[3:28:14 PM] Bear the Viking: Oh crap. If Bun was here I could tell you your birthday story.
[3:40:11 PM] Canin Christell: Wait, so you need Bun, Li, *and* myself?
[3:40:21 PM] Canin Christell: Is this an easy way of getting out of ever telling the story?
[3:40:30 PM] Bear the Viking: No. I need Bun, Li and yourself.
[3:40:51 PM] Bear the Viking: You want me to tell it nowe? Bun will be unhappy at having missed her cameo.
[3:41:00 PM] Bear the Viking: Fine, where is Li?
[3:41:29 PM] ;; Lianybean: here
[3:41:48 PM] Bear the Viking: Nex wants Li/Nex pairing birthday story. So....
[3:41:53 PM] Bear the Viking: ONCE UPON A TIME
[3:42:22 PM] ;; Lianybean: Oh, okay (:
[3:43:26 PM] Bear the Viking: Nex and his wife Li were having a romantic dinner at a swanky restaurant to celebrate his birthday. They had an expensive meal and then were on their way out. "That was good babe. Let's go home nowe. I am tired and totally do not want to have sex tonight." Said Nex. But Li was like "The night isn't over yet. I've got something special in mind for your dessert."
[3:44:09 PM] ;; Lianybean: lol
[3:44:15 PM] ;; Lianybean: He would say all those things ):
[3:44:51 PM] Bear the Viking: Nex did a kind of >_> face but followed her outside anyway. He was looking for a convenient escape route when a big, shiny black limo pulled up. "Our ride to Heaven is here." Li said, shoving Nex into the back seat of the car. And then the limo sped away. Li tried to get frisky with Nex but he was stubborn and it took like...45 minutes just to get his belt off.
[3:46:16 PM] ;; Lianybean: I'm raping him?!
[3:46:17 PM] ;; Lianybean: LOLOLOLOL
[3:46:28 PM] Canin Christell: .________________.;;
[3:46:29 PM] Bear the Viking: And just when Li was finally about to do something naughty, Nex was like "Uh....why has the car stopped? And where are we anyway?" He asked. Li was going to ignore him but she happened to look out the window and saw that the limo had pulled to a stop in the middle of a field somewhere. There were cows and goats and stuff looking in the windows at them.
[3:46:57 PM] Canin Christell: ...I fear where this is going.
[3:47:16 PM] Bear the Viking: "Driver! Thank....uh, I mean, where are we?" Nex asked, rapping on the glass that seperated them from the driver. It rolled down and then....
[3:48:00 PM] ;; Lianybean: Oh no...
[3:48:24 PM] Bear the Viking: Nothing. No one was in the driver's seat. "Huh." Nex gasped. He got out of the car, dragging Li behind him. She was still clinging to him. "Well, it didn't drive itself out here." Nex said. He started looking around and that's when he saw the driver standing on top of the car. It was....
[3:48:51 PM] Canin Christell: ; ;
[3:48:55 PM] Canin Christell: REMEMBER THE RULES.
[3:49:56 PM] Bear the Viking: "Uh....who are you?" Nex asked. The driver was short and had curly ginger hair poking out from beneath a macabre goat mask. "I am...Blaphomeh! And I am going to sacrifice you to the Blood Goat!" The driver yelled back. "Bun? What the bejeezus are you doing? Get down from there this instant and take us home." Nex yelled back.
[3:52:22 PM] Bear the Viking: "How did you know it was me?" Bun asked, taking off the mask. "Who else would do something this pointlessly stupid?" Nex countered. "Bear." Bun answered. Nex shrugged. "But now you've ruined it! I'm leaving!" Bun screamed in tears. She grew wings and then leapt into the sky, flying out of sight. "Uh....guess I'll drive us home. Li, you can sleep in the back seat until we get there." Nex said. "I want to sit up front. In your lap." Li pouted. "Uh...." Nex sighed.
[3:54:35 PM] Bear the Viking: But then Nex realized that Bun had taken the car keys with her. He couldn't start it without them. And it was getting dark. "Hey, maybe we could ask that guy for help." Li said, pointing to a man in the distance. Nex strained his eyes to see him in the growing gloom. He looked....off. Like, he was really tall and his limbs were longer than they should have been. He was wearing a black business suit. "I don't think he's from the office though." Nex thought out loud. "He's scaring me." Li whimpered. The man in the distance started coming closer......
[3:59:27 PM] Bear the Viking: So the man in black was coming closer and closer, the darker it got. "OMG it's Slender Man! He's going to kill us!" Li was freaking out. "Maybe there's something in the trunk we can use to scare him away!" Nex was scared too but still thinking rationally. He popped the trunk and rummaged around in it. There were a bunch of presents he'd yet to open and some emergency items in case of breakdowns. "AH HAH!" Nex said in triumph as he fished a bunch of signal flares out of the trunk. He lit one and tossed it out in front of the Slender Man, who had gotten close enough for them both to see clearly. Sure enough, SM skirted around the bright light. He didn't like it, just like all the urban legends said.
[3:59:29 PM] ;; Lianybean: lol
[4:01:31 PM] Bear the Viking: So Nex lit up all of the flares and placed them in a circle around the car. "Good going sweetie!" Li said. Nex smiled at her. But he knew that they wouldn't burn forever. And when they went out, the Slender Man would come for them. So Nex and Li sat in the red light of the flares, watching the Slender Man warily. He just stood there, beyond the light, unmoving. And then one of the flares went out. And then another. And another. Slender Man started moving closer.....
[4:03:08 PM] Canin Christell: Not quite saving the day, but at least I saved the few hundred seconds?
[4:03:09 PM] Bear the Viking: "Uh...let me see if there are any more." Nex said, trying to sound brave. He got up and rifled through the trunk again. He knew that there weren't any more flares. But maybe there was a tire iron or a crow bar or something he could use as a weapon. There wasn't. "Hmmm....." Nex muttered when he beheld one of his presents. "That might work." He said, lifting one brightly colored box and a bottle of wine that was next to it.
[4:03:33 PM] ;; Lianybean: Still a heroooo
[4:05:13 PM] Bear the Viking: "Here, quick Li! Use this!" Nex shoved the bottle into Li's hands. "Uh...should I hit him with it? Or are we having a last toast together?" Li sighed. "Read the label! It's from Bear!" Nex answered. "Huh?" Li didn't understand. "Oh, just watch and then do what I do!" Nex ordered. He held out the gift that Bear had given him, pointing it towards the Slender Man, who was now only a few feet away. Nex yanked off the ribbon and tipped the lid open. And.....
[4:05:48 PM] ;; Lianybean: Nex is pushy
[4:06:25 PM] Bear the Viking: AYLEAYLIAHLELIAHLELIAAAAAAAH!!! Hassan leapt out of the box and whalloped the Slender Man upside the head with a steel folding chair. "Why are you so damn tall? You're being racist and prejudiced against Arab Americans!" Hassan screamed as he dropped Slender Man down on the ground and applied the dreaded Camel Clutch.
[4:07:22 PM] Canin Christell: The tables are turned!
[4:07:31 PM] Canin Christell: And it was life or death, Li. Give me a break.
[4:08:11 PM] Bear the Viking: "Oh, I get it!" Li said as she pried the cork out of the wine bottle, also a gift from Bear. No sooner had it popped off than the Lianaconda slithered out and coiled up the Slender Man and the irate Arab who was still grappling with him. "Let's get out of here while they're occupied." Nex suggested. He grabbed Li's hand and they dashed off across the field towards a barn they could see in the distance.
[4:09:09 PM] ;; Lianybean: excitingggg
[4:09:35 PM] Bear the Viking: They made it inside and pushed the doors closed. "Let's just hide here until morning." Nex said. "Want to have a roll in the hay?" Li giggled. Nex considered going back outside. But he stayed put and the two of them cuddled in the darkness of the barn for what seemed like hours.
[4:09:56 PM] Bear the Viking: But then....they heard the sound of footsteps approaching the door.....
[4:11:02 PM] Bear the Viking: Suddenly the doors flew off their hinges and Hassan and the Lianaconda stormed inside. "Not sure if I should thank you for saving us from Slender Man or if we'd have been better off with him instead." Nex sighed. He'd been in enough Bear stories to see where this was going.
[4:13:06 PM] Bear the Viking: "We're not letting some outsider spoil our fun." Hassan snorted. The Lianaconda hissed in agreement. Nex stood up to face them and pulled Li up beside him. "One last thing we can do. But.....it's not much better." He told her as he pulled out his phone and began punching in a text. "Who are you calling?" Li asked. "I'm logging onto Hell Link. You should do it too Li." Nex answered. So Li did and they both logged onto the message board from Hell.
[4:15:40 PM] Bear the Viking: "I'll enter Hassan's name. You enter the snake's." Nex instructed. Li did as she was told and they both sent in their requests. Almost instantly, a young girl with long, black hair and glowing red eyes materialized in front of them. "Take these." Hell Girl handed them both straw effigies. "Untie the red string around their necks and the bargain is struck. But at a cost..." Hell Girl explained. "I will consign your greivances to Hell. But, in return, you will also be condemned."
[4:16:23 PM] Purafox: wait sotry time??
[4:16:40 PM] Purafox: oh my god SO LONG
[4:17:29 PM] Bear the Viking: And so Nex and Li took the effigies and said their goodbyes. "At least we'll be together." Li sobbed as she pulled the string off. The Lianaconda vanished from the face of the earth. But....Hassan was still there. "OMG WTF NEX?" Li gasped. "Sorry babe. I was gonna but.....Hell Girl really freaks me out." Nex apologized. "Let's go." Hell Girl ordered, dragging Li away by the scruff of the neck.
[4:17:46 PM] Bear the Viking: It's Nex's birthday story foxy. Silence.
[4:19:54 PM] Bear the Viking: So Li and Hell Girl also vanished, leaving Nex and Hassan alone in the barn. "I guess getting a Camel Clutch will suck, but at least I don't have to sleep with Li now." Nex sighed. "Bro, that was some hardcore, cold-blooded crap right there." Hassan said. "I have new respect for you." And then they stood around awkwardly for a few minutes. "So...uh, can you give me a ride back to town?" Nex asked. "Yeah, my camel is parked out back." Hassan answered.
[4:21:27 PM] Bear the Viking: "This isn't a trick, right? You're not going to bash me with a chair the second my back is turned are you?" Nex asked warily. "Not tonight. I'm kinda tired right now. That skinny guy was a beast." Hassan answered. He helped Nex to climb up on the back of his camel and then leapt up behind him. And together Nex and Hassan rode off into the sunset even though it was the middle of the night.
[4:21:30 PM] Bear the Viking: THE END
[4:23:36 PM] Canin Christell: Lulz. Nothing legit bad happened to me. I'm impressed.
[4:23:47 PM] Canin Christell: Even though I feel sorry for ficitonal Li.
[4:24:00 PM] Bear the Viking: WAIT!
[4:24:09 PM] Bear the Viking: There is an epilogue to this story.....
[4:24:43 PM] *** Canin Christell sighs. ***
[4:24:47 PM] Canin Christell: It was too good to be true.
[4:25:45 PM] Bear the Viking: So as Nex and Hassan rode off together, someone else was passing by. It was a girl walking home with her new dog. "Wow, what a couple of weirdos." foxy laughed. But it was a scared, nervous little laugh. Because she was starting to get the feeling that someone was stalking her.
[4:26:54 PM] Bear the Viking: "Hello? Is someone there?" foxy called into the darkness. "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOAT!" Bun yelled as she descended from the sky and stabbed foxy, spilling her blood upon the tainted earth. A glowing glyph appeared where it had fallen and Bun laughed maniacally.
[4:27:04 PM] Canin Christell: xD
[4:28:17 PM] Bear the Viking: She had succeeded in opening a portal to Hell. Soon the demonic Blood Goat would rise and claim the earth as his own. But instead of a goat, it was a bloated serpent that appeared from the portal. "Is that you Devil?" Bun asked nervously. But it wasn't. It was the Lianaconda, back from the depths of the Underworld.
[4:29:04 PM] ;; Lianybean: Wow. This story is very long.
[4:29:14 PM] Canin Christell: Lianaconda escapes, but Li doesn't.
[4:29:19 PM] Canin Christell: Tough break, Li.
[4:29:20 PM] Bear the Viking: The Lianaconda's mouth yawned open and Li crawled out of it. She was dripping with snake drool and fuming mad. "NEX I'MMA JACK YOU UP SON!" She screamed as she dashed off after Hassan and Nex.
TO BE CONTINUED!
[4:29:31 PM] ;; Lianybean: My life sucks ):
[4:29:31 PM] Canin Christell:

[4:29:37 PM] Canin Christell: Or you DID escape!
[4:29:50 PM] ;; Lianybean: I escaped!
[4:29:55 PM] Canin Christell: Well I dare say this was the best Bear story in a long while.
[4:29:59 PM] ;; Lianybean: And now I'm going to jack you up!
[4:30:21 PM] Purafox: oh my god
[4:30:29 PM] Purafox: that story needs to be a book
[4:30:35 PM] Bear the Viking: Should someone chatquote this for posterity?
[4:30:56 PM] Purafox: also i'm the slowest reader 2012
[4:31:37 PM] Bear the Viking: I'mma quote it.
[4:31:59 PM] Bear the Viking: So Nal can read it later and know that I can write good stories.
[4:32:10 PM] Purafox: lol
[4:32:37 PM] Purafox: no one feels sorry for sotry foxy :c
[4:33:23 PM] Canin Christell: Poor foxy. D:
[4:33:23 PM] Canin Christell: Poor foxy. D:
[4:33:31 PM] Canin Christell: But you will rise to be more powerful than we can possibly imagine.
[4:35:53 PM | Edited 4:35:58 PM] Nalray: I read it and knew you wrote good stories
[4:36:20 PM] Nalray: But... I'll go away now
[4:36:23 PM] Nalray: Sorry
[4:37:16 PM] Canin Christell: Naallllllll.
[4:37:25 PM] Canin Christell: You can't go away.
[4:37:30 PM] Canin Christell: You have story to write yourself.
[4:37:46 PM] Nalray: I can't top Bear
[4:38:33 PM] Canin Christell: No. Laureolia.
[4:38:53 PM] Nalray: Oh
[4:39:21 PM] Canin Christell:

[4:40:35 PM] Bear the Viking: Holy crap, that took forever to quote.
[4:43:35 PM] Bear the Viking: Nal admits my literary superiority.
[4:44:31 PM] Bear the Viking: It will now be 364 days until I have to write another story that ends with Nex not getting bashed by Hassan.
[4:44:58 PM] Canin Christell:
