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Avary M. Gray
Topic Started: Mar 12 2013, 05:03 AM (469 Views)
Avarice
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Newbie
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Forenote: While I've finished this first draft, there are no doubt things that need to be played about with for the approval of the mods/admins, with whom I'm happy to compromise with. I was also wondering what the Stat-enhancement limit is for the rank4 Devil Fruit technique part is (the overview). I've put +2 Stamina, but looking through others, (Zoan types mainly) there seems to be a higher boundary, which I could really use. Perhaps someone could help me out here?

Character Template

[-----]


Account Name: Avarice


Basic Character Information
Name: Avary M. Gray
Nickname: "Chitin Fist" Gray
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Affiliation: Pirates
Bounty: 0
Achievements: N/A
Profession: ~Martial Artist
A Martial Artist is someone who specializes in hand-to-hand combat, completely or very close to unarmed. They usually have good insight in the aspects of weight, balance and movement of the body. Martial artists get one free rank 4 technique that is a stat-altering technique, used on themselves.
~Navigator
The Navigator profession gives knowledge about reading sea charts, currents and weather, reading the stars for a position and a lot of practical ship knowledge, too. Plotting a course along with the related mathematics, all of these are part of the Navigator's job.
Position: Captain


Physical Appearance
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 80kg
Hair: Dark Brown, Ponytail and fringe
Eyes: Red
Clothing/Accessories: Often wears an open long, black jacket with a sleeveless black Chinese shirt beneath. with similar coloured combats and boots.
General Appearance: Gray has vivid red eyes, a curious genetic mutation in his family, quite high cheekbones and an angular jawline. His nose is of average proportion, as are his eyebrows and mouth, which is usually pulled up in a lopsided smirk. His dark hair is tied back in a ponytail, and falls into a spiky fringe over the right side of his forehead. He's not particularly tall, at 5'9", and has an average build with more of a lean and wiry muscle structure. He can also often be seen sporting a silver chain necklace. A tattoo of circuitry-like lines traces down his right arm to the mid-forearm,over the right shoulder-blade and upper chest. His posture is rather laid-back, coupling his nonchalant nature, quite often with hands in pockets in a relaxed stance. Under normal circumstance, his movement matches his posture, laid-back and casual. In a bad mood, he has a tendency to "storm off" with clenched fists. When being chased by a ravenous dinosaur from Little Garden, he's likely to be moving a little faster.

Spoiler: click to toggle


The Character
Personality: Gray is the sort of person that can make you want to laugh one moment and hit him them next. He's sarcastic, (arguably) sharp of wit, and usually rather nonchalant. While not exactly a "bad guy", Gray is prone to hedonism and moral ambiguity. His lives by the philosophy that life should be a great and fun experience regardless of danger and other such things. As such, being a pirate is akin to his dream occupation; why work legally but limitedly under the law when you can roam free and really live, and just beat the crap out of anyone who opposes it?

His views on marines vary; the corrupt ones, in it for power and rank and money, he despises (his logic being that at least as a pirate he's open about his flaws, and he's not betraying anyone if they already expect him to be a c**k). The decent marines, with competence and well-meaning values, Gray is more likely to respect. This wont stop him crossing them though. Gray regards bounty hunters with the same respect as pirates where due, and considers revolutionaries far too political to be of interest to him. He values his nakama and other friends and will protect them as they would him.

Gray also enjoys humour of many kinds, women, reading and other escapist hobbies, adventure and takoyaki. In his eyes, the worst crimes are betrayal, incompetence and boredom. As long as he's having fun in what he does, Gray considers himself content in life.

Hometown: Sen Bay, North Blue
History: Gray was born on a quiet North Sea island into a family that did nothing particularly exciting. They ran an inn by the docks, not a large business but popular enough with the people to bring in what money they needed to live comfortably. Life was easy-going, peaceful and dreadfully boring.
One little bit of excitement that Gray was blessed by was on the rare occasion that a pirate crew would dock and stay at the inn. They would tell stories of their travels, and the myths of the seas; in particular, there was a lot of talk about the mysterious Grand Line, where everything was in chaos and nothing seemed normal. Gray dreamed of one day sailing as a pirate and living in such exciting situations.
From a young age then, Gray would read about the sea, how to travel and live, maps of the world and their stories. He imagined living a life of chaos, of freedom, the greatest experience. He worked with his parents at the inn, serving food and drinks, and what money he didn't blow on self-indulgence he saved for when he came of age and could leave the island to sail.
Gray came across the Koura Koura fruit by mistake. It was received in a fruit and veg delivery for the inn from another island in the North Blue, which Gray picked up in one of his sailing trips. The fruit looked similar to a mangosteen, but with a grey shiny rind laced with burgundy lines. Seeing the bizarre fruit, the tradesman apologised for supplying "bad produce" and offered to throw it. Gray, however, decided it didn't look off at all but rather like some exciting new fruit. Being someone to always indulge in new experiences, and after cutting away the inedible rind he swallowed the blueish inside hole.... and immediately started retching. The tradesman seemed about to help, but after a moment he recoiled as a chitinous material began spreading over Gray's hands. The tradesman left in a hurry and Gray was left with the powers of a Devil fruit and the surrounding sea in an old rickety boat.
Several years later, after Gray turned twenty, with the money he saved over the years he bought himself a boat in hopes of sailing the North Blue and eventually the Grand Line, and of living the least boring life he can acquire.


