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[Accepted]Satoshi Aisu
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Topic Started: Nov 2 2009, 11:46 PM (258 Views)
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Satoshi
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Nov 2 2009, 11:46 PM
Post #1
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Username: Jenobi Points: 0/0 ------------ Name: Satosh Aisu Nicknames: Sato Age: 20 Gender: Male Height:5 feet 11 inches Weight: 156 lbs Hair: His tall spiky hair has been cut, and the white tuft that once made him stood out has disappeared. His hair is still spiky, however it is much shorter and usually unkempt. the color is black. Eyes: His eye color varies during the seasons. During the spring and summer it is of a bright cyan color of an almost icy blue shade. However, during the fall and winter his eyes are cerulean and of a much darker shade. Body Build: His body is leaner as well as obviously more matured in comparison to when he was seveenteen. The youth has even packed some muscle into his small frame over the years, yet does not appear to be bulky but instead toned Traits: pale skin. A horizontal scar is clearly visible underneath his left eye Clothing:
Spoiler: click to toggle Sato has grown quite a bit over the past three years. He stands at a height of 5 feet 11 inches and weighs about 156 lbs now. His tall spiky hair has been cut, and the white tuft that once made him stood out has disappeared. His hair is still spiky, however it is much shorter and usually unkempt. His body is leaner as well as obviously more matured in comparison to when he was seventeen. The youth has even packed some muscle into his small frame over the years, yet does not appear to be bulky but instead toned. A horizontal scar is clearly visible underneath his left eye but other than that his skin reveals no blemishes. His eye color varies during the seasons. During the spring and summer it is of a bright cyan color of an almost icy blue shade. However, during the fall and winter his eyes are cerulean and of a much darker shade. Simply by looking into Sato's eyes one can tell he is a man of determination and strong will, yet still a lighthearted boy.
His headband is no longer kept over his forehead, nor does the articles of clothing he once bore can be seen on him as he had obviously outgrown it. Instead he wears a variety of clothing, ranging from a kimono to a usual pair of shinobi pants and flak jacket. His clothing varies unlike before, so it is difficult to categorize. However his colors are usually limited to that of varying shades of blue along with white or black. Underneath his clothing he usually has bandages wrapped around his torso, covering less than half of the lower end. Bandages are also wrapped around his forearm and at times it will even cover his palm and the top of his hand.
Other than the above, the boy does bear some items of sentimental value. Such as the ever so familiar silver necklace around his neck. The pendant is a six pointed snowflake with each end resembling that of a blade. On the back of the pendent, “Aisu” can be seen carved into it, thus giving the boy his last name when he had naught but that to look to.
Forehead Protector Around his arm. Personality:
Spoiler: click to toggle Ambitious "To accomplish great things, we must dream as well as act."
Albeit silly at times, Sato’s personality is one of high ambitions. Even the skies can’t be considered a limit to Sato. His goals are far higher than the average persons, making the boastful boy a very proactive person and always aiming higher and higher. He has always been one to tell others to shoot for the moon, for even if they miss they will land among the stars. That saying is something that has stuck with him for a large portion of his life, leading him to be the type of person who is always giving his one hundred percent.
Resolute "Let me tell you the secret that has led me to where I am. My strength lies solely in my tenacity."
Sato is one who carries an unwavering resolve. Not even the mightiest of people can shatter his beliefs, as if it were a sword forged by the legendary smiths themselves. His determination and sheer level of willpower would seem to know no ends as he never shows the slightest hint of giving up on whatever his predicament may be. His unfaltering resolve to protect his comrades carries him past his very own limitations.
Sanguinity "I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time."
Just as he has always been, Sato is an extraordinarily optimistic person. His hope acts as a beacon of light during the worst of circumstances. The youth tends to turn what seems to be gloomy and demoralizing of situations into one of high spirits, hopes, and unyielding steadfastness. This leads the boy to be quite the confident one, believing highly in both himself and his comrades. His confidence goes hand in hand with his strong resolve creating quite a powerful combination. Having confidence in himself gains the confidence of others leading to true success.
Eccentric "The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself."
His qualities are meshed in with some odd traits making Sato quite a strange character. He loves to play jokes on other’s expense and enjoys a good laugh in all its forms. This is a trait that he has had his entire life, laughing is what he believes to be the greatest gift. He is able to find humor everywhere and irony in everything, often telling others that life is tough yet if they have the ability to laugh at it they have the ability to enjoy it. Along with his enjoyment for humor, you will often find the boy randomly stripping. This is something he picked up from his master, often being forced to train in the cold in nothing but boxers, causing an odd habit of stripping down into his boxers subconsciously. To top things off, it would seem that Sato is partially narcoleptic, randomly falling asleep at the most inappropriate of times.
Picture: N/A ------------ Rank: Jounin Village: Kirigakure no Sato Weapons: 33 senbons. They are in a a pouch attached to his hip. Stats
- Ninjutsu:9
- Taijutsu: 5
- Genjutsu:3
- Stamina:9
- Control: 8
- Strength: 6
- Speed: 9
- Wit: 7
Jutsu Specialty: Nin/Tai Chakra Affinity: Hyouton {Ice} Second Chakra Affinity:Fuuton and Suiton {Wind}&{Water} ------------ Bloodline Limit: Hyouton Chakra Element Jutsu:
Nin-Rank D
Spoiler: click to toggle ~Hyouketsu [Freeze] D-Rank Ninjutsu Hyouketsu is a technique which simply requires the user to touch a nearby water source, using his special chakra to freeze it. The chakra needed depends of the size of the water source. In some cases it could also be used to make the air colder, partially transforming the water moisture into ice, or even, while in mid air, create an ice block, which the user could use to jump higher, or change direction while in mid air.
~Itteiondo no Jutsu [Euthermia Technique] D-Ranked Ninjutsu After a number of years of using their bloodline, the Aisu developed a method to keep their bodily temperature at the regular temperature for a human (98.2 °F ±1.3 °F) despite the temperature of the environment. This allows them to use their Hyouton jutsu without them having any detrimental effects on themselves
~Yuki Soushi [Snow Creation] D-Rank Ninjutsu After completeing the needed hand seals, the user of this technique is granted the ability to create snow from moisture in the air of their environment. The quanity they can make at a maximum depends on their stamina and control.
Nin-Rank C
Spoiler: click to toggle ~Hyoumu no Jutsu [Ice Prison] C-Rank Ninjutsu Hyourou no Jutsu is a Ninjutsu technique used by the Aisu clan member. After forming the needed handseals, the user will touch the ground, causing columns of ice to rise from the ground at her foe. If caught, the ice will rise up around her target and imprison them. He/She can also use this technique as a defensive measure, raising the ice to form a shield against incoming attacks. ~Sensatsu Suishou [Death by a Thousand Flying Water Needles]C-Rank Ninjutsu Sensatsu Suishou is a Ninjutsu technique unique to the Aisu bloodline. To create the needles, the user forms the needed hand seal and then 500 needles of ice will form. The strength of this ice is dependant on the users control. The Ice Needles will stay suspended in the air as long as the user holds the hand seal. During this moment of suspension in the air, the user can aim their Ice Needles to strike at the target. Once The Seal is released the Ice Needles will fire off in the last direction they were aimed at. Makyō Aisu no Bunshin (Demonic Ice Clone) Rank: C Description: By using an ice source or creating it, the user can create fully functional clones made of solid ice which can carry out limited attacks. Unlike other bunshins, the clone(s)’ rock-hard structure make it capable of withstanding multiple physical attacks before dispersing into the original source. The clones can preform techniques known by the user but only ice release techniques and they can only use the ice source from their own bodies. The clones cannot proceed too far from the user or they will revert to water. The range is dependent upon the user's level of control. The hardness of the clones depend on the level of the user's Nin. The rank of moves they can with stand to are how strong they are like for exampel a b-s can obliterrate them. Any thing lower than b would take about 2 hits to break them down a katon element will kill them. they are able to go up a maximum of 20 feet. There speed is that half of what the users speed is. ~Hyouton • Haryuu Mouko [Destruction Dragon Fierce Tiger] C-Rank Jutsu Hyouton • Haryuu Mouko is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Ice Element. After forming the needed handseals, an ice tiger will rise from the surrounding ice to strike out against its target. Its cold nature can freeze most nearby water, and its large mass can cause a large amount of damage when it impacts. * Mizu no Tatsumaki [Water Vortex]C-ranked Ninjutsu Prerequisites: Must be fighting on top of water. Mizu no Tatsumaki is a Ninjutsu technique that utilizes water to create a spinning water vortex around the ninja. The water acts both as a barrier and attack mechanism. No one is able sto stand within or above the vortex aside from the user. Anyone caught in the vortex who fails to escape after two posts will be knocked unconscious. * Suiton • Mizu Bunshin no Jutsu [Water Element • Water Clone Technique]C-ranked Ninjutsu Mizu Bunshin no Jutsu is a Ninjutsu technique that utilizes water to create a Bunshin clone. Unlike a normal Bunshin, the Mizu Bunshin has the ability to interact more with the environment due to it having physical substance. This allows the clone to carry out limited attacks on its target. The range of the clone is limited however, it can not travel very far from the original body. If the Mizu Bunshin is injured, the clone will usually revert back into its natural water state. The user distributes a sufficient amount of chakra equally amongst their Mizu Bunshin clones. The clones can use Suiton [Water Element] Ninjutsu depending on the rank of the user. - Genin: E-Ranked Jutsu.
