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| I Promise You Won't Forget Me; Peeta vs. Maple | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 26 2012, 09:02 PM (369 Views) | |
| mustangcanyon | Feb 26 2012, 09:02 PM Post #1 |
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The golden palomino walked onto the battle grounds, his head held high. He showed no nervousness, even though he could feel it welling inside his stomach. He shook his head lightly, removing his creamy forelock from his carmel brown eyes. This was his first journey here, to this place of bloodshed. He could smell dried blood on the breeze. He only hoped that his opponent would appear quickly. The sooner he was out of here the better. The stallion moved further into the battle grounds, looking for a good place to wait and more importently a good place to fight. He wasn't here to loose, but his inexperience was a disadvantage. If he lost he would leave the same way he came, with his dignity and his head held high. He would come up with something that would make him unforgetable. He just wasn't sure what that was. Up ahead the golden stallion spotted a very large boulder. He motioned his legs toward it, walking at a nice pace. Why should he expend the energy he needed to win? The stallion let his tail slap his sides, removing a fly that had been bothering him. He stopped a few feet away from the boulder and looked at it. Could it be useful? No. If anything it would trap him. He didn't want that so he moved on again. He came to a small pond with a few trees around it. This was the place, the place he would wait for the other stallion. He walked to the pond and took a drink. It looked deep enough to swim in and was at least forty feet wide. The stallion waded into the water so that he was in the mud. He laid down and began to roll, only getting up when he was covered in mud. Perfect. He stepped out of the muck and moved to stand iunder one of the trees near the water's edge. He was ready. |
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Stallions Corr, Shaniko, Rangle, Nightwing Mares Nakoma, Mexico, Hadley, Shaquita,Zaltana, Dawn, Flare, Nala, Blair, Quartni, Foals Harmony (born July 31 2012), Aislinn (Born Oct. 26, 2012), Marvel (Born Oct 27, 2012), Catori (Born Sept. 22 2012), Bouron (Jan 10, 2013) | |
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| devotchka | Feb 28 2012, 06:53 AM Post #2 |
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WELL SWEET MOTHER TERESA ON THE HOOD OF A MERCEDES BENZ
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The stallion was clearly nervous. He was unsure as to why his territory had been picked for battle out of the rest of the lands in Kormada. Shiver Glen wasn’t exactly the easiest place to live in, let alone bring a herd and foals to; which was precisely why he liked it. It was just him and the company of the restless trees, although sometimes Maple got lonely. He had never battled anyone before, and had hoped never to partake in the experience. His elder brother was the sort of stallion who did all the fighting; he had even fought instead of Maple. If only he was here now. As a colt, the silver dapple’s play fighting had been pathetic. He dreaded to think what he was like now. He shuffled into the battle grounds, looking the image of an equine who clearly wanted to do anything but fight. His gait was slow and faltering, barely a working walk. He was perspirating heavily, and it clung to his smooth coat, darkening the dapples to an iron grey. He shook out his mane, agitated; chocolate hued eyes glancing frantically around for the palomino. A horrible stench filled his nostrils – the musk of males and blood. It was truly the most awful place Maple had ever been in. It was a desolate land, a few large rocks scattered across the plains. It was by one of these he found his competitor. The ground had been stirred up, like an equine had recently passed by. The grey male cautiously extended his head to the ground, snuffling at the tracks for a scent. It was the palomino. Maple snorted, laying his ears back more in irritation than anger. Now he had hoof prints to follow, he would find the other stallion very soon. He tried to think of how his brother would fight; he had watched him many times. Agility, speed, courage. Maple was fast, perhaps he could use that to his advantage. He was not as nimble as his brother, nor was he confident. He would have to feign it until nerves got the better of him. He halted, preparing himself. Slowly, he stood up straight, tilting his hind legs backwards gently and puffed out his chest. He bent his head, then realised it looked more cowardly than majestic, and tried again, this time managing a loose arching motion. Then, with a deep breath, he began to walk forwards slowly. He felt ridiculous, but hoped it looked as if he was more confident than he really was. The smell of Peeta was growing stronger, and a new wave of sweat lingered under Maple’s smoky mane. Up ahead was what remained of a pond; the dry landscape had reduced it to the size of a muddy puddle, and the ground around it was churned up where so many equines had flocked to it for a drink. Trees surrounded it, long since passed away with everything else in this wretched place. And under them was the golden male, except he looked considerably dirtier than when Maple last saw him. His eyes glanced at the water. He could do with a drink, but didn’t trust his mouth. Better to wait until he was defeated. Keeping a reasonable distance from the other stallion, the grey stopped, his background void of any obstacles. That way he was in his right to spook in any direction he wanted; so he thought. “Let’s get this over with.” He spoke, his tone an octave higher than normal out of nerves. Maple waited, allowing the pale coloured male to make his first move. |
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| mustangcanyon | Feb 28 2012, 10:26 PM Post #3 |
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Attack 1: Peeta watched the dapple grey's movements. He could tell the stallion was nervous. "Somehow, I thought you would be different." The mud covered stallion contemplated whether he should say his name or not. He decided not to for now. The palomino watched silently, thinking of his first move. He needed to get closer to the stallion, but could he do it without plainly charging? Maple was only slightly larger that Peeta with what appeared to be a lighter structure than the stocky palomino. Could he get the stallion to stumple if he charged him and was actually able to hit him? It was possible and what better way was there to get close without simply walking up to the stallion. Peeta made up his mind and lept, his hind quarters propelling him forward. He quickly picked up speed, running toward Maple as fast as the space between them would allow. He kept his eyes on the other stallion, watching for his every move. Would he stand and take the blow, or would the stallion turn and run as Peeta barrelled down on him? Peeta kept his legs moving, heading toward the stallion. |
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Stallions Corr, Shaniko, Rangle, Nightwing Mares Nakoma, Mexico, Hadley, Shaquita,Zaltana, Dawn, Flare, Nala, Blair, Quartni, Foals Harmony (born July 31 2012), Aislinn (Born Oct. 26, 2012), Marvel (Born Oct 27, 2012), Catori (Born Sept. 22 2012), Bouron (Jan 10, 2013) | |
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| devotchka | Feb 29 2012, 11:24 AM Post #4 |
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WELL SWEET MOTHER TERESA ON THE HOOD OF A MERCEDES BENZ
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His ears perked forwards, catching the other male’s words. Maple blinked, deciphering what the muddy stallion meant. Did he mean that he expected the grey to be more courageous? More daring? A small sigh exhaled from the stallion, and he glanced down to the dusty ground before looking back up at his rival. It was the same thing every time, he was weak. Defenceless. Maybe today was the day he changed all of that. Defence 1: The Warmblood hybrid kept his eyes on the golden male, awaiting his next move. He bent his knees slightly, ready to shy away if need be. Because of the distance between them, Peeta would have to travel pretty quickly to get to him and attack. Although he thought he was ready for when the other would charge, Maple didn’t react as quickly as he had expected. He let out a small short snort of fear, his eyes showing their whites as the mud covered male bore down on him, before shooting off to the his left. For a split second the dapple grey thought he had escaped. His lean forelegs stretched out before him, awaiting more power from his hinds, but they never came. Maple felt the shoulder of the palomino crash into his hindquarters squarely, almost knocking him over. Another strangled snort caught in his throat as his hind hooves plunged through the air, trying to find their balance. A rush of air whipped past his tail and flanks as he felt the force of Peeta’s speed brush past him. The leg that had been on the impact of the blow sank down to the ground and his hoof scrabbled at the dusty ground at an angle; attempting to get up as fast as possible. After another second of being grounded, and his legs regaining their feeling; Maple pushed himself back onto his four feet, as if he had just taken a roll. He could feel the mud beginning to dry on his pale coat, and his left hock felt tender where he had hit the ground. Apart from some minor bruising, and lameness for a week or so at the very worst, he hoped he was otherwise unscathed. Attack 1: Maple glanced wildly round in the direction Peeta seemed to have gone in. Although the blow had temporarily winded him for a moment, he was still nimble on his feet. Maple surged forwards in a canter for a couple of feet – he assumed that there was not much distance between them – and readied himself for his first attack. Rearing at a forty five degree angle, he propelled himself off his back legs, perhaps a little gentler than he had originally intended due to his recent injury, and launched himself in what he thought was Peeta’s direction; hoping to catch the stallion’s tender stomach and back with his hooves. A surge of adrenalin rushed through him as he soared through the air, and he hoped his strike proved to be true. |
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| mustangcanyon | Feb 29 2012, 06:56 PM Post #5 |
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Defense 1: Peeta had kept his eyes on the grey stallion as he fell and watched him get up and surge forward. The muddy palomino had slowed to a trot after his impact with Maple so he hadn't been very far from the stallion. As Maple reared forward Peeta picked up his pace, but not enough for Maple's hooves to miss him entirely. They hit his side, taking off a bit of hair where they slid down and away. There wasn't much pain, but Peeta felt the sting of the hair being taken away. Attack 2: "That was good. What do you think about this?" Peeta said as he turned back on the stallion as quickly as he could, hoping Maple wasn't already moving away. The palomino reared up on his hind legs, his forelegs struck out forcefully at the grey's head and neck. The stallion hoped that the blows would catch Maple in one place or another as the front of Peeta's body came back toward the ground. Edited by mustangcanyon, Feb 29 2012, 06:57 PM.
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Stallions Corr, Shaniko, Rangle, Nightwing Mares Nakoma, Mexico, Hadley, Shaquita,Zaltana, Dawn, Flare, Nala, Blair, Quartni, Foals Harmony (born July 31 2012), Aislinn (Born Oct. 26, 2012), Marvel (Born Oct 27, 2012), Catori (Born Sept. 22 2012), Bouron (Jan 10, 2013) | |
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| devotchka | Mar 1 2012, 01:21 PM Post #6 |
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WELL SWEET MOTHER TERESA ON THE HOOD OF A MERCEDES BENZ
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As he braced for impact, a surge of shock and excitement filled him as he felt Peeta’s warm body beneath his hooves. He felt his hooves scrape down the other stallion’s side as the palomino got away. His hooves hit the ground with a dull thud and the dapple grey shook his forelock out of his eyes, their gaze locking on the golden male. His hit had not done much damage, the only a few tufts of Peeta’s hide had been dislodged. Maple had honestly expected more, since he had launched his entire body weight at his rival, and although he had not hit his wanted target, he had still managed to catch Peeta’s side. Nevertheless, he stiffened himself for the next attack, trying not to put too much weight on his injured leg. Defence 2: He saw the golden stallion turn back towards him, quicker than Maple anticipated. With an alarmed whinny that seemed to get stuck in his throat, the grey began to stumble backwards. Unfortunately, his leg hindered him doing this. He winced in pain and desisted, realising he was not going to get out of the way in time. As Peeta lifted his legs into the air the tall stallion swerved away, pushing back on his uninjured side of his body to balance him. He wasn’t quick enough. Whilst his competitor’s furthest hoof had missed his body entirely, his nearest caught Maple squarely on the ridge of his mouth. He screamed as the blow impacted, and pain flooded through his face. The rusty taste of blood filled his mouth in seconds, the irritated throbbing occurring near the roof of his mouth. Maple turned away from Peeta, spitting his own blood onto the ground. Testing his mouth gingerly with his tongue, he winced and nearly screamed again. The fleshy material came into contact with a jagged edge – the golden stallion had chipped two of his teeth. Because equine teeth retract far into the gums, the entire enamel wasn’t dislodged but had broken off. It was excruciatingly painful. The nerves were now exposed, and Maple could already sense it was going to be extremely difficult to eat once this battle was over. Blood continued to seep from his mouth, staining his bottom lip dark red. He hoped the damage wouldn’t lead to infection, or worse; the entire tooth falling out. Attack 2: Maple was already facing slightly away from Peeta where he had dodged then examined his wound. Without wasting any more time he planted his forefeet solidly into the ground and lowered his neck, allