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Infinity
Topic Started: Mar 2 2009, 09:14 AM (833 Views)
ForteTh

Got any questions or comments about my comic ask or post here.
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Squeak
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When do I get to see delicious dragon cock?
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ForteTh

Sorry to dissapoint you but no dragon cock will be seen in my comic.
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Mimarin
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Once again you haven't actually linked to your comic in the primary thread in this subforum, you should correct that.
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Mimarin
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Forgive my double post but there is a time limit on editing prevented my for editing my previous post to include the following:

Once again you haven't actually linked to your comic in the primary thread in this subforum, you should correct that.

Incidently the following lines of dialogue are bad:

"Oh yea, these dudes are no match for me!"
"I can sense a big power level on the roof so I'll head there first."

The first one is annoying because even the most self confident and competent combatant wouldn't be caught dead shouting anything so cliche and asinine as that. Professional wrestlers and beamspamming yellow haired monkey people may shout stupid shit at eachother constantly even when it is totally inappropriate, but that does not mean that it is a good idea for you to do the same, those pieces of media are bad and you should work to distance yourself from them. Characters in a situation in which their lives and the lives of their friends are under threat should act like it.

The second line is bad for the reason above. The concept of power levels in inherently flawed for a multitude of reasons, but for now I'll leave that alone and make it fairly simple:

Having your characters use terminology taken directly from Dragonball is a bad thing to do, even if you insist on the existence of some arbitrary means to measure something as intangible and non-specific as "power" for the love of god don't call it a power level, doing so just makes you look stupid and your work look derivative. Come up with your own term to refer to it and have your characters use that instead.

Breaking away from the conventions of the works that influence yours is a strong step away from creating something that comes across as being "dragonball but my guy is there too he's yellow sonic."

Your comic has certainly improved since the first incarnation, in the most recent page your use of sound effects was very good, I personally think you should use more of them whenever possible. You still need to get someone to proofread your comics though, there are still spelling and grammatical errors that could be caught just by having DO look over your pages before you upload them. Also remember when using soliloquies, short is better and people don't usually speak to themselves in long, well formed sentences.
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Ah-Ka
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Star Wars Fangirl
I agree with Mimarin, the dialogue could be better and less DBZ-ish, however the improvement and dedication you've shown in the new comics is admirable. One thing I would like to suggest is that before you upload a comic, try to read every piece of dialogue in the strip out loud to yourself, and just feel if it sounds right. That's a technique I've used for my comics and I always tend to notice that it helps me catch annoying little grammar errors.
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ForteTh

I thank you all for the help and advice you are giving me, it is very helpful and I will do my best to improve it.
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Mimarin
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There are still multiple spelling and grammatical errors in this comic, like I stated before, you should either run all of your dialogue through a spell checker or get someone to proof-read it before you finalise it.
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ForteTh

Right oh.
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Max

I love how you say that so casually, when you haven't improved a thing so far =P
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ForteTh

What did I say casually, and what do you think I need to improve on?
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Kirimo
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What's a "Kirimo"?
I assume spelling errors.
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Old sprites are old.
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