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Lying about being gay
Topic Started: Aug 13 2012, 05:04 PM (4,496 Views)
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jen barney
Aug 14 2012, 12:06 AM
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Aug 13 2012, 06:10 PM
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Aug 13 2012, 05:59 PM

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Sure, but I can't imagine there being a bigger 'fuck you' to a guy than letting him know you're gay, total ego killer (even if they pretend it isn't)
It sounds like you have some hostility towards men. I am gay and very feminine, and men did not make me gay, so I don't hate them
:retard: :retard:
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Oroshi
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jen barney
Aug 14 2012, 12:06 AM
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Aug 13 2012, 06:10 PM
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Aug 13 2012, 05:59 PM

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Sure, but I can't imagine there being a bigger 'fuck you' to a guy than letting him know you're gay, total ego killer (even if they pretend it isn't)
It sounds like you have some hostility towards men. I am gay and very feminine, and men did not make me gay, so I don't hate them
You're right Jen .. Hate others is like hate yourself
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Lezbeau

jen barney
Aug 14 2012, 12:06 AM
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Aug 13 2012, 06:10 PM
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Aug 13 2012, 05:59 PM

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Sure, but I can't imagine there being a bigger 'fuck you' to a guy than letting him know you're gay, total ego killer (even if they pretend it isn't)
It sounds like you have some hostility towards men. I am gay and very feminine, and men did not make me gay, so I don't hate them
Reading comprehension. Acquire some.
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I will make comments about relationships but I will never use pronouns when I do it. It goes right over most of my friend's heads. I am sure they suspect I'm gay but they know better than to ask.
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So you guys think it's wrong to lie to some random dude on the street who hits on you because you want to get rid of him?
I've told many guys (random strangers) that I have a boyfriend because I didnt want to talk to them.
It is so much easier to say "oh im a lesbian" or "oh I have a girlfriend" because then you are just taking the conversation to a whole other level. If the guy is a creep he will continue to harass you and ask you questions about your homosexuality. I don't think lying about this kind of stuff to strangers is a big deal
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Aug 14 2012, 12:26 AM
So you guys think it's wrong to lie to some random dude on the street who hits on you because you want to get rid of him?
I've told many guys (random strangers) that I have a boyfriend because I didnt want to talk to them.
It is so much easier to say "oh im a lesbian" or "oh I have a girlfriend" because then you are just taking the conversation to a whole other level. If the guy is a creep he will continue to harass you and ask you questions about your homosexuality. I don't think lying about this kind of stuff to strangers is a big deal
in other words, none of their fucking business :clap:
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nope. cause luckily I don't live in an area where I'd feel a need or pressure to have to lie.
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grumpy
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Aug 13 2012, 06:23 PM
Aug 13 2012, 06:16 PM
Is it common to lie about it?


I don`t. Everybody can know that I`m sooo not interested in guys. I don`t get hit on by guys a lot though. I`m too tall ;)
or butch.
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Oroshi
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Aug 14 2012, 12:28 AM
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Aug 14 2012, 12:26 AM
So you guys think it's wrong to lie to some random dude on the street who hits on you because you want to get rid of him?
I've told many guys (random strangers) that I have a boyfriend because I didnt want to talk to them.
It is so much easier to say "oh im a lesbian" or "oh I have a girlfriend" because then you are just taking the conversation to a whole other level. If the guy is a creep he will continue to harass you and ask you questions about your homosexuality. I don't think lying about this kind of stuff to strangers is a big deal
in other words, none of their fucking business :clap:
x2
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grumpy
Aug 14 2012, 12:34 AM
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Aug 13 2012, 06:23 PM
Aug 13 2012, 06:16 PM
Is it common to lie about it?


