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Flyers Staff Revealed!
Topic Started: Jun 4 2011, 04:42 PM (517 Views)
lonewolfe2015
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Flyers fans everywhere are going crazy after GM Lonewolfe managed to create a star-studded roster only 9 rounds into the third KHL season draft.

Creating one of the youngest, tallest and strongest teams in the league thus far, names such as Evgeni Malkin, Rick Nash and Ryan Suter will be arriving in Philadelphia over the next few days to prepare for the team's first press conference. Real estate agents in the city are abuzz with the incoming talent pool that will be looking to settle in for the long haul with this Philadelpha team.

During his downtime, GM Lonewolfe has found the time to finalize his team's Coaching Staff and has forwarded this paper the information for everyone to view.

Returning as Head Coach of the Philadelphia Flyers for Season 3 of the KHL will be the league's bustiest coach, Lucy Pinder.

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Pinder is proud to return to be bench boss for the young Philadelphia team and promises to provide plenty of support to each and every player in the team's quest for a KHL title. Lucy has proven to be a very calming effect over the previous seasons in Philadelphia and many of the players voiced their desire to have her return to the bench for Season 3. Signing a rumored $3,000,000 deal for the next 4 seasons, GM Lonewolfe would not comment what convinced him a long term deal was the right decision. Many speculate it was a very hard decision for him and that Coach Pinder helped alleviate that concern.

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Returning as an Assistant Coach for the 3rd KHL season will be Kate Beckinsale. Kate was known as an offensive specialist last season in the KHL, placing Philadelphia as the league's top offensive team. Kate will be relied on to help create chemistry in a lockerroom of players known to be hard nosed, power forward players and finding the team's identity in the coming season.

Kate is also known to employ a variety of training regiments as an assistant, ranging from long Arctic treks during the winter for climate training all the way to weapons training for hand eye coordination and reflex improvements. Coach Pinder will rely on Beckinsale to help keep the team under control when she is busy.

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A newcomer to the coaching staff is Olivia Wilde, brought in to be the team's atheltic specialist she will ride the team hard so that they are ready for the upcoming season. Her abilities will prove invaluable this season to improve the team's speed and dynamic impact each game. A scouting report done by this paper found evidence of her athletic abilities shown below,

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Returning to the coaching staff in a new role, Keanu Reeves will be the team's goaltending coach. It was found during the course of the season that Keanu spent most of his time working with the goaltenders attempting to teach them how to stop the pucks with their mind, minor success was evidenced as Tuukka Rask began stopping Waffles flung threw the air at him by angry Toronto fans that were still upset he was traded away and their team was filled with failures.

It is expected he will be on thin ice with GM Lonewolfe and that if he doesn't produce results this season will be among the first to be canned. A possible explanation for this revolves around the third Matrix film and how dreadfully terrible it was.

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Rounding out the newcomers and the coaching staff will be John (J.D.) Dorian, otherwise known as Zach Braff from the hit TV show Scrubs. His actual medical skills still remain in question, but GM Lonewolfe just found the show so damn funny he hired Braff to lead his medical staff and consequently assistant in the off ice workout regiments that Coach Pinder will be helping her players with. It is expected his first act as team Doctor will be to inspect Coach Pinder's 32E cup size.
Edited by lonewolfe2015, Jun 4 2011, 04:43 PM.
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lonewolfe2015
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In a surprise move, Joanna Krupa has been hired as the 2nd Assistant for the Philadelphia Flyers.

Ms. Krupa was found patrolling the player's lockerrooms and GM Lonewolfe recognized the value the team placed on her presence.

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