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Lightquest Board; For and about Lightquest
Topic Started: May 14 2009, 11:00 PM (2,299 Views)
Lightquest
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Thanks to You all! These past couple of months have been very trying. Patti, thank you for sending me an email. I lost the Mpaths site when computer crashed. Thanks to Poppa for calling me last week to check on me <3.

There is much that I haven't shared with you guys that happened during my time in the program. Something very special happened to me on Palm Sunday, but since I was questioning my own divinity and because I had been released from the program so very rudely without any reason why... I did not share with all of you what happened. It was very hard for me to understand. Which in some aspects.. I can't understand because I can't find anything other than the Holy Bible to explain it. And since.. I felt like I was dark... It didn't make any sense. I didn't share here, because I knew you were all of light. And I did not want to infect you with what was troubling me. I knew something wasn't right.. Even now as you read this.. You can understand how much this experience hurt me. I've been in a terrible desert period. No light. It was all dark. Maybe my spirit needed this to grow? I couldn't even contact you on the computer for support. It was like all light was taken away from me. If it wasn't for the Love I felt from God, my boys and my boyfriend.. I dont think I would have made it. It was that bad. I cried at the drop of a hat. I dont know why this effected me the way it did. A clawing of the mind is what I refer it to. Panic Attacks, Anxiety.. constant negative thoughts.. it was horrible. Now, at least... I am feeling more myself.

well. Now, I am starting to gain my power back.. and I'm able to talk about it. If any of you can tell me what I experienced or have heard or read anything of this matter..could you please tell me??

When it happened.. I didn't realize it was palm Sunday. I only think of Easter as being a holiday.. Palm Sunday is not something I even think about. So, when it occured, it was just a normal Sunday for me.
On Sunday Morning.. while in the shower, I heard a voice outside of myself. It was a male voice, and it was not in my head. It said.. "You are to Physically Manifest a Healing cocoon.". Scared the hell out of me. The words used, were not something I would use. Since I am a quilter, I thought maybe it wanted me to make a quilt. A quilt for myself. I've made many quilts before, but never kept one. They were always given out to others. So.. I assumed that I was to make a quilt of healing just for me. To learn to love and forgive myself.

All day this stayed on my mind. I realized how I never truly loved myself. Even Poppa has gotten onto me for judging myself. So, I thought of everything I've been through..even things I've seen...stuff that didn't involve me, but because I worked in a Safe house for abused women and children.. I thought of those individuals and what I had seen. Thereby making me a part of that experience. Never once did I give myself love.

Later that night, after I put the boys to bed.. I went into my room and layed down. I started crying as I thought of all of that stuff and I decided to give myself love from my heart. The same love and forgiveness I gave to others, I wanted for myself. Well.. as I was doing this.. more and more memories kept caming up. Things I had forgotten. It became overwhelming. To much to give love to. So, I started to pray. I said.. "Dear God, What if I run out...". Before I could even finish the sentence to God.. something very powerful happened.
I felt a being.. an Angel? a Spirit Guide? God? Jesus Christ? I dont know because I didn't 'see' anything..only felt. But I felt this breath, The being breathed into my mouth the most amazing Love I have ever felt. It was pure and pristine. Clean. Untouched by human emotion. If you can imagine what love would feel like untouched by human conditions, untouched by ego, untouched by thought..that is what it felt like. I recieved two breaths that followed my windpipe into my heart and filled my lungs.
At the time, my mind decided that it was God saying that there would always be more love. What ever love we give out..we will recieve. We must release Love to receive love. And I wept that night..myself to sleep.

I didn't know it was palm sunday until someone in the group told me a couple days later when I posted it on the group page. It was after this that I was dropped from the program. I can't tell you why he dropped me. He just called me on the phone and said.. "I am releasing you from the program..how do you feel?'. I can't answer for him. It devasted me. It was after that, the desert period began. And has lasted this long time. Now.. I'm better.. But, I dont feel like the same person.

If anyone of you have ever heard of this Breath before.. or have any idea or inkling what it could be that I experienced.. I would appreciate it. I would really like your support on what it could be. Although it was beautiful, because I was dropped after having that experience, it really has me for a loop. It left me really ungrounded and confused.

