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Shilo Hunter
Topic Started: Apr 20 2011, 11:19 PM (509 Views)
Shilo Hunter
Greenhorn
[title]Out Of Character[/title]
Name: Raven
Contact: YIM or PM
Play-By: Alexa Vega
Additional Characters:None yet

[title]Cortex Profile[/title]
Name: Shilo Hunter
Alias: Shy, Raven, Hunt
Gender:Female
Date of Birth: October 13th 2503 (15 Standard Years Of Age)
Home Planet:Whitefall
Last Known Location: Ariel
Loyalty: Neutral
Occupation: Thief
Title: none
Family: Gerald Hunter (deceased), Ruby Hunter (deceased), Mathew Hunter (older brother deceased), Emily Hunter (Younger sister Deceased)
Flags: Assault, theft
[title]Physical Description[/title]
Height:5'5
Build: Thin and lean, slightly athletic with a boyish body.
Hair Color:Brown
Eye Color:Brown
Noticeable Features:
Raven is average in height and not that extraordinary. In fact she looks rather ordinary, perhaps too ordinary. She is thin perhaps more so from spending too many nights hungry than actual build. Raven is equipped with a boyish body and long brown curls, the only real clue of her being a girl. Her big brown eyes tend to remind people of a cute puppy dog helped along with her saddened expression. For a girl her age she has seen some things and because of it has a rather warn and grown up look about her.

Raven dresses in rather ragged looking clothes. Being an orphan on the run you can't imagine she has much time to find herself new clothes or wash the ones she has on. Normally she wears an old fashion WWII pilots cap and goggles on the top of her head. She is known for a red belt over her shoulder holding a small firearm to her hip which she likes to keep hidden under a tattered old brown coat which once belonged to her father. She sports black pants and knee high boots, a tank top and brown vest under her coat give her the freedom to move and move quickly.

Under her clothes is a sad story of her life before she went on the run. Raven does her best to hide most of her body due to the horrible scars she was left after her ordeal. There is a large scar that runs across her belly where she had been cut. On her left shoulder is another scar left from a messy gash which never healed properly and along her back is the last of her horrid marks, an angry looking red mark almost seeming jagged, an unclean cut. These three marks Raven keeps hiden under her clothes and on occasion under bandages to avoid telling people the story on how she got them.


[title]Psyche Evalution[/title]

Surprisingly social and horribly clingy. Raven trusts too easily which has gotten her in trouble too many times and has shown signs of separation anxiety when finally crossing someone who takes her in. She is fiercely loyal and horribly naive about the world around her even when she likes to pretend she has it all figured out. Raven has a deep seeded fear of leaving the people she attaches herself to thinking they will never come back for her. Like any girl her age she is still just a kid and still just learning. She can be a troublemaker and a sweetheart depending on the day. It is easy to tell she has been through a lot even behind he bright smile and silly attempt to always tell herself everything will be alright and nothing is wrong.

Raven is a little like the annoying little sister you didn't want but smart and quick to learn. She has a habit of stepping on peoples toes and being a little rude simply because no one has ever sat her down and told her what was right or wrong. When making her choices she goes off her gut feeling which often times leads her into more trouble. Raven considers herself a true blue outlaw yet would turn around and help the first person she saw in need. Despite her withdrawn and secretive nature she is very friendly and loves to talk. Once you get her started she will never stop and at times you will wish she had.

[title]Personal Records[/title]

Raven was born to a family that was hardly wealthy but hardly poor. Her father was a farmer and a well respected man locally. He took good care of his family and Raven being the middle child of three seemed to be the most interested in taking over the old family farm when his time was done. She looked up to her father picking up on all he did and trying to copy him. Shilo never got along with her mother much however. Both Emily her younger sister and her mother constantly called her out for being such a tom boy and running around in the mud all day. Her brother on the other hand was the trouble maker in the group.

Even as a young boy Raven could remember him running away every other week and saying he would become the captain of his own ship and go wherever he wanted. "Nothing can hold me down." He use to say. Raven never understood why someone would want to leave their home. It seemed like a scary place to her out there so far away from family and friends. She promised herself she would never leave her home, her family, she was born here on this soil and she would die here. A big thought for one so small.

By the time Raven was seven her brother went for one more attempt to escape home and this time he turned to Raven for help. She agreed that she would disagree with him and refuse to take him out of town but Mat insisted. Giving into her older brothers pleading she snuck out with him that night promising to help him carry his things out of town so he could get a good head start. Not long after they had taken off the two had turned back noticing something was off about the air around them. It smelled vaguely of smoke and something else, something strange, something dead.

Worried the two took off running back home and hoping it was nothing too serious. Raven feared the barn being on fire, if everyone was alright. Had they put out the fire? Yet once they arrived it had not been what they originally feared. It had been bandits, raiders, outlaws. They had set the house on fire, the sounds of gunshots and the smell of smoke strong in the air. Mathew being the eldest kept his sister back and hide them both out of view. The two huddled together crying themselves to sleep and in the morning they faked bravery and went down to see the casualties.

Not everyone was dead thankfully, many were wounded, a lot of buildings in town were gone. Their own home and barn had been reduced to ruble. The two didn't let that bother them. Once they were with their families again they would be better. Mathew asked around town running back and forth and looking for every familiar face until the bad news reached him. Their parents, their sister Emily had not escaped the house fire. Mathew kept it quiet, he didn't dare tell Raven. Instead he told her their parents had escaped and would be waiting for them elsewhere.

Trying to escape his own guilt for not being there when he was needed Mathew took Raven and left their home planet on the first ship that would transport two orphans. Mathew gathered what money they had left and stole the rest when he could. For two years they lived on the move, Mat stealing and getting into trouble, jumping planet after planet, ship after ship to stay under the radar. By the time Raven was ten she started to help him in thieving. Clothes, money, food. Whatever they could manage to get off people. They worked as a group setting traps and scamming people simply so they could survive. Raven learned many important lessons in her life. She learned to be loyal and look out for those you loved.

Over the years living alone of course Raven got older and smarter. She realized they were not looking for their parents. They were not looking for anyone, just trying to get by. By age eleven when she was brave and missing home she confronted Mat and learned the truth she never wanted to hear yet all along she knew it. She knew it the day her brother told them they had to leave their home, their family was dead. She had been angry that her only family, her own brother had lied to her all these years she left him never wanting to see him again.

Her independence was short lived when she was eventually caught for pickpocketing. Luckily the man she had targeted seemed kind enough and dropped the charges making an agreement that Raven would work for him and he would provide her with a place to live and food to eat. It seemed fair enough and Raven was tickled by the idea that she could make it without her brother and better she almost had a place to belong. Raven lived with the man and his wife for five months. They told her about how their children had grown up and left them to their empty home and how happy they were to have her around. It seemed life was perfect, Raven was loved, she had a family, people who cared about her and silly to think she felt like their daughter.

Nothing is ever perfect, even with her new family Raven missed her brother and wished he would come and live with them. She wondered if he would ever find her again and luckily he had done just that. Mathew broke into the home one night with a crew of men he had joined up with. Kidnapping Raven they took her back to their ship and Mathew was happy to finally have his sister back but unaware of the pain he had caused. Raven seemed to cry for weeks over missing her new family, wanting to go home and blaming Mat for forcing her back into another stupid adventure. She blamed him for the death of their family and blamed him for her happiness but in the end he was all she had.

Raven herself slowly warmed up to the crew of the ship even using some of her own skills to aid in whatever heist they were coming up with. Raven always was a good actress and good with mechanics and a gun. It was with the crew she gained her nickname Raven for her habit of wearing black. Everyone aboard the ship was like family, no one was left behind, no one betrayed the other, and everyone pulled of the heists together. This was life until the age of thirteen when Raven would learn what it truly meant to lose it all.

Their fearless leader tried stealing weapons out from under the noses of a very dangerous salvage crew. Unfortunately the job had not gone off as planed and all members were round up and executed. Raven's brother was the last to be killed leaving her to be the next for her punishment. Raven had been cut up pretty badly and shot a few times. Leaving her for dead she laid there watching their ship take off and just like that she was gone. All she remembered was darkness and cold. It had to have been death, nothing else could have felt so horrid, so painful.

Opening her eyes to a bright white light she realized from the purr of an engine that she had been rescued and brought aboard another junk bucket of a boat. Raven had been stitched up to the best ability of the doc on board but the pain of her injuries would always remain. Even to this day the old scar down her back flares up with pain when she works herself too hard. She stayed with the ship until she was well enough to take off on her own and like that one night after docking for a quick supply stop she was gone, off on her own, all alone for the first time.

Since then Raven had been on the run making her way through helping small gangs in their heists. She has been stabbed in the back and has stabbed others in the back. Living a dog eat dog world Raven is hardly capable of surviving on her own and acts as a parasite using other people to get what she needs. Yet she still stands strong in the need to find home and to find a family. Somehow she knows no matter how bad it gets, no matter how alone she she will always have herself and so long as she is alive she will not give up her hope of finding the place she belongs.
Edited by Shilo Hunter, Apr 21 2011, 01:01 AM.
 
Casper Adlam
Member Avatar
Cadet
HOKAY! -rubs hands together- Time to get back to mod business!

