Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Add Reply
Brother as sperm donor; Thoughts?
Topic Started: Dec 20 2012, 08:29 AM (2,077 Views)
Guest
Unregistered

Does anyone know of any examples in the news of this being done?

I see nothing wrong with it if all parties agree. It is their personal business.

As for myself, I would want to know my blood lines if my parents had been lesbians and had "planned" me in this way.

Is there anyone here who was born from donated sperm? If so, how do you feel about known vs anonymous donors?

Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

Inbreeding.

Not a good idea
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

Guest
Dec 20 2012, 06:08 PM
Inbreeding.

Not a good idea
I am assuming/hoping that the thread OP meant that the girl friend would be the one carrying the child, not the sister of the donor.

Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

Your nephew son/ niece daughter. I don't see what the problem is, so long of course that it's your partner who's carrying & you won't mind that your brother might want to have a bigger part in the child's life too
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

Well, I think it's a double egded sword.

The pros: - the child will probably know his own father, or at least who is father is (something really important, if you ask me)
- the child will be genetically related to you
- you can predic stuff like risk for certain illnesses a bit better

The cons: - the brothers might see the child as his own and will meddle into the parenting
- your brother and your wife/gf will always have this weird connection of having a child together
- the thought of having your brothers sperm in your wifes/gfs vagina is quite unsettling

I would say it would probably work for me in some cirrcumstances. If the brother doesn't live near enough to butt into your family, and only visits a few times a year, and respects that the kid, even if it's his child biologically, is really your and your partners child, then it might work.
After all, I think it's an better option than chosing some unknown donor, where the child might wonder his/her whole life who her father was and what he was like and so on.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

Are people assuming OP means her brother's sperm to get herself pregnant? I don't think that's even legal. It's a huge genetic risk.
I assume she means her brother's sperm to get her girlfriend pregnant.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

1, it's not inbreeding. you don't use your own egg and your brother's sperm.

2, it's not something that just happens. its discussed, thought over, and planned. the brother is in with the discussion.

3, the brother would normally sign off his rights before conception..

this actually not for immature teenie-boppers.

this is serious and to be honest so much less complicated for the child. the child would know and actually have a complete family. the grandparents would be the same. cousins and brothers or sisters. it's the closest thing to actually having both eggs procreate.

when the child is old enough little by little the child can know. trust me, the child os going to know who the real father is. having a relationship already with the brother, the child will take it alot easier knowing the family did all this and brought him or her in with lots of love.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Watermelon
Member Avatar

Guest
Dec 20 2012, 06:42 PM
1, it's not inbreeding. you don't use your own egg and your brother's sperm.

2, it's not something that just happens. its discussed, thought over, and planned. the brother is in with the discussion.

3, the brother would normally sign off his rights before conception..

this actually not for immature teenie-boppers.

this is serious and to be honest so much less complicated for the child. the child would know and actually have a complete family. the grandparents would be the same. cousins and brothers or sisters. it's the closest thing to actually having both eggs procreate.

when the child is old enough little by little the child can know. trust me, the child os going to know who the real father is. having a relationship already with the brother, the child will take it alot easier knowing the family did all this and brought him or her in with lots of love.
There's many pros and cons, and it's not an easy decision.

Especially because, what if the brother decides one day he wants to step in? Yeah, he signed off the rights, but he's your brother so what will you do? It could place you in a very difficult situation.

I wouldn't do it unless there has been many many MANY talks about it with both your girlfriend and your brother. You all have to be on the same page on every detail of this.
Edited by Watermelon, Dec 20 2012, 07:12 PM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Deleted User
Deleted User

So the kid's father and his uncle will be the same person. There's something Appalachian about that.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

Watermelon
Dec 20 2012, 06:49 PM
Guest
Dec 20 2012, 06:42 PM
1, it's not inbreeding. you don't use your own egg and your brother's sperm.

2, it's not something that just happens. its discussed, thought over, and planned. the brother is in with the discussion.

3, the brother would normally sign off his rights before conception..

this actually not for immature teenie-boppers.

this is serious and to be honest so much less complicated for the child. the child would know and actually have a complete family. the grandparents would be the same. cousins and brothers or sisters. it's the closest thing to actually having both eggs procreate.

when the child is old enough little by little the child can know. trust me, the child os going to know who the real father is. having a relationship already with the brother, the child will take it alot easier knowing the family did all this and brought him or her in with lots of love.
There's many pros and cons, and it's not an easy decision.

Especially because, what if the brother decides one day he wants to step in? Yeah, he signed off the rights, but he's your brother so what will you do? It could place you in a very difficult situation.

I wouldn't do it unless there has been many many MANY talks about it with both your girlfriend and your brother. You all have to be on the same page an ever detail of this.
I think it's definately a good thing if the brothers lives far away enough, that he can't but in in the childs everyday life and your parenting. But close enough to visit maybe a few times a year. That already solves a lot of potential problems.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

mintyfresh
Dec 20 2012, 06:59 PM
So the kid's father and his uncle will be the same person. There's something Appalachian about that.
True. But I still prefer that to the situation where the child will never know who his father was. For many children (no matter if they where adopted or had a sperm donor, and no matter if they grow up with straight or gay parents) knowing who their biological parents are is key.
I've seen this first hand with a few straight couples who adopted children. The children loved their parents, but still yearned to know who their biological parents were, where they came from and so on.
I would never deprive my child intentionally from his/her right to know who the biological father was.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Deleted User
Deleted User

Guest
Dec 20 2012, 07:14 PM
mintyfresh
Dec 20 2012, 06:59 PM
So the kid's father and his uncle will be the same person. There's something Appalachian about that.
True. But I still prefer that to the situation where the child will never know who his father was. For many children (no matter if they where adopted or had a sperm donor, and no matter if they grow up with straight or gay parents) knowing who their biological parents are is key.
I've seen this first hand with a few straight couples who adopted children. The children loved their parents, but still yearned to know who their biological parents were, where they came from and so on.
I would never deprive my child intentionally from his/her right to know who the biological father was.
Do you have any close guy friends? Maybe one of them would be willing.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

mintyfresh
Dec 20 2012, 06:59 PM
So the kid's father and his uncle will be the same person. There's something Appalachian about that.
Only if the lesbians are gun-owning, food stamp using, moonshine drinking, pickup truck driving, ignorant, poor white trash who live a run down trailer in the woods, and the brother got drunk and actually fucked his sister.

Nice, well-educated, upscale lesbian ladies who live in NYC (or other urban areas) would be considering the point of view of the child they are planning to create if they asked the brother to donate sperm to impregnate the partner, not his sister.

If I had been "planned" in this way, I would prefer to know my bloodlines and actually be a genetic part of the family on both sides, assuming of course that neither side has some sort of prevalent genetic problem.


Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

What's with the obsession to have a child genetically related to you?

There is a better way than having your brother donate. Take your gf's eggs, anonymous donor's sperm and put it in your uterus (or vica versa).
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

Watermelon
Dec 20 2012, 06:49 PM
Guest
Dec 20 2012, 06:42 PM
1, it's not inbreeding. you don't use your own egg and your brother's sperm.

2, it's not something that just happens. its discussed, thought over, and planned. the brother is in with the discussion.

3, the brother would normally sign off his rights before conception..

this actually not for immature teenie-boppers.

this is serious and to be honest so much less complicated for the child. the child would know and actually have a complete family. the grandparents would be the same. cousins and brothers or sisters. it's the closest thing to actually having both eggs procreate.

when the child is old enough little by little the child can know. trust me, the child os going to know who the real father is. having a relationship already with the brother, the child will take it alot easier knowing the family did all this and brought him or her in with lots of love.
There's many pros and cons, and it's not an easy decision.

Especially because, what if the brother decides one day he wants to step in? Yeah, he signed off the rights, but he's your brother so what will you do? It could place you in a very difficult situation.

I wouldn't do it unless there has been many many MANY talks about it with both your girlfriend and your brother. You all have to be on the same page on every detail of this.
obviously. like i said ...very discussed and planned and the brother being a part of that discussion. its something that is planned over a few years. and yes, the brother would need to be a part of the planning and discussions. he would need to process the whole idea to accept it.

its not for the immature youngins. its not for everyone. but i see many benefits.

if my brothers agreed and the love of my life agreed and wanted a child..i would. i would rather my brother than a random sperm donor.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Deleted User
Deleted User

Guest
Dec 20 2012, 07:23 PM
mintyfresh
Dec 20 2012, 06:59 PM
So the kid's father and his uncle will be the same person. There's something Appalachian about that.
Only if the lesbians are gun-owning, food stamp using, moonshine drinking, pickup truck driving, ignorant, poor white trash who live a run down trailer in the woods, and the brother got drunk and actually fucked his sister.

Nice, well-educated, upscale lesbian ladies who live in NYC (or other urban areas) would be considering the point of view of the child they are planning to create if they asked the brother to donate sperm to impregnate the partner, not his sister.

If I had been "planned" in this way, I would prefer to know my bloodlines and actually be a genetic part of the family on both sides, assuming of course that neither side has some sort of prevalent genetic problem.


I'm just looking at it from the kid's point of view - to him/her, the uncle and the dad will be one person. I doubt the kid will care all that much, but others might think it weird. The fact that the OP even had to ask the question says that it might be considered strange.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

Guest
Dec 20 2012, 09:11 AM
Guest
Dec 20 2012, 08:52 AM
Watermelon
Dec 20 2012, 08:47 AM
In my personal opinion, I think that it wouldn't be such a good idea.

If I were in that position, I probably wouldn't be able to get out of my head that my brother's sperm is inside my girlfriend. Would your partner be ok with it?

In the future, (unless you have an agreement with your brother about him being, in all sense of the word, the father of the child) you'll find yourself at a morally and ethically challenging point.

Would your brother want to be in the kid's life as an uncle or as a father?

Beyond that, if what you want is to know how your child would turn out to be, you can look for a sperm bank that keeps profiles of the male donors.
You just really have to research all of this, and really understand what you and your partner are looking for because having a child is not an easy decision. Much less one that should be taken irrationally.
Agree. It has the potential to create way too many complications. Especially if the relationship breaks up.
straight couples have kids all the time..married or unmarried. planned and unplanned. the 'what if the relationship breaks' card is rather moot.

i think when couples start to plan via sperm donor, i thinks it great to weigh in on feelings, but i think most are at a mature level. of course having the brother sign off, or any donor for that matter, of their paternal rights. its pitting the brother into an uncle role automatically. having him around as a male role model is also great, when the child is old enough, he or she can know the truth. a bond being there and knowing that you know your whole blood family...i think is actually less complicated.

a child who was thought of and wanted so much that they planned you and wanted you to know your blood lines. it really is marriage of blood.

its less complicated, to me, then say anonymous donor or even adoption.
This ^
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

If you and your girlfriend want to be related to the child then it is a great idea...anyway you could look at it like you're adopting your girlfriends niece or nephew of course I could never do it since my girlfriends brother is a stupid fucking moron
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

It's a bad idea if you think there's a chance your gf and your brother will run off together with the kid. :lol:
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

Guest
Dec 20 2012, 07:14 PM
mintyfresh
Dec 20 2012, 06:59 PM
So the kid's father and his uncle will be the same person. There's something Appalachian about that.
True. But I still prefer that to the situation where the child will never know who his father was. For many children (no matter if they where adopted or had a sperm donor, and no matter if they grow up with straight or gay parents) knowing who their biological parents are is key.
I've seen this first hand with a few straight couples who adopted children. The children loved their parents, but still yearned to know who their biological parents were, where they came from and so on.
I would never deprive my child intentionally from his/her right to know who the biological father was.
Because of that last line, it sounds like you'd be a good parent. It's always about putting your child first. Not all adopted children truly yearn to know who their biological parents are though. I'm adopted and couldn't care less. Never wanted to look for them or know them. Many friends of mine who are also adopted weren't interested in finding their parents either. I suppose it depends on the person (child.)

As far as the OP's question, I think there's something to be said for knowing genetic factors, medical history, etc. I don't think it's too weird to have the brother be the donor -- you'd have essentially the closest DNA to your own. There could be issues but that's true for both scenarios so it's just a matter of which ones you're more comfortable with. Best of luck.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

It would never be your child, it would always be just your niece/nephew.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Watermelon
Member Avatar

Guest
Dec 20 2012, 07:58 PM
It would never be your child, it would always be just your niece/nephew.
This is probably the stupidest comment on this thread.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

Guest
Dec 20 2012, 07:55 PM
Guest
Dec 20 2012, 07:14 PM
mintyfresh
Dec 20 2012, 06:59 PM
So the kid's father and his uncle will be the same person. There's something Appalachian about that.
True. But I still prefer that to the situation where the child will never know who his father was. For many children (no matter if they where adopted or had a sperm donor, and no matter if they grow up with straight or gay parents) knowing who their biological parents are is key.
I've seen this first hand with a few straight couples who adopted children. The children loved their parents, but still yearned to know who their biological parents were, where they came from and so on.
I would never deprive my child intentionally from his/her right to know who the biological father was.
Because of that last line, it sounds like you'd be a good parent. It's always about putting your child first. Not all adopted children truly yearn to know who their biological parents are though. I'm adopted and couldn't care less. Never wanted to look for them or know them. Many friends of mine who are also adopted weren't interested in finding their parents either. I suppose it depends on the person (child.)
Not the OP, but for me, the issue would be offering my child the choice. That little baby is going to grow up into a real human being who isn't me or my girlfriend, and they have a right to the option at least.

When I think of all my family have meant to me - blood or not, close or distant - I could never rob my child of another family member in that way. Then again, my family is big, and complicated, and sometimes troubled, we're like a damn circus troupe. The distinction of "parent" vs "everybody else" doesn't mean as much to me as it might mean to others because we're all so close and so involved in each other's lives anyway.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

Guest
Dec 20 2012, 08:04 PM
I could never rob my child of another family member in that way.
I just wanted to add - I don't mean that other people would be "robbing" their kids of that if that's the decision they made, but that's how it would feel for me.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

I've posted this on a similar thread before... I don't know anyone who has used their brother as a sperm donor, but one of my friends donated eggs to her infertile sister.
And that all worked out okay. My friend just feels like the child is her niece. And she hasn't developed any feelings/special bond with her sisters husband or anything like that.
Although, I do feel like a man/brother would be more likely to cause trouble/change his mind once the child is born.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

What do you say when the kid asks if your brother is "dad or uncle?"

How do you answer that?
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

mintyfresh
Dec 20 2012, 07:34 PM
Guest
Dec 20 2012, 07:23 PM
mintyfresh
Dec 20 2012, 06:59 PM
So the kid's father and his uncle will be the same person. There's something Appalachian about that.
Only if the lesbians are gun-owning, food stamp using, moonshine drinking, pickup truck driving, ignorant, poor white trash who live a run down trailer in the woods, and the brother got drunk and actually fucked his sister.

Nice, well-educated, upscale lesbian ladies who live in NYC (or other urban areas) would be considering the point of view of the child they are planning to create if they asked the brother to donate sperm to impregnate the partner, not his sister.

If I had been "planned" in this way, I would prefer to know my bloodlines and actually be a genetic part of the family on both sides, assuming of course that neither side has some sort of prevalent genetic problem.


I'm just looking at it from the kid's point of view - to him/her, the uncle and the dad will be one person. I doubt the kid will care all that much, but others might think it weird. The fact that the OP even had to ask the question says that it might be considered strange.
At the moment, children who have two lesbian parents are still presented with a social challenge by the fact that their family is "different".

It seems to me the "brother of the partner as donor" situation would be much easier to for the child to deal with.

Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

Guest
Dec 20 2012, 07:29 PM
What's with the obsession to have a child genetically related to you?

There is a better way than having your brother donate. Take your gf's eggs, anonymous donor's sperm and put it in your uterus (or vica versa).
Yes, this I'd much better because the blood of the carrying mother nourishes the egg/generic material if the partner, combining in the child, whereas, as mentioned before, there is something weird about your brothers sperm in your partner and they will always have that bond. He may actually have more right to the child than you do in most states that don't recognize gay marriage. Even if you adopt the child.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

Guest
Dec 20 2012, 08:55 PM
mintyfresh
Dec 20 2012, 07:34 PM
Guest
Dec 20 2012, 07:23 PM

Quoting limited to 3 levels deepand the brother got drunk and actually fucked his sister.

Nice, well-educated, upscale lesbian ladies who live in NYC (or other urban areas) would be considering the point of view of the child they are planning to create if they asked the brother to donate sperm to impregnate the partner, not his sister.

If I had been "planned" in this way, I would prefer to know my bloodlines and actually be a genetic part of the family on both sides, assuming of course that neither side has some sort of prevalent genetic problem.


I'm just looking at it from the kid's point of view - to him/her, the uncle and the dad will be one person. I doubt the kid will care all that much, but others might think it weird. The fact that the OP even had to ask the question says that it might be considered strange.
At the moment, children who have two lesbian parents are still presented with a social challenge by the fact that their family is "different".

It seems to me the "brother of the partner as donor" situation would be much easier to for the child to deal with.

I'd rather deal with having two moms than an uncle dad.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

There are ethical guidelines for using family members as sperm donors. That is described here:

[url=www.asrm.org/Using_family_members_as_gamete_donors_and_surrogates/]PDF File - American Society of Reproductive Medicine - Family Members as Donors/Surrogates[/url]

Table from the above linked document showing "brother for brother" donations as ethically acceptable in straight relationships. That would make the child's biological father his uncle. On this table, there are no mentions of brother of the partner donations in lesbian relationships.

Posted Image

Posted Image

Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

^^^ Oops! Entered the url wrong in original post. Here it is again:

Quote:
 

There are ethical guidelines for using family members as sperm donors. That is described here:

PDF File - American Society of Reproductive Medicine - Family Members as Donors/Surrogates

Table from the above linked document showing "brother for brother" donations as ethically acceptable in straight relationships. That would make the child's biological father his uncle. On this table, there are no mentions of brother of the partner donations in lesbian relationships.

Click For Table



Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

To address few things in the thread:

A) People confused about who is getting inseminated - The sperm donor will be for your partner, obviously. Do you even have to ask?

B) People worrying about the brother wanting a bigger role later on - if you were actually going to do it, everyone would have to be clear on what is expected of them and sign a legal contract to avoid these kinds of issues. I would assume you're close to your brother and trust him enough to want him as a sperm donor in the first place.

C) People saying it might be weird for the kid having an uncle/dad - if that's how you grew up, would it really be weird? Being a mom or dad constitutes more than just the title, so even if someone is a person's biological father, if they've been treated like an uncle the whole kid's life, its not going to suddenly change if the kid finds out.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

Guest
Dec 21 2012, 02:25 AM
To address few things in the thread:

A) People confused about who is getting inseminated - The sperm donor will be for your partner, obviously. Do you even have to ask?

B) People worrying about the brother wanting a bigger role later on - if you were actually going to do it, everyone would have to be clear on what is expected of them and sign a legal contract to avoid these kinds of issues. I would assume you're close to your brother and trust him enough to want him as a sperm donor in the first place.

C) People saying it might be weird for the kid having an uncle/dad - if that's how you grew up, would it really be weird? Being a mom or dad constitutes more than just the title, so even if someone is a person's biological father, if they've been treated like an uncle the whole kid's life, its not going to suddenly change if the kid finds out.
i think it totally would mess with a kid to find out their father is their uncle. :blink:
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

Insest?? -_-
Quote Post Goto Top
 
Guest
Unregistered

Guest
Dec 21 2012, 11:39 AM
Guest
Dec 21 2012, 02:25 AM
To address few things in the thread:

A) People confused about who is getting inseminated - The sperm donor will be for your partner, obviously. Do you even have to ask?

B) People worrying about the brother wanting a bigger role later on - if you were actually going to do it, everyone would have to be clear on what is expected of them and sign a legal contract to avoid these kinds of issues. I would assume you're close to your brother and trust him enough to want him as a sperm donor in the first place.

C) People saying it might be weird for the kid having an uncle/dad - if that's how you grew up, would it really be weird? Being a mom or dad constitutes more than just the title, so even if someone is a person's biological father, if they've been treated like an uncle the whole kid's life, its not going to suddenly change if the kid finds out.
i think it totally would mess with a kid to find out their father is their uncle. :blink:
Better than if some random guy is the sperm donor and the kid went on a search for him later in life?
Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
DealsFor.me - The best sales, coupons, and discounts for you
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · General Discussions · Next Topic »
Add Reply