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Episode 5 - Not Cool
Topic Started: Mar 17 2009, 05:33 PM (66 Views)
Christopher Lehn
Administrator
Episode 5: Not Cool
Starring:

Steamer
Kyre
Vevay


(A strange flying vehicle is hovering over Central City. It finds an empty lot in Golden Rivers district and lands. Robotic arms emerge from the vehicle and construct an entire house, connecting the utilities to the new building. Cut to the next day, when several aliens in cheap disguises leave the house and wait by the bus stop...)

Nila: Man, this foreign planet exchange program is so bogus. We already know plenty about Earth, I don't see why we have to stay on it for a year!

Zail: Tell me about it...

Flarry: It's a learning experience! What's so bad about visiting a new planet?

(The bus can be seen driving down the road towards them...)

Kyre: That. *points at bus*

Mrkl: What is that thing?

Sprkl: It's got weird round thingies under it!

Kyre: They're WHEELS. And that is a “bus”, a human transport vehicle.

Zail: We have to live in these primitive conditions?!

(The bus pulls up, and the six students get on board. Later that day, the bell rings and Kyre walks outside. A gang of boys appraoches him...)

Durmian: Hey, you! This is Cyber Punk terrritory!

Kyre: Territory? *sarcasm* Oh, I'm sorry if I didn't know you primitive apes still hoarded land!

Durmian: Oh, that's it! *punch*

(A fist flies toward the camera, which is Kyre's perspective. Next scene, he's walking through the halls when the rich kids barge in front of him...)

Rich Kid 1: Hey, watch it!

Kyre: I clearly had right-of-way.

Rich Kid 2: Oh yeah? Well my parent's huge mansion in Platinum Heights says you're wrong!

Kyre: And what exactly does an oversized house have to do with this? Unless you're compensating for something.

Rich Kid 2: *drops books* Pick it up.

Kyre: I've got a better idea. *takes out a small device*

(He holds the device close to the books and pushes a button. The books instantly catch fire, and the fire alarm goes off...)

Kyre: An anti-combustion system? Oh, that's just great...

(Next scene, Kyre walks out of the principal's office. Nila is waiting in the hall for him...)

Kyre: God, these humans are selfish brats!

Nila: How so?

Kyre: You know what the principal told me? Do as the “rich kids” say or else. These stupid monkeys are only in it for money and power!

Nila: I've been watching them, and there might be some humans you can relate to. Try the “science club” in the basement...

(Next scene, Kyre is knocking on the door to the science club. Sawyer answers the door...)

Sawyer: Hello?

Kyre: Hi, I'm Kyre. I'm kind of new here, and I'd like to join.

Sawyer: Um, you might want to try the “other” science club. What we do here is a little... different.

Kyre: Different?

Stardust: Hey, guys! I got the time machine working again!

Kyre: *thinking* They have super-geniuses on this planet? *speaking* Actually, I think I'm in the right place.

Sawyer: Well, let's see what you can do.

(Kyre is let into the room, where all sorts of strange contraptions are being built. On the table is an old TV, which was being used for parts...)

Kyre: Uh, this is going to sound weird, but... what is this thing? *points to TV*

Sawyer: That's just a TV. Are you sure you can work on our level?

Kyre: Just watch me. *starts tinkering with TV*

(In just 30 seconds, the TV is on, despite having half of it's parts missing. On screen is Central City News...)

Sawyer: Did you just get that thing to work with half of it's parts intact?

Kyre: Half? No wonder it was so hard.

(Everyone gathers around to see Kyre's handywork, but they aren't overly impressed...)

Christopher: I could have done that twice as fast.

Kyre: But could it do this? *tunes channel*

(He flicks between channels at random, showing a few...)

TV: My name is Charlie Jade. I'm a private investigator...

Steamer: Hey, what's that channel? I don't recognize the logo...

Christopher: *is using laptop* I don't believe it! He's getting that signal from South Africa!

TV: *change channel* Tobikau SIGUNARU sore zore no kyou wo nosete Onaji shuuhasuu kasane ai kimi to hanasu Mayoi tamerai wo furikiri Soko ni aru hazu no michi wo ikou!

Zyter: Is that Japanese?

TV: *change channel* Contigo soy capaz de lo que sea no me importa lo que venga porque ya se a donde voy.

Christopher: I recognize that! That's a Colombian show my mom watches!

TV: *changes channel* You are a sad, strange little man. And you have my pity. *changes channel* ...go to the Winchester, relax and have a few beers, and wait for all this to blow over.

Max: Holy crap. How many channels does this thing have?

TV: *changes channel* Toujours plus loin, plus loin là-bas Tu as choisi les nuages Emmène-nous avec toi Pas d'excédents de bagages Quand on survole un univers Son compagnon de voyage C'est seulement un hamster

Stardust: What I'm wondering is, what's the range? We're picking up channels from halfway across the globe with full clarity!

TV: *changes channel* Now this is the story all about how, My life got flipped, turned upside down, And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air. *changes channel* Pinky and the Brain,Brain, Brain, Brain- *changes channel* Kisha wa ginga wo koe Saihate mezasu Hoshi wa uchuu no teishaeki nanda Kimi wo maneku yo yume no kidou ga *changes channel* To boldly go where no man has gone before! *changes channel* ...at Shining Time Station- *changes channel*

Fenny: Hey, look! It's an episode of the Kooky Codas!

TV: *changes channel*

(On the TV is an alien in a weird but formal-looking suit...)

Alien Anchorman: ...and this week in the news, undercover scientists on Earth have made an amazing discovery in the field of biochemistry. Glorkl Mikstlon has the stor- *channel changes*

Kyre: Gah! *looks around*

Christopher: Hey, turn it back! I want to find out what Sci-Fi show that is!

Kyre: Crap, I guess my cover is blown... *flips back channel* It's not a show. You're viewing the Helios Broadcasting Channel from several AUs away. I knew I shouldn't have made the range so big...

Zyter: Wait, what?! This is an extra-terrestrial television network?

Kyre: Yes.

Stardust: He's right. Technically, I'm an alien.

Sawyer: Really? I knew you weren't a Toon.

Stardust: We haven't been in space much in centuries, but there were other races out there. The question is, how does HE know about them?

Kyre: Here's why. *takes off mask*

Everyone Else: *gasp*

Stardust: An M'kre? What are you doing here?

Kyre: Interplanetary exchange student. The Sol system's educational system has connections with Earth governments.

Laura: Neat! I wonder if there's any way to get humans onto other planets?

Kyre: Not likely, but there are protesters to keeping Earth “in the dark”, so to speak. Considering the brutish and selfish people I've seen in this school alone, I'm not so sure I'd side with their opinion.

Max: I know what you mean. In Earth schools, it's survival of the coolest. If you don't have money or street cred, you're dirt.

Kyre: Yeah... *changes channel* Hey, what's this?

TV: Charlie! Serena! Richie! Tamati! Camilla! And of course... Gun-gi!!!

Gwynne: *uses Chris' laptop* Says here it's some series of cartoon shorts from New Zealand.

TV: *continues playing*

Christopher: Hey, this gives me an idea!

Steamer: Oh, god. Not another one of your ray guns... It took hours to reverse the effects of that shrink ray!

Christopher: Hey, some of my inventions worked! Remember that time portal?

Steamer: The one made by your future self? Your inventions won't start to work properly until you're around 13 years old!

Christopher: Prove it.

Steamer: Have you formed the UPA yet? No, you're still running that little “research facility” in your tree-house! I'm sorry, but I am not going to be a guinea pig for another of your inventions.

Christopher: The future self I talked to was from 10 years from now! He's not even technically human anymore, what with that overlording “energy tech” he uses... Anyways, I'm already done. *holds up a ray gun* I present to you, the Coolness Ray! *zaps Kyre's “Super TV”*

(The TV turns into an ultra-high definition flat-screen LCD model with built-in Blu-Ray player and surround sound.)

Christopher: Now to move on to human testing! *points at self*

Steamer: *facepalm* I can't watch...

(Chris pulls the trigger, turning him into a street-wise roller blader with a can of spray paint...)

Fenny: Huh. Reminds me of Roller Jet Radio Tokyo!

Zyter: Lemme try that! *zaps self*

(Zyter turns into a grizzled anti-hero street punk with a licorice cigar in his mouth...)

Laura: Me next!

(Soon almost everyone has used the device. Laura became a typical valley girl in a skimpy outfit. Fenny became a rich socialite yuppie with a pair of cool shades. Gwynne turned into a heavy metal wannabe complete with long hair. Max became a jock, wearing clothes covered with sports logos. Stardust ended up stealing the badass longcoat and shades of his brother Sundust, but with red-streaked black fur. Vevay became a punk metal groupie with a green mohawk. And Sawyer, being a token minority, became a hip-hop artist. Only Steamer and Kyre remained.)

Steamer: I can't believe you guys! Something is going to go wrong, I can tell!

Kyre: You know, you humans are a bunch of hypocrites. You complain about the abuse of influence by others, and then you sink to their level!

Vevay: Ah, but we're not going to abuse our influence. We're going to try and make things better! Right?

(However, everyone else has already left...)

Vevay: Oh. Well, I'm off to be popular. Have fun “being yourself”... *leaves*

Kyre: Urgh, I am seriously having doubts about mankind's morality right now...

Steamer: Hold on... *looks at the super TV* Weird, the picture is going grainy...

TV: *transformes into cardboard TV mock-up*

Steamer: Ack! Do you know what this means?!

Kyre: Let me guess... They could turn super-ugly at any moment.

Steamer: Worse. This is more than just ugly. The TV went one step up from a mid-90s CRT to a current-gen LCD. It could have gone back to that. If it was worse than that, it would have turned into something like a small mid-70s TV or even a monochrome TV from the 50s. But this? This is beyond bad. This is non-functional! By my calculations, they'll end up turning into mannequins and crash test dummies!

Kyre: And those are?

Steamer: Life-sized human-shaped figurines. Completely inanimate.

Kyre: Great, so now we have to go find them...

(Cut to the hallway, where Vevay is walking proud and tall as “Born to be Wild” plays over the school speakers because she's just that awesome... for now.)

Durmian: *bumps into Vevay* Hey! Who do you think you're- Whoa!

Vevay: Got a problem with me?

Durmian: Not anymore! Want to join my gang?

Vevay: Those weaklings called the Cyber-Punks? Pfft. I'll pass.

Durmian: Suit yourself, but if you're going to get any cred in this school you've gotta join up with somebody.

Vevay: Whatever. *walks on*

(Vevay turns the corner, into a hallway with no students. Kyre and Steamer pull her into a classroom and shut the door.)

Vevay: Hey! What's the big idea, guys!?

Kyre: This. *points to cardboard TV*

Steamer: That stupid ray-gun has a flaw. It's effects revert from cool, past normal and ugly, all the way into inanimate!

Vevay: What?! *looks at cardboard TV* Aw, sugar-biscuits. Now what do we do?

Steamer: The ray-gun doesn't have a reverse switch, so I'll need Christopher's help. Unfortunately he insists there's nothing wrong...

(*flashback*)

Christopher: I don't know what kind of trick you're trying to pull, but stop it! Just because we're cool now and you're too chicken to try it, doesn't mean you have to ruin our fun!

(*end flashback*)

Steamer: ...and we're running out of time. Whatever we do, we need to do it fast.

Vevay: Well how long did the effects last on the TV?

Steamer: 5 minutes. Fortunately, I discovered that it has a power level setting that was set to minimum power for the TV but maximum power for everyone who used it. But max power only lasts an hour, so we're still strapped for time.

Vevay: Have you tried talking to any of the others?

Kyre: They're all too wrapped up in their “new lives” to even talk to us! You were the only one being reasonable about it.

Vevay: I think I might know a way to fix this... give me that ray-gun!

(Vevay starts zapping everything in the classroom. The chalkboard becomes a 76-inch plasma screen TV, the desks all gain racing stripes, flame stickers and spitball/nerf missile turrets, the globe becomes a hologram, the books all turn into DVDs, the windows become stained glass, the floor turns into a disco grid, the ceiling lamps into rave club spotlights, the doors become sci-fi style sliding doors and the walls gain a glow-in-the-dark wallpaper.)
Vevay: Steamer, can you make two duplicates of this thing?

Steamer: By hand? Not without taking the original apart at risk of causing it to stop working. That's why I didn't try to modify it in the first place!

Kyre: Wait, I could run it through a molecular duplicator! Good think I carry a portable one in my backpack... *takes off backpack* The big pocket doubles as a duplicator, so... *places ray-gun in backpack* ...and... *closes backpack* Duplicator, copy contents.

(The backpack beeps instantly, and Kyre unzips it, takes out three ray-guns and gives the other two to Vevay and Steamer...)

Vevay: Now we just have to zap as much of the school as possible. They're all set to 10 minutes, right?

Kyre: If you left the original on that setting.

Vevay: Okay, let's do this!

(Cue montage of the three of them going around the school zapping everything into temporary cool-ness. They meet back at the classroom they were in earlier...)

Vevay: Okay, I managed to convince everyone to come here and look, just in case.

(A knocking is heard at the door. Soon everyone had entered the heavily modified classroom...)

Steamer: As you may have noticed, this classroom and several other things in the school have been made “cool” by Christopher's device. Unfortunately, they aren't going to stay that way. Observe...

(5 seconds pass, and then...)

Christopher: I don't see-

(Suddenly, the classroom turns into a ruined former shell of it's normal self. The floor is littered with the rusted remains of desks and waterlogged books...)

Fenny: *holds up sign* Eep.

(Everyone immediately turns to Christopher with angry eyes...)

Christopher: Okay, okay! I'll fix it. *grabs cool-ness ray* A little re-wiring here, and... done.

Steamer: Good, now zap yourselves back to normal.

Christopher: Normal? I just fixed the bug. Why would we need to go back?

Vevay: The effects are temporary anyways, guys. And I have a feeling that increasing the longitude of the effects may not be very healthy...

Gwynne: How so?

Christopher: Oh, right. I forgot to say the ray uses gamma radiation to work. *awkward pause* What? Okay, okay. I'll fix it. Again. *fiddles with ray gun*

(After everyone has been turned back and the school restored, everyone retires to the super-genius club's room in the basement...)

Vevay: Anyway, I think we all learned a very important lesson today.

Sawyer: That just because peer pressure says something is cool, doesn't mean you should start using it?

Laura: That pretending to be something you're not makes you an empty shell?

Stardust: That spam tastes like a wet sponge? Just kidding.

Kyre: Yeah, I think Sawyer and Laura got it right.

(Suddenly, the bell rings...)

Steamer: Uh, oh. How many bells rang since Kyre came in?

(Everyone gets sweat-drops and runs to their missed classes, hoping to make up for the lost time somehow. The screen splits four ways, showing Kyre's secret “hyper-watch”, Vevay's KND transmitter, Steamer's iBoy and Christopher's laptop. Cue multi-way robo-vision...)

Screens: <Sending logs to SC2.... Data sent. Closing connections...>
Edited by Christopher Lehn, Mar 17 2009, 05:33 PM.
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