Love you all.. and I am so happy to be within your loving embrace again. I dont think you all really know how much your light and love moves.
Gin

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lovesgift
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It sounds like a beautiful experience unique to you Gin. You have always been a being of great light and wisdom for me. We have *known* each other for quite some time now and I feel free to make that statement without reservation.
As for you being dropped, the only reason I can think of is that you were a *threat* to the teachers place in the world. You can't out shine him so to speak. Maybe he didn't even realize this to be so.
I hold you in great esteam my friend.I am Blessed to call you friend.
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Lightquest
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:wub:
Thanks Patti,

It was beautiful, and I will never forget it. However, it also confused me. I've read about others hearing a guide or having special experiences, but I never in a million years would have expected me to have one.

Thank You so much for your support. One day you will know exactly how much your words of love mean to me *smile*.
Love and Be Well
Gin
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Lightquest
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Good Morning,

It's a beautiful day here in the Shenandoah Valley. Yesterday a quote spoke to me and I wanted to share it with you all. It moved me and maybe it will move you also.

"Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and Knoweth God" 1 John 4:7

Love,
Gin
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Lightquest
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Hello Family,

Wish there was a way for me to hug all of you in the physical body.

My mother has been up from florida for the past few weeks, and its been kind of trying, but I am persevering. ;-) She isn't so bad.. its just that I am still feeling this tingling sensation all through my body, and sometimes it gets kind of strong. It's hard when you can't share with your family or friends exactly what is going on with you. Because for the most part, I dont understand it either. I'm placing here, some of what I expereince. Usually on a daily basis..but sometimes, I get a break..and I feel "normal".
1). Tingling sensations throughout my body. In my hands on a daily basis.
2). Digestive issues. Nausea, loose bowels. This is not daily but runs in cycles. Every few weeks. Changed my eating habits because of this and have lost 25 pds.
3). Blurry eyesight. Not everyday. Comes and goes.
4). Confusion and have trouble concentrating.
5). The Anxiety and fear. Of what? Nothing and everything. If there is darkness..I believe this to be it.
6). Dizziness
7). Pressure in my sternum over the heart. At first I thought I was having heart problems. Doc says nothing is wrong.
8). Headaches
9). Past traumas come up unexpectedly. I started remembering and feeling past hurts that I have forgotten about. Kept wondering why I was remembering these
things.
10). Very high pitched loud buzzing in my ears. Sounds kind of like the "emergency" signal they use on Tv and the radio.
11). Emotional Highs and Lows.
12). Becoming much closer to nature. Have become a nature watcher. Love watching wild animals including birds.
13). Have become very sensitive to negativity. Whether it is on the news, a program, the newspaper, or even a harsh word to someone else. It actually feels like
someone has punched me in the heart.

I know that this sounds like it could be a physical illness. That is why I have been to a doctor several times. CAT scans, blood work etc. But actually, my diabetes has gotten much better. I'm on half the metformin I was before. My Therapist (coach as he likes to say) says these are signs of awakening and the "awakening" started last year, but when I went to the doctor..I allowed her to place me on anti depressants. This blocked the process. It stops the process. But when one doesn't know what is going on with them..it literally "Scares the He## out of you" thereby giving way to fear and anxiety. When I went off the anti depressants, the process began again.
So.. now I'm learning how to acknowledge, Accept, allow and let go.

I'll place more later..
Keeping all of you in my heart and prayers.
Love
Gin
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Lightquest
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Poppa,
the reason I didn't quote is because those are my own personal experiences. I guess everyone has their own side effects..and it can be very scary if you dont understand. One will think they are losing their mind or have some form of spiritual grandoisity, but actually everyone can and will experience these same effects if they are on that path. It's not easy. Dan told me that he went through it for 5 years!.
Thankfully.. I found someone to help me with all of that. And I just want to thank all of you for understanding and still loving me unconditionally.

I think of everyone very often, and wonder what is going on in your lives. I love hearing from all of you.. Thank you for sharing!
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Lightquest
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Hi :$
I'm kind of embarrased to continuously post on here my "personal" issues with this awakening..but I feel as though, if I do not.. and someone else goes through it..that I've done them an injustice. So..I do feel a need to post here.

I've been reading up on other sites about the awakening process. I'm a little disturbed at some of the sites. Some are very negative about the awakening process. Apparently the author or authors are trying to block the process only causing themselves more stress and pain. Where as the opposite is true for the other sites. They only speak of the beauty of the awakening..leaving out the parts that are not comfortable at all. Both I believe are major faux pas in the process.

When someone is going through the process..yes indeed.. it is very uncomfortable. This process can last from 3 months to years. Yes, I said YEARS. It all depends on the person and what they are allowing to happen. Blocking the process causes illness. Or that is what Dan has told me. I'm still IN the process, so every day is a new experience. I have found that with me.. when I am feeling something uncomfortable.. that when I allow it and NOT judge it.. just allow it and accept it for what it is.. whether it be an emotion, a memory, or a physical sensation ...I just allow it, acknowledge it, Accept it, and then...I send love to it. Then it dissipates. And I am free of that discomfort. Weird? lol. It works though. Some who suffer from pain in their bodies use this technique and it helps them to lessen the pain their illness is causing. Belive it or not. Or you can try it, and let me know if it helps you. :-)

I haven't gotten to the end of my awakening. I'm still going through it..so I can see how the negative authors would consider this process a curse, especially if they do not have the opportunity to have a coach who has been through it themselves. I think the most important knowledge for them would be to understand that the uncomfortable physical sensations are only temporary. Not permanent. I have gone through a couple days at a time with different symptoms..but nothing constant. Thank the Good Lord!

But there is also some very good things that happen to you as you are going through the process.
I have wild birds, baby ducks, squirrels, animals that just walk up to me and stand. Its as though Nature is different now. I dont know how to explain it, and it sounds really weird.. but they do. They aren't afraid.
What I will call The Holy Spirit.. some of you may call this sensation something else...but I call it that, because that is what I know it to be. The Holy spirit is around you. This total uplifting, loving, peaceful embrace that envelopes your being surrounds you.
However, this is also temporary. It doesn't stay.. OR shall I say.. it doesn't stay with me. I appreciate it when it comes, but cannot hold onto it. But then again.. I'm still in the process. Really hope this is what stays with us after the awakening.
People start treating you differently. Dont ask me why.. I dont know. Or maybe I am perceiving them treating me differently. Not in a bad way.. just different.

You start talking to your creator more. Not just praying for things..but you actually start sharing your life with them. You talk openly as if God was your closest friend in the world. You dont hide anything. I know we conciously know that God knows all, but there is a difference. Its as though you have become close subconsiously. God becomes your closest confidante. You share your love, anger, hopes, fears, and ofcourse prayers with God. And you start sending your own love to God. You dont always ask God for Love.. You ask God to allow your love to embrace him/her. Just as if you were to tell your family member you loved them. Remember.. giving love returns to you.

I've been looking at other sites on awakenings.. because I want to know what it is exactly we are supposed to be attaining to to. This is happening more and more around us. People everywhere are having this happen spontaneously. Some without their knowledge, and some striving to make it happen (which I dont suggest). I really think we should just be trying to get closer to our creators. But then again..that is what I was trying to do.. and now while going through the growing pains of doing so..I question my ability to make it through.

Do I have any supernatural powers or psychic gifts? Nope. If I do.. they haven't shown themselves yet. I really dont think I'm ready to deal with that kind of stuff yet if it is to happen. Do I envy anyone that has though gifts? Honestly.. NO. I can just imagine what they went through in developing their abilities..and me, I'll be happy just to have a Normal week.

Love and Be Well
Gin



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Lightquest
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Divine Download or Creativity?

This came to mind today (and I'm glad it wasn't a voice). Will try this myself tonight. This seems to be a merging of prayer/meditation.

While saying my prayer..I am to say each word outloud (giving it more energy) than thought alone. Feeling each word and connecting with the creator with love on every syllable. After each word..silence. Focus on the silence after each word..bringing you and the creator into the present.

Does that sound weird? Well, it can't hurt I guess. I'll try it tonight..but I think I will write my prayer out first, just so I know before hand what I want to say.

Love and Be Well
Gin
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Anita

I enjoy reading your posts. Does your prayer/meditation sound crazy? Not to me, I agree saying it outload adds energy, pausing after each word I can see where that would add more focus on what your saying. Let us know how well this works for you, does it add to your experience?
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Lightquest
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Hi Anita.. Thanks for the support :wub:

I've only tried the prayer/meditation once..but it was extremely difficult. It's like trying to use both sides of your brain at one time.
On a different note:

I'm having a very difficult time with my middle son, Jared. He is smoking pot, drinking...and just more or less has given up on life. I'm so worried about him. If you guys could please place him on your prayer list I would greatly appreciate it.
Love and Be Well
Gin
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