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it's only a matter of time; Carthage vs Corvo
Topic Started: Feb 10 2013, 03:25 PM (564 Views)
ƒierce
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i've not yet begun to defile myself.
The dark bay stood his ground in a solid manner, poised and ready should the stallion he challenged decide to fight dirty and attack him from behind. Carthage had challenged a stallion called Corvo for his all of his mares. This was a rather bold move on behalf of the younger stallion, but he wasn't going to get anywhere by being cautious. The Friesian Hybrid was a handsome sight: dark mane and tail swinging in small breezes, dark bay hide hidden beneath his winter fuzz, crimson optics calmly darting from one landscape marker to the other. While winter wouldn't have been Carthage's preference for when to fight, the season provided a few benefits: his hide and more vulnerable areas would be more protected with his winter coat, the ground was slippery with snow which would be a hazard for both parties, and the cold would perhaps make moving hard for the older stallion. His solid handsome form stood t the typical height of fifteen point three hands. The young stallion would try and use this to his advantage, though his height may or may nor help his plight because of Corvo's unknown height. Carthage stood calmly, thinking as to when Corvo would show himself and how this battle would end.
ƒierce   (adj.)   ferocious; bold; intense; dauntless
if i am chaos, then you are the storm inside of me
Aura | Fatale | Harlem | Phalaenopsis
Shikari | Shtriga | Vervain | Vitae
Carnivean | Finnigan | İskender
Lir | Martyr | Sonste | Thames
28 || adoptions -- log -- mare plotting -- to do list Asylum | Flannery | Hoarfrost | Israël | Magdalena | Rivulet| Salvatore
Sears | Stheno | Tribulation | Vermillion -- ( up for adoption )
Hollow | Ristian | Sémillon -- ( potentially adoptable )
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Hoknell
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Corvo was furious. The last time he had battled was for claim over Cardamon. Now he was about to battle for so much more - his mares. His mares were precious to him, more of a pride and respect thing. But he would risk his life for every one of them. He appreciated what life was, and believed that his mares' lives were safe underneath him. The one mare he could not stop thinking about, though, was Hadley. He truly loved her. The thought of her being underneath another stallion's claim because he lost a battle was sickening, and that thought fed his rage.

Corvo soon caught sight of the intruder. He snorted quietly, held his head high, and approached him. "I am Corvo, the one you have challenged for everything dear." He snarled. "And even though I am greedily eyeing your throat right now, I am willing to and feel the need to discuss matters first. Do realize that if you so happen to win, I will not cease to fight you for claim over my mares. They are dear to me, and I will make sure to drill that fact into your head no matter how difficult. However, if I win, you shall never challenge for my mares again as long as I breathe." Corvo paused before adding, "Anything you want to add to that? Or if you prefer to walk out now, be my guest."
Edited by Hoknell, Feb 12 2013, 09:10 PM.
"It's a slow fade when you give yourself away, it's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid when you give yourself away People never crumble in a day... It's a slow fade..." ~ Casting Crowns

"Shine, make 'em wonder what you got, make 'em wish that they were not on the outside lookin' bored/when you shine, you will inspire the kind of entire turn-around that would make a bouncer take ballet, even bouncers who aren't happy" ~ Newsboys

"Every storm runs out of rain" ~ Title of a song by Gary Allan

"God is love; the thing that holds us together" ~ Skye from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D
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ƒierce
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i've not yet begun to defile myself.
The Friesian-influenced stood quietly, ears swiveling constantly, muscles poised and at the ready. Carthage thought as to what terms that he and Corvo could agree on. He knew that the male would most likely not stop trying to get his mares back, but Carthage would have to think of a remedy for that. Soon enough, the red colored stallion approached with his head held high. And, for having been the challenger, the instigator, the dark bay was unusually calm. He was cool and collected where Corvo was filled with rage. Carthage was calculating, wondering how to ease this process and have Corvo leave him alone. His brow raised slightly. 'Everything dear'? The bay smirked in the smallest degree at that and the chestnut threat at eyeing his throat. How ridiculous.