- Chuunin: E, D, and C-Ranked (One) Jutsu.
- Jounin: E, D, C, and B-Ranked (One) Jutsu.
* Suiton • Yuuken [Water Release • Viper's Sting] C-Rank Ninjutsu Range: Close (0~5 m), Mid (5~10 m), Far (10 m +) The user dominates an available source of water, forming a single projectile of strong acid capable of scalding flesh (A slight burning sensation at its weakest) and weakening metals. The relative strength of the acid grows as the user becomes increasingly potent in the various aspects of Ninjutsu, with the most skilled users able to concoct an acid so concentrated it can do away with the skin layer and significantly weaken steel.
Nin-Rank B
Spoiler: click to toggle ~Aisu no Hari (Ice Needle Jutsu) B-Ranked Ninjutsu The jutsu starts doing a handseal before focusing on the air around his palm, the user can quick freeze any water in the air around him to use in the jutsu. He focuses all the water in the air to a certain point and releases a barrage of water towards the opponent. Upon contact each needle causes a small explosion. This jutsu is able to be used in quick succession up to three times in a row.
~Makyou Hyoushou [Demonic Ice Crystal Mirrors] B-Rank Ninjutsu Makyou Hyoushou is a Ninjutsu technique unique to the Aisu bloodline. After forming the necessary hand seals, nearby water forms long flat mirrors 360 degrees around the target. The user then places himself inside one of the mirrors. Once inside the mirror, the user can then using the mirror reflections to confuse his target. Utilizing the reflections, the user can then almost instantaneously move from one mirror to the other. Due to the speed, his target will appear to be moving in slow motion. Because of this he can then unleash numerous needles into his opponent with little difficulty. Using this technique for long periods of time however, will quickly use up the user chakra.
Kibaku Hi (Exploding Ice) Rank: “B” Prerequest: Flying Water Needles. Description: Need's the rat hand seal to be held then once the user drops the seal the attack is active. Once the jutsu is initiated, any ice that the user created will explode into a barrage of ice needles which shoot outwards. Since the jutsu follows the same concept of “Flying Water Needles”, it is required in order to be capable of properly performing the technique.
*Suiton • Baku Suishouha [Bursting Water Collision Waves] B-ranked Ninjutsu Suiton • Baku Suishouha is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Water Element. After forming the needed handseals, the user will expel water from his gullet. This will then expand into a large volume of water. The user can control the water by riding on top of the waves.
*Tidal Waves B-Ranked Ninjutsu This is a special ninjutsu that requires the user to be on top of a large body of water. To start the ninjutsu the ninja does the hand seals that are needed then circles their body around with their foot out. Water then forms a tidal wave in every direction and follows through in each direction. The tidal wave is around the size of a 3 story house.
*Suiton • Yuubasa [Water Release • Viper's Cloak] B-Rank Ninjutsu Prerequisite: Suiton • Yuuken [Water Release • Viper's Sting] Range: Close (0~5 m), Mid (5~10 m), Far (10 m +) The user creates multiple projectiles of acid, then allows them to orbit routinely around him, creating a mobile acid barrier. Essentially no different than its precedent technique, this technique instead adds elements of utility and versatility, allowing the orbit to function a a defensive means of discouraging physical combat as well as providing instant means of offenses should the need arises. With practice, the user should be able to manipulate individually each projectile simultaneously, adding greater depth to the technique.
~Kokuryuu Boufuusetsu - Black Dragon Blizzard B-Ranked Ninjutsu Hyouton • Kokuryuu Boufuusetsu is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Ice Element. After forming the needed handseals, the clan member will thrust his arm to send out an ice dragon to strike his opponent. As it flies through the air it will begin to turn, when it hits the target it will use its motion to launch the opponent high into the air, dissipating after it makes contact with either the opponent or the ground.
Nin-A Rank
Spoiler: click to toggle ~Souryuu Boufuusetsu [Twin Dragon Blizzard] A-Rank Ninjutsu Prerequisite: Kokuryuu Boufuusetsu - Black Dragon Blizzard Hyouton • Souryuu Boufuusetsu is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Ice Element. After forming the needed handseals, the Aisu will thrust his arms to send out twin ice dragons to strike his opponent. As they flies through the air they will begin to turn, creating a large dark tornado.
*Suiton • Suishouha [Water Element • Water Collision Destruction A-ranked Ninjutsu Suiton • Suishouha is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Water Element. [Satoshi] does a string of hand seals which then causes a large volume of water to materialize out of nowhere. The water can then be directed at his target free standing, on be released onto the ground to create a shallow lake.
