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watch your back; Nero Challenges for Cedar Outpost
Topic Started: Nov 21 2012, 11:11 PM (410 Views)
Kat.
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The dark bay tobiano stallion cantered into the battle ground the smell of the dead and dying raised the hairs down his spine, the shot of adrenaline was invigorating. Everything became clearer every movement even the slightest caught his attention. Blood surged through his body as he pranced to a place of his choice. This battle would not last long, the poor stallion who claimed the land he so desired would be defeated as easily as batting away an errant fly. He would send this stallion packing just as easily as he had killed his father just those few short months ago. Nero's ears pricked forward as he waited for his opponent to arrive in the clearing. Nero thought back to his brother who had wished to accompany him into the battle grounds. Usually he would let his brother do the dirty work but this was his battle to fight and not some petty matter. So Nero stood there waiting, crimson eyes darting about. A sneer marred his handsome face as he waited for the current owner of Cedar Outpost to arrive.
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No.
Alecto Does Not Have A Lisp.
It is just the way he talks. Sort of like a Snake.
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Chips909
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Where the points don't matter!
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A dark figure moved though the blood splattered land. The metallic smell of blood filled the male's nose, causing him to scowl. He was in a dangerous mood. For a second time after claiming a new home he was challenged. The first time he had taken beta position, but he wouldn't do that again. He would fight to the death if needed, he wasn't giving up his new land until he was long cold. The brute walked though the Battle Grounds at a slow pace, the young challenger could wait. His silver eyes rested on a pair of fighting stallion a ways off from him. he knew he would be doing the same thing in a few moments, once he found the young stallion that had stupidly brought them here. He continued on, and picked up his pace to a trot, quickly coming across the young stallion's scent. He followed it, and soon came across the male.

He scowled at the other male, not eager to make small talk. The ebony stallion raised to his full height, and rested his silver gaze on the male. His hardened muscles shone under his midnight pelt as Prime's rays fell upon him. His scowled stayed on his lips as he spoke to the other. "Are you, Nero, the one that challenged for Cedar Outpost?" He said gruffly, and rudely, ready to be over with this as he gazed at his rival, diastase clearly showing on his handsome features.
Lestat-Stallion-5yo.-Dark-Frisian-Black w/ silver eyes-16hh-Cedar Outpost-0 Mares-0 Foals-#C0C0C0
All The Good Monsters
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Kat.
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Watch out world, the Devil just arrived
The minimal bay tobiano was met by his opponent shortly after his challenge. If there was anything redeming about the other stallion it was his time management skills. A sneer colored Nero's handsome features as he observed the other stallion, he was about two inches taller than his opposition. Not that this gave him much of an advantage but Nero would take anything he could get. He was not dumb enough to judge a book by its cover or in better terms under estimate his opponent. Though on the outside he was all cocky and confident. The minimal tobiano bay stallion snorted and side stepped a little signifying his impatience. As the older black stallion spoke Nero snorted. "Yes I am Nero, Fool." The crimson eyed stallion kept all senses alert. "To make this quick If I win I get your land. If in the off chance that you win I will leave your land alone." Nero stated quickly readying himself for the battle to come.
Warmblood . minimal bay tobiano . crimson colored eyes . 16.2hh . dark . Challenging for Cedar Outpost
0 mares / 0 foal
. biography .
Edited by Kat., Dec 2 2012, 03:19 PM.
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No.
Alecto Does Not Have A Lisp.
It is just the way he talks. Sort of like a Snake.
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Chips909
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Where the points don't matter!
Ebony lobes disappeared into thick ebony tresses at Nero's words. A scowl started at his lips, and his eyes flashed, the younger equine had already pissed him off, but now with his words, talking to him like he was some dumb beast, made his blood boil. It was hot, and his silver eyes flashed. "I'm no fool you blasted idiot, I know how a battle works!" He said, his anger in his voice. He stared down his opponent, though calmed himself, he didn't want his fury to be the sore fuel for this battle. He needed to be clear headed, though his anger still burned red as he stared the arrogant stallion down. "Alright I'll make it quick." He growled, and giving just a twitch of the ears as a signal, started the battle.

Attack One:

The powerful ebony stallion threw himself towards the bay paint. His back hooves dug into the ground as he pushed off the earth beneath him, gathering as much power as he could before hopefully colliding with the other stallion. As he got close ivory teeth tried to catch the other anywhere he could, preferably the knees, or somewhere on his legs, but anywhere he could get him was fine. The ebony stallion thought he felt something near his mouth as he tried to collide with his rival, and latched on the best he could, though if could very well have been ground, he couldn't tell.

All he could hear was the blood pumping in his ears, drowning out anything else, his adrenaline rush though him, fueling him. After his assault he stood to quickly asses the damage done, and ready himself for an attack from the stallion. Everything was sharper in his eyes, a blade of grass stood out more, and his hearing returned as he stood for a second, catching his breath, and then rallied himself together, ready for whatever came next.
All The Good Monsters
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Kat.
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Watch out world, the Devil just arrived
Nero smiled at the slightly older stallion, for he was a fool or his opponent would not let Nero's cutting marks get to him. The minimal bay tobiano stallion said nothing in return to the black stallions speech. Then the battle began and Nero focused in on the task at hand.

Defense / Damage #1
The bay painted stallion watched his opponent carefully, all senses on high alert waiting for the black beast to begin the battle. As the brute propelled himself forward Nero knew instinctively that with that much weight behind him, if the black stallion happened to collide with his legs there was a possibility of Nero breaking something and there was no way the painted stallion would risk it, so as Lestat charged for him Nero waited until the last minute before neatly side stepping out of the black brutes way marginally avoiding a potentially dangerous situation. Though a stinging sensation on the outside of his knee told Nero that he had not evaded the second part of the attack with out injury. The black brutes ivory teeth had scraped a section of skin on the outside of Nero’s left knee off and judging from the dull pain that accompanied the injury the black brute had put enough pressure to knock his knee.


Attack #1
As the black brute retreated to assess the damage Nero did not wait for him to prepare again as he raced towards the stallion that stood between him and what he wanted. The bay tobiano's heart pounded, muscles extended and flexed with every stride that brought him near the black beast. Nero silently prayed that his plan would work. Nero closed in on his opponent and feigned to the left hopping to fool the black stud just long enough for his real attack to begin. Nero then lunged for the brutes face teeth aimed to clamp over bridge of his nose. Nero hopped that his attack had hit its mark.

Warmblood . minimal bay tobiano . crimson colored eyes . 16.2hh . dark . Challenging for Cedar Outpost
0 mares / 0 foal
. biography .
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No.
Alecto Does Not Have A Lisp.
It is just the way he talks. Sort of like a Snake.
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Chips909
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Where the points don't matter!
Defense 1:
The stallion could tell that he hadn't done much damage, and cursed himself, but Nero was already propelling himself at the ebony male. He snorted, and stood his ground as the bay quickly covered the distance between them. He seemed to swerve to the left, Lestat propelled himself forward, though saw the flash of ivory teeth. The black's movement forward had caused Nero's teeth to catch him right in front of the eye, blood spilling out of the gash, and some skin ripped off from the opposite direction both stallions were taking. He could feel the crimson hot on his skin as it flowed out of his wounds. It ran into his mouth, the hot metallic liquid sour in his mouth. He shook his head, his tresses getting into his wounds, making the exposed flesh to sting.

Attack 2:
All this had happened quickly, and Lestat was now finishing his first stride. He coupled his back legs under him, muscles rippling as he collected himself, readying himself. He then shoot his hind legs out at the bay stallion, hoping to hit him in the head, or his soft under belly. He then recovered, and his feet returned to the ground, and readied himself for the next attack.
All The Good Monsters
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Kat.
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Watch out world, the Devil just arrived

Defense / Damage #2
Nero just had time to put a marginal amount of distance between himself and the older black stallion before the males second and final attack began. The bay tobiano stallion was not prepared for the attack so when Lestat swung his hind end and kicked his hind legs straight at his head, all he could do was rear and hope that it did not do significant damage. Nero was unlucky as he felt the hooves of the large black stallion connect squarely with his lower jaw. The pain was instant and severe, letting the bay tobiano stallion know that he was most definitely injured. He took a few moments after putting a safe distance between himself and Lestat to assess the damage done. The pain was consistent and if Nero had to guess, the black stallion had fractured (put a crack in) his jaw and would most likely be a painful recovery.

