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Episode 4 - You Can Do Magic
Topic Started: Mar 17 2009, 05:21 PM (56 Views)
Christopher Lehn
Administrator
Episode 4: You Can Do Magic
Starring:

Nathan Hopswatch
The Motor Witch
Nycto D. Shadows


(A group of schoolgirls are talking by a bookshelf in the middle of the school library. A calendar near them shows that it's now the middle of October. Nycto walks behind the bookshelf and flips open the Arcanis.)

Nycto: Panty raids are so much more fun this way. *strange voice* Oculum Mentalis!

(A large blue eye appears on his forehead. Cue x-ray vision. He looks through the bookshelf and can clearly see the girls' lingerie.)

Nycto: Hehe. I shoulda tried this years ago...

(He leans back against a bookshelf in the wall, but it begins revolving around, a la secret passages.)

Nycto: Whoa! What the-

(He finds himself staring down a winding staircase. The walls are cobblestone, and there are torches and cobwebs everywhere.)

Nycto: Okay, what's this now?

(The mental eye disappears in a puff of smoke and he walks down the stairs. At the bottom, he sees another room with a gigantic pristine fountain, blackness in every direction, marble flooring and an unknown light source. Arranged in front of the fountain are several ordinary desks, but there are no other students around.)

Nycto: Okay, this is weird... may as well sit down and find some spells to practice.

(He sits in one of the desks and flips through his book.)

Nycto: Hmm... what's this one do? *strange voice* Mucro Glacialis!

(He starts to shiver and finds that the edges of his feathers have turned to ice.)

Nycto: Incredible...

Voice: That it is. Ice Edge isn't a very widely-used spell.

(Nycto gasps, shatters the icy coating on his wings and looks around.)

Nycto: Who said that?

(A pair of beams of light, one longer than the other, appear and begin revolving around like a pair of clock hands. After a few rotations, they pick up speed, and in a burst of sand, a truly odd person is floating in front of Nycto. His wizard hat, gloves and shoes simply levitate there, with his right “hand” holding a staff with a clock on the end, and his body is shaped like an hourglass. He also possesses a second pair of eyes near the bottom of his torso, and as the sand in it runs out, he simply flips it over and begins the process again.)

???: Hello, Mr. Shadows. I didn't realize you knew any magic.

Nycto: Who are you?

???: Allow me to introduce myself. I am called the Hourglass Wizard, master of the flow of time... as well as a few other forms of magic.

Nycto: I'm guessing you set up these desks?

Hourglass Wizard: That's correct. And you, young man, are just in time for class.

Nycto: What class?

Hourglass Wizard: Why, magic class, of course!

Nycto: But lunch isn't over y-

Hourglass Wizard: Oh, don't worry, Nycto. You'll still have plenty of time to “admire” the ladies before the bell rings. As I said, I control time. My class is by no means boring, but time stands still here anyway!

Nycto: So... are there any other students besides me?

Hourglass Wizard: Oh, they'll be along shortly. In the meantime, make yourself comfortable. You know, I'm surprised you never stumbled across this class when you were younger.

Nycto: Well, I haven't had this book that long.

Hourglass Wizard: Wow, you ARE inexperienced, aren't you?

Nycto: What do you mean?

Hourglass Wizard: Nycto, as powerful as the Arcanis is, it's not the source of your power. Anyone can learn to cast spells. You just have to know what to say and do, and that's what I'm here to teach you.

(The sound of the bookshelf rotating echoes down the stairs.)

Hourglass Wizard: Ah, here comes the next pupil.

(The sound of a jet engine roars down the corridor, and a girl in a witch outfit rides into the classroom on a broomstick with a jet engine where its bristles should be.)

Motie: Sorry, sir! Am I late?

Hourglass Wizard: No, Motie. In fact, you're a little early. I'd like you to meet your newest classmate, Nycto.

Motie: Hello! I'm the Motor Witch, but everybody calls me Motie! Pleased to meetcha!

(She dismounts her broom and it parks itself in the corner of the stairwell.)

Motie: So... Nycto, was it? How'd you find this class?

Nycto: By accident. It's just a coincidence that I happen to know some magic already.

Hourglass Wizard: Hmm... if those kids don't hurry, they'll miss class. Perhaps I should speed this up.

(He waves his wand and purple waves come out of it, freezing the flow of time except for several students, such as Nathan, Cap, the Fantasy Geeks, Hattie, Maxwell, Princess Random, Fenny and Levi. The students come to a sudden realization and all hurry off to the classroom. After a transition, all the students have arrived.)

Hourglass Wizard: Alright, class, now that you're all here... let's begin!

Kenneth: Shouldn't the new guy introduce himself? I've never seen him before.

Nycto: I'm Nycto Shadows, and I'm from the Sylvil district. Ever since those eggheads at city hall decided to shut down all the other schools, I've been attending classes here. And you?

Kenneth: I'm Kenneth Klassen, from Golden Rivers district. Same story as you. It just so happens that Perley Elementary has a portal to an alternate world of magic called Perleysia, which is where I learned magic.

Kristine: He's my big brother, so I did too.

Christoph: I'm a friend of theirs. Ditto everything else.

Motie: You already know me, so... yeah.

Maxwell: I'm Maxwell, from Sceptique district. I've got a voodoo doll.

Viv: Hi! I'm Viv!

Maxwell: That about sums it up.

Levi: I'm from Golden Rivers as well, but you won't catch me hanging around with those chumps over there. *points to Kenneth, Kristine and Christoph*

Hattie: I hail from Icegale, land of sleet and hail! *ducks* K, I'm done rhyming. I've got a magic umbrella, which is how I first got involved with magic.

Fenny: I'm actually a Toon.

Nycto: A Toon? Wow, I never thought I'd meet one in person. Which cartoon?

Fenny: The Kooky Codas, the funniest show on Earth! I'm Fenny Fox, or as I'm known down here, “Fenny Fodder”. *holds out hand*

Nycto: Nice to meet you. *shakes hand*

(Nycto gets a huge shock from a buzzer in Fenny's hand...)

Nycto: *cartoon charred* Very funny. *cough*

Fenny: Oh, sorry. I guess I put in too much glowing cartoon plutonium in the power cell...

Princess Random: I'm Princess Random of Randomland! *blows kiss*

Nycto: *shakes off cartoon char-ness* You mean the amusement park?

Princess Random: It's got a secret magical society behind it, I swear! But yes, my daddy owns the park.

Nathan: And I'm Nathan, top of the class!

Nycto: Modest much?

Cap: Maybe not, but it's true. Best grades in the class! I'm Cap, by the way.

Nycto: Cap? Uh, something seems... odd about you. Are you human?

Nathan: What?! You noticed?! *sigh* Yeah, he's a Res Practicus, an object given human form. They follow any command, normally. Turns out there's a loophole that if you ask one to do something requiring free will, it gains free will and the desire to complete the task, and will no longer respond to commands.

Nycto: What did you ask him to do?

Nathan: I'm a “Mage”, a human who read a special book. Anyone who reads the book becomes a Mage, recieving eternal youth and a natural aptitude for magic. I've been around since the Roman empire, so it gets kind of lonely. I just needed a friend, I guess.

Nycto: Woah. Heavy stuff.

Hourglass Wizard: Now class, I know we have all the time in the universe, but we really should get to work. Now, where's last week's homework?

Everyone: *looks around*
Nathan: What?! No, this is impossible! It's gone!

Hattie: So is mine!

Fenny: And mine!

???: Mweheheheheheheheheh!

Hourglass Wizard: Oh, no... Homework Goblins! If they're loose in the school, every bit of written or digital knowledge is in danger!

Nycto: Homework... Goblins?

Hourglass Wizard: Horrible little monsters that eat anything with writing on them. With them around, all our magical knowledge could be lost!

Princess Random: And they like to eat nubile young women. I know that from experience.

(Suddenly, hundreds of yellow eyes appear in the dark, and a much larger pair as well.)

Hourglass Wizard: ...okay, class. Forget your homework. We appear to have an... exam.

(The Homework Goblins and a massive Exam Goblin rush out of the darkness and begin assaulting the students, searching for paper to eat.)

Homework Goblins: NOMNOMNOM

(The students begin screaming, but eventually, they remember that they're in magic class...)

Hattie: Stay back!

(She aims her umbrella like a shotgun and fires off a lightning bolt from it, which electrocutes a bunch of goblins. The other students look around, fling the goblins off of them and begin to fight back. For example, Fenny, Levi and the Fantasy Geeks raise their wands and begin casting spells, including Fenny's infamous “Fire Spell Thingy”, Princess Random throws balls of blue energy, Maxwell holds up Viv and flings goblins into walls, and the Hourglass Wizard casts various sand-element spells. Motie looks at where her broom is, but after seeing several goblins between her and the trusty Ro-Broom 5000, she does a loud whistle and it charges through the swarm. In minutes, the goblins are defeated. The students raise their arms in victory, but a loud roar jars them from the bliss.)

Exam Goblin: BOOGA BOOGA!

Hourglass Wizard: Okay, class. Whoever defeats this Exam Goblin gets extra credit.

Levi: Why don't you do it?

Hourglass Wizard: Because it's my job to TEACH, not do it for you. Now, who'd like to volunteer?

Exam Goblin: *picks its nose*

Hourglass Wizard: Quickly now!

(Nycto, Motie and Nathan raise their hands.)

Hourglass Wizard: Than have it, kids!

(The three charge at the Exam Goblin and ready spells, but the massive Exam Goblin swings its arms, flinging away Motie and Nathan against a wall and grabbing Nycto.)

Nycto: Gack!

(The goblin sniffs, then grabs the Arcanis and swallows it whole. Nycto's eye twitches.)

Nycto: <censored>!!! YOU <censored> SON OF A <censored>!!! THAT WAS MY ONLY <censored> BOOK!!! I'LL TEACH YOU TO STEAL MY <censored>!!! I'LL RIP OUT YOUR<censored> TEETH AND <censored> <censored>ING <censored> SO THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO <censored> SIDEWAYS!!!

Hourglass Wizard: Oh, for the love of... Nycto! Remember what I told you? Anyone can cast spells! You just have to know what to do!

Nycto: But I only know three!

Hourglass Wizard: You know four!

Nycto: Hm? Oh! Right! *strange voice* Mucro Glacialis!

(The goblin roars in pain and drops him as it feels the intense cold. Motie and Nathan have recovered and run toward him.)

Motie: Nycto!

Nathan: Are you okay?

Nycto: I think I've got a plan. Hit him with your best spells and I'll finish him off!

Motie: Me first! *strange voice* Orbis Frigus!

(She flings a blue sphere and freezes the goblin's arm. It recoils in agony.)

Nathan: *strange voice* Levitas!

(He hurls a lightning bolt and electrocutes it.)

Motie: *strange voice* Turbo Vitiosus!

(A wild tornado appears and throws the goblin against a wall.)

Nathan: *strange voice* Subsisto!

(The goblin finds itself unable to move. Nycto then runs at the goblin with his frozen wings outstretched. It gulps.)

Nycto: That book is MINE! HYAH!

(The scene cuts a few minutes ahead. Nycto is holding the Arcanis, which is covered in green slime.)

Nathan: You BETTER wash that.

Nycto: Eventually.

Motie: No wonder you never got a girlfriend.

Nycto: Speaking of which, I need to get back to my ogling. Are we done here?

Hourglass Wizard: For the most part, yes. Since the goblins ate your homework, we'll have to make up for it some other time. Class dismissed.

(The class leave and the Hourglass Wizard disappears in a burst of sand. The camera pans over to a dead goblin. However, instead of cueing robovision, it happens to be holding up a sign, which reads “You were expecting something else?”.)
Edited by Christopher Lehn, Mar 17 2009, 05:33 PM.
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