*Suiton • Yuukitai [Water Release • Viper's Breath] A-Rank Ninjutsu Prerequisite:Suiton • Yuubasa [Water Release • Viper's Cloak] Range: Close (0~5 m), Mid (5~10 m) The user expels a cloud of corrosive vapor, corroding everything caught within the attack. The acid expelled is so potent that, even in vapor form, it consumes everything in its path, reducing even forged steels into useless lumps of melted metal. Against humans, the vapor chews through the unprotected skin layer with ease, proceeding to cause intense bleeding as the exposed flesh is assaulted by the chemical. The vapor's gaseous state adds to its ferocity, for it can also be inhaled, and if excessive amounts are inhaled, the victim will suffer serious internal bleeding.
Nin-S Rank
Spoiler: click to toggle *Suiton • Akizu [Water Release • Devil's Lake] S-Rank Ninjutsu Prerequisite: Suiton • Yuukitai [Water Release • Viper's Breath] Range: Close (0~5 m), Mid (5~10 m), Far (10 m +) The user transforms a large body of water into an acid danger zone, polluting even the purest of waters into a powerful acid that kills all unprepared life forms within it. Taking into account that most Kiri-nin turn their battlefields into water-logged arenas one way or another, this technique is incredibly potent and can easily turn the tide in the user's favor. Due to the corrosive nature of the acid, opponents are forced to leave the waters and attack from afar, giving the user a fair bit of advantage. All Suiton using the water from the transformed source are automatically deadly acid attacks that can easily end one's life. The user is, however, capable of producing a ring of cleansed water around himself, or even others if designated so.
History: Spoiler: click to toggle History: Born 15 years ago to Kiri and the Aisu clan. Sato was raised in a close nit and loving home with close ties to his Uncle’s Iries Aisu. His cousin Ameires was raised to view him as a brother. A Relationship that developed very closely after Sato's father, Satsuya, died in the line of duty and Sato's brother took on his Father's family under his own care. Seeing to their needs and taking up Sato’s training and apprenticeship.
Sato from an early age demonstrated great skill in his Clan’s arts and ways, showing impressive talent with both Ninjutsu and Chakra control, His Aisu bloodline also developing at a high rate, a trait said to run in that line of the Aisu family, as it was also true of both his father and uncle, as well as his cousin.
His academy years were exemplary, he was viewed as one of that years brightest. All seemed to be going perfectly for the young Aisu until barely a month after graduating, his brother died on mission for the Clan. Sent to hunt a rogue ninja, Noburu accomplished his mission, but was later overwhelmed by a large force of that ninja’s allies. Noburu would manage to return to Kiri where he would later die of his injuries in hospital. The loss was a difficult one for the entire family, but Sato especially took it hard.
Just as his father had once taken on his brother’s Daughter under his wing after her father’s death, Akemi now took on Sato under her own wing, seeing to his training and apprenticeship now that his father was gone, His elder cousin has become a advisor and mentor to him but he seeks to make his own path as well. With his family affairs in order, Sato feels it’s time to go on as a Shinobi, setting out to grow and develop as best he can, he intends to honor his family’s tradition and reputation, proving himself worthy of it. Sato has now returned to the ninja world with his skills and jounin rank to take others under his wing and seeks genin to join his team.
Sample Post: Sato would wait for the moon to rise out of the attum sky and usher in darknees. As the dark sweep the land Sato began to make his move he formed a few hand seals and two ice clones were formed. He sent one to go be look out and the other to follow him into the stronghold. As he neared the strong hold he stopped and waited to see if anyone would start to walk around the corner no one came. He jumped up on the roof of the wal and began running up to the guard of the wacht tower.
"The assualt of The Glacier Knight Satoshi Aisu Has begun."
Edited by Satoshi, Nov 8 2009, 05:56 AM.
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ΦHeerosato
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Nov 3 2009, 02:25 AM
Post #2
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The Bringer of Darkness
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Username: Jenobi <--- This needs to link back to your profile please.
Name: Satoshi Aisu <--- Your last name needs to link back to the clan app in the archives please.
What color is your hair?
Traits: pale skin and dark hair <--- Once you give a hair color the dark hair part is not needed.
A horizontal scar is clearly visible underneath his left eye <--- This should go under traits.
Village: Suna <--- The Aisu is from Kirigakure no Sato.
Koorisuberi (Ice Sliding) <--- This jutsu needs hand seals.
Makyō Aisu no Bunshin (Demonic Ice Clone) <---This jutsu needs hand seals. Then how many does it take to destroy this, and what rank of jutsu's? Also how far can this move away tell us with a range of stats like... 1-3 they can go this far ect... The last thing about the jutsu is how fast can the clone move?
Touketsu Sagiri [Frozen Mist] <--- Again hand seals.
Kibaku Hi (Exploding Ice) <--- Hand seals.
Their destination? Anywhere really, they went where the wind took them which led to Suna <--- Nin's just cant freely travel from villages.
After wandering what would seem like weeks, the child had came across large steel gates and was met with ANBU of Suna <--- Again village travel is a no, no.
After taking the boy in for investigation, it was decided the youth was allowed to stay in Suna <--- If a suna nin seen a kiri nin the suna nin would kill them.
There was more to his tale however, and apparently the old man had a watchful eye on Suna as well as his origins. <--- Again the travel thing.
With Sato’s birth being only known to the head of the Aisu clan whom resided in Suna and would be supportive towards his family <--- Again suna kills kiri nin's when they try to go to suna.
Sato had asked himself repeatedly on his way back to his home, Suna. <--- you know what you need to change here by now.
After that he would fall under the tutelage of a powerful Sannin within Suna. <--- The suna thing needs changed, and we dont have sannin we have bannin.
Following her death though, he would end up having a master of equal power and infamy equivalent to his previous master’s fame throughout Suna. <--- Suna thing.
Yes I know your history is long I read it, but that does not mean that you get to skip the sample post. You have to make one, and It does not have to be long if you don't want it to be. A good 5-6 sentences would work just fine.
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My Character's [Jounin Eidolon • Sunagakure no Sato • Kozu Mizu • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:1 D:0]
[Jounin SSM • Kirigakure no Sato • Makura Kaguya • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:0]
[Jounin Sky Guard • Kumogakure no Sato • Lacus Kamishiro • Nadleeh • Xingke • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:4 D:1]
[Jounin • Iwagakure no Sato • Mori Miyamoto • Innis • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:1]
[D Rank Missing Nin • Konohagakure no Sato • Kyouki Senju • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:0]Event points: 24
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Satoshi
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Nov 3 2009, 03:46 AM
Post #3
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KK fixed them.
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ΩOrius
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Nov 3 2009, 03:04 PM
Post #4
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BOOYAH!
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Name: SatoshAisu <- You should add a space there.
Weapons: 33 senbons. They are in a a pouch attached to his hip. <- Your picture has a big huge sword.
Koorisuberi (Ice Sliding) <- Travel time only. While in fight, not so much. Doubling your speed is a nono, so write it like it doesn't do that.
The rank of moves they can with stand to are up to how strong they are like for exampel a b-s can obliterrate them. Any thing lower than b would take about 2 hits to break them down a katon element will kill them. <- Grammar that, please.
mist of ice about the user. <- What? Mist = Gas/Liquid, not solid.
Taking nearly zero effort to sustain <- No.
Heightening awareness of movements about their proximity by reading movements of the mist. <- That doesn't make sense.
Prerequisite: Suiton • Yuukitai [Water Release • Viper's Breath] <- You don't have that.
however due to complications with the Asiu clan <- What complications?
It was a mystery really, but apparently the Kage reigning over Chigiri no Sato (Village of the Bloody Mist) didn’t approve. <- What? Plus, Mist is not as Bloody as it was before. It's just Kiri.
hus Sato’s family began its escape from Mizu no Kuni. Their destination? Anywhere really, they went where the wind took them which led to to back to Kiri. The missing-nins were hot on their tail unfortunately, and would eventually catch up. <- Doesn't make much sense.
Creating a Mizu Bunshin, she ordered her clone to take ahold of the young boy and take him as far as possible. <- Water clones have a VERY low range from going away from their source.
Most of the history depends on the wtf stuff from the beginning, so you'll probably need to change it.
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Spoiler: click to toggle [Jounin • Konohagakure no Sato • Yamanaka Sanrin • Tendou • Missions: S:0 A:1 B:0 C:0 D:0] [B-Ranked Missing Nin • Kumogakure no Sato • Honsou, Haisou • Waku • Missions: S:0 A:1 B:1 C:0 D:1] [Chuunin • Sunagakure no Sato • Yuusha Konji • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:2 D:0] [Chuunin • Iwagakure no Sato • Tenma, Ginjiro • Buli • Kavics • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:1]
[Genin • Kirigakure no Sato • Touki Tamotsu • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:1]
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Satoshi
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Nov 3 2009, 04:08 PM
Post #5
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KK i fixed what i thoguth would be a good fix. I toned the mist thingy down the demonic clones heero looke dover he said were fine so. The mist is a mist if you read carefully its ice that he creats the ice is so thin it appears to creat a mist. So thats fine the reading the chnages of th smist are if theres a shift in the mist hence soemthign steping into it he will knwo so. I made it wer eit takes chakra per post when he has it up. I chnaged the water loen tot he ice clone so.
