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Rather strange...
Topic Started: Feb 17 2009, 10:11 PM (441 Views)
Masquerading Doll
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Michael, you'll soon find out...here, we're VERY open minded.
You probably already know if you've checked out any of our threads, lol.
I think we'd all enjoy it.
And those who don't, don't have to be a part of it. :]]
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Duchess Dizufish
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The Duchess of Administration
exactly.
self censorship.
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BlenderCat
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Of course I disagree. What could there possibly be not to disagree about? I've pretty much known I was adopted my whole life. It's not like I ever suddenly "found out" one day or something. Whether or not I ever meet my biological parents is my choice and absolutely nobody else's. My "real parents" are the people who raised me since I was 5 weeks old. Anyway, I'm just putting my two cents in like I always do. No wonder why I'm so freakin broke all the time.
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The Poetic Prince
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I disagree, and I am fully set in my views. The story does not even change my mind, nor does it "make my stomach turn". Do I think that kids should know if they are adopted? Absolutely! I don't even know what I could say about parents who would keep such a thing from their child, that, I feel, is the real tragedy.

I do believe that a child should be given the choice to meet their biological parents, but I also believe that most kids who are adopted will feel that the people who raised them are their real parents (as Jason has said he feels).

As for the story about the married couple who later found out they were brother and sister, I just find that sad that they would break up because of such a minor detail. Yes, I am aware of the biological problems that reproducing would cause! And yes, a lot of couples like to have kids. Also, a lot of couples are unable to have kids for other reasons. I'd hate to think that a woman might divorce a man because she finds out he is sterile. This isn't much different really... Are they really brother and sister? Do they have a brother/sister relationship? They obviously haven't known one another their whole lives, so, no, they don't. They are only brother and sister biologically. The relationship, how they relate to one another, is far from being "brother" and "sister". It's just that these new revelations place certain limitations on their married life...

As for being sickened by their relations, I'd say it's none of my business. I'm not sickened by it, but even if I were, I don't think it's any of my business. I don't want to watch two men get it on, but I'm not going to tell them that their love is wrong (I can't see how they really feel about one another)!

I'd like to repeat my hypothetical example of a woman who leaves her husband because she finds out that he is sterile. You know, that really isn't a lot different than this. No, they probably can't have kids together, not if they aren't willing to take that chance of the child being mentally handicapped. But does that necessarily mean that everything else that they have built together has to fall apart? Is their love right or wrong? Well, did they marry because they love one another, or because they desire a family? We don't get everything we want in life. If their relationship is based upon mutual love and respect, they should be able to get through things if they've really thought through what a marriage takes. It takes a lot of hard work, and a lot of people marry for the wrong reasons now a days (I'm not placing judgments upon this couple, I'm merely expressing some ideas about modern life).
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m&m.Michael.
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Yes, I do see your point. That is true, that maybe love is stronger than that minor detail. However, I am very close to my siblings. No matter how good of a friend I have, to me, no one can replace the bond I have with my brothers. My mom raised me to believe, that I should love my brothers more than I love her. Simply, because she will die before us and I will have them there when she passes on. It did not make my stomache turn because I am a heartless man haha. I am married, and no I do not want my wife leaving me for anything.

It made me think, because I am so close to my siblings. Many yearn to know what it would be like to be best friends with your siblings, and not worst enemies. I already have that knowledge[in being close to my brothers] so it sort of influenced this topic.
Edited by m&m.Michael., Feb 27 2009, 05:12 PM.
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The Poetic Prince
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I don't have any siblings. Well, I have some half siblings, but I wouldn't count them, I've never been friends with them, we don't even know one another. I have like three half brothers, and I had a half sister, I don't remember much about her, I think she was nice. The half brothers never treated me like a brother. I was a lot younger than them, though. I was like 5, and they were in their late teens (I think). I always imagined that if my half sister had lived, she would have been a good friend. She died in a auto-mobile accident around the time she was sixteen. Her car was run over by a log truck... :(

I've been something of a loaner most of my life, I've had few real friends, and never any close friends growing up. The only friends I truly consider real friends are those that I've met online (on AP and other similar poetry sites). I feel much closer to them.

You may be asking yourself, "Why is he telling me all of this?" Well, I believe it necessary to know a few things like this in order to understand my position on this post. Also, I've never had any real close ties with any family at all. I've never really felt like I could really open up to my family members. So, for that reason, the type of relationship that develops between people are more important to me than the actual physical relations. I have some friends that I think of as a brother or a sister. I definitely wouldn't want to date someone that felt like my sister! That would be sickening to me... But physically related to me (and discovering so afterward)? I don't see any problem there. It's a minor detail. They did not get to know one another in a brother/sister relationship, they have something different, something I hope would be the most special relationship a human could experience.

