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Story Time! (DISCUSSION); Feedback is welcome here
Topic Started: Jul 13 2009, 05:57 AM (1,209 Views)
JRich	Jul 13 2009, 05:57 AM Post #1
Futurist Posts: 737 Group: Members Member #81 Joined: Dec 9, 2008	I am trying to create a kick ass short story and would like others to read it. I just started it. I will post more as I go. Feedback would be appreciated. It's okay I can handle criticism. Let me know if you think it's even worth finishing. I just bored tonight so i decided to write a little bit. The story is completely moved to the Story Time! topic for viewing. This is for the feedback Edited by JRich, Jul 17 2009, 02:10 AM.



JRich	Jul 13 2009, 08:23 PM Post #2
Futurist Posts: 737 Group: Members Member #81 Joined: Dec 9, 2008	I need some feedback from people to make it better Oh and by the way... If anyone would like their names in the story let me know and I can add them. If your name is in the story and you would like it removed let me know and I can do that too Edited by JRich, Jul 13 2009, 08:30 PM.



Murderus	Jul 13 2009, 10:16 PM Post #3
Tanner Posts: 1,132 Group: News crew Member #2 Joined: Nov 21, 2008	add me in ur story :-D and i think its a good start of something.
"GA ZOINKS!!! SCOOBIE DOOBIE DOO!!!" :-D


ReidE96	Jul 13 2009, 10:34 PM Post #4
Mr. Romance Posts: 1,404 Group: Members Member #89 Joined: Dec 17, 2008	I'm the military leader? Woo! 'Tis a good story, full of LA name goodness.
Rewards1


INSK	Jul 14 2009, 12:08 AM Post #5
Draper Posts: 701 Group: Members Member #199 Joined: Apr 19, 2009	haha yeah JRICH I wanna be wanna be a bad guy though i like to be evil >:D
*MY MSN DELETED ALL CONTACTS ADD ME IF YOU HAD ME: THING0NE@LIVE.COM*


TeraHammer	Jul 14 2009, 12:20 AM Post #6
Forum Darling Posts: 1,611 Group: Global Moderators Member #3 Joined: Nov 21, 2008	pwned Its fun
Conquering the Karmina System as Exar Kun this round


blackwinds	Jul 14 2009, 12:40 AM Post #7
Parchment-Maker Posts: 331 Group: Members Member #204 Joined: Apr 30, 2009	not bad at all jrich. decent openness for plot and action to develop. throw me in as a hand to hand combat specialist or somethin. lol that is if you even want to add all us others in who are posting haha



JRich	Jul 14 2009, 02:26 AM Post #8
Futurist Posts: 737 Group: Members Member #81 Joined: Dec 9, 2008	TH owned me lol i'll work on the next part tonight. Not sure when i'll finish it. I have to do yardwork the rest of week during the day to clean the yard for a party friday night and im helping with my church's vacation bible school in the evenings. Due to the request of INSK i'll make him the powerful bad guy Edited by JRich, Jul 14 2009, 02:33 AM.



Zink	Jul 14 2009, 03:16 AM Post #9
Drawer Posts: 1,959 Group: Members Member #64 Joined: Dec 4, 2008	I am the best character give me more lines



JRich	Jul 14 2009, 03:20 AM Post #10
Futurist Posts: 737 Group: Members Member #81 Joined: Dec 9, 2008	lol ok zink. you'll have more as it goes. and would anybody like to me the town drunk who later betrays Timberfall? if not then he will simply just remain a random drunk guy with no name =p



Zink	Jul 14 2009, 03:34 AM Post #11
Drawer Posts: 1,959 Group: Members Member #64 Joined: Dec 4, 2008	I like that idea better lol



JRich	Jul 14 2009, 03:43 AM Post #12
Futurist Posts: 737 Group: Members Member #81 Joined: Dec 9, 2008	what.. you want to be the drunk?



Zink	Jul 14 2009, 03:46 AM Post #13
Drawer Posts: 1,959 Group: Members Member #64 Joined: Dec 4, 2008	NO!!!!! lol I want the drunk to stay a dumb drunk



blackwinds	Jul 14 2009, 05:17 AM Post #14
Parchment-Maker Posts: 331 Group: Members Member #204 Joined: Apr 30, 2009	haha ya know when i wrote my post. i almost wrote make me the town drunk or somethin. but then i saw my mcmap gloves and went back to the hand to hand stuff. but i prefer the drunk to be a random idiot and not me.. lol



Murderus	Jul 14 2009, 07:17 AM Post #15
Tanner Posts: 1,132 Group: News crew Member #2 Joined: Nov 21, 2008	what happend to tera? :p
"GA ZOINKS!!! SCOOBIE DOOBIE DOO!!!" :-D


INSK	Jul 14 2009, 11:29 AM Post #16
Draper Posts: 701 Group: Members Member #199 Joined: Apr 19, 2009	I ate him :] and he tasted good
*MY MSN DELETED ALL CONTACTS ADD ME IF YOU HAD ME: THING0NE@LIVE.COM*


JRich	Jul 14 2009, 03:38 PM Post #17
Futurist Posts: 737 Group: Members Member #81 Joined: Dec 9, 2008	haha no hes still there. me and him just werent in that part I'm editing how this story thing works. Comments on it go in here. The other thread is for reading it, thanks to a suggestion from Glog. It should make the story easier to read and flow better. Enjoy =] Edited by JRich, Jul 14 2009, 03:48 PM.



ReidE96	Jul 15 2009, 12:13 AM Post #18
Mr. Romance Posts: 1,404 Group: Members Member #89 Joined: Dec 17, 2008	Can I point out we now have two generals? Chapter 1: "it was ReidE96, the town’s fierce military general" Chapter 2: "their General Blackwinds"
Rewards1


blackwinds	Jul 15 2009, 01:02 AM Post #19
Parchment-Maker Posts: 331 Group: Members Member #204 Joined: Apr 30, 2009	you do know theres a few different ranks for general right? there is brigadier g, major g, lieutenant g, and just plain general. or another option is that your general of a different part of the military....ie different branch maybe? lol idk, just ideas.



INSK	Jul 15 2009, 01:04 AM Post #20
Draper Posts: 701 Group: Members Member #199 Joined: Apr 19, 2009	yep and both from different cites but i will beat you alll mhuahahahahahahha
*MY MSN DELETED ALL CONTACTS ADD ME IF YOU HAD ME: THING0NE@LIVE.COM*


1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)

Story Time! (DISCUSSION); Feedback is welcome here

Topic Started: Jul 13 2009, 05:57 AM (1,209 Views)

JRich

Jul 13 2009, 05:57 AM Post #1

Futurist

Posts:: 737
Group:: Members
Member: #81
Joined:: Dec 9, 2008

I am trying to create a kick ass short story and would like others to read it. I just started it. I will post more as I go. Feedback would be appreciated. It's okay I can handle criticism. Let me know if you think it's even worth finishing. I just bored tonight so i decided to write a little bit.

The story is completely moved to the Story Time! topic for viewing. This is for the feedback

Edited by JRich, Jul 17 2009, 02:10 AM.

JRich

Jul 13 2009, 08:23 PM Post #2

Futurist

Posts:: 737
Group:: Members
Member: #81
Joined:: Dec 9, 2008

I need some feedback from people to make it better

Oh and by the way... If anyone would like their names in the story let me know and I can add them. If your name is in the story and you would like it removed let me know and I can do that too

Edited by JRich, Jul 13 2009, 08:30 PM.

Murderus

Jul 13 2009, 10:16 PM Post #3

Tanner

Posts:: 1,132
Group:: News crew
Member: #2
Joined:: Nov 21, 2008

add me in ur story :-D and i think its a good start of something.

"GA ZOINKS!!! SCOOBIE DOOBIE DOO!!!" :-D

ReidE96

Jul 13 2009, 10:34 PM Post #4

Mr. Romance

Posts:: 1,404
Group:: Members
Member: #89
Joined:: Dec 17, 2008

I'm the military leader? Woo! 'Tis a good story, full of LA name goodness.

Rewards1

INSK

Jul 14 2009, 12:08 AM Post #5

Draper

Posts:: 701
Group:: Members
Member: #199
Joined:: Apr 19, 2009

haha yeah JRICH I wanna be wanna be a bad guy though

i like to be evil >:D

MY MSN DELETED ALL CONTACTS ADD ME IF YOU HAD ME: THING0NE@LIVE.COM

Posted Image

TeraHammer

Jul 14 2009, 12:20 AM Post #6

Forum Darling

Posts:: 1,611
Group:: Global Moderators
Member: #3
Joined:: Nov 21, 2008

pwned

Its fun

Conquering the Karmina System as Exar Kun this round

blackwinds

Jul 14 2009, 12:40 AM Post #7

Parchment-Maker

Posts:: 331
Group:: Members
Member: #204
Joined:: Apr 30, 2009

not bad at all jrich. decent openness for plot and action to develop.

throw me in as a hand to hand combat specialist or somethin. lol that is if you even want to add all us others in who are posting haha

JRich

Jul 14 2009, 02:26 AM Post #8

Futurist

Posts:: 737
Group:: Members
Member: #81
Joined:: Dec 9, 2008

TH owned me

lol i'll work on the next part tonight. Not sure when i'll finish it. I have to do yardwork the rest of week during the day to clean the yard for a party friday night and im helping with my church's vacation bible school in the evenings.

Due to the request of INSK i'll make him the powerful bad guy

Edited by JRich, Jul 14 2009, 02:33 AM.

Zink

Jul 14 2009, 03:16 AM Post #9

Drawer

Posts:: 1,959
Group:: Members
Member: #64
Joined:: Dec 4, 2008

I am the best character

give me more lines

JRich

Jul 14 2009, 03:20 AM Post #10

Futurist

Posts:: 737
Group:: Members
Member: #81
Joined:: Dec 9, 2008

lol ok zink. you'll have more as it goes. and would anybody like to me the town drunk who later betrays Timberfall? if not then he will simply just remain a random drunk guy with no name =p

Zink

Jul 14 2009, 03:34 AM Post #11

Drawer

Posts:: 1,959
Group:: Members
Member: #64
Joined:: Dec 4, 2008

I like that idea better lol

JRich

Jul 14 2009, 03:43 AM Post #12

Futurist

Posts:: 737
Group:: Members
Member: #81
Joined:: Dec 9, 2008

what.. you want to be the drunk?

Zink

Jul 14 2009, 03:46 AM Post #13

Drawer

Posts:: 1,959
Group:: Members
Member: #64
Joined:: Dec 4, 2008

NO!!!!! lol I want the drunk to stay a dumb drunk

blackwinds

Jul 14 2009, 05:17 AM Post #14

Parchment-Maker

Posts:: 331
Group:: Members
Member: #204
Joined:: Apr 30, 2009

haha ya know when i wrote my post. i almost wrote make me the town drunk or somethin. but then i saw my mcmap gloves and went back to the hand to hand stuff. but i prefer the drunk to be a random idiot and not me.. lol

Murderus

Jul 14 2009, 07:17 AM Post #15

Tanner

Posts:: 1,132
Group:: News crew
Member: #2
Joined:: Nov 21, 2008

what happend to tera? :p

"GA ZOINKS!!! SCOOBIE DOOBIE DOO!!!" :-D

INSK

Jul 14 2009, 11:29 AM Post #16

Draper

Posts:: 701
Group:: Members
Member: #199
Joined:: Apr 19, 2009

I ate him :] and he tasted good

MY MSN DELETED ALL CONTACTS ADD ME IF YOU HAD ME: THING0NE@LIVE.COM

Posted Image

JRich

Jul 14 2009, 03:38 PM Post #17

Futurist

Posts:: 737
Group:: Members
Member: #81
Joined:: Dec 9, 2008

haha no hes still there. me and him just werent in that part

I'm editing how this story thing works. Comments on it go in here. The other thread is for reading it, thanks to a suggestion from Glog. It should make the story easier to read and flow better. Enjoy =]

Edited by JRich, Jul 14 2009, 03:48 PM.

ReidE96

Jul 15 2009, 12:13 AM Post #18

Mr. Romance

Posts:: 1,404
Group:: Members
Member: #89
Joined:: Dec 17, 2008

Can I point out we now have two generals?

Chapter 1: "it was ReidE96, the town’s fierce military general"
Chapter 2: "their General Blackwinds"

Rewards1

blackwinds

Jul 15 2009, 01:02 AM Post #19

Parchment-Maker

Posts:: 331
Group:: Members
Member: #204
Joined:: Apr 30, 2009

you do know theres a few different ranks for general right? there is brigadier g, major g, lieutenant g, and just plain general.

or another option is that your general of a different part of the military....ie different branch maybe? lol idk, just ideas.

INSK

Jul 15 2009, 01:04 AM Post #20

Draper

Posts:: 701
Group:: Members
Member: #199
Joined:: Apr 19, 2009

yep

and both from different cites

but i will beat you alll mhuahahahahahahha

MY MSN DELETED ALL CONTACTS ADD ME IF YOU HAD ME: THING0NE@LIVE.COM

Posted Image

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