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| let the dances begin (for fun fight); this is a fake fight, to increase Icelands and my fighting abilities | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 11 2012, 10:17 PM (494 Views) | |
| ms_lynn | Jun 11 2012, 10:17 PM Post #1 |
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im derpylicious
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Tornado snorted and pawed the ground impatiently. He's late, Tornado thought. He was ready for anything. His amber eyes traced the ground before him. No one would tell him how to act or how to do anything. No one. He paced with inpatient's, his black body shimmering in the sun and his ebony feathers flickering in the winter wind. What was he doing? His eyes searched the perimeter again, but he still saw nothing. He let out an upset moan. He lived right next to Virgill. It was the same traveling time at his home than it was here. It wasn't fair that they had to fight for land. Virgill and him had land of their own, so why were they fighting. Tornado's gears in his black head started to turn. Ah, yes. The mare. The mare was beautiful. Tornado wanted her so badly but alas she didn't care for him, but why? Tornado didn't care what she thought of him, he just wanted to get this stupid thing over. It was completely idiotic. When Tornado scanned the grounds yet again, he saw him. Tornado smirked to himself and mumbled, "Let the games begin", an evil chuckle managed to escape the stallions mouth. Ooc- mwhahahah, I had them fight over a fake mare X] -is so pumped- Edited by ms_lynn, Jun 12 2012, 09:52 AM.
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some people never go crazy......what truly horrible lives they must live | |
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| TheIceViking | Jun 15 2012, 12:40 PM Post #2 |
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Virgill was just about to enter the battle grounds, he looked over the place. He had been here before when he fought for Miser's Thicket but the stallion chickened out. He saw Tornado in distance, the air blew out of his nose like a smoke in the cold winter air. He walked closer to Tornado but not to close, he stomped down in anger. He wanted that mare and he was going to fight for her, he reared and landed down with loud hoof pounding, he was showing his anger and how serious he was about this. "So you decided to come" Virgill said with deep voice and he laughed at Tornado, Tornado did not chicken out so this was going to be fun ... |
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Active characters Pearl • Durin • Izabella | |
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| ms_lynn | Jun 15 2012, 02:02 PM Post #3 |
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im derpylicious
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He saw Virgill approaching and his ears flung back. He stomped his hoof in return to the stallions snide comment. "Of course I'm here, idiot. I wouldn't miss this for the world." A sneer crossed the stallions handsome face. His dark eyes traced down the dark bay in front of him. Virgill was tall, taller than Tornado, so he had the advantage there. But when it came to who was more masculine, and had more mussels, Tornado came in first place. This fight was going to be a close call. But whatever came his way Tornado had to deal with it. His deep dark winter coat shielded him from a cool gust that whipped his tail and mane over to his right side. He couldn't wait til the games started, but what moves would he make? His eyes narrowed at Virgill, "Let us begin." A smirk arose on Tornado's face. The adrenalin pumped in his ears, it was overpowering, so overpowering that he couldn't hear anything but it. He took a deep breath and backed up. And the gears in his mind starting to turn as he thought of a good way to injure the stallion badly. Attack One! As he stood in front of the stallion his heart pounded in his ears like a drum. He quickly went up to a trot and then gallop, his thick legs thumping on the cold snow. He came to the stallions side and bared his teeth, pushing down hard while running along the stallion's lean body, his hope was to make a long gash along the stallions stomach and back. When reaching the end of his body, Tornado cut into the stallions derriere, wishing to make a very deep wound on the stallion's rump. Tornado pulled away with satisfaction as he watched the stallion to see what he would do next. He was tense with excitement as he watched the stallion try to access the damage. This was going to be an easy game to play. Edited by ms_lynn, Jun 16 2012, 07:59 AM.
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some people never go crazy......what truly horrible lives they must live | |
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| TheIceViking | Jun 24 2012, 06:46 PM Post #4 |
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Virgill had his eyes open waiting for what would happen, what Tornado would do to hurt him. Virgill’s muscles were tense and he waited for Tornado to attack. Defense/damage 1 Virgill was getting ready for Tornado’s attack, he positioned himself so he would be able to save himself if needed. He saw the black stallion coming towards him galloping. Virgill was ready defending himself but Tornado galloped to his site, he felt his teeth touching his body creating big wounds on his stomach and rump, before Tornado had reached to his rump Virgill had moved away quickly enough from him so the wound was not as bit as it would have been. The pain rushed through his body like lighting and he was bleeding nonstop. The wound was biggest on his rump and it was the pain fullest, he wasn’t able to imagine how it would be if he wouldn’t had move away. Attack 1 Virgill saw the satisfaction in Tornado’s eyes and the anger inside him started rising. He scratched the ground angry, he blocked the pain for a minute while he started running against Tornado. Virgill was bigger and looked down at Tornado, Tornado was strong but not as tall as Virgill so it would be easy to hurt his back or head. Virgill reared when he was close enough sending his fronts hooves tearing deep into Tornado’s back. When his hooves landed on the ground they were bloody. Slowly Virgill started feeling the pain from his wounds again. He backed away a bit to be prepared for Tornado’s attack. |
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Active characters Pearl • Durin • Izabella | |
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| ms_lynn | Jun 25 2012, 02:46 PM Post #5 |
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im derpylicious
