranger walking out of the bathroom. Cream sighed and rolled her eyes at them, leaning over the two of them and tapping her foot in a motherly way.

Cream Filling


Come on you lazy bums, wakey wakey eggs and bakey. You both at least have to get ready. Miriel I want to see you in something fashionable for a change leave that frumpy robe behind, Rick I want YOU top actually put on clothes this time, I love seeing your chiseled chest as much as the next girl but we gotta look classy if we’re going to be taken seriously.” Cream lecture, with the two of them groaning. They slowly peeled themselves off of the bed and dragged themselves into the bathroom to get ready, with Ship attempting to accommodate them as he did Cream, though they were a bit more vocal about not needing as much ‘help’ as Cream regularly asked for. Cream left the room, navigating the innards of Ship and gathering Doc Boy, dragging him by the wrist to her room so she could help him pick out a nice bit of disguise. Her closet was furnished with all manner of male and female bits of clothing, wigs shoes, ect. No doubt they’d find the perfect disguise for him.

Alright so obviously we’re going to want to change your hair and eye color, hmm, maybe something with a different skin tone, do you want darker or lighter skin, I’ve got a number of creams that can alter an appearance, Hmmm, maybe a brunette wig… how do you feel about a suit and tie, you’re our face me, we need you to look professional after all. Would you be opposed to some make up?” Cream explained, quickly selecting and laying out several potential outfits for the man to try on and bombarding him with questions about his preference for disguise.




Eventually the ship arrived at their destination. Miriel was wearing a sharp red business suit and pencil skirt, her hair tied up in a bun and a pair of glasses perched on the bridge of her nose. Rick had been convinced to wear a suit and tie, the kind that bodyguards wore. Black sunglasses covered his eyes. He cut an imposing looking silhouette thanks to his size and frame, as long as he didn’t speak; he looked like quite the fearsome security guard. They had decided to take 1/3 of the treasure first, leaving the bulk of it behind so if things went pear shaped and they lost the money somehow they’d still have considerable reserves. This also meant that if they found a good place to exchange they could exchange the rest there as well. The promise of future business with whichever agency they chose to accept could be used as a bargaining chip itself.

Secretary Miriel


The streets were busy; they had docked at the handle. They had gotten quite a few stares as a small island docked itself and the 4 of them stepped off onto the pier. Cream took the forefront, looking like some sort of movie star with her outfit and attitude. A dock hand attempted to approach but was cut off as Rick moved in between them, looking down at the young man through his sunglasses with a stern scowl. Cream stepped forward, gently placing a hand on Ricks shoulder.

Its fine its fine, he’s just doing his job. Here you go, this is for the docking fee, should cover it plus some extra for yourself. Go get yourself something nice to eat.” Cream exclaimed, passing off a decent sized stack of Beli to the man to cover docking fees and signing her name in the ledger. She signed her name ‘Jessica Goldenrod’ the name of her ‘character’. She encouraged Doc Boy to use a fake name and for Rick and Miriel to refer to the two of them by their fake names to help keep the illusion. Since Rick and Miriel were unknown and had no bounties, they were free to use their normal names. With the docking fees settled the group walked onward.

The handle was a giant marketplace, where foods from around the world were proudly put on display to entice hungry travelers. Cream was grinning ear to ear, a genuine smile to be surrounded by so many filled with the ‘spirit of cooking’. As much as she’d love to try all the different foods and maybe swap recipes, they had a mission. From what she had heard and researched about the island, the cooking contest sign ups were set up here in The Handle, with the big stage handled in The Oven. They would stop by registration first, sign her up, and then travel to The Pan’s to find a trader and exchange the money. It wasn’t hard to find the sign ups, but it was quite a long line. As they stood in line Cream leaned in to whisper to the group.

Alright remember you guy, stay in character. I’m Jessica Goldenrod, Heiress to the Goldenrod fortune and professional chef/amateur adventurer. Rick is my personal body guard, Miriel you are my secretary, and Doc Boy is my chief accountant and financial advisor. We’re here so I can both show off my cooking skills to the world, and to exchange our latest batch of found treasure for cash. So let’s stick to the plan, get rich, and maybe win some prizes at the contest ok.” Ream whispered to the group as they slowly advanced in line. Eventually it was Cream’s turn and she stepped up and filled out the form, passing it over. She was given the time and place for the preliminary rounds of the contest, which she accepted with a smile and stepped out of line.

Alright, let’s go find us a trader!” Cream exclaimed, excitement boiling in her blood. The 4 of them walked through the rest of the handle and headed towards the Pan’s. The first rounds of the contest apparently take place here as well, so they’d be right nearby when needed. As they were walking through the streets something caught Cream’s attention. It was tucked inside an alleyway, but as she got closer to it her eyes widened with shock.

Oh my gosh! DO you guys know what this is? This is a genuine Gray Terminal Dollhouse! They’re all handcrafted, top quality wooden frame, completely to scale furnished interiors, these things cost a fortune where I grew up! I always always always wanted one but we could never afford it!” Cream exclaimed, crouching down and peeking inside the doors and windows.

It’s even got furniture and dolls inside… also it looks like someone’s been busting nuts all over the inside for some reason. It’s kinda in rough shape… but we can like, totally refurbish this baby! Rick you take this as well, it’s got a handle so it’s easy to carry. Oh... Almost forgot, better lock the doors and sides so none of the furniture falls out.” Cream added, flipping the wooden lock to keep the door shut as the latch on the sides to keep the 2 halves of the house from unfolding. This unintentionally trapped Shintai inside the house as it was suddenly picked up and carried off with the group of disguised pirates. Of course likely the dolls and loose bits of furniture inside would bounce around as Rick carried it securely. Also no doubt that a certain mouse boy would end up taking an awful lot of busted nuts to the face, but that was the fate of cute mouse boys one supposed.

It wasn’t too hard to find a few traders, and the group still had plenty of time to go before Cream had to join the preliminaries. They entered the building and applied for a meeting with one of the examiners. As luck would have it there was a free spot in just under a half hour, meaning it was a smaller wait than she initially expected. She, Miriel, and Rick all sat down, the dollhouse held tightly on Rick’s lap.

So… how much do you think the batch of treasure we have with us is worth?” Cream asked, turning to Doc Boy and hoping to get his quick opinion on the matter, unaware a certain pint sized pirate would likely be listening.


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The doctor decided that the rest of his time would be spent productively. In fact he could already presume some of the questions he would be asked by Cream, as well as the sort of outfit that he would need. So, surprisingly, he came prepared. The marines had never really seen him in anything but his general doctors outfit, so changing just a few small things wouldn’t be too difficult. Firstly, he knew that an overall rehaul of his attire would do wonders for his disguise.

Changing clothes at first stumped Brycen. He’d gotten so used to the generic labcoat and general jumpers and shirts that he was a little unsure what to go for. That was when it hit him, he didn’t need to change what he wore per say, just how he wore it. A grin on his face he began burrowing through his drawers, eventually coming across a small neatly packed box. Tearing the lid off he rummaged around for only a few moments before coming across a shirt a few sizes too big. His mother had given him a sort of care package before he headed off into the wide open world, expecting him to first of all fail, but secondly grow fat due to his rather laid back personality about everything and his sometimes slobbish nature. Sometimes he was thankful for that woman.

Now on the search for some other stuff, he pondered what tie to go for. Completely missing the point of a disguise already, and sticking to his normal clothes he’d probably appear dumb, but there was method to his idiocy. Deciding on a deep blue tie, something that he hardly ever wore and most likely would never touch again. Of course you couldn’t take him away from his generic black trousers, but thankfully these ones weren’t… His per say. Borrowing a pair of Rune-Guy’s due to them being a lot looser, he began thinking the plan over in his head. Only a few things were missing now, hair and sunglasses, and once again he knew the perfect hero for the latter.

“Don’t worry Cream, I’ve got the clothing sorted. Don’t suppose you’ve got any temporary hair dye, or maybe a wig which could actually change my hair up a little bit? I’m thinking blue… Yeah, blue. Blue me up, eyes, house… Girlfriend ifyouknowwhatimeanhinthint. The lot”
Big picture is big




Now walking out into where the others were, the doctor felt like a different man. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d walked around showing this much excluding when he was putting on a heroic voice. He smiled faintly to himself, running his fingers through his now blue hair, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the last piece of his outfit. If it wasn’t the mythical artefact itself! Rune-Guy’s sunglasses, which he often forgot to wear anyway… That was besides the point. He wore his loose shirt with pride, and his slightly mismatching tie with even more pride too.

By now they had arrived though, and although once again the doctor ended up looking out of place in the group, he seemed to fit some sort of visual role. He wasn’t sure what the locals would think of the lot of them, but he knew he’d need to get into character. He had work to do, he had to make them money! Still… Maybe he’d gone too overboard with the casual, but heck it wasn’t like he was tearing all his clothes off or anything. Right now anyway, he had to keep himself in check.

Their arrival on a literal, weird island thing had been a little bit… Weird, but hopefully that would show that they meant business. He was entertained at how quickly Rick had picked up his role though, and… Damn, the girls did look good. He’d have to enquire as to if they planned on using those disguises in the future too. Maybe he could try get someone on the streets to take a picture. Ah he’d figure it out. As for his fake name, well he had a really good one. He knew that if he went with something too out there, it’d either give him away or he’d forget, so for now he would be known as… ‘Wrycen Batts’. Genius.

The town itself smelt amazing. So many different spices being used, so many different aromas from different ingredients being utilised… It made him smile. He could remember the oven back home, when he got in from Med school. Sure, he sort of slacked off a little bit, but he’d always stay late, if only to write “boobies” upsidedown on all the calculators in the building, or other such immature ideas. Dinner wasn’t always the best tasting, but it was still perfect to him. He missed those days… Things were simpler… He sighed, now wasn’t the time to be thinking about the past.

As they waited in queue to sign up for the cooking contest, the doctor… Or now accountant began looking around, and continued to do so as they moved up in the line. In all honesty he wasn’t paying much attention, mostly because he’d got his character planned out and although it wasn’t exactly… Logical, he knew he could play it well. He had this, just channel his younger self, with a little tiny bit more professionalism. He had this! He’d convinced Cream to let him do this, so heck he’d make it work.

Eventually the group arrived at a trading spot, with one more dollhouse than they’d had before. He supposed now that they could afford luxuries like that things weren’t so bad, but back when they’d spent most their money on a figurehead of Cream… Things were slightly different. They’d spent forever trying to get the money together to feed themselves after that. Anyway, as for the question he’d been presented… He’d only taken brief looks at their treasure, so estimating it right now would be difficult. Besides, he was better at bartering prices, instead of figuring them out. Though with how much they had… Plus it was only a third… He could probably push it to be high ten millions, with luck. But he’d see what the experts said and go from there.

“More than they’re estimating Jess, hahaha! Just let me work my magic, and we’ll be swimming in more Beli than we’ve ever seen. But let’s just say, if we aren’t offered a few Mil, I’ll be making a scene. Heh, we’ve got this”
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Shintai Hakai
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The Worst Generation
[ *  * ]
Shintai Hakai let out a hearty laugh as he sat in his house with his dollie relatives. "I love busting these nuts, almonds, pistachios, peanuts -- wait a god damn second" Shintai would say, lifting up a peanut. "You aren't a damn NUT! You're a fucking legume!" Shintai would say, slamming it down onto the floor of his tiny home. "You think you know a nut, and then they do this to you!? This!? I've been busting you for days you traitor. I should've known you'd be a legume once I found you underground, but I was too in love with busting nuts to see the signs!" Shintai would yell out. Shintai looked left and right "How do you think the kids are gonna feel when I tell them I haven't been busting nuts I've been busting legumes!? I know there's only one of them but" Shintai said as he lifted up his dollie daughter "She's only 64! She's so young! She won't be able to live up to the reality!" Shintai spoke.

Soon he heard something odd, the sound of voices -- but not the usual kind that Shintai heard when busting nut after nut. It was the sound of slutty women and a side character role-played by a sheep man. Shintai's eyes darted left and right "They've come for me! Those Amerigan sluts!" Shintai spoke, putting his arms up as if he was about to engage in a bout of fisticuffs "Well they don't know, oh they don't know the wrath of a man who is willing to defend his family! I'm gonna END you you big bosom piece of shi-!" Shintai would say, running toward the front door and attempting to jump out in a glorious fashion. Unluckily for Shintai, he merely slammed into the front door because of the locking mechanism, and laid there on the floor.

Shintai sat on the ground, filled with little mouse-boy rage. He looked left and right, and suddenly felt his body lifted into the air. "Oh fuck, the reversal of gravity! My worst enemy!" Shintai said, being lifted rapidly into the air and slamming into the roof as a result of the house being lifted. Shintai felt his body basically being thrown around, and simultaneously endured a shower of busted nuts to his face. With every time he was thrown around the room, more and more nuts rained into his face, battering him heavily.

"You traitorous piece of crap! I've busted you for years, treated you like family, and now you nuts want to hit my bottom and land on my face?! I will end you!" Shintai said, pulling out his fencing sword and slicing at nuts as he flew through the air. Luckily, the movement eventually stopped -- leaving Shintai on the ground and listening to the sound of discussion.

Shintai looked out the window, staring directly into the eyes of the blonde girl, Cream. His body filled with rage, and he dashed toward the window, jumping and slamming his body through. Shintai landed on the outside of the window, staring at a size of 5 inches at Cream. Shintai took on a random scottish accent, "Yee big Blonde Bimbo! What ar ye doin to me 'ome!? I'll 'ave you know I know of your kind -- 'amburger addicted pieces o' shite 'ye are. A man tries to live his life al' good 'n peaceful and ye try to ruin it!?"

Shintai looked at the person holding his home. "Give me ma property and me kids ya pieces o' shite!" Shintai yelled, pointing his blade directly at Rick.
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A piece of benevolence, a shard of good will is sometimes all that is needed to raise a truly loyal army.
Shintai the Mouse Boy

We judge everyone by the sum of their actions -- not the cards they're dealt.
Kaiji Suki

No man can stand before me and not quake with fear.
The God Lobster

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[ *  *  *  * ]
Cream, or should I say Jessica, smiled and bobbed her head as if to a beat only she could hear at the words spoken by her associate… Wrycen Batts… man he had a poor imagination. The again even Cream had to admit that he cleaned up nicely. If not for the fact she was the one dolling him up she might not have recognized him. On top of that she’d be lying if her palms weren’t suddenly a little sweaty looking at him. Luckily he hadn’t noticed her ogling his fanny yet, though Miriel and Rock certainly did and were shooting her smug looks when they thought she wasn’t looking at them.

Like totally, can’t wait to spend it all, shopping spreeeee~” She sang, lightly kicking out her legs and her mind already racing as to what exactly to spend the fortune on. Today was shaping up to be great they were about to be rich, she was going to clean up in that cooking contest, and they had just acquired an awesome vintage dollhouse which filled out a missing piece of her broken childhood. Nothing could go wrong, so of course something went wrong.

There was a soft snapping sound, as the wooden window frame popped out of place, breaking the thin material at the corners. Cream’s attention shifted to the dollhouse held on Rick’s lap. Her mind barely had time to register the damage to her newest treasure as she saw a small shape start jumping around, squeaking in a high pitched voice that sounded vaguely human. Cream’s blood froze, her eyes widened, pupils dilated. She jumped to her feet, barely paying the ‘words’ any heed.

EEEEEIIIIIIKKKKKK mouse!!!” She shrieked her voice shrill and panicked. She reared back and swung her open palm in a downward swing like a golf club, aiming to sack Shintai with the flat of her fearsome, yet touchable smooth and moisturized hand, and send the mousy boy flying against the wall to the left. The receptionist had jumped up at the sudden commotion. Cream wasn’t about to sit on her laurels though, she grabbed the dollhouse right out of Rick’s hands, and chucked it where the mouse had landed with surprising strength. The wooden house flew towards the corner and smashed, potentially burying the small mouse. Cream was huffing and puffing in a panicked state. Cream looked up suddenly at her entourage, as well as the receptionist who looked like she was about to have a heart attack.

Ahhh shit, my childhood memories nooooo…” Cream moaned, lamenting the loss of her childhood dream house. Curs her lightning quick reflexes and tendency to over react to everything.

S-sorry, there was a mouse in there and… I REALLY get creeped out by mice and rats ok. Rick will clean up the broken pieces.” Cream apologized quickly to the receptionist. She crouched down on the ground and pulled put her purse, zipping it open a strange phallic shaped head popped out. The receptionist did a double take as a long weird shape slithered out.

Trouser, I want you to go find that mouse’s body and gobble him up ok.” Cream exclaimed, Trouser nodding and slithering to the ruins of the dollhouse where the mouse had last been seen. The door opened, and a fine suited man stood in the doorway gesturing for them all to come inside. Rick remained behind, his job to clean up the dollhouse once Trouser was finished hunting. Miriel would remain behind as well, if only to make sure Rick didn’t wander off and do something stupid. ‘Jessica’ and ‘Wrycen’ were led inside a private room, struggling to carry the big bag of ancient treasures they had liberated from Boin to get them priced. The laid the wealth on the table, and the rubbed his hands together.

Alright then, let’s get going shall we~” He said in a polite sing song voice.

OOC





Trouser flicked his tongue, smelling a tasty treat buried in the wreckage. He slithered forward, brushing aside and slipping through the tight cracks and holes in the structure. He came upon his first victory, a busted nut, and gobbled the exposed seed right up. Of course there were many more, not to mention the main course of mouse inside. His belly would be full of nuts and seeds by the end of today. Shintai would suddenly find himself face to face with a massive snake, its tongue flickering and its head and body looking suspiciously like a wiener.

OOC
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Barbara


Jean Scoville Brickleberg


Wendy Widget


Fapple Jack


Minerva O'Mally


Cream Pye
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Gigasheep
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[ *  *  *  * ]
Wrycen’s head turned slightly, his cocky expression changing to that of confusion, surprise and concern all at once, which most would agree was a rather concerning look. A small creature, squeaking surprisingly loudly at them, burst from the window of the toy house, which led Cream to literally swat it across the room at the wall. He chuckled a little bit to himself, feeling bad for the presumably mouse which had literally just been Bitch-Slapped harder than it probably ever had been, or at least he presumed she’d hit it. A second later he watched as she literally picked the whole thing up and launched it at the presumably unconscious body of the creature. With disappointment he watched the box shatter, sending scraps of house in all directions.

“Well… Look on the bright side, with how rich we’re gonna be you could buy a new one, or heck even a real one!”

His confidence continued to return to him, even as he watched the blonde allow her weird snake from before to go and take a look for the creature. Hadn’t it suffered enough? Shrugging off the thought, as well as his bad memories of the snake creature, he noticed a door open with a formally suited man beckoning them in.

The room they’d been led into was indeed a nice one, although carrying the large amount of treasure even between the two of them was surprisingly difficult. If only he had his normal strength, then this wouldn’t have been an issue at all. Sighing a little bit, they managed to dump it down onto the table, which led the now natural merchant to sit down in one of the chairs opposite their soon to be goldmine. In a relaxed way, he kicked his feet up onto the table and levelled his sunglasses. His head titled slightly towards the bag, encouraging the man to take a look at the sort of stuff they had in there.

“Take a look, years and years of treasure. Some of this stuff predates our ancestors. Go on, see for yourself”

Wrycen said eagerly, a grin on his face as his eyes set upon the man. Despite being unable to see his eyes through the shades, it was clear that there was a look of joy painted on them. Of course there was, he’d just presented this man with aeons of fortunes, and doubtless he would be stunned by their beauty. The man who had previously been rather excitable seemed a little less confident now, though he did seem wary of the feet which were rested on his desk. That’s how you had to be though, cool, calm and collected. Oh and confident, if you weren’t that they’d scam you out of everything you had. He watched with anticipation as the man began looking into the bag, browsing through just a few of their treasures.

“Oh my, oh my. You certainly seem to have… Procured some rather interesting valuables here Mr… Batts was it?”

With a grin, the now blue haired man nodded his head. Silently though he cursed himself, having wished he’d have scrubbed his teeth just a little bit more, so that when he’d just done so he could have wow’d the man with a twinkle from his teeth. A basic shine would have to do. Suddenly, with one fluid movement he removed his feet from the desk, letting them hit the floor as he suddenly rose to his feet, looking upon first the suited man, and then the treasure itself. He had to appear confident, he had to appear confident. You’ve got this Wrycen, have the man price it, and become filthy rich!

How much then, don't leave us hanging!

The merchant nearly choked, his face suddenly paling as he realised his voice had broken from excitement. Coughing and clearing his throat, he slammed his chest with his fist to try and help it along. Once he was sure he’d cleared it, he tried again.

“I’m sure you can see just how much it’s worth… And think how marvellous this place would look with some new decorations… And… Whatever else you’d do with… Well my friend you can do whatever you like with all this, assuming you’re willing to pay us a fair amount”

Upon losing his cool before, and then losing track of where he was going before, it was safe to say he was struggling slightly to keep the man certain. Although there were no obvious signs from the man that he was put off, he knew deep down the man would be unsure now that twice something weird had happened. How could he sway the man’s mind… How how how… Suddenly it hit him. Walking to behind Cream, or Jessica whichever, and whether she stood or sat down he placed his hands firmly upon her shoulders.

“You couldn’t let such a beautiful young girl down now could you? Go on, tell him how it makes you feel”

You activated my trap card! Was all Wrycen could hear in his head, as he played his most powerful offense here. No, it wasn’t his cool, his wits or his genius. No, it was the heartstrings of any man. It wasn’t just heartstrings he was hoping Cream to be tugging on here, what he’d just set up… It was too perfect! He totally hadn’t just dumped all responsibility onto her, no it was totally his master plan. Now it was just how that she went about this. On one hand, she could play the poor puppy, another she could be the dominant slightly stroppy rich girl… Or she could totally just be herself, that’d probably work too.

He was sure he could hear some sort of commotion coming from somewhere else in the building… But he decided to ignore it, not letting any concern show on his face. He had to remain confident, it was the key to any sale. That, and a beautiful blonde with a need for lots of money. He probably could have done it all himself but… This was the safer bet. Buyers would only ever increase by a certain margin, so it was better to start them off at a higher price.
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Shintai Hakai
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The Worst Generation
[ *  * ]
"JESUS CHRIST" Shintai would say, watching the hand coming out and slam into his body, sending him flying with the dollhouse. Shintai felt the wood fall on his body, which in all honesty, didn't hurt that much because it felt just like a dollhouse hitting a full size person. "So I see now you Amerigan fucks want to square up!?" Shintai said as he pulled the wood off of his body, standing up and staring the blonde bimbo down. Shintai looked forward toward the approaching dick snake, staring off ahead directly into it's eyes. " Oh my god you look like the thing in my pants that the ants always try to bite!" Shintai yelled out.

Shintai looked directly into the dick snake's eyes, sheathing his fencing sword. "We're gon' settle this like MOUSE MEN. Unlike the other boys on the island, I've never been one to back down from a tussle with a long, phallic, questionably sexy rod of slimy fleshy meat!" Shintai said. Shintai saw the snake open its mouth, charging directly toward him, and Shintai dashed to the side at full speed. [.5 AE] "I said I ain't afraid of a tussle!" Shintai screamed, reaching his arm out and growing in size, attempting to wrap his arms around the snake. If Shintai succeeded, he would spin his body at full force, attempting to throw it off into the wall. [.5 AE]

"Thats how you throw a damn DICK into a wall my man!" Shintai would yell out, staring directly at the snake as it hopefully would be falling off, likely more angered than previously before. Shintai would watch the snake land on the ground, who would then return back toward Shintai, turning their body rapidly in an attempt to slam their tail into Shintai. Shintai would let out a hearty laugh "You think I'm any weaker when I'm small you big dummy!?" Shintai would say, holding his arms out and attempting to block the tail whip. [.5 AE]

If it succeeded, Shintai would look at the Snake as it opened its mouth, moving its head directly toward Shintai. Shintai would pull out his fencing sword with his right hand, placing it upright in a way that would block the snake's head. "Don't go forward big guy, I may like busting nuts, but busting innocent people ain't in my dictionary." Shintai would say. Hopefully the snake would stop for a second, leaving enough time for Shintai to grow full size and look directly at where he figured Cream would be. "The fuck man!?" Shintai would yell out, honestly confused about what had just happened.


dont stretch the page
A piece of benevolence, a shard of good will is sometimes all that is needed to raise a truly loyal army.
Shintai the Mouse Boy

We judge everyone by the sum of their actions -- not the cards they're dealt.
Kaiji Suki

No man can stand before me and not quake with fear.
The God Lobster

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geomease
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Fabulous
[ *  *  *  * ]
Cream was in over her head when it came to maters of balancing and managing finances. This was the same girl who spent the crew’s entire budget on a wooden figurehead carved into her likeness for the ship. It was a flawless rendition of her beauty and grace no doubt, a bucket of fried chicken in one arm, a mug of booze in the other, exactly how she lived her life. However she had paid way too much for it, not even bothering to negotiate for it and she had been taken for a ride on it, and not just because she was also negotiated to meeting the carpenter in the bathroom for a quickie for ‘artistic inspiration’ as he put it, or did he say ‘autistic inspiration’ Either way much like her backside their checkbook was ruined after that transaction. So before they had begun Doc Boy, Miriel, and Rick had had to sit down and have a ‘talk’ to ream about what her role in all this was. It basically boiled down to doing what she did best, looking just slutty and enticing enough to be an applicable distraction.

It was the one thing Cream could really do, she kept making playful glances and smirks at the man, crossing and uncrossing her legs in a showy manner, leaning in a bit, letting her top slip just a tiny bit, her cleavage sway just enough to be written off as an ‘accident’ of her posture and position. These tactics would ensure that the negotiators mind was elsewhere, giving Brycen the advantage in negotiating prices. Unfortunately Cream was coming up empty handed here.

The man was barely noticing her, focusing his attention solely on Brycen. When he would look her way, he’d merely seem annoyed at her display, though he managed to keep that fake smile one uses when dealing with clients. Cream couldn’t figure it out, here she was a stunning 10 out of 10 practically making googly eyes at him and he wasn’t so much as battling an eyelash at her. It became all the worse when Brycen, in typical Doc Boy fashion started flailing ineptly in conversation like a fish out of water. He dumped the expectations onto her, oblivious t the fact that she was meeting her match somehow. Cream’s eyes quickly scanned the office for anything she could use, it was only then she noticed a few things. His office was a surprisingly nice shade of salmon pink, his shelves had an awful lot of books on Broadway plays, his nails were perfectly clean, manicured and… was that a coating of gloss? His exposed wrists and ankles showed no hair and signs of waxing and…

Oh my god he’s gay… Cream thought to herself, the pieces suddenly clicking together. No wonder she couldn’t seduce him. She quickly did another search, there was a framed photograph deliberately placed face down on his desk, there was a distinctly lighter shade of skin on his ring finger, exactly where a wedding band would have been had it not been recently removed, explaining the discoloration of skin. An idea formed in her mind. Cream sat upright, straightening her top and adopting a more tired and apologetic look.

Oh r-right. Sorry sir I… Can I just be honest with you, this treasure means a lot to us, and more than just its value. We’re off and about so often we rarely ever see our families. It makes it really hard to form lasting relationships you know; I haven’t had a steady relationship in… gosh years and years now. And Wrycen Batts… his boyfriend recently decided he couldn’t handle the long distance thing and left him when we were away on safari. It’s been hard, and we’ve all kind of come to the decision we want to just give up the life and settle down. We were just trying to sell the last of our treasure stores and… maybe try and settle down here on the island.” Cream explained, her tone sad and with a slight quiver in her voice. A normal merchant would see this as blood in the water and pounce, but if Cream was right, she’d get a better result with this man. His expression suddenly softened, taking on a genuinely sympathetic expression. His fingers unconsciously began to rub the spot where his wedding band had once been.

S-sorry, we shouldn’t be unloading all this on you… maybe we weren’t meant to… you know, settle down and have a family. We’ll, just be on our way…” Cream mumbled, making a show of standing up. She was worried he wouldn’t take the bait, but he suddenly held his hand up.

No no, don’t leave… I completely understand, and it’s a noble action to give up a life of wealth and adventure for stability. Iron Knife is a wonderful place to live, I’m sure you’ll love it here. And Mr. Batts.” The man said, leaning forward and holding his hand clasped firmly in both of his.

It will be ok, you will get through this, if you need to talk, I’m here for you.” He added uncomfortably, the merchant’s eyes drinking in all of Brycen’s appearance. His disheveled look, his social awkwardness, suddenly it would all make sense. This was a man whose heart had been broken and was just pretending to be all together.

But, we can’t exactly have you getting settled without sorting out the last of your old life’s treasures right? Let’s see what this stuff is worth.” He added, looking over the treasures again with a smile. Cream mentally high fived herself on her quick thinking, she couldn’t believe that worked! She hadn’t had to use pity as a way to get a man’s cooperation in a long long time, but she was glad she still remembered how to tug on heartstrings like that.




Trouser was unexpected to find, of all things, not a delicious mouse, but a tiny tiny human. Hi initial charge was clumsy, testing the waters as Shintai slipped to the side. He was even more surprised as the boy began to grow, grabbing him and unexpectedly throwing him against the wall. Trouser was a tough snake however, and her recovered quickly. Trouser angrily opened its maw and aimed to bite down on Shintai, only for him to be blocked by the mouse boy’s sword.

Miriel and Rick watched in morbid fascination as a small boy began to grow out of the rubble of the dollhouse. He was suddenly wrestling with the bizarrely tentacle looking phallic snake, the receptionist’s jaw dropped at the sight, unable to formulate words. As soon as Rick and Miriel saw that it was a small child Trouser was attempting to eat they tried to intervene. Rushing over and trying to yank them apart. Rick fond Shintai, the small boy help in the 10 foot Adonis’s strong hands as the man tried to pull Shintai away and into the air. Miriel was grasping Trouser by the head and trying to wrench him away.

I can’t hold on, the its too slippery!” She shouted, struggling to grasp the wriggling snake, angrily snapping and sneezing milky white snot at the boy.
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Barbara


Jean Scoville Brickleberg


Wendy Widget


Fapple Jack


Minerva O'Mally


Cream Pye
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[ *  *  *  * ]
Wrycen was impressed, not only had Jessica managed to not go overboard, but she’d managed to instead tug on the heart strings. He’d mentioned about that drink, but honestly by now he knew they wouldn’t bother with it as much as they needed to. Perhaps he could convince her if he were to have Rune-Guy to ask, only issue being is that he currently was unavailable due to his powers not working. Anyway, there was one thing that bothered him, as he was pretty sure it was the source of all the blonde’s confusion about him, and the reasons why he’d failed to get with her previously.

“What, who?”

And then it dawned on him, this was just a ploy. As soon as the words left his mouth it made perfect sense. She was pulling at heart strings to make the man fall for them. His expressions had softened, though he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. Dammit, why did he always mess things up? His mind raced as he tried to think of a solution, until:

“Yeah, Who was… A guy... Oh never mind”

He attempted to add to the heart string pulling. Unfortunately suddenly Cream had other ideas, as she mentioned leaving. He was about to interrupt her when their piggy bank seemed actually moved, like they’d totally planned, and offered up some help to them in order to get them a good deal on the money there. Suddenly his hand was being held, and the man seemed completely sure that what the blonde had been saying was too. He cursed to himself, making a note to remind Cream that in fact he wasn’t into guys, but played along with it a little by nodding his head and then grinning.

“Thanks, it means a lot… As for the treasure… Let’s get down to the real business shall we?”

He smirked a little. From here, with his excellent call in of help from Jessica they’d easily be able to get themselves all the money in the world. He pondered if perhaps this island even had enough Beli to pay for all the treasures which they were bringing in. He assumed so, after all it wasn’t like the island was particularly poor, and they brought in a lot of money from all the people that wanted to partake in the cooking competitions such as the blonde nearby to him. Speaking of, they should probably try hurry up if she wanted to partake in it… By the end of that… He had a feeling he’d completely forget about bringing it up.

As the negotiations continued, and the price slowly but surely rose, the merchant couldn’t help but start to like this guy. At first he’d just seen him as another person they could try con out of some money, but now that he was managing a decent conversation and seeing that their helper was in fact a very kind yet damaged soul. From what he was slowly gathering through the conversation (something Cream had gathered a lot sooner than he had) there were many similarities between the two of them. They’d both in one form or another lost someone in their pasts, and had both had to deal with the pain it left behind. He’d have probably been someone fun to drink with sometime, although now he couldn’t exactly sit there slurring out comments about attractive women which walked past. Oh well, he was sure after today they’d be on their way, and then they’d go back to searching for their friends.
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Shintai Hakai
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[ *  * ]
Shintai felt his body lifted by big strong hands, and yelled out "Oi mate! I'm gonna need you to chill out! I'm settling this, then I'm going after the big blonde bimbo!". Shintai looked up toward Rick "You got nice hands though if we're being honest" Shintai spoke, looking deeply into Rick's eyes. Shintai suddenly felt the impact of white goop onto him, gently slipping into his mouth. Shintai spit out, before realizing that the white creamy snot tasted... kinda sweet? "Oh god I really don't want this to be how I learn I'm gay" Shintai spoke, looking back up at Rick. "Hey I know I look like I'm 12 but I'm single, legal, and ready to mingle if you know what I'm sayin' big guy -- HAH! Just kidding! That would be gay, which canonically, I am not -- yet" spoke Shintai.

Shintai looked over at Miriel, grasping at the slippery snake, listening to her talk about how she could not hold on, and Shintai let out a hearty laugh "That's what she said!" Shintai boomed, trying to grow full size and escape the grasp of Rick.

If Shintai would succeed, he would walk softly toward Miriel and the snake, gently holding his hand out toward the snake in a non threatening way. "Heya -- My name's Shintai Hakai, you're a grumpus aren't ya?" Shintai would say, trying to move his hand closer. Once Shintai got within snapping range, he closed his eye and put forth a smile. "Hey, I'm sorry for throwing ya at the wall, I'm just a little extravagant I guess, I'll let you have revenge if you'd like." Shintai would say, finally moving his hand far enough in for the snake to let down a gnarly chomp if it pleased.

If the snake did bite down, Shintai would try to maintain composure and reach with his other hand to gently pet it along it's head.

dont stretch the page
A piece of benevolence, a shard of good will is sometimes all that is needed to raise a truly loyal army.
Shintai the Mouse Boy

We judge everyone by the sum of their actions -- not the cards they're dealt.
Kaiji Suki

No man can stand before me and not quake with fear.
The God Lobster

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geomease
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Fabulous
[ *  *  *  * ]
“R-Rick?” Rick asked confused by the admittedly cute boy’s sudden offer. He promptly shook his head side to side, getting those thoughts out of his head; this was a child for goodness sake. Miriel was still having trouble calming down Trouser snake, by after a good bit of wrangling the capricious cannon finally cooled off, ceasing its furious spitting and sneezing and dying down to simply drooling the creamy gooey snot from its nose and mouth. Yes it would seem all was right with the world finally, the child was even extending the olive branch, offering to let the snake bite him in retaliation. Miriel and Rick watched in horror, their eyes widening as she tried to give the boy desperate signals to not do that The Snake moved its weird looking face closer to the boy’s hand, sniffing it and getting familiar. It nuzzled the soft hands of the boy momentarily before rearing back, and like lightning darting forward and clamping its jaws down on the sensitive spot between his legs.

Already guess whose rich now bitchessohmygod what the hell is going on!!” Cream shouted, stepping out into the foyer to see Miriel, desperately grappling with Trousers tail, pulling as hard as she could on him to the point of leaning backwards on her heels for leverage. Following the trail of tail Cream found that her pet snake/cannon was currently affixed at the maw to the crotch of some young child, said child was currently being manhandled by Rick, who was lifting up and away, frantically calling for help in only the way one who has but a single word in their vocabulary could. Her jaw dropped, her brain froze, Cream.exe has stopped working, please press and hold the restart button for 3 seconds to reboot the Cream Pye.

Cream managed to get her wits about her long enough to stomp her foot on the ground. She tensed her shoulders, rolling them up to meet her jaw line, clenching her jaw, narrowing her eyes, and pointing straight outward. It was time for Cream to enter angry mom mode.

TROUSER! You unhand that poor child’s junk right this instant mister!” Cream barked. Trouser jerked suddenly, his eyes looking to his mother/master and promptly complied, shamefully slithering up to her and into her bag. Miriel was sweating profusely, Rick was looking around nervously, and she didn’t even want to know what Doc Boy was thinking.

Ugh… seriously, can’t we have just 1 day, 1 freaking day where no one suffers critical amounts of genital damage… Alright look, bring the kid into the bathroom, Bry- I mean Wyrcen, come with me, you’re a doctor so I may need your help for this.” Cream ordered, stepping into the bathroom and mouthing a frantic apology to the secretary. They quickly went into the bathroom and locked the door behind them; luckily it was large enough for Cream, Shintai, and Brycen to fit into altogether. Cream tapped her foot and rubbed her chin, trying to figure out how to handle this delicate situation.

Alright look I can probably heal his junk but… I’m legally required to inform you that according to Megan’s Law that I’m… eh you know what never mind its fine. Here, take his pants off Doc Boy, I’ll make the medicine and you put it on his while I turn around and not look ok?” Cream said, forming a bit of cream in her hands and mixing and working it into a bandage like salve. Once the composition was just right she passed the patch to Doc Boy.

Alright just lay it on the damaged areas alright, I’m not touching a kid down there, I refuse to be the only woman on an episode of to catch a predator… again.” She grumbled, tapping her foot impatiently for the deed to be done.

Look kid, sorry about Trouser ok; he’s just a bit jumpy… most of the time. Please don’t sure us, we don’t have any money.” She apologized, hoping that he hadn’t noticed that she had mentioned that the crew was now independently wealthy. Then again if he did sue her they were planning on skipping town anyway so why would she care.

My name’s Jessica by the way, this is Wyrcen Batts. Soooo yeah…” Cream exclaimed nervously, not sure how to talk to children. Once the deed was done she whipped up something extra special, her cream, specially fortified and mixed into the shape of a lollipop.

Alright kid here have a sucker for being such a good boy and get out of here ya little rascal, also don’t forget to not tell anyone about this, especially the Marines… god that sounded really bad.” Cream added, as she motioned for them all to leave the bathroom so they could return to the ship and get the rest of the treasure to sell. All they had to do was ditch the kid, and they’d be set for life!

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Barbara


Jean Scoville Brickleberg


Wendy Widget


Fapple Jack


Minerva O'Mally


Cream Pye
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Gigasheep
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Sheepsu
[ *  *  *  * ]
The doctor gone merchant walked out of the office feeling rather chuffed with himself. He’d totally bagged that sale, with wit, knowledge, and perfect timing with the calling for Cream’s assistance. She then chipped away at the man’s exterior, until eventually he managed to finalise the deal with one final attack, also known as a handshake, even if a little bit of a friendly one.

Wrycen was a little uncertain upon noticing what was going on. Was that… Cream’s snake attached to some poor boy’s crotch? He winced a little bit, a little uncertain what to do in such a situation. As a doctor and a hero, he was obligated to prevent such an issue. But as a businessman right now, he had the duty to charge the boy for the help first. It seemed he would be unable to though as the blonde made her way forwards and encouraged the snake off of him, in a rather persuasive manner.

“Glad it didn’t come to that in there”

He laughed a little to himself, before suddenly being ordered into the bathroom with them. He paled a little bit, aware that he was still being treated as a medic and as such had to help when needs be. Like… Come on, she usually did all the healing around here for people. And besides, he wasn’t too comfortable heading into such a place with them, especially in the state people usually left such an abode when with the blonde. Sighing a little bit, he grimaced at the secretary, and then followed them, trying to ignore the connotations.

“Why are we not just… Sitting him on a sink or something?”

The doctor complained, as they were soon locked into one cubicle to get the work done. This poor child must have been traumatised, first being attacked by a snake where it hurts, and then being dragged into a cubicle with an older man and woman to help with the harm, when it had been the woman’s fault to begin with. He shuddered a little bit, hoping nobody recognised him any time soon, else he’d be losing his medical degree for sure. Where was that old thing anyway…

Frowning a little bit at the woman’s requests, and then her subsequent questionable comments, Wrycen sighed a little bit, kneeling down a little bit after being handed the candy bandage and inspecting it. On one hand, he’d had to help with worse before so this wasn’t a major issue. On the other hand, Cream had hyped this up way too much. Before, it would have been a simple whack it on, and done, but now it was like a game of operation. Was he legally obliged to tell people he’d never won that game, like ever? Wait… Why did he get the feeling he’d thought something inappropriate without realising?

“Yeahhh… Here kid, just put it where it hurts… I’m sure that’s more comfortable for both of us”

Like a game of pass the parcel, he handed the boy the weird bandage, swearing if he then handed it back to Cream he’d probably kick him where the snake had gone for him. Still, once something or other was done, he stood up and clapped his hands together, wiping them on his trousers after. It felt weird not having his lab coat on, and he was sort of losing character here but… Heck, what could a small child do to their cover? Well… Actually he could probably really screw them over after this misadventure but whatever.

“Yeah, run along. And remember, stay safe, stay smart, and don’t talk to strangers…”

Huh, that old doctors saying of his was really starting to wear thin. And… Really wasn’t suitable right now. Sighing, he waited for the other two to leave before heading out too, sheepishly at that.
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The Characters

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Shintai Hakai
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The Worst Generation
[ *  * ]
Dick status: not ok.

Shintai Hakai held out his hand, extending the metaphorical olive branch, and felt a sudden chomp on his genitals. Shintai let out a scream "Oh my GOD what the HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME" Shintai yelled as he felt the improv. sexual reassignment surgery with no anesthetic. Shintai continually yelled, letting out scream after scream of pain, until he looked directly at Cream, who had come to save the day. "YOUR SNAKE HAS MY SNAKE!" Shintai yelled as he feeling trouser let go gave Shintai relief, but only temporarily. Shintai felt himself being moved to the bathroom, and honestly couldn't fight back even if he wanted to while bearing the intense pain.

Shintai saw the woman begin to produce whatever the hell she was making, saw it handed to the obviously homosexual doctor man, and then handed back to Shintai for self application. Honestly, whatever the hell it was made Shintai feel so much better, and he let out an exasperated sigh "Oh my god this stuff is everywhere now but it feels so good" Shintai said, rubbin' his junk. Shintai looked up at Cream talking about sueing, and merely chuckled "You really think I know anything about the law? you're such a weirdo!" Shintai said, letting out a hearty laugh.

Shintai looked up at them as they told him to move along, and Shintai took hold of the lollipop. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to refuse. You took my home, both literally and figuratively, So its only fair that you provide me with a place to stay. I'm no freeloader, so I'll kick my fair share of butt, but the fact that you kinda almost touched my junk, stole my house, and let your snake literally bite my dick means that you owe me." Shintai said, letting out a laugh. "So where we headin'?" Shintai said, licking the lollipop.


"This is really tasty, by the way."
dont stretch the page
A piece of benevolence, a shard of good will is sometimes all that is needed to raise a truly loyal army.
Shintai the Mouse Boy

We judge everyone by the sum of their actions -- not the cards they're dealt.
Kaiji Suki

No man can stand before me and not quake with fear.
The God Lobster

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