| Plan 8 from Outer Space; for Ed Wood fans at the Academy Awards | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 7 2010, 11:37 PM (194 Views) | |
| Quasimodo | Mar 7 2010, 11:37 PM Post #1 |
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(found in the garage of a retired Duke prof, an original piece of work by a Duke undergrad, which was so startling in its implications that all copies were destroyed and all records of the student's attendance at Duke removed. What follows are the only known notes of the original work: ) presented here in honor of the Academy Awards Presentation... Plan 8 from Outer Space an original screenplay by Edward Wood, Jr. Trinity Senior [TITLE: "Criswell Predicts..."] CRISWELL And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are giving you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimonies of the miserable souls who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places, my friend we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty, let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts? [TITLE SEQUENCE] [TO BUCHANAN ST.] CRISWELL The police, lead by Inspector Daniel Clay, arrive at the scene. CLAY You get their statement? PATROLMAN LARRY Yeah, much as we could. They're pretty looped. CLAY Finding a mess like this oughta make anyone looped. Look at the trash cans! Have one of the boys take the dancer back to town. You take charge. PATROLMAN LARRY It's tough to find something when you don't know what you're looking for. CLAY I don't think the CHIEF does either. PATROLMAN LARRY Then what're doing out here? I was off duty an hour ago. CLAY Ah don't ask me any questions. I'm just a hardhat just like you. Headquarters wants this investigation to turn up something. PATROLMAN LARRY Yeah I hadn't thought of that. I guess that's why you're a detective lieutenant and I'm still a uniformed cop. CLAY Sometimes it's only the breaks, kid. [PAULA AND JEFF TRENT ARE SITTING ON THE PATIO NEXTDOOR] PAULA That's the fifth siren in the last hour. JEFF Oh, something's happened next door. A lot of police cars and lights. I stopped but I didn't see much. Oh well, whatever it is, the Indy will be certain to carry the whole story. PAULA What happened, Jeff? JEFF I saw a flying saucer. PAULA A saucer? You mean the kind from up there? Did you report it? JEFF Yeah. Then as soon as we landed, big army brass grabbed us and made us swear to secrecy about the whole thing. It’s that Duke research project. Oh, it burns me up. These things have been seen for years. The Dukies are here, it's a fact. And the public oughta know about it. PAULA There must be something more you can do about it. JEFF Oh no there isn't. Oh, but what's the point of making a fuss. Last night I saw a flying object that couldn't possibly exist. And then, there were people who were in two places at one time. But I can't say a word. I'm muzzled by army brass! I can't even admit I saw the thing! [SEQUENCE IN WHICH UFOs FLY OVER DURHAM, AND PEOPLE GET SCARED. COL. EDWARDS LOOKS THROUGH HIS BINOCULARS AS STOCK FOOTAGE SHOWS MEN FIRING LARGE ROCKETS THAT WHEN FIRED AT THE UFOs SEEM TO BE NO MORE THAN FIRECRACKERS.] EDWARDS Well, Duke must have a reason for these visits. ARMY GUY Visits? Those Dukies really are from out-of-town, aren't they? Is anti-aircraft fire the usual way of welcoming visitors? EDWARDS For a time we tried to contact them by radio, but no response. Then they attacked Trinity Park. A small street, I'll admit. But nevertheless a street full of people. People who were traumatized by their noise and wildness. ARMY GUY I never heard about that Sir. EDWARDS Well, it was covered up by the higher echelon. CAPTAIN Looks like they’ve left for now, sir. EDWARDS Yeah. I wonder what their next move will be. CRISWELL What will their next move be? [INSIDE SPACESHIP] MESSENGER Your space commander has returned from Earth. RULER Send him in. [TWO DUKIES ENTER, WEARING THE LAB PROTOCOL OUTFITS AND CARRYING STICKS WITH SMALL NETS ATTACHED] RULER You have your report? What progress has been made? DUKE # 1 We contacted government officials. They refuse to respond. RULER What plan will you follow now? DUKIE # 2 Plan 9. It's