I am sorry but IMHO I think every things fine its a nice balance not to many errors the history i killed the travelign part so realy I dotn see any thign wrong.
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ΩOrius
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Nov 3 2009, 07:01 PM
Post #6
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BOOYAH!
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I think I might just misunderstand the jutsu. Try to rephrase Touketsu Sagiri [Frozen Mist] a bit better.
Your beginning paragraph on your history still doesn't make sense. Try rewriting it.
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Spoiler: click to toggle [Jounin • Konohagakure no Sato • Yamanaka Sanrin • Tendou • Missions: S:0 A:1 B:0 C:0 D:0] [B-Ranked Missing Nin • Kumogakure no Sato • Honsou, Haisou • Waku • Missions: S:0 A:1 B:1 C:0 D:1] [Chuunin • Sunagakure no Sato • Yuusha Konji • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:2 D:0] [Chuunin • Iwagakure no Sato • Tenma, Ginjiro • Buli • Kavics • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:1]
[Genin • Kirigakure no Sato • Touki Tamotsu • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:1]
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Satoshi
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Nov 3 2009, 07:53 PM
Post #7
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Ok i fixed.
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ΩOrius
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Nov 3 2009, 07:57 PM
Post #8
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BOOYAH!
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K, "Heightening awareness of movements about their proximity by reading movements of the mist." <- That part still doesn't make sense.
however due to the Asiu clan they would quickly retire upon Sato’s birth. It was a mystery really, but apparently the some missing-nins did not approve of the Aisu clan. <- Missing nin wouldn't do anything to ninja in the village. Kiri, especially, since it's an island.
Thus Sato’s family began its escape from home they made in a far off farm. Their destination? Anywhere really, they went where the wind took them which led back to Kiri. <- That STILL doesn't make sense.
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Spoiler: click to toggle [Jounin • Konohagakure no Sato • Yamanaka Sanrin • Tendou • Missions: S:0 A:1 B:0 C:0 D:0] [B-Ranked Missing Nin • Kumogakure no Sato • Honsou, Haisou • Waku • Missions: S:0 A:1 B:1 C:0 D:1] [Chuunin • Sunagakure no Sato • Yuusha Konji • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:2 D:0] [Chuunin • Iwagakure no Sato • Tenma, Ginjiro • Buli • Kavics • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:1]
[Genin • Kirigakure no Sato • Touki Tamotsu • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:1]
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Satoshi
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Nov 3 2009, 08:18 PM
Post #9
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KK i fixed them I hope its better this time.
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ΩOrius
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Nov 3 2009, 08:21 PM
Post #10
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BOOYAH!
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Heightening the awareness of movements about their proximity by reading movements of the mist the user is able to read the changes in how the ice particals shift when some one moves throught them. <- Make that another jutsu entirely. Look at my character, Shindou, for reference.
It was a mystery really, but apparently some people did not agree with the Aisu clan. <- The clan racism in Kiri ended.
Your history still doesn't mesh. Rewrite the beginning. It doesn't make sense. You just keep changing bits and pieces. Rewrite.
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Spoiler: click to toggle [Jounin • Konohagakure no Sato • Yamanaka Sanrin • Tendou • Missions: S:0 A:1 B:0 C:0 D:0] [B-Ranked Missing Nin • Kumogakure no Sato • Honsou, Haisou • Waku • Missions: S:0 A:1 B:1 C:0 D:1] [Chuunin • Sunagakure no Sato • Yuusha Konji • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:2 D:0] [Chuunin • Iwagakure no Sato • Tenma, Ginjiro • Buli • Kavics • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:1]
[Genin • Kirigakure no Sato • Touki Tamotsu • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:1]
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Satoshi
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Nov 3 2009, 08:53 PM
Post #11
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KK fixed and umm the mist tech I feel is undertsandable i mean he susing chakra to read the shift in particla sof ice akak the mist so i mean its not that hard to understand.
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ΩOrius
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Nov 3 2009, 08:59 PM
Post #12
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BOOYAH!
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Read what I said, please. I said that you should split it up.
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Spoiler: click to toggle [Jounin • Konohagakure no Sato • Yamanaka Sanrin • Tendou • Missions: S:0 A:1 B:0 C:0 D:0] [B-Ranked Missing Nin • Kumogakure no Sato • Honsou, Haisou • Waku • Missions: S:0 A:1 B:1 C:0 D:1] [Chuunin • Sunagakure no Sato • Yuusha Konji • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:2 D:0] [Chuunin • Iwagakure no Sato • Tenma, Ginjiro • Buli • Kavics • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:1]
[Genin • Kirigakure no Sato • Touki Tamotsu • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:1]
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Satoshi
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Nov 3 2009, 09:23 PM
Post #13
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So i fixed lol.
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ΦHeerosato
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Nov 4 2009, 01:30 PM
Post #14
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The Bringer of Darkness
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1/2
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My Character's [Jounin Eidolon • Sunagakure no Sato • Kozu Mizu • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:1 D:0]
[Jounin SSM • Kirigakure no Sato • Makura Kaguya • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:0]
[Jounin Sky Guard • Kumogakure no Sato • Lacus Kamishiro • Nadleeh • Xingke • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:4 D:1]
[Jounin • Iwagakure no Sato • Mori Miyamoto • Innis • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:1]
[D Rank Missing Nin • Konohagakure no Sato • Kyouki Senju • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:0]Event points: 24
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ΩOrius
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Nov 4 2009, 08:45 PM
Post #15
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BOOYAH!
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Sadend he would roam Kiri alone. <- ??? You'd be hunted and brought back. Aisu blood is important.
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Spoiler: click to toggle [Jounin • Konohagakure no Sato • Yamanaka Sanrin • Tendou • Missions: S:0 A:1 B:0 C:0 D:0] [B-Ranked Missing Nin • Kumogakure no Sato • Honsou, Haisou • Waku • Missions: S:0 A:1 B:1 C:0 D:1] [Chuunin • Sunagakure no Sato • Yuusha Konji • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:2 D:0] [Chuunin • Iwagakure no Sato • Tenma, Ginjiro • Buli • Kavics • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:1]
[Genin • Kirigakure no Sato • Touki Tamotsu • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:1]
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Satoshi
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Nov 4 2009, 08:58 PM
Post #16
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Fixed
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ΩOrius
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Nov 4 2009, 09:11 PM
Post #17
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BOOYAH!
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After wandering what would seem like weeks, the child had came across large steel gates and was met with ANBU of Kiri. <- Now it really doesn't make sense.
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Spoiler: click to toggle [Jounin • Konohagakure no Sato • Yamanaka Sanrin • Tendou • Missions: S:0 A:1 B:0 C:0 D:0] [B-Ranked Missing Nin • Kumogakure no Sato • Honsou, Haisou • Waku • Missions: S:0 A:1 B:1 C:0 D:1] [Chuunin • Sunagakure no Sato • Yuusha Konji • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:2 D:0] [Chuunin • Iwagakure no Sato • Tenma, Ginjiro • Buli • Kavics • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:1]
[Genin • Kirigakure no Sato • Touki Tamotsu • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:1]
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Satoshi
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Nov 4 2009, 09:43 PM
Post #18
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fixed sigh.
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ΦHeerosato
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Nov 5 2009, 02:22 PM
Post #19
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The Bringer of Darkness
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From what Sato could put together… Ryuu was a part of a clan that originated in Mizu no Kuni. His heart was pounding and he hadn’t felt his confused since his distorted perception of the Shinobi world. The frozen blood that flowed through his body was boiling as his head pounded in confusion, and it was as if his very soul had been lost. <-- If she was an aisu he would know her.
The boy had always been far more capable than he let on, he was capable of creating both water and ice without the need of a very large source. <- random ability
His ability using Hyouton were amazing in comparison to the other students and even some of the Gennin. <--- of corse he would be better like 90% of them probably could not use ice jutsu's
From what Sato could put together… Ryuu was a part of a clan that originated in Mizu no Kuni. His heart was pounding and he hadn’t felt his confused since his distorted perception of the Shinobi world. The frozen blood that flowed through his body was boiling as his head pounded in confusion, and it was as if his very soul had been lost. <-- If she was an Aisu he would know her.
His parents had been more than just Jounin of Kirigakure, they were hailed as legends within their clan < -- no just remove
In fact, their blood was of royalty among the clan and they were not far down the line of the clan’s successors. <--- no just remove
Now the young shinobi would fall underneath the tutelage of the mysterious Iser. The two of them would travel and explore the world, seeing many countries and small villages alike. <= He'd be looked for when they didn't find his body.
He had learned the truth behind both his past and his lineage. <-- He already knew that
Sato, would be name often talked about throughout the village. Over the past year, the matured Sato had become renown throughout the country. <- wat?
Even if the boy did lack his lineage, he would likely be capable of wielding both Suiton and Hyouton with near equal efficiency. <- No matter what he has his bloodline even if he does not know about it. So this kinda does not make since.
Lacking any physical resemblance to that of the average Kaishin, the Hyoukishi of royal blood would keep his past in obscurity. <- They are not royal remove that part.
Training with a missing nin then coming back to the village would get you killed That needs to be changed, or removed.
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My Character's [Jounin Eidolon • Sunagakure no Sato • Kozu Mizu • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:1 D:0]
[Jounin SSM • Kirigakure no Sato • Makura Kaguya • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:0]
[Jounin Sky Guard • Kumogakure no Sato • Lacus Kamishiro • Nadleeh • Xingke • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:4 D:1]
[Jounin • Iwagakure no Sato • Mori Miyamoto • Innis • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:1]
[D Rank Missing Nin • Konohagakure no Sato • Kyouki Senju • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:0]Event points: 24
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Satoshi
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Nov 8 2009, 01:38 AM
Post #20
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Sigh Fixed.
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ΩRichardUnknown
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Nov 8 2009, 01:56 AM
Post #21
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Something Like a Phenomenon
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Quoth C-box
Sato’s beginnings were rather humble. His parents had run away from their villages and went back to their home country. They were both skilled shinobi, so they knew how to hide their tracks and fake their deaths. <-- you don't run away from Kiri without being noticed <_<
The leader knowing this child can not live like this with out parents took Sato back to Kiri. <-- he'd be killed.
His ability with the clan’s ninjutsu was astounding and he was hailed as a prodigy. However, this caused other kids to be jealous of him and one day they ganged up on him. They were all mercilessly defeated and beaten. The clan then started to worry that Sato was getting too strong for them, even as a child <-- ohlol cliche much?
But their sense of honor prevented them from killing him. So they sent him on a journey out into the world and outside of Kiri. He did not mind, though he did not like the thought of leaving his freinds. And so he left. <-- wouldn't happen\
\A year later, Sato decided to go back to Kiri he knew now that his clan and family would want him to be a great ninja <-- why on earth would we take him back?
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Stop trying to understand everything that happens and suddenly it all becomes clear
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Satoshi
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Nov 8 2009, 02:16 AM
Post #22
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erased and fixed.
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βWrightJustice
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Nov 8 2009, 05:26 AM
Post #23
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England's Justice, England's Wright, England's Power
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Can you copy and paste the full bloodline please?
Kibaku Hi (Exploding Ice) Rank: “B” Description: Need's the rat hand seal to be held then once the user drops the seal the attack is active. Once the jutsu is initiated, any ice that the user created will explode into a barrage of ice needles which shoot outwards. Since the jutsu follows the same concept of “Flying Water Needles”, it is required in order to be capable of properly performing the technique. <---- Does this mean that jutsu is required? If so you need to put it as a prerequisite under the name.
He is cousin to Sato and was raised to view him as a brother. <--- I'm confused here is this a different Sato or what? o.o I don't understand who is cousin to sato
Sato from an early age demonstrated great skill in his Clan’sarts <---- space required between Clan's and arts 
line of the branch family <---- Aisu doesn't have branch families.
have due to a broken leg <---- Were did this spring from?
Please expand your history, there is no explaination as to when he became chuunin or jounin.
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[Genin • Iwagakure no Sato • Nezumi, Shiro • Kajirune • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:2 D:1 • Socials: 1 • S-Training: 1] [Jounin; SSM • Kirigakure no Sato • Shinwa, Rowan • Spirit of the Trent • Missions: S:0 A:2 B:1 C:0 D:0 • Socials: 4] [Genin • Sunagakure no Sato • Kiborijin, Futegai • Enjinkouhei • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:0 • Socials: 1]
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Satoshi
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Nov 8 2009, 05:45 AM
Post #24
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Fixed
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βWrightJustice
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Nov 8 2009, 06:01 AM
Post #25
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England's Justice, England's Wright, England's Power
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1/2
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[Genin • Iwagakure no Sato • Nezumi, Shiro • Kajirune • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:2 D:1 • Socials: 1 • S-Training: 1] [Jounin; SSM • Kirigakure no Sato • Shinwa, Rowan • Spirit of the Trent • Missions: S:0 A:2 B:1 C:0 D:0 • Socials: 4] [Genin • Sunagakure no Sato • Kiborijin, Futegai • Enjinkouhei • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:0 • Socials: 1]
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ΦHeerosato
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Nov 8 2009, 06:07 AM
Post #26
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The Bringer of Darkness
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My Character's [Jounin Eidolon • Sunagakure no Sato • Kozu Mizu • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:1 D:0]
[Jounin SSM • Kirigakure no Sato • Makura Kaguya • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:0]
[Jounin Sky Guard • Kumogakure no Sato • Lacus Kamishiro • Nadleeh • Xingke • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:4 D:1]
[Jounin • Iwagakure no Sato • Mori Miyamoto • Innis • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:1]
[D Rank Missing Nin • Konohagakure no Sato • Kyouki Senju • Missions: S:0 A:0 B:0 C:0 D:0]Event points: 24
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