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Defense/Damage 1 The pain ceased through his whole body as the other stallion dug his hooves into Tornado’s flesh. His brown eyes watered at the sound of the tearing flesh. When Tornado thought there was nothing else to do in defense he side-stepped hoping to rid himself of the stallions rough hooves. Tornado raised and turned his head to assess the damage that was done to his back. There were two deep gouges in his back, if he had to bend of rear latter in the battle it would be a very painful predicament. After watching Virgill retreat from his attack, Tornado’s began to form in his mind. Attack 2 After Virgill’s attack Tornado was left with minor wounds but they would still be painful once he was moving around. He began to go off to a rough gallop; his gashes made by Virgill were throbbing as his hooves pounded against the melting snow. He came up to Virgill and threw all his weight into the stallion, and once the stallion was down Tornado stated to paw at Virgill as hard as he could. Once he was fulfilled he backed away and waited for Virgill to make his attack. |
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some people never go crazy......what truly horrible lives they must live | |
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| TheIceViking | Jul 17 2012, 06:50 AM Post #6 |
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Damage/defense 2 Virgill stood and waited for Tornado to attack, he prepared him self for a rough strike when he saw Tornado coming, galloping at him. Tornado came closer and closer and Virgill blocked everything else but suddenly he fell to the ground after Tornado had pushed all his weight at him. He felt the hoofs of the stallion pawing at him creating big wounds and the pain rushed through his body, he tried to wriggle his legs to defend him self but it was hard laying on the back. He was able to defend him self a little bit and as the other stallion walked away he stood up and the anger multiplying. He wasn't bleeding much from the pawing but the wound on his rump bled non stop. Attack 2 Virgill stood against the stallion wondering what would be the easiest way to make him week and the legs was his first thought. But it would be hard so he thought about other plan, he started galloping to the stallion, his legs touching the ground in a perfect rhythm and when he was closed enough he turned his rump at the other stallion and started kicking Tornado in the chest with his hind legs, he kicked as hard as he could few times and then aimed higher and kicking him once in the jaw. The wound on his rump made it hard for him to go for the head so he only did it once and the trotted away in pain with blood on his back. Edited by TheIceViking, Jul 17 2012, 11:22 AM.
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Active characters Pearl • Durin • Izabella | |
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| ms_lynn | Jul 17 2012, 11:29 AM Post #7 |
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im derpylicious
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DEFENSE 2 His smirk quickly faded as Virgill slammed his leg into Tornado's chest. Tornado quickly steped off to the side, trying to aviod the next blows that were thrown. But the next two skimmed the right side of his chest. Tornado was yet again lucky when Virgill attempted to kick at his jaw, the hoof nearly missed but scrapped the skin off his right jaw. Tornado gave a bow and began to asses the damage. His chest was going to be extremely sore for the next month. And his jaw would be hard to move from the scab that would heavily coat it. |
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some people never go crazy......what truly horrible lives they must live | |
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| `d e p p | Jul 31 2012, 12:42 AM Post #8 |
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I think everybody's nuts.
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i'm using kim's lovely layout, since it's easy and not hard to understand<3 haha. first attacks MS_LYNN & TORNADO comments: this is rather original, but the way you worded it was kind of confusing--i wasn't quite sure what was going on until i read the whole thing. also:
i consider this as powerplaying. you might want to say something like: "Tornado lunged forward, hoping to cut into the stallion's rump..." instead. originality: 3/5 damage done: 2/5 realism: 3/5 -1 for powerplaying total: 7/15 ICELAND & VIRGILL comments: not original, but good using his advantage in height. however:
this is powerplaying, because it implies that certain damage did get done, which is decided by the other player. you might want to word it like: "He thought his hooves were bloody when they landed on the ground." originality: 0/5 damage done: 3/5 realism: 5/5 -1 for powerplaying total: 7/15 ________________________________________________________________________ first defenses MS_LYNN & TORNADO comments: he got two deep gouges in his back from virgill's hooves. these are appropriate. originality: 3/5 damage done: 4/5 realism: 5/5 total: 12/15 ICELAND & VIRGILL comments: he has a long gash along his side, and a bite on his rump. these are appropriate. originality: 3/5 damage done: 4/5 realism: 5/5 total: 12/15 ________________________________________________________________________ second attacks MS_LYNN & TORNADO comments: not very original, but it can work. but, again:
this is powerplaying. a safer way to word it would be: "...and once he thought he pushed the stallion down..." originality: 0/5 damage done: 3/5 realism: 4/5 -1 for powerplaying total: 6/15 ICELAND & VIRGILL comments: again, not very original, but could be effective--just keep his former wounds in mind. and:
these are two accounts of powerplaying. the first: "he started kicking with his hind legs, hoping to kick Tornado in the chest" and the second: "and then he aimed higher, hoping to kick him at least once in the jaw" originality: 0/5 damage done: 3/5 realism: 4/5 -2 for powerplaying total: 5/15 ________________________________________________________________________ second defenses MS_LYNN & TORNADO comments: his chest and jaw got skimmed. i would have liked to see just a little more damage done here. originality: 0/5 damage done: 2/5 realism: 4/5 total: 6/15 ICELAND & VIRGILL comments: he got minor wounds all over his body. i would've liked to see a little more damage. originality: 0/5 damage done: 1/5 realism: 4/5 total: 5/15 ________________________________________________________________________ RESULTS MS_LYNN & TORNADO comments: i only found a few spelling errors, but several grammatical errors--you might want to just double check it with microsoft word or something next time! i would suggest more originality, carry on his injuries to the next posts, let him get hurt more, and NO powerplay. grammar / punctuation / spelling: 3/5 total: 34/65 ICELAND & VIRGILL comments: i didn't find any spelling errors, but several grammatical errors. again, i would suggest more originality, carry on his injuries to the next posts, let him get hurt more, and NO powerplay. grammar / punctuation / spelling: 4/5 total: 33/65 the victor is: MS_LYNN & TORNADO this is the closest battle i've seen, good job guys! |
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