absolutely impossible to work through these Earth creatures. RULER Plan 9...ah yes. Long-distance photons shot into the smaller pituitarious glands of government bureaucrats. Have you attempted any of this plan as yet? DUKIE # 1 Yes Excellency. RULER How successful has it been? (snip) [GENERAL ROBERTS PLAYS THE RECORDING FROM OUTER SPACE] VOICE ON RECORDING This is Waheema, a liberation soldier from a planet of your galaxy. I fully realize our language differences, however I also know you finally have perfected the bullobitiary, or as you on Earth put it, the language computer. So you can now understand that which I speak. It has taken you centuries to even grasp what we were able to grasp at once. Permit me to set your mind at ease. We do not want to conquer your planet. Only save it. Our principal purpose is friendly. I admit, we have had to take certain means which you might refer to as criminal. If you persist in denying us our landings, then we must only accept that you do not want us on friendly terms. We then have no alternative but to destroy you before you destroy us. With your ancient, juvenile minds, you have developed improper thoughts which will have to be re-educated. You are on the verge of destroying the entire universe. We are part of that universe. This is our last - GENERAL ROBERTS That's the end of that one. Atmospheric conditions in outer space often interfere with transmitting. COL. EDWARDS Do you think they mean business? GENERAL ROBERTS We can't afford to take any chances. [OUTSIDE BUCHANAN HOUSE CAR PULLS UP WITH LT. HARPER, KELTON, AND COLONEL EDWARDS] LT. HARPER Colonel would like to ask you a few questions. JEFF Questions? What about, Colonel? COL. EDWARDS I want to ask you about your strange experience the other night, when you saw the flying saucer. JEFF After that the police brought me home. I hope I never hear so much noise again. COL. EDWARDS Well after your description I don't think I'd want to hear it either. One thing more...after you were forced to the ground by that blast of wind, what else did you see? JEFF It's kind of hard to explain. You see, there were two of them... I mean, there was one of them, but he was in two places at the same time. Do you understand? LT. HARPER The multiple-location multiplier! COL. EDWARDS This is the most fantastic story I've ever heard. JEFF And every word of it's true, too. COL. EDWARDS That's the fantastic part of it. LT. HARPER We found a lot of suspicious things around this house. Then again, we didn't find anything to base a fact or suspicion on. What happened after that? JEFF Something started stinking awful bad. LT. HARPER Colonel I've been out here so often you'd think I'd taken a lease on this place. COL. EDWARDS Not a long lease, I hope. LT. HARPER It’s too small. Only a bath and a half. But you know, I can't help but feel the answer's out here somewhere. COL. EDWARDS Is the uh girl safe? LT. HARPER We’ve got her hidden in another part of town. COL. EDWARDS That’s good. LT. HARPER Look, Colonel, I'm a policeman. I've got to deal in facts. Right now, we just haven’t got any facts. But, I guess I'll have to go along with you. You know I bet my badge right now we haven't seen the last of those Dukies. (SNIP) [FIGHT BREAKS OUT] [SHIP, FIGHT STILL GOING ON] COL. EDWARDS Get out of here, Jeff! The ship's on fire! [THE MEN RUN OUT OF THE SHIP] LT. HARPER Oh, I wonder if that's the last we'll see of them? COL. EDWARDS Perhaps, but sooner or later there'll be others. LARRY Look! PAULA Have they caught that woman yet? [SHIP BLOWS UP] [BACK TO CRISWELL] CRISWELL My friend, you have seen this incident based on sworn testimony. Can you prove that it didn't happen? Perhaps on your way home, you will pass someone in the dark, and you will never know it, for they will be from Duke. They will be in two places at the same time. Many scientists believe that this is possible. We once laughed at the horseless carriage, the aeroplane, the telephone, the electric light, vitamins, radio, and even television! And now some of us laugh at these latest experiments. God help us... in the future. The End |
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7:14 PM Jul 10