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You only get one shot do not miss your chance to blow; Théoden vs Exseus for Bracken Bracken
Topic Started: Mar 3 2013, 05:26 PM (528 Views)
TheIceViking
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It's not much of a life you're living
It's not just something you take, it's given

The dunskin overo stallion slowly walked into the battle grounds. He had made sure to boost his confident before coming over. The paint horse was taking his first steps into starting his own herd and he hoped to be successful, even though it meant gaining few scars. His bright blue eyes search over the place hoping to see the stallion he had challenged. Théoden had decided not to any mercy and challenge for everything the stallion owned. His land and all the mares he had. The dunskin overo was unsure on how many mares lived in the territory but he hoped to be able to get at least one or two mares. The stallion snorts before breaking into a gallop warming his limps up. His gallop then soon slows down to trot and he looks around. He wanted to be ready when or if the stallion would show up.

Théoden would give him three days and not a second more, if he wasn’t here by then he would take it all away. The stallion comes to a halt as he waits for his opponent. Théoden would try his hardest to win the claim over Bracken Bracken and the mares the rested there.


Théoden - 16.1 hh - 5 years old - Paint horse - Mares:0 - Foals:0 - Neutral - Homeless
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Pearl • Durin • Izabella
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ms_lynn
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Fury blazed in his eyes and he traveled to the battle grounds. What guts this stallion may have to battle him. He was older, yes, but had much more experience than a young, selfish, stallion. He snorted aloud, as glanced at a reflection of himself in a pond as he was passing by. His muscle stature had not changed a bit since he was ten years of age. A thick rump, semi-wide barrel, and a deep chest. He laughed, all he could wish to this stallion was good luck, because he wasn't going to beat Exseus. Not a chance.

Shadows bounced along his side, the battle grounds were beginning to come alive with the rising of morning prime. The light beamed on his brilliantly patched coat as a smooth lope carried him to the stallion he had come here to meet. Come here to beat.

Birds sang their sweet tunes, almost uplifting the land, and rodents scurried along the trees and ground, it seemed breeding season was working its magic. Several stallion paced among the trees, taking their turns trying to rip each other limb-from-limb. What a lovely sight indeed.

Blood stained the ground he walked on and blood splattered the trees. His blood wouldn't be found on the land today. He was determined to win. He was going to win.

It was then. In the middle of a meadow, surrounded by trees stood the painted stallion whom he'd to he'd come here to quarrel with. A smirk rose about Exseus features as he walked up to the stallion, he then stopped a few feet from him and then spoke, his voice was deep and strong, "I am Exseus. You have called me here to fight, yes?" His dark eyes seared into the stallions'. "If so then, what are the conditions?"

The stallion was of the same height and muscular stature of Exseus. What a bummer, Exseus had been expecting to beat a larger stallion. The stallion seemed wise for his age, Exseus liked that. Compassion raked through Exseus. The stallion reminded him of himself. This was going to be a fun fight, and Exseus knew it wasn't going to be easy.
some people never go crazy......what truly horrible lives they must live
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TheIceViking
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It's not much of a life you're living
It's not just something you take, it's given

Théoden was a patient stallion and was in no rush to start the battle however he wanted to finish this sooner rather than later. The stallion looked around and for a moment the sun blinded his vision. He turned his head in the other direction. It could be a little trouble to have the sun blinding him during the battle but he was hoping that wouldn’t happen. After he has waited for not so long he notices a stallion coming towards him. The dunskin’s overo ears rotated forth once the stallion begins to speak, he introduces himself as Exseus. This was the stallion Théoden had challenged.

When Exseus stops talking after asking him what his conditions are Théoden starts speaking. “My name is Théoden and yes, I am the stallion who has challenged for the claim over Bracken Bracken” he pauses for a second before starting to talk again. The paint horse hadn’t completely made any decision on the conditions but he had a basic idea in mind that hopefully could work. “If I win I cannot ban you to challenge for it again but I ask to keep it for two or three years at least, if you want a rematch. If you win I will promise to leave your Bracken Bracken alone as long as you hold claim over it” Théoden stopped, thinking that he was being fair.

The blue eyed stallion stands few steps away from Exseus and waits for his approval on the conditions. His legs are ready if the other stallion decides to attack or not, better be safe than sorry.

Théoden - 16.1 hh - 5 years old - Paint horse - Mares:0 - Foals:0 - Neutral - Homeless
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Pearl • Durin • Izabella
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ms_lynn
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The stallion named, Théoden spoke with wisdom beyond his years. Exseus liked that, and, again, reminded him of himself. Exseus smiled and nodded in agreement to the stallion's words. "Yes, this all seems very fair." Exseus paused and made eye contact and held it. "Except one microscopic sliver for you." Exseus offered a friendly smile. "If I win, you can be my beta, or co-leader, as long as you wish. If you don't want to be my beta I completely, and utterly, understand." His deep voice held reasoning, his eyes held Théoden's. Exseus waited for a response.

"Would you like to take your turn first? Or shall I?" A smirk crinkled up on his face and dimples formed just an inch back from his gray lips. His well built muscles stormed with anticipation as he waited to start. A thought echoed in his mind that he couldn't help but smile to.

Let the games begin.
some people never go crazy......what truly horrible lives they must live
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TheIceViking
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It's not much of a life you're living
It's not just something you take, it's given

His blue eyes were focusing on the equine in front of him, he viewed every angle he could attack on and be attacked on. Théoden was not stupid and knew what parts on his body needed the most protection. The sixteen point one hand stallion waited to hear what Exseus thought about the deal the dunskin had offered him. The dunskin overo was pleased when Exseus said that it seemed fair, which meant that they would be able to start soon. The stallion began speaking again and Théoden listened. His ears rotated forth when he heard what the stallion was talking about. He was very surprised of what the stallion then said. Exseus had just offered Théoden to be his beta if he would win, the paint horse thought for a moment. He could not make a decision now, which would have to be made after the battle was over. “I will think about it” Théoden says. A smirk crosses the dunksin’s lips when the other stallion starts speaking asking who shall go first. Without any other words the paint horse started attacking.

Attack #1

The dunskin overo stallion pushed himself forth with his hind legs. His muscles were flexed and ready for the action. He felt his front hoofs hit the ground; his neck was stretched forward to get as much speed as possible. The stallions ears were pinned down and his eyes focusing on his opponent. He felt the wind doing its best to slow him down. When Théoden’s hind legs hit the ground for the second time he reared up but making sure not to go too high so his stomach would be left unprotected. He aimed with his hoofs at Exseus’s back. His bright blue eyes were closed as he tried to use as much power in his body to create a hard hit on the other stallion’s frame.

His eyes were squeezed shut and his own heartbeat blocking any sound around him. The adrenaline was shooting through his body and soon he felt his hoofs touch the ground again a little harshly. His mind was racing and his heart was beating three times faster. Slowly he opened his eyes hoping that blood would be the first thing to come to his vision.


Théoden - 16.1 hh - 5 years old - Paint horse - Mares:0 - Foals:0 - Neutral - Homeless
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Pearl • Durin • Izabella
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ms_lynn
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im derpylicious
His dark eyes watched Théoden as he started the battle. Exseus took a deep breath in and let his movements flow.


D E F E N S E - #1

Théoden He watched the stallion rear the first time, and that gave away his whole ordeal. Now that Exseus knew what Théoden was doing he moved with the stallion, managing to sway away from the move. Although, Théoden's hoof managed to scrape a little hide off on the left side of his barrel, up next to his left leg.

There was little tenderness at the arena of his new battle mark. Exseus stretched out his leg there was a slight twinge of pain, but all-in-all a very good thing for Exseus.

A T T A C K - #1

Exseus inhaled deeply and charged at the stallion. His legs stretched, this bothered the mark on his leg a bit, but not nearly enough to cause him any real pain. He bared his teeth and tried his very best to drill them along his side, and then as he got down he bared down harder. Exseus tasted blood in his mouth, but that didn't mean anything, he could have simply bit his lip.


His eyes watched Théoden with pleasure. This was quiet fun indeed.
some people never go crazy......what truly horrible lives they must live
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TheIceViking
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It's not much of a life you're living
It's not just something you take, it's given

The paint horse noticed that he had been able create a small wound on the stallions barrel; however it was not enough to cause his opponent pain that would slow him down. Therefor Théoden would have to try harder next time but right now there was no time to think about that.

Defense/Damage #1

Théoden watches as Exseus comes closer, the dunskin was unsure what his move was. His blue eyes trying to read the stallions attack. Unfortunately the paint horse hadn’t been quick enough to read his attack and soon he feels Exseus’s teeth’s dig into the flesh on his shoulder. The blue eyed stallion moans in pain. He feels the teeth coming closer to his barrel and if he was feeling right Exseus was starting to push harder. With his long legs and agility the paint horse finally able to move away before Exseus make’s a cut too deep. He leaps away from the stallion and he feels the blood dripping down his barrel. There was not much time but he takes a quick look at his wound. A cut starting on his shoulder, a shallow one but when getting closer to his barrel the cut gets deeper. Not deep enough to rip his barrel open but deep enough to leave a lifelong scar.

The pain from the wound was much more than he was hoping it would be. This would make it a lot harder for Théoden to attack, but he would have to. He was not going to give up.

Attack #2

The sixteen hand horse stared at his opponent’s position. He notices the pleasure of the other stallion which angers the dunskin. Théoden whinnies loudly before starting to race towards Exseus. As he ran the wound constantly gave him a notice that it was there. He squeezed his eyes shut and locks his jaw while he attacks, because it was going to hurt, a lot.

Théoden notices that there isn’t much for him to do, with a cut that big he would not be able to circle the stallion. He would be attacked before he would even get a chance to run past him. Therefor the dunskin goes as fast as he possibly can, it was hard to catch up a proper speed but before he crashes into the other stallion he uses his hind legs to stop himself. The pain from the wound shoots through his body but he does his best to ignore it for those few seconds. Right now he was lucky to be a stallion with long legs and therefor rather quick on his feet but he was unsure if he would succeed on this, but it was a risk he was ready to take. He quickly takes a half circle, now having his rump directed at the other stallion which was a lot of risk. But before he allows Exseus to do him any harm he lifts up his hind legs and kicks with all the power he has left in his body, hoping to hit the other stallion’s chest or neck.

As his hind legs stretch out he feels the gash on his barrel tear a bit causing it to start bleeding more. A moan is released from the stallion again as his hind legs hit the ground. He didn’t know if he had hit Exseus, he had been too busy focusing on his own pain. He scoots away from the stallion, at least hoping to get away before being attacked again. He comes to a halt and turns around.


Théoden - 16.1 hh - 5 years old - Paint horse - Mares:0 - Foals:0 - Neutral - Homeless
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ms_lynn
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A dark smile surfaced on his lips as he watched Théoden whimper in pain. Exseus cast a quick glance at raw spot on his barrel. It had a small steam of blood trailing down his leg. Exseus looked at Théoden and readied himself for the next attack.

D E F E N S E - #2

Théoden was quick, but not as quick as he was before the long gash down his body. Exseus watched Théoden charge at him, but he didn't run into him, he managed to stop just before he hit him. Then Théoden spun around and kicked his heels at Exseus.

Exseus had no idea what was going on, he knew was to not tense up, he took a small step forward. He heard the crunch from inside his barrel before he felt the pain. Razors on the inside of his skin, Exseus knew exactly what it was, broken ribs.
He threw a glance at the arena where he had been struck. Blood flowed slowly down his barrel, the spot was as big as two hooves put together. Most of the skin was torn off to show pink-red flesh, maybe two-three ribs where broken and a couple more fractured. He took a couple steps forward and pain rushed though his body. He turned to Théoden, it was now Exseus' turn, and he would make Théoden pay.


A T T A C K - #2

The blood had slowed to a trickle at his new battle mark. Exseus nodded respectfully at Théoden, apologizing ahead of time for what he was going to do.

Exseus charged at Théoden and rearing just as he was next to him, he clenched his teeth as pain tore though him. Pain blurring his his vision he then aimed to paw his back, neck, or rump several times, he attempted to really sink his hooves into Théoden's back. His hope was to rip chunks of flesh off of the stallion. After a couple brutal moments Exseus backed down, and walked quiet a few feet away from the stallion while he surveyed the damage.


Exseus nodded and gave a 'good fight' to Théoden. Now the fight was to be assessed.
some people never go crazy......what truly horrible lives they must live
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TheIceViking
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It's not much of a life you're living
It's not just something you take, it's given

When the dunskin stallion was able to take a look at Exseus he noticed the blood running down his barrel. It pleased the paint horse that at least some damage had been done, but was it a damage that would slow his opponent down? He would just have to wait and see.

Defense #2

Théoden was able to see Exseus coming at him and now the dunskin overo needed to be prepared. To the stallion’s surprised Exseus reared when he was closer to the blue eyed stallion. His eyes opened widely and for a second he froze, unsure what he could do. The time did not freeze like the stallion and soon he felt the silver grulla’s hoofs hit hard on his back. Théoden collapsed and fell harshly to the ground, the pain shot through his body and for few seconds it was hard to move. The cut on his barrel was now covered in dirt and grass which couldn’t be good. Théoden tried to stand up but the pain from his back made the stallion hesitate a bit. Exseus hoofs had most likely fractured the ribs close to his spine. Luckily for Théoden he had fallen to the ground saving himself from the hoofs that could have broken his ribs or even causing damage to the spine.

Théoden pulled himself up, eyes squeezed together as he tried not to focus on the pain. He was standing on all four legs now. His barrel all bloody and dirty after the long cut Exseus had made with his teeth. Théoden tried to take a good look at his back but it was hard to turn the neck because of the pain, but as far as he could see Exseus had been able to tear a bit of his skin where his hoofs had landed on Théoden’s back. The wound was not as deep as the first one and would likely not leave a lifelong scar but it was possible.

Théoden looked over at Exseus, if Théoden would lose this battle he would rather go for another territory rather than staying close to Exseus as a beta in Bracken Bracken.


Théoden - 16.1 hh - 5 years old - Paint horse - Mares:0 - Foals:0 - Neutral - Homeless
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devotchka
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WELL SWEET MOTHER TERESA ON THE HOOD OF A MERCEDES BENZ
using kim’s layout cuz it rocks

first attacks


VIKING AND THEODEN
comments: I've seen this attack before, but it was nicely written and believable. Good description.
originality: 3/5
damage done: 2/5
realism: 5/5
total: 10/15

MS LYNN AND EXSEUS
comments: I liked this - unusual attack but I cannot see it ever doing serious damage.
originality: 4/5
damage done: 3/5
realism: 4/5
total: 11/15

________________________________________________________________________


first defenses


VIKING AND THEODEN
comments: Deepening cut starting at shoulder - appropriate reaction to the attack. I liked how you described the pain.
originality: 3/5
damage done: 4/5
realism: 5/5
total: 12/15

MS LYNN AND EXSEUS
comments: Scraped side of leg - I was disappointed in this. Very superhorse and not much description.
originality: 2/5
damage done: 1/5
realism: 3/5
total: 6/15


________________________________________________________________________


second attacks


VIKING AND THEODEN
comments: Well done for continuing his injury in this post! Again, there was some nice description in here. However, a very common move.
originality: 2/5
damage done: 4/5
realism: 5/5
total: 11/15

MS LYNN AND EXSEUS
comments: Again, well done for the continuation of the previous injury. The description of this attack was good and original.
originality: 4/5
damage done: 5/5
realism: 4/5
total: 13/15

________________________________________________________________________


second defenses


VIKING AND THEODEN
comments: Scrapes on skin and fractured ribs - I find this accurate. Nicely written.
originality: 4/5
damage done: 5/5
realism: 5/5
total: 14/15

MS LYNN AND EXSEUS
comments: Broken ribs - Totally realistic. However, this is the third case of broken ribs in the recent battles, there is more to a horse's anatomy than his ribcage!
originality: 3/5
damage done: 5/5
realism: 5/5
total: 13/15


________________________________________________________________________


RESULTS


VIKING AND THEODEN
comments: I enjoyed reading your posts. Sometimes your grammar is a little dodgy - run it through a spell check but the description in your work is lovely. You have definitely improved in the quality of battle posts.
grammar / punctuation / spelling: 4/5
total: 51/65

MS LYNN AND EXSEUS
comments: There are some great ideas here, but the same with Olof, you need to watch your grammar. Some of your ideas are very original and interesting to play out, but be aware of letting Exseus being a superhorse in your defences.
grammar / punctuation / spelling: 4/5
total: 47/65




the victor is: VIKING AND THEODEN
Close battle! You both did very well, I congratulate both of you. You both are great writers and have a lot of good ideas, and the only thing I would say to you is to really crack down on your grammar. Spell check things, and read your work out aloud to see if it flows. Writing tends to be of a higher standard automatically if the grammar is correct, so keep working on it!

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in these cages we call walls ~
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