Abilities and Possessions
Combat: Hand-to-hand "Koura Style". A mixed style of martial arts involving use of the entire body, including fists and arms, feet and legs, and even the head on occasions. Gray trained in martial arts as a hobby in his younger years, and more seriously once acquiring his Fruit powers, adapting his moves to form substantial techniques. He fights in a furious but calculating way, looking for openings and weaknesses in his opponents rather than potentially throwing his life away.
Weaponry: None to speak of currently
Items: Regular nautical equipment and everyday necessities, (i.e. maps, med-kit, secret adult literature stash, etc.) nothing special to speak of.
Beli: 500,000
Upkeep: 0
SD Earned: 0
Stat Points: 32
SD Remaining: 0
Stats:
  • Used for Stats: 32
  • Used for Fortune: 0

    • Strength: 9
    • Speed: 9
    • Stamina: 6
    • Accuracy: 8
    • Fortune: 8
Traits: Specific Devil Fruit (3 traits) - The player may choose a specific Devil Fruit, either canon or custom, for their character. These fruits are limited based on moderator discretion but can be of the Paramecia, Zoan or Logia type.

Devil Fruit
 
Devil Fruit Name: Koura Koura no Mi (Tier 5)
Devil Fruit Type: Paramecia
Devil Fruit Ability: The Koura Koura fruit allows the user to grow a very hard, plated carapace at will over their skin similar to chitin-like structural polysaccharides, but with far better durability. They can also determine its shaping to an extent, forming spikes and serrated edges along the surface of the carapace; these can be ejected or "fired" from the carapace, although they take up to 10 seconds to half a minute to reform. This material can be broken down by the user at will and shed as flakes and fine dust.


Techniques
Regular Technique Points: 16
Used Regular Technique Points: 11
Special Technique Points: 0
Used Special Technique Points:

Techniques
Koura Koura no Mi (1)
Type: Support
Range:Personal
Stats: +2 Stamina
Description:The carapace coats the arms and legs of the user, and can form spikes and ridges of up to 2 inches in height. This provides the user with heightened durability in these areas and stronger attacks with "unarmed" techniques.
Koura Koura no Mi: Koura First (1)
Type: Unarmed
Range:Short
Stats: N/A
Description:The user throws a strong right hand jab, using spikes on the knuckles of the hand and blunt force trauma of the hardened "gauntlet" for damage.
Koura Koura no Mi: Koura Second (1)
Type: Unarmed
Range:Short
Stats: N/A
Description:The user swipes with the left hand in the desired direction, using talon or claw-like spikes protruding from the fingertips of the hand and blunt force trauma of the hardened "gauntlet" for damage.
Koura Koura no Mi: Koura Third (1)
Type: Unarmed
Range:Short
Stats: N/A
Description:The user performs a roundhouse kick across the opponent's body, using the blunt force and serrated edges along the shins to deal damage.
Koura Barrage(4)
Type: Unarmed
Range: Medium
Stats: N/A
Description: Using serrated edges and spikes on the bottom of their feet, the user tears free chunks from the floor beneath them and kicks them upward, before performing another kick to shoot them forward with the other leg. This is done repeatedly in quick succession to produce a barrage of rocks flying at the opponent.
Shellbreaker(4)
Type: Unarmed
Range: Short
Stats: N/A
Description: The user kicks off of the ground using a reasonable amount of strength in order to position themselves over the opponent's head (this way require assistance in the case of giants, etc.) then drops their entire weight through either their fists or a drop kick down onto the opponent from above.
Fluid stance(4)
Type: Support
Range: Personal
Stats +2 Accuracy
Description: The user adopts a combat stance that allows them to keep their movements fluid and adaptable, meaning they can change direction and move their body quicker in reaction to an offensive, or in order to perform feint attacks, etc. As such, the stance aids the agility (here Accuracy) of the user in their martial art techniques. The user is able to lock their muscles easily from this stance to once again put power behind attacks and defensive blocks if needed.



Development History
Gains/Losses: N/A
Edit Log:
Spoiler: click to toggle
Edited by Avarice, Mar 14 2013, 07:51 PM.
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Thank you for reminding me of why I am sick inside,
Thank you for the venom, did you think it would paralyse?
These scars I scratch, I tear, are there
Under my skin, where you've always been
Thank you for reminding me to sin with a grin

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RainingBlades
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Excellent Host
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Italicize professional bonus please

This is mentioned in the character sheet (I think), but you can't simply say under Clothing/Accessories "see picture". You actually have to type out everything your character wears.

Jacket and chain belong under Clothing/Accessories

Could you add a bit more in General Appearance? Like facial features, his posture/how he walks, stuff like that. We should be able to get a clear idea of what the character looks like even without a picture.

Could you expand on Personality? Go into detail on some of the things you mentioned, maybe explain why he's a pirate and what he thinks about bounty hunters and marines, etc. Personality is generally three or so paragraphs in case you want a goal to aim for.

Combat needs to explain how the character fights. Do they use their fists or perfer to kick their opponents? Do the run in guns blazing and hit everything they see or are they more cautious? Stuff like that

You need to copy and paste the traits as shown in the Traits section in the rules, word for word.

You also have a professional trait to spend

Zoan devil fruits transform you into animals (horse, rabbit, bear, etc.), not allow you to grow shells and shit like that. What you have actually seems more like a Fishman trait than a Devil Fruit.

http://s1.zetaboards.com/One_Piece_RP/topic/2849994/1/#new that will show you the proper tech scalling for zoans

I'll get into techs later after you clear up this devil fruit stuff
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thelonelynarrators
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Avarice
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Newbie
[ * ]
Sorted it; I hope that's all okay now? I wasn't sure what I'm meant to do with the Professional Trait; I'd assumed I'd spent it on the Stat-altering technique (The Martial Artist professional trait says I get a free Rank4 stat-alt tech, right?)

Also, the fruit isn't a Zoan, it's a Paramecia. The carapace is essentially a biological armour grown from the skin as opposed to wearing it like a suit. Hope that makes more sense.

No doubt I'll need to change something again, but perhaps it can be narrowed down more now I've updated the points you mentioned
Posted Image
Thank you for reminding me of why I am sick inside,
Thank you for the venom, did you think it would paralyse?
These scars I scratch, I tear, are there
Under my skin, where you've always been
Thank you for reminding me to sin with a grin

Offline Profile Goto Top
 
Emoisum
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What.
[ *  *  *  * ]
You're going to need Admin approval on the fruit, but the likely hood of you being told no is high. Suggested will be gain 50 SD and snag Supa, if available or save up for the Diamond one.

PM Glasglowsmiley, Yakasha, Unspeakable and/or Hainen.
LEXINGTON ADAMS JR. • CAPTAIN • TACTICIAN • SHOCK TROOPERSCommendations: 76 • SD Earned: 526 • ID: 37894-209 • Location: Grand Line
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Avarice
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Newbie
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Why, what's the problem with it?

I'll go pm them then...
Posted Image
Thank you for reminding me of why I am sick inside,
Thank you for the venom, did you think it would paralyse?
These scars I scratch, I tear, are there
Under my skin, where you've always been
Thank you for reminding me to sin with a grin

Offline Profile Goto Top
 
GlasgowSmiley
Member Avatar
♠ Cool Loser ♠
[ *  *  *  * ]
As is your fruit is themeless and can't pass. It's a powerproducer as we call it and I'm fairly sure people have tried similar concepts with it before on a more successful level. Remember a Mining fruit that was more fitting at least.

To not go into explaining things here so deeply I suggest you read this: http://s1.zetaboards.com/One_Piece_RP/topic/4910672/1/ or at least the first post and some pages. That is the standard of devil fruits we expect.

You still have an open profession trait to spend. You ahve 3 general traits, that I suggest you re-spend now since the DF doesn't work as is and 1 profession trait.

As for your forenote, Paramecia types will never have the stat increases Zoan types have, that's the unique part of Zoans. You also have a broken Bold coding tag at the end of your app somewhere.

Edit: Oh and next time, please bother to include a link to your profile or at least the devil fruit description in your pm. Luckily it was easy to find this time but I remember you asking to move this app to complete before (in the cbox) as well and making me guess what your app even was.
Edited by GlasgowSmiley, Mar 18 2013, 09:09 AM.
AngelMayLaugh (6/9/14 8:25:03 PM): ICY BRINGING THE FIRE
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The Antagonists
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