Attack #2
Lestat had done a fair number on the Nero’s jaw and that took away for the most part using his teeth to do any major damage as it hurt to bite down. Though Nero would never let the black stallion know just how much it hurt. Nero cleared his head of all other thoughts and began planning his next move. He began circling Lestat and eyed every way he could attack. As he came around Lestat's backside he quickly reared up and came down hard attempting to in some way damage the black stallions spine. Nero backed up putting plenty of space between him and his opponent and awaited the verdict.
Warmblood . minimal bay tobiano . crimson colored eyes . 16.2hh . dark . Challenging for Cedar Outpost
0 mares / 0 foal
. biography .
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

No.
Alecto Does Not Have A Lisp.
It is just the way he talks. Sort of like a Snake.
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Chips909
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Where the points don't matter!
Defense 2:
Lestat's gash was worse than he thought, the stallion teeth might have reached the bone, though there wasn't much flesh there anyways, so it was possible. He was certain it would scar, though had no time to think on it as the bay started circle him. He didn't want to be like cornered prey, and bite out at the stallion, though purposely missed. Nero made his way around to his back side, and silver eyes followed him, and his ebony body moved to keep the bay facing him. Though he was a few seconds to late, and Nero was charging him. When Nero got close enough to do any damage he was looking Lestat on broadside, and as the warmblood rose, so did the black, lashing out at him with forelegs and teeth, though missing, and Nero came down on his shoulders, forcing Lestat back to the blood stained ground. His shoulder buckle underneath him, unable to hold his full weight, though he heaved himself up, and gingerly balanced on it, though when he put pressure on it it wouldn't hold. His face still gushed blood, and he felt a hot trickle down his shoulder as a gash made itself know.

He knew it would be very sore fora while, if something was not broken, it would be a long road to recovery. He stood, facing his opponent, ready to fight again if needed, he wouldn't give up, not yet. A scowl appeared on his face as his leg hung limp, and his face half torn off. He didn't feel like saying anything, and left it to the red eyed devil opposite to him to speak.
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Magnanimous
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using kim’s layout cuz it rocks

first attacks


CHIPS AND LESTAT
comments: the first time I read through, I wasn’t sure if your attack was the launching, or the biting. Be careful of this! If I hadn’t reread it a few times, I would have thought it was a double attack. otherwise, good job. Not the most original, but realistic and well described.
originality: 3/5
damage done: 4/5
realism: 5/5
total: 12/15

GHOST AND NERO
comments: nice! Not the most original, but effective and well written.
originality: 3/5
damage done: 4/5
realism: 5/5
total: 12/15

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first defenses


CHIPS AND LESTAT
comments: cut underneath the eye; very good description of the damage! Fair from the attack, and definitely no super-horse here.
originality: 5/5
damage done: 5/5
realism: 5/5
total: 15/15

GHOST AND NERO
comments: scraped skin on knee; I was actually disappointed with this; the way it read was confusing, and I feel as if the damage was light compared to the attack. Watch for this!!
originality: 4/5
damage done: 3/5
realism: 4/5
total: 12/15


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second attacks


CHIPS AND LESTAT
comments: short and sweet. Common, but it works. Remember to carry on his injuries! I saw no evidence of the blood getting in his way, etc.
originality: 2/5
damage done: 5/5
realism: 4/5
total: 11/15

GHOST AND NERO
comments: nice. This is a rather uncommon attack; I haven’t seen it often.
originality: 4/5
damage done: 5/5
realism: 5/5
total: 14/15

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second defenses


CHIPS AND LESTAT
comments: injured shoulder; gash on shoulder. ALSO well done mentioning the previous damage, I was happy to see that.
originality: 4/5
damage done: 5/5
realism: 5/5
total: 14/15

GHOST AND NERO
comments: fractured jaw; im assuming cut skin? This is appropriate
originality: 5/5
damage done: 5/5
realism: 5/5
total: 15/15


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RESULTS


CHIPS AND LESTAT
comments: I found few errors. Mostly I would suggest plugging the post in to a word processor. Also, watch for double attacks; I felt that the first one was toing the line.
grammar / punctuation / spelling: 4/5
total: 56/65

GHOST AND NERO
comments: few errors found—watch your sentences, I saw a few fragments which made it weird to read; my only note is to watch for the super horsing! You lost points for your first defense.
grammar / punctuation / spelling: 4/5
total: 57/65




the victor is: GHOST AND NERO
Holy cow, you guys. This was SO close. Literally one point away!!! Very very close; it was fun to judge. My only suggestion: make it longer & clearer. Well done, my dears!


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we are not things; those were her words!
salome | ishtar | piper| riesling | rani | anael | iscaie | silas | faolan | sven | nyss|

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