Yes, I can understand what you mean by no one replacing your siblings. I don't believe anyone should be able to replace another person, every relationship we experience in life is completely unique, non-replaceable. I don't believe that we should be enemies with our siblings (keep in mind, I don't really have any siblings, so take my opinions for what they are!), but also, I don't think we can be friends simply because we're related. Of course there will be occasional squabbles (being around someone so much, it is bound to happen), but I think we must really share something in order to be friends. Something in common, something we can connect on. I believe that those things are what drives families together, and apart, and what attracts us to those people who in time become our good friends. It is also what brings about the marriage love.

All in all, I'd say that I recognize that some people may not consider their spouse being a blood relative as a "minor detail", I recognize that, but I find it very sad...
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BlenderCat
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Damn. That was... almost like something I would've written. Me and you have a lot in common in many ways.
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YesterdaysDreams
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Well ok.. I can understand the whole love is powerful thing. I would like to point out that in some states marrying a direct relation is against the law.. I wonder if that is the case where these people live.

Also I do not have a very close family, my only sibling that isnt half brother or sister is my older sister (who is nuts) and we tend to just agrue so we are distant. I just think that if I would have for some odd reason had a relationship with one of my half brothers and then told oh gee thats your brother I would have been furious and not have pursued that relationship.. its all a matter of opinion though.
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The Poetic Prince
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Well, I wouldn't say "love is powerful", though what I am saying is probably essentially that. I would just say that love is, it does not alter. But I'd like to go into some more detail on this statement, because I do not mean it just at face value.

Let's say you just met this girl (or guy for those girls reading this) and she seems completely perfect. You start to fall for her. Then, about a year into the relationship, you start to discover new details about her life... Okay, let's think about this: a year is a long time to know someone! And what are these new "things" anyway? Well, what are your limits? What would cause you to no longer love someone? If your brother killed a guy, would you stop loving him? If your boyfriend killed a guy, would you want to leave him? Well, I'm sure most would! And I wouldn't want to be with a girl who killed someone!

But putting all extremes aside, just how far is too far? If we're really talking about love and not just an infatuation, does blood relation have any effect on it? Well, to answer that question, think about what makes you love someone, the entire being of who and what they are. Our beliefs and customs are shaped by those around us, some people think a lot like the people who raised them, though there are exceptions (I don't have many views in common with my parents).

So, the question I'd like to ask here is what exactly does my parentage have to do with the person that I am? If I found out that I was mistakenly switched at birth tomorrow, would that change the person I am? No, it wouldn't. The fact that I was switched at birth would have changed something, considering that I would have led a very differently life had I been raised in a different household, but that's beside the point.

Keep in mind though, that I am talking about love, not mindless teenage infatuations and crushes. I'm referring to something that develops over a long period of time. Insisting that such a thing could be destroyed by a revelation such as blood relation is like saying that a fortified castle could be knocked over by casting a brick at it, even a truck load of bricks. However, I am aware that in the situation in the news story, it was a newly married couple, right? Well, this wouldn't be as developed as a couple who have been married for a long time, but I'd think it should be pretty well developed since they've already decided to tie the knot...

I do believe that if participants in a newer relationship are set enough in their decision, such a thing will not come between them. It would all depend upon the person. We all have our own unique expectations of a relationship, and our own limits to what we can and cannot tolerate.

As for the law, yes, that would be an interesting detail to know about! I'd like to post some ramblings about overly assertive laws and rebellion later on, but have nothing in particular to say on it at present. So, I have plenty more to say on here, I'm not gonna shut up yet! :D
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m&m.Michael.
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Love is a powerful thing. But, love comes in more than one form. You can love a pet, a sibling, a sport, and your marriage partner. If my wife killed one of my brothers? I would do my best to put her in a jail cell for the rest of her life.

This subject is a manner of opinion. Also, I have no idea why that woman left her husband when she found out it was really her brother. That is her opinion. Maybe she is strong believer that there is more than one person out there for us, but that we settle for the first one. Maybe she was sickened. I do not know. However, we are not in her shoes...it's her choice to make.

How far is too far? Well, that depends on the person. If my wife killed a cat, I would maybe have her seek some therapy...but, I would not leave her for that. Now, say my neighbor had 15 cats and loved them as if they were children. My neighbor might view things a bit differently. My neighbor would be telling me..."Leave your wife!"... A random person on the street who hates cats, might be laughing it off and high-fiving my wife.

My point is, for that woman who found out her husband was her brother...that might have been too far for her. Regardless if other people disagree with her.
Edited by m&m.Michael., Mar 2 2009, 05:22 PM.
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