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I heard a voice that I knew, and I couldn't walk away;; for Dittany
Topic Started: Feb 21 2016, 02:43 AM (89 Views)
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I think everybody's nuts.
This one is for Dittany<3 however, if you'd like someone to be involved with Aeson, let me know and we can work something out!:)

Posted Image[justify=450]LET ME OUT OF THIS DREAM

I almost don’t want to go back.

It is an evil secret, black and barbed as it winds around my heart, kept close lest anyone find out (and what would they think of me then? What would they call me, if they were to pry this misery (sin, villainy) from my soul? Monster?). I couldn’t bear it, having my own fears stripped and laid out for the world to see. I can hardly even admit it to myself—but there it is, always, slinking at the very edges of my consciousness, reminding me, haunting me.

I almost don’t want to go back—

—and yet,
here I am.

Days, months, or years; I dare not count the time that I’ve been gone. Instead I stand at the borders that are all too familiar (despite my absence), looking into the forest as the trees sway in the autumn breeze, bitter with the coming of winter, with a numbing sense of dread spreading through my body. It leaves me rooted where I am, bones too heavy and muscles too weary for movement. Perhaps I should run—turn around and escape the consequences of my mistakes, hide from them in the dark shadows of shame and sorrow. After all, I know these shadows well; I do not doubt that they would welcome me with open arms.

(That is what cowards do, isn’t it? Run away from the world and cocoon themselves in something familiar, something safe.)

Perhaps I would have done so at another point in my life, in another time before this land had ensnared my very being, taking me and shaping me into something different. What am I now? Am I a coward? I fear what I will find should I dare a step further, fear what ripples (waves) my actions might have spurred, and what devastation followed. Will there be anything (anyone) waiting for me?

I close my eyes, breathing deeply to try and calm my heart as it pounds in my ears, knowing that beneath all of my grief, all of my shame, I need to do this. Trying to shut off my mind and not even think for the new few moments, I will—demand—myself to move. Needless to say, my movements are less than graceful, hurried and almost jerky as I plunge in, trying to dig myself deep enough so I can’t crawl out when I look back. I open my eyes, narrowly avoiding a tree as I side-step suddenly, bursting forward into a canter.

I don’t know how long it is that I run—but I don’t stop until the trees abruptly drop back, giving way to pearly sands and cold, rhythmic waves. Drops of the salty water splash up to my shoulders as I draw myself to a halt, hooves sinking into the damp sand. For a moment I look out to the horizon, admiring the sunset, almost willing the light to carry me away. But there are demons to face—I can’t avoid them now. Slowly, woodenly, I turn around, looking out into the forest; I almost call for someone, anyone, but I can’t. My lips move soundlessly, overcome by the weight of my remorse—

—my disgrace.


;; aeson

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Dittany


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prime had already started its decent towards the horizon by the time that Dittany had reached the coast. The day had been spent walking the circumference of her homeland, her pace steady as her distended barrel swayed a little with each stride, the weight of an overdue foal pulling heavily on her back. The child kicked and moved constantly, meaning that the mare was never comfortable and unable to get much in the way of sleep, yet still there seemed to be very little progress being made towards the actual birth. Despite the discomfort, a small part of the maiden was glad of it. The longer she could hold on, the more likely it was that the child would get a chance to meet its sire.

By the end of that day, Dittany had paced round most of the territory and had ended up back at the sandy shore, Prime was setting and the tide had turned. A fit and healthy equine could have made the crossing across to the Quarry with relative ease, despite the tide – but with such a heavy and precious burden, Dittany daren’t take the risk. Instead she retreated back into the safety of the trees and settled on the soft ground. The size of her barrel now plainly evident as it was rested against the planet’s surface, the foal now so large that traces of its movement could be seen as well as felt. A low rumble and a soft touch of her own barrel were the mare’s efforts to settle her unborn offspring before she laid her own head down in an effort to rest while waiting for the low tide.

An evening chorus serenades the resting mare, who flittered in and out of a fitful sleep. Her eyelids often twitched though she never quite managed to rouse herself. Slumber had been difficult for the maiden of late, but that was neither unexpected or a new development. Pale strands were strewn out behind her golden form on the woodland floor, the two towers that this land had been named for loomed somewhere in the distance behind her, hidden by the trees. Many an hour had been spent in the shadow of these structures, though still they gave away none of their secrets. Their formation was a mystery, and the fact that they still stood – despite the countless natural disasters that the planet suffered – could easily be described as miraculous. Perhaps it was the pure impossibility of these towers that drew the Kathawari’s interest; curiosity was never something to be ignored or discouraged for it is how one learns about the world, but they should exercise caution. In her current state, the maiden hadn’t dared to venture too close for the terrain at the base was uneven and unsteady, treacherous while she was still so cumbersome. Instead she had settled for contemplating them from a distance; over the last few months they had been a constant – a beacon of hope that things would go back to how they once were.

But they wouldn’t. It couldn’t.

Even if she got her deepest, most desperate wish, and Aeson did return, things would, undoubtedly, be different. He had been gone for so long – who knew what had kept him away, what horrors he’d seen and if or how he had changed. Even if he hadn’t, things would be different between them … Dittany was already overdue with the child they had created together, there was no question that its arrival would change things and the maiden could only pray that it would be for the better. If Aeson returned at all.

Maybe she was being foolish; hanging onto hope for so long. She’d been in this situation before, while she’d been expecting Thea and she had forced herself to try and move on. The mare hadn’t exactly been a good mother to the poor filly, but she had at least kept her daughter rather than abandoning the newborn. The relationship between mother and filly wasn’t a good one – and that was a part of the reason that Dittany had approached Aeson all that time ago; she wanted a second chance, a chance to prove herself.

The palomino mare had cursed herself so many times now that she’d lost count. Sometimes she cursed herself for allowing a bond of trust to form (however vacant or insignificant it seemed to the stallion) or for even asking Aeson for a child. Sometimes she cursed the fact that she hadn’t simply told him that she was expecting, regardless of his emotional state at the time – but mostly she regretted not running off after him the moment she’d realised he’d left. At the time, logic and her empathy for the situation he’d found himself in told her that Aeson needed time to himself, time to come to terms with the devastating news he’d received. The Kathiawari had trusted that, when he was ready, he’d return home. It was just that that day had never come.
*****

The thunderous pounding of hooves pulls the mare abruptly out of her sleep. Ears pricked instantly and her head raised so fast that the movement left her vision blurred and her head spinning. It cleared within moments, but by then the approaching equine had already thundered past her, towards the shore. Her gaze looked out between the timers, spotting the shape of an equine, but the dim light of twilight denied her any further detail. From the sound of the hoofbeats, this beast had barely missed her resting spot by a few meters at most, yet seemed to have neither spotted her nor sort her out. The maiden hesitated for a minute before rising to her hooves as carefully as she could. Naturally, she resumes as upright a posture that her condition would allow before she stepped forwards, towards the shore. It had been months since she’d seen another equine – if nothing else, she need to take a closer look. She didn’t have to engage this stranger, she didn’t even have to allow them to realise that she was there, but she just needed to know for her own sanity, if nothing else, that she wasn’t completely alone in the world.

Hooves are placed as softly on the ground as she can manage, the pale strands of her tail flicking round her distended barrel as she did her best not to make a sound. Prime had just disappeared beyond the horizon when the Kathiawari came to a halt at the edge of the treeline, her eyes fixed on the equine who stood before her. Build suggests that this is a stallion, his scent is faint and its markings are hard to make out in the failing light but Dittany strains her eyes as her lobes lean forwards. An internal struggle had broken out the moment that the mare had heard hoofbeats; hope had grown from a flicker into a roaring fire, but common sense and doubt were desperately trying to rein it back in – and winning. Aeson wouldn’t have left her this long, not if he was able to return. No … something horrendous must have happened to keep him away, either he had died, or suffered a devastating wound or been kidnapped or trapped. Whatever had happened, he wasn’t coming back. And nor was Dittany. This was her final night in this territory; the thought of what could have been was just too painful to bear.

But this stallion’s scent seemed so familiar. And, if she strained her eyes in the dim light, she was sure she could make out his striped markings. But no ... hope was cruel and Dittany had to dismiss this to be some sick trick that her own mind was playing on her. A deep sigh rolls through the mare’s lungs, her tail flicking around her barrel as the foal kicked and she emitted another low rumble to try and console the restless child before she went to return back to the safety of the woodland once again. As she takes a step to turn herself around, she catches the sight of movement out the corner of her eye. She looks round at the mirage again, but it was still there, its mane and tail clearing being thrown about by the salt-ridden wind. Dittany hesitated, her heart suddenly started pounding so hard against her ribs that it ached. Her breath caught, her thoughts raced and so many emotions started bubbling up inside her that the maiden didn’t know what to think or feel. Eventually, she collected herself enough to form a word. Just one word: ”Aeson?” Her voice was breathy, uncertain and underwritten by so many conflicting emotions that it was impossible to define the tone. It just couldn’t be him … could it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Ariadne Dittania Lasithi Minoa



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