So first up, our standard warning/explanation; on this board we actually take the APP as one of the most important parts! We're picky on details not because we want to piss anyone off, but because we;

A) Are really interested in what/WHY the character does things!
RPing is all about exploring personalities after all.

B) Think everything written in should have a reason! Its detail not length we're looking for. A 250 word post that really gets to the heart of what's happening is always better than 600 words with fluff here.

SO if at any time you start feeling down or like we're don't want you around; I want you to immediately smack yourself over the back of the head and tell yourself not to be silly for me!!!! I wouldn't put the time or effort into reading through ect. if I didn't want the character to work!


We do the exact same thing to each other's characters, and will never hold you to a standard we wouldn't expect from everyone else.

NOW. Lets get to Shiloh!

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These points are just coming from Stevie and Myself (Ryka), so Dani or Jenn might have stuff to add.

1) Name/PB choices: Shiloh & Alexa Vega. I've been informed that actress plays a character in a recent movie with that name? Even if you weren't aware (I wasn't!) This is something we work hard to avoid, so either the first name or the PB will have to change. If you would like the name changed and Mod can do if for you.

     It can be a touch confusing when one character has a lot of names they go by, so we just want to know where each applies. (eg. Are they an alias, family shortening, military call-sign?)


2) Contradictions: There are a few contradictions in the App, the main one being;

- "Surprisingly social and horribly clingy. Raven trusts too easily"
- Has a "withdrawn and secretive nature"

If you want her to be so polarized, we'll need a more in depth explanation of how each side of her manifests. When/how is she secretive? Is it with men more than women? Any detail you can add there would be great.

3) Timeline and Age appropriate actions: This is probably the most important point.

While it is true that in such a rough time and place kids have to mature quicker and are forced into actions beyond their time, these sort of situations have to be explained thoroughly and supported with both the character's personality and the details of their history.

     A 7 year old Shiloh was convinced by her 8 year old brother to take off from the only place she has ever known? We have a few questions about how this works out;

-->"Raven never understood why someone would want to leave their home. It seemed like a scary place to her out there so far away from family and friends. She promised herself she would never leave her home, her family, she was born here on this soil and she would die here."

     That seems like a big part of her young mind; so what were the circumstances that led to an action so opposing? "Giving into her older brothers pleading she snuck out with him that night promising to help him carry his things out of town so he could get a good head start." Was she planning on going with him? Thats not totally clear.

--> "Raven was born to a family that was hardly wealthy but hardly poor. Her father was a farmer and a well respected man locally." Both of those facts weaken the drive/ability for a young child to leave and survive in the black. First off, she lived a comfortable childhood, without the need to immediately develop survival skills. Secondly, if the family was well liked when the kids were orphaned there would most definitely be friends their to take them in, which would appeal to her 'home girl' personality.

ONE THE OTHER HAND shes from freaking Whitefall! Thats a rough place! Her childhood could easily be written with more of that tone, which would make her survival alone much more reasonable.

--> I can't think of a ship that would knowingly take on 2 kids like that, you have to clarify this.

Wrap Up
Some of the history is just fluff, feel free to cut it out! Unless it's something we need to know a lot about to understand her development as a character you can pretty well breeze over it.

I'd rather you put the space into really digging into those key moments, especially the details/thoughts/feelings around her first leaving Whitefall which is the pivotal event in her life.

When going to edit recheck the fact's you're using, and really think about exactly what you think is a reasonable timeline for these events. Maybe she leaves at 11 instead of 7, maybe make her brother 2-3 years older? (Gauge exactly what 7/8 year olds can do. City orphans work in packs, with older and experienced ones taking care of/teaching the young ones. These 2 don't have that.) What ever ages you choose just be sure to justify and explain!


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PHEW, that was a lot huh? I kinda rambled, sorry! Avoiding studying like I'm supposed to be.... I'm excited to see what you come up with!

Welcome to MWW! (watch your shoes, those tend to disappear here)
Ryka

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ALSO!

At the top of the app where you are talking about family you marked everyone as dead, including her brother. When did he die, how did he die, and how did that impact Shiloh? I think that the attachment she had to him would have made that a devastating time and I feel it needs to be touched on.

- Stevie
Edited by Seraphina Grant, Apr 21 2011, 04:28 PM.
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Gwen MacKenzie
Member Avatar
Operative
Also, please remove the reference to WWII.

This is 500 years in the future. Anything from the 40's would be considered ancient history and the style would not be around. During the period of exile on the ships leaving Earth, cultures meshed together. She can wear a pilots cap, just not a WWII one.

Thanks for your interest in the game!

~Jenn
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