I don`t. Everybody can know that I`m sooo not interested in guys. I don`t get hit on by guys a lot though. I`m too tall ;)
or butch.
Sorry but half the middle-aged mothers I see walking around are butches, not all straight women are gorgeous high femmes. Guys will pretty much stick it in everything, I read an article today about a man who tried to rape his grandmother after going to her house and complaining about not having a girlfriend. :X
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jen barney
Aug 14 2012, 12:06 AM
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Aug 13 2012, 06:10 PM
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Aug 13 2012, 05:59 PM

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Sure, but I can't imagine there being a bigger 'fuck you' to a guy than letting him know you're gay, total ego killer (even if they pretend it isn't)
It sounds like you have some hostility towards men. I am gay and very feminine, and men did not make me gay, so I don't hate them
You're just shit-stirring on every thread you're on.
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lol, so does everybody have the same fictional football player boyfriend then? Man, that guy gets around...
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I just tell men who hit on me (and it always is men unfortunately :( ) that I'm "seeing someone" and move along, not my problem if they assume my fictional partner is a man or that I'm straight. Telling straight men I'm a lesbian and thus uninterested in them seems like too much bother. I've heard the "You don't look gay!" crap too many times and it's boring and annoying. I have better things to do than try to convince some random creep who I'll never see again that yes, I am femme, reasonably attractive and *gasp* GAY too.
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Aug 14 2012, 12:46 AM
I just tell men who hit on me (and it always is men unfortunately :( ) that I'm "seeing someone" and move along, not my problem if they assume my fictional partner is a man or that I'm straight. Telling straight men I'm a lesbian and thus uninterested in them seems like too much bother. I've heard the "You don't look gay!" crap too many times and it's boring and annoying. I have better things to do than try to convince some random creep who I'll never see again that yes, I am femme, reasonably attractive and *gasp* GAY too.
x2

Unfortunately the problem in most cases is that the guy feels he is entitled to you and that you should be flattered that he's hitting on you. If you say "I have a boyfriend" he will feel like "winning you over". If you say "I'm gay" he will make "you just need the right guy...me" comments. It's really a no-win situation. Saying "I'm seeing someone" is the best route to take.
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diglyph
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Aug 14 2012, 12:46 AM
I just tell men who hit on me (and it always is men unfortunately :( ) that I'm "seeing someone" and move along, not my problem if they assume my fictional partner is a man or that I'm straight. Telling straight men I'm a lesbian and thus uninterested in them seems like too much bother. I've heard the "You don't look gay!" crap too many times and it's boring and annoying. I have better things to do than try to convince some random creep who I'll never see again that yes, I am femme, reasonably attractive and *gasp* GAY too.
You are lucky, because in my language that "someone" gives a clue, that you're talking about male or female.
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diglyph
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mintyfresh
Aug 14 2012, 01:14 AM
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Aug 14 2012, 12:46 AM
I just tell men who hit on me (and it always is men unfortunately :( ) that I'm "seeing someone" and move along, not my problem if they assume my fictional partner is a man or that I'm straight. Telling straight men I'm a lesbian and thus uninterested in them seems like too much bother. I've heard the "You don't look gay!" crap too many times and it's boring and annoying. I have better things to do than try to convince some random creep who I'll never see again that yes, I am femme, reasonably attractive and *gasp* GAY too.
x2

Unfortunately the problem in most cases is that the guy feels he is entitled to you and that you should be flattered that he's hitting on you. If you say "I have a boyfriend" he will feel like "winning you over". If you say "I'm gay" he will make "you just need the right guy...me" comments. It's really a no-win situation. Saying "I'm seeing someone" is the best route to take.
Someone has told me "do you need a second boyfriend" as a response lol
and usually they get "mad" at me that I reject them ^o) Men can be so arrogant
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Aug 14 2012, 12:26 AM
So you guys think it's wrong to lie to some random dude on the street who hits on you because you want to get rid of him?
I've told many guys (random strangers) that I have a boyfriend because I didnt want to talk to them.
It is so much easier to say "oh im a lesbian" or "oh I have a girlfriend" because then you are just taking the conversation to a whole other level. If the guy is a creep he will continue to harass you and ask you questions about your homosexuality. I don't think lying about this kind of stuff to strangers is a big deal
this
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Aug 13 2012, 06:14 PM
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Aug 13 2012, 06:10 PM
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Aug 13 2012, 05:59 PM

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Sure, but I can't imagine there being a bigger 'fuck you' to a guy than letting him know you're gay, total ego killer (even if they pretend it isn't)
yeah but you are also putting yourself out there for insults and not mentioning assualts and hate-crime. When you don't know who you are dealing with, I think it's just better to play it safe.
How 'bout ignoring them to "play it safe". Why are you all even talking to these guys? When men hit on me I either ignore them and act as if they totally don't exist or I respond with "I'M NOT INTERESTED". Simple

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I have avoided the subject or avoided pronouns in some rare uncomfortable situations, but I would never outright lie and talk about men or a boyfriend. I had to overcome so much pain and rejection when I came out that I would never disrespect myself by pretending to be straight.
MTE. Sound like a bunch of people are still in the closet in here.
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Aug 14 2012, 02:50 AM
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I have avoided the subject or avoided pronouns in some rare uncomfortable situations, but I would never outright lie and talk about men or a boyfriend. I had to overcome so much pain and rejection when I came out that I would never disrespect myself by pretending to be straight.
same here. i didn't face much rejection, though (my friends and parents have never made a big deal of it) but i am not officially out to the rest of my family or at work. that is, i don't mention a gf, just "my relationship" or partner. if someone asks me directly, i tell the truth without excuses or even a blink. but somehow... people don't ask. there really is no need to lie. they probably know or suspect but they won't ask.
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When I was in college I lied to my mom once about dating some guy who she'd "never met", but only because she was pestering me about it and I wasn't ready to come out then.

But aside from that, I've never pretended to date a guy or be married to one. I don't even pretend to be interested in them. I just play the pronoun game and avoid the subject when I'm around people I don't feel comfortable being open with. Even though the co-workers who I'm friendly with probably suspect something (and from their comments, probably wouldn't care), I don't really want to come out to them because there was another lesbian at my office who left a months after I got there (she was the only person I was out to) and she was out and you could just tell it was awkward. She was engaged to marry this woman and no one ever called her a 'girlfriend' or 'fiance', they always made a point to call her by her name. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it always made me feel awkward, like they couldn't acknowledge the relationship for what it was. :ermm:

I dress andro at work and I have short-ish hair and IMHO it's pretty obvious I'm gay. If people don't pick up on that, it's their problem, not mine. I'm fairly certain that if someone at work asked me head-on, I would tell the truth.
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Aug 13 2012, 07:38 PM
The more people stop lying about being gay, the less shitty all those anti-gay places are for every single gay person. Sure, it's easy to prance around and pretend to be straight with you male best friend, but you're just trying to get scraps of straight privilege, which reinforces that straightness is the only proper way to live. Being out and proud is the way to make gay people equal to straights.

Stop lying because it's easier, because it actually makes it way harder for you (and every other gay person) in the long run.
There are places where you can be arrested for being a lesbian, and in jail, they will try to "rape you straight". So you need to deal with that reality and not blow smoke about what you would do.
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i lie all the time. i just don't wanna come out...
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Lying because you're in the closet (entirely or to a certain group of people) I can understand, but I wouldn't lie just for the sake of it or to make things apparently "easier".

Really the only times I've lied after being out is twice (both times in clubs) and in both cases creepy guys couldn't take no for an answer so I said I was with my boyfriend and pointed at one of my friends (who is like a massive guy, football player) and they backed right off. *shrugs*
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You can't get upset with a man for flirting, particularly if he doesn't know you're gay. You just tell him that you are unavailable and keep it moving.
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Aug 14 2012, 06:42 AM
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Aug 13 2012, 07:38 PM
The more people stop lying about being gay, the less shitty all those anti-gay places are for every single gay person. Sure, it's easy to prance around and pretend to be straight with you male best friend, but you're just trying to get scraps of straight privilege, which reinforces that straightness is the only proper way to live. Being out and proud is the way to make gay people equal to straights.

Stop lying because it's easier, because it actually makes it way harder for you (and every other gay person) in the long run.
There are places where you can be arrested for being a lesbian, and in jail, they will try to "rape you straight". So you need to deal with that reality and not blow smoke about what you would do.
If you read the thread instead of conveniently skipping a load of posts, you'd see the OP clarified their point wasn't aimed at people living in those places or in that sort of predicament.
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I'm pretty much out to everyone but in the case of a guy hitting on me it depends on how he hits on me. If he's nice and starts to talk to me like a civilized human being i'll usually just tell him i'm not interested but if he's rude i'll tell him straight up.
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Aug 13 2012, 06:34 PM
Yes, I did lie in the past about having bf. But then again I'm a big liar in general.
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I just say 'thank you, I'm not interested' and move along. I got asked whether I had/have a boyfriend and I said 'no' they asked why I said 'because I don't want one' they asked why not I said 'it doesn't interest me'. And then it's 'it doesn't interest me' to all elaborations on that.

My family pesters me about getting married and I tell them I don't want to so I won't. My parents will go on long lectures about how I shouldn't take my time like this and they know the son of blah blah blah who is a very good man and after they finish talking I just repeat 'I don't want to so I won't'.

For me there's no need to lie even though I could get thrown in jail and given hormone "therapy" if I come out. I just tell them imma do what I want and repeat as necessary to shut the conversation.
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I never lie about my sexuality. When people ask me if I have a bf I say no. When they ask why, I tell them I don't want one. :D (they never ask me if I'm gay, which is quite funny :lol: )
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omg I really get so awkward and comfortable when people ask if I have a boyfriend. I wonder if people can notice this on my face... :ermm:
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Aug 16 2012, 04:49 PM
omg I really get so awkward and comfortable when people ask if I have a boyfriend. I wonder if people can notice this on my face... :ermm:
Develop a poker face, girl.
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jeatblaro
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Being gay is not option here, nobody seems to accept the fact that someone could be gay. No one asks you if you're gay or not. Just "Do you have bf?"
Good thing, I dont have to answer :lol:
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one.who.succeeds
Aug 16 2012, 05:06 PM
Being gay is not option here, nobody seems to accept the fact that someone could be gay. No one asks you if you're gay or not. Just "Do you have bf?"
Good thing, I dont have to answer :lol:
Where do you live?

To be honest it's the same in most places, nobody asks if you're gay, ever.
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Aug 14 2012, 12:26 AM
So you guys think it's wrong to lie to some random dude on the street who hits on you because you want to get rid of him?
I've told many guys (random strangers) that I have a boyfriend because I didnt want to talk to them.
It is so much easier to say "oh im a lesbian" or "oh I have a girlfriend" because then you are just taking the conversation to a whole other level. If the guy is a creep he will continue to harass you and ask you questions about your homosexuality. I don't think lying about this kind of stuff to strangers is a big deal
x 2.

If it's a random I always say I have a boyfriend. It's like the universal "fuck off I don't want to talk to you".

If you say you are gay or have a girlfriend get ready for inane questions, creepy persistence, insults and sometimes physical threats. Yeah, no thanks.

It's probably why there seems to be so few lesbians and maybe why it's so hard to spot eachother. Because most of us try to appear straight to the straight world.

I admire the girls who come right out and say it but I'll only do it if I have some friends around me.

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Aug 13 2012, 06:08 PM
I feel really shitty for lying. And they might have been able to even tell that I was.
Lying seems to create problems. Like then the question is: where did you meet him? what does he do? etc so have to come up w more lies. Gets too complicated. Back when I was not out, I either said nothing, or if it was "How was your weekend" my answer would be : nothing special, etc (when truth would be I had fabulous dinner for the anniversary of me and my partner.)

And there seem to be quite a few women who have no self esteem unless they can say "my husband" or "my boyfriend" almost as soon as you meet them, and then every few minutes.
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