"I have left you your land, Corvo. Be happy that I am content with my own and do not desire yours. " This was said with a hint of acidic distaste, but he continued on with respectful tones, almost seeking to console the other. As for your mares, I realize they are dear to you, and I would have the same feelings for my own." The Friesian exhaled, the air fluttering his dark nostrils as he pondered in thought for a moment. His tones were still cool and calm throughout his speaking. "Should I win, I will not accept a battle over the mares that I win from you. No challenges afterward whatsoever. Should something happen to myself where I am not able to care for them, they will be free to return to you." He hoped Corvo would realize this to be respectful and courteous on the dark bay's behalf. He could always just say that they were free to go and not go back to the chestnut. "I would like to offer a way out of this battle. I can let you choose one mare to keep. Only one. You may keep her and still not challenge for the others per my conditions. Decide to fight me and the offer is withdrawn." Carthage stopped his talk, letting his opponent maul over his offer and conditions. Keeping the one mare would allow the chestnut to keep his lead or whatever favorite he had out of the mares. He wouldn't be let completely mare-less as Carthage would have previously left him. This was Corvo's chance to be smart or foolish.
ƒierce   (adj.)   ferocious; bold; intense; dauntless
if i am chaos, then you are the storm inside of me
Aura | Fatale | Harlem | Phalaenopsis
Shikari | Shtriga | Vervain | Vitae
Carnivean | Finnigan | İskender
Lir | Martyr | Sonste | Thames
28 || adoptions -- log -- mare plotting -- to do list Asylum | Flannery | Hoarfrost | Israël | Magdalena | Rivulet| Salvatore
Sears | Stheno | Tribulation | Vermillion -- ( up for adoption )
Hollow | Ristian | Sémillon -- ( potentially adoptable )
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Hoknell
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Corvo's lip twitched at his offer. The one equine that leaped into his head was Hadley - he would hate to lose her. Because he loved her, he was more cautious right now. He was confident he would win this battle, but what if he did not? He would lose his only true love. He hated choosing between mares, or walking away from a fight. He knew nothing about this stallion. He did not feel confident that they would be as safe under Carthage as they were under him. He was confident in only himself. No one else.

"I wish to add something to this offer." Corvo said after a moment. "We may battle. But if I lose I get the one mare and you get the others. Choosing between mares is barbaric, don't you think?" The Unmol Horse sneered inwardly, his voice straining to keep from growling. Instead, he tried to move all his anger into his piercing blue eyes as he glared at the stallion.
"It's a slow fade when you give yourself away, it's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid when you give yourself away People never crumble in a day... It's a slow fade..." ~ Casting Crowns

"Shine, make 'em wonder what you got, make 'em wish that they were not on the outside lookin' bored/when you shine, you will inspire the kind of entire turn-around that would make a bouncer take ballet, even bouncers who aren't happy" ~ Newsboys

"Every storm runs out of rain" ~ Title of a song by Gary Allan

"God is love; the thing that holds us together" ~ Skye from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D
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ƒierce
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i've not yet begun to defile myself.
The solid-colored dark bay waited patiently as they gray mauled over his offer, but, when Corvo actually spoke, the young male's sides heaved in a sigh. "As I said before, Corvo: decide to fight and the offer will be withdrawn. Choose one or lose all. If you're worried that I am not a fit stallion, you have no need to worry. I may be young, but I have good intentions for those under my claim. As for choosing, I wouldn't call it 'barbaric,' it's picking one mare and staying fit instead of scarring and maiming yourself and risk the loss of all of them. It's an easy way out.[/b] Carthage paused; he himself did not desire to battle. He desired more mares and a smooth transition. "Surely there is one you love? How would she feel if she found out that you passed up an offer to keep her with you? A herd can be restarted, but love can be lost." Carthage could feel and see the hate coming from the other stallion's eyes, but he remained poised should Corvo decide to attack rather than continue their discussion.
ƒierce   (adj.)   ferocious; bold; intense; dauntless
if i am chaos, then you are the storm inside of me
Aura | Fatale | Harlem | Phalaenopsis
Shikari | Shtriga | Vervain | Vitae
Carnivean | Finnigan | İskender
Lir | Martyr | Sonste | Thames
28 || adoptions -- log -- mare plotting -- to do list Asylum | Flannery | Hoarfrost | Israël | Magdalena | Rivulet| Salvatore
Sears | Stheno | Tribulation | Vermillion -- ( up for adoption )
Hollow | Ristian | Sémillon -- ( potentially adoptable )
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Hoknell
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With a quiet sigh, Corvo decided to stand his ground. He felt the urge to fight for all his mares, and yet he did not want to lose Hadley, or any of them. He would make his expectations and terms very clear to the stallion. "I cannot accept your rule of never challenging again for my mares if I lose. I have the right to challenge for them as long as I like. If I lose today, I have the right to challenge you one year out. " Corvo insisted. He hated what he was about to say next, but it was only fair. "This also gives you the right to challenge them as many times as you wish. But the other rule also stands for you - if I win today, you shall not challenge a full year out." He wanted another chance if he lost this one. He could not let go of his mares, or tell them that he was actually a coward by walking away from a battle and choosing between them. He had made it known that he was a courageous warrior, and he wanted to hold that example and expectation from them. To prove himself a coward was sickening. No, he would not retreat from battle today.
Edited by Hoknell, Feb 17 2013, 06:32 PM.
"It's a slow fade when you give yourself away, it's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid when you give yourself away People never crumble in a day... It's a slow fade..." ~ Casting Crowns

"Shine, make 'em wonder what you got, make 'em wish that they were not on the outside lookin' bored/when you shine, you will inspire the kind of entire turn-around that would make a bouncer take ballet, even bouncers who aren't happy" ~ Newsboys

"Every storm runs out of rain" ~ Title of a song by Gary Allan

"God is love; the thing that holds us together" ~ Skye from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D
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ƒierce
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i've not yet begun to defile myself.
The Friesian Hybrid waited patiently, the gray was obviously not going to give up on the fight. Carthage thought this honorable, but the fight itself was going to be difficult. His first. Where the dark bay was untried, Corvo was experienced, but where Corvo was older, Carthage had youth and agility, plus a slight height advantage. The younger stallion assessed his opponent carefully all while the gray was speaking. It seemed fair: they would fight today, and whoever lost had the right to challenge again two months out. The young bay nodded and began to speak. "That seems fair then. Now we shall begin; prepare yourself."

ATTACK ONE ::

The dark bay stands for a moment before tucking his chin in closer to his chest, giving him the opportunity to protect his tender throat and throatlatch. His dark ears, also, pin with the movement, protecting them from direct harm should Corvo bite at them. The Friesian's nostrils flare as he quickly contemplates his attack. As his weight shifts back onto his hindlegs, Carthage's dark lips part to reveal bared teeth ready to delve into the flesh of the other.

The sinewy muscles in his shoulders roll fluidly as he charges forward, pushing off of his hindlegs to find momentum. The male charges a single short stride before lifting the front of his body into the air. His lower-half, as he was now vertical, is angled slightly away from his opponent as to not allow damage to his ribcage and stallion organs. His forelegs and hooves paw powerfully at the air, seeking to strike at the gray's face directly.

Carthage cannot be sure whether he has hit his opponent, but he feels that with this attack he could have perhaps made deep gashes in the gray's face, damaged his nose, maybe even gotten at his eyes. Only time would tell the full extent of the damage done by him.

Before Corvo can recover and strike out between the bay's hindlegs, Carthage lands and trots a few paces away. The young stallion's blood is pumping in the most outrageous manner; he had never tasted this sort of adrenaline before. Everything was moving so fast, and he relished the thought of tasting the metallic tang of Corvo's blood on his tongue. The solid dark bay smirks, mouth slightly open as his sides move in the need for more oxygen. The younger mare swings his head back in the direction of his more experienced opponent. He didn't want to be blind to any attack that Corvo would throw at him.
ƒierce   (adj.)   ferocious; bold; intense; dauntless
if i am chaos, then you are the storm inside of me
Aura | Fatale | Harlem | Phalaenopsis
Shikari | Shtriga | Vervain | Vitae
Carnivean | Finnigan | İskender
Lir | Martyr | Sonste | Thames
28 || adoptions -- log -- mare plotting -- to do list Asylum | Flannery | Hoarfrost | Israël | Magdalena | Rivulet| Salvatore
Sears | Stheno | Tribulation | Vermillion -- ( up for adoption )
Hollow | Ristian | Sémillon -- ( potentially adoptable )
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Hoknell
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Defense 1:

Corvo could see Carthage going into a protective stance, covering his throat as he prepared to launch. Corvo's muscles tensed as his mind went to work, drawing up strategies that could be used to mostly avoid any typical attack the bay launched at him. Carthage leaped towards him and then reared up, aiming for Corvo's face. Instantly, Corvo took two long, striding steps back and then his front half of his body sloped down to avoid the worst of Carthage's kicks. One hoof managed to strike Corvo near his cheek and close to his left eye. The other hoof struck his lip, tearing it and causing it to bleed instantly. Corvo snorted in pain as his lip became hot with his blood which began to stain his skin and teeth. He stood back up to his full size, now feeling the bad bruise that was forming terribly close to his bone where Carthage's other hoof had hit him. Enough of this nonsense, the Unmol thought bitterly, the adrenaline fueling him to make a potent and dangerous attack.

Attack 1:

Corvo quickly eyed Carthage's position, thinking madly of what to do. The stallion had moved a few feet away from him. Corvo's split lip would make it exceedingly painful to even pull his lips back to administer a proper sinking of the teeth into the stallion's flesh. He would have to either endure the pain or come up with a new strategy. The stallion knew that an unexpected and original attack could be to his benefit, and seeing that his lip was in bad condition, it might be just what he had to do.

It was hardly a second as all this went through Corvo's head. He then took a couple lunging paces towards Carthage, aiming slightly towards the stallion's left to try and fool him into where he was really going. When Corvo was a pounce's distance away, he dug his hooves into the ground, his stomach and leg muscles tensing to keep a perfect and controlled balance as he reared up, his front legs tucking in towards his chest. Corvo's body twisted around like a cougar so that he believed he was aiming for the stallion's head. He cocked his head to aim it just so, and then in the blink of an eye he swooped his head down and opened his lips as far as he could bear. He clamped his teeth down harshly and then opened his jaws and pulled away, landing on all fours and taking a few smooth steps back as his forelock flicked over his eyes. With any luck, he had bitten Carthage on either side of his muzzle harshly enough to draw blood. In a moment, he would find out if he did.
"It's a slow fade when you give yourself away, it's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid when you give yourself away People never crumble in a day... It's a slow fade..." ~ Casting Crowns

"Shine, make 'em wonder what you got, make 'em wish that they were not on the outside lookin' bored/when you shine, you will inspire the kind of entire turn-around that would make a bouncer take ballet, even bouncers who aren't happy" ~ Newsboys

"Every storm runs out of rain" ~ Title of a song by Gary Allan

"God is love; the thing that holds us together" ~ Skye from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D
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ƒierce
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i've not yet begun to defile myself.
Carthage had kept his eyes open during his attack and was disappointed afterward to see that his hooves had only had a small amount of damage. A lot smaller than he had intended. But any damage was good damage in his mind. A smirk pulled at his parted lips at the sight of the other male's blood. Oxygen flooded his lungs, filling his spry ribcage. His eyes watched the slightly shorter stallion, quickly assessing what the gray Unmol would do.

DEFENSE ONE ::

The gray lunged toward him, aiming to the bay's left. Then, his opponent reared as he had. Thinking quickly, the young stallion rose back up on his hindlegs by a foot or two and pulled his head back; this was to minimalize any damage that he thought Corvo's hooves would have on his face. But, what Carthage did not expect, the gray swooped in and bite at his face. Carthage shrieked as his opponent's teeth made rough contact with his tender muzzle. Corvo's teeth had landed on the dark skin of his left nostril, and, even though the contact was brief, the way Corvo had clamped down had broken the skin, causing immense pain for the young male. It wasn't particularly deep, but Carthage could taste the trickle of blood that had begun to flow to his mouth. He knew that he would have to be immensely careful with grazing and even trying to use his sense of smell for at a few weeks until it healed over completely.
----------------------------------------------------

The two stallions landed simultaneously, Corvo having taken a few more steps back and with Carthage whipping his head back and forth. He lowered his head and whipped the excess of his blood on his knee, at least so that the metallic tang would be prevented from seeping onto his tongue. Carthage lifted his head and turns his crimson optics to Corvo as he chuckles. Corvo had gotten him pretty good. With that, the solid bay moves into his second attack.

----------------------------------------------------

ATTACK TWO ::

The solid-colored stallion charges to right side of the gray, though aiming a few feet away from him. He would the proper placement and degree for this. Carthage uses his momentum to angle the front half of his body away from the gray; this is so that his hindlegs are directly to the right side of Corvo's form. He then uses his weight to push down on his forelegs, his hindlegs raising into the air. With his youthful agility, Carthage slams his hindlegs into what he believes to be Corvo's chest, ribcage, or chest. Once he thinks that his hooves have made impact, he lands and bounds away. With any luck Carthage would have bruised, if not further damaged, the gray's ribs, shoulder, chest, or flank. But only time would tell.
ƒierce   (adj.)   ferocious; bold; intense; dauntless
if i am chaos, then you are the storm inside of me
Aura | Fatale | Harlem | Phalaenopsis
Shikari | Shtriga | Vervain | Vitae
Carnivean | Finnigan | İskender
Lir | Martyr | Sonste | Thames
28 || adoptions -- log -- mare plotting -- to do list Asylum | Flannery | Hoarfrost | Israël | Magdalena | Rivulet| Salvatore
Sears | Stheno | Tribulation | Vermillion -- ( up for adoption )
Hollow | Ristian | Sémillon -- ( potentially adoptable )
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Hoknell
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Corvo was pleased with the damage he had inflicted. It had been an excellent attack, one that he would hold with pride for a long time.

Defense 2:

Corvo eyed Carthage's fast approach to his right. The Unmol quickly decided that the best way to avoid this one was to run around him in a wide circle in the opposite direction from which he was approaching. Corvo waited as Carthage came close, and as soon as Carthage shifted his weight to his front legs to swing his hind ones around, Corvo's muscles tensed to kick off the ground in a gallop. But before the Unmol could hardly even take a step, Carthage's back hooves flew at him.

Corvo heard one sickening sound that was painfully loud: crack! And then the excruciating pain set in. Carthage's hooves had hit him at his right point of shoulder and squarely on his barrel. One of his ribs had broken instantly, and his point of shoulder's bone had bruised, nearly breaking as well. Corvo lifted up his head and let out a croaking whinny that rang throughout the snow-speckled land. It was hard to breathe now, and to let out that cry of pain only made the nauseating, fire-like pain on his rib and lip worse. Corvo's jaws then shut tightly, and he glared at Carthage. His rib was very badly broken and would take ages to heal. And even then it would never be quite the same. Corvo right then wished that Carthage had dealt him even more pain so that it was then at least numb. But no - it was too painful for him to even think properly or stand properly, but not painful enough to be numbing.

Attack 2:

Carthage looked as though he was miles away, even though in reality he was only a number of feet. But it might as well have been miles with pain like that. Running would be tricky - almost impossible due to his rip and point of shoulder. And Corvo's lip was still bleeding terribly as it ached and throbbed, so biting would not be any easier than before. Corvo snorted loudly, his nostrils flared as he tried to think quickly as to what to do. The pain kept flooding into his thoughts, making it hard to think of a next attack. It was about three seconds before Corvo finally moved to deal his last blow to Carthage.

Corvo sucked in a short, hissing breath before bounding towards Carthage in an awkward gallop that had faint limping mingled with it. Tears ran down Corvo's face as they ceased to spring to his eyes with every breath he took and every time his hoof on his injured leg struck the ground. He had to brave the pain just for a few seconds!

He came just to the left side of Carthage and reared up, the muscles in his legs and stomach still supporting him with adequate balance. Corvo tucked in his head and folded his right injured leg. He took his left leg and thrust it outward with all his might, aiming at what he thought was Carthage's neck or shoulder. It was as if his left leg was made of lightning, it had kicked so fast. Even though it had been quick, the harshness of the blow was weakened somewhat by the pain that still stuck with Corvo. Corvo had no idea if he had actually hit Carthage with his massive hooves or not. The Unmol Horse landed and then took a few staggering steps backward.
"It's a slow fade when you give yourself away, it's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid when you give yourself away People never crumble in a day... It's a slow fade..." ~ Casting Crowns

"Shine, make 'em wonder what you got, make 'em wish that they were not on the outside lookin' bored/when you shine, you will inspire the kind of entire turn-around that would make a bouncer take ballet, even bouncers who aren't happy" ~ Newsboys

"Every storm runs out of rain" ~ Title of a song by Gary Allan

"God is love; the thing that holds us together" ~ Skye from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D
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ƒierce
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i've not yet begun to defile myself.
Carthage watched the gray hesitantly; he could see the blood from the stallion's lip, and, as if it reminded him, Carthage could taste his own blood. He would have snorted the blood away if he didn't think it would like he was getting bitten again. The dark skin of his maw was stained red, and how it stung. Surely getting burn by fire wasn't as bad as this. The dark bay shook his head and grunted in response to the pain, barely seeing Corvo's charge in time.

----------------------------------------------

DEFENSE TWO ::

The gray had already began charging him when the bay's crimson eyes turned and looked. Carthage almost thought the worst would come. The gray reared back, positioned on the bay's left, and drew back his left leg as if to strike. Simultaneously, Carthage lifted his head high and angled his neck away should Corvo desire to get at his tender throat or rip at his ragged maw again. The gray stallion's hoof made impact quickly and hard, both bruising and tearing the young stallion's muscled neck.

Carthage let out a loud pained groan as he stepped away from the gray. His neck was bleeding from the long downward cut of Corvo's hoof. Thank the Fates that it was winter, Carthage would have hated to deal with a dirt-infected wound. The wound stretch from the middle of his neck down to the top of his left shoulder and, while it was not deep, blood flowed steadily from it down his left leg and chest. What remained of his hide that had stretched over it was now dangling loosely from the bay's neck. He could only be thankful that he getting away with a torn nostril and ripped neck. It could have been worse.

----------------------------------------------

With heavy breathing and pained grunts, Carthage looked to his ragged opponent. He gave a small curt nod, trying to avoid moving his wounded neck too much. He knew it would take a long while for that to heal, maybe a few months if it didn't get infected anyway. It stung when the loose skin touched his bloody flesh. "Well fought, Corvo. We'll see who won."

ƒierce   (adj.)   ferocious; bold; intense; dauntless
if i am chaos, then you are the storm inside of me
Aura | Fatale | Harlem | Phalaenopsis
Shikari | Shtriga | Vervain | Vitae
Carnivean | Finnigan | İskender
Lir | Martyr | Sonste | Thames
28 || adoptions -- log -- mare plotting -- to do list Asylum | Flannery | Hoarfrost | Israël | Magdalena | Rivulet| Salvatore
Sears | Stheno | Tribulation | Vermillion -- ( up for adoption )
Hollow | Ristian | Sémillon -- ( potentially adoptable )
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devotchka
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WELL SWEET MOTHER TERESA ON THE HOOD OF A MERCEDES BENZ
using kim’s layout cuz it rocks

first attacks


SENTIAO AND CARTHAGE
comments: Nice attack, although I'm not sure about Carthage moving away from Corvo afterwards. It can be seen as taking away from your defense and making it difficult for the other player to attack. If he was moving at speed you might have gotten away from it.
originality: 4/5
damage done: 3/5
realism: 3/5
total: 10/15

HOKNELL AND CORVO
comments: I like this attack and well written. Unfortunately the originality is taken away by Carthage already aiming for the muzzle.
originality: 4/5
damage done: 3/5
realism: 4/5
total: 11/15

________________________________________________________________________


first defenses


SENTIAO AND CARTHAGE
comments: Torn nostril; I liked the reaction Carthage had to it.
originality: 4/5
damage done: 3/5
realism: 3/5
total: 10/15

HOKNELL AND CORVO
comments: Cuts to under eye and nose; I don't find it liable that he would be able to back up and lean down in the time Carthage took to attack. Also it is mentioned he is struck under his eye but there is no description of that. Liked the detail of his other cut though.
originality: 5/5
damage done: 3/5
realism: 2/5
total: 10/15


________________________________________________________________________


second attacks


SENTIAO AND CARTHAGE
comments: A slightly roundabout way of describing it, but good attack. Common but very effective.
originality: 3/5
damage done: 5/5
realism: 5/5
total: 13/15

HOKNELL AND CORVO
comments: Liked the twist you put on a more common attack. Well written.
originality: 4/5
damage done: 4/5
realism: 5/5
total: 13/15

________________________________________________________________________


second defenses


SENTIAO AND CARTHAGE
comments: injured neck; bruised and torn. Nicely written, well done for linking in the previous attack.
originality: 5/5
damage done: 4/5
realism: 5/5
total: 14/15

HOKNELL AND CORVO
comments: Broken rib and damaged shoulder; completely appropriate for the attack.
originality: 4/5
damage done: 5/5
realism: 5/5
total: 14/15


________________________________________________________________________


RESULTS


SENTIAO AND CARTHAGE
comments: Overall a well written battle - you need to watch your grammar. Sometimes you miss out words/commas, or phrase things in a very odd way. Also be wary of letting your character not sustaining much damage from attacks - the weight of a horse falling back down from a rear whilst clamped to another horse's nose would be very nasty.
grammar / punctuation / spelling: 3/5
total: 50/65

HOKNELL AND CORVO
comments: Again, well written. Your character showed a very realistic reaction to the attacks. Work a little more on originality of your moves to improve your skills.
grammar / punctuation / spelling: 4/5
total: 52/65




the victor is: HOKNELL AND CORVO
So close! It was such a close battle, right up to the end! Well done to both of you! My only suggestion is to make your posts longer and more concise, but I think you both have good skills for battling, it's just a case of shaping them up a bit!

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in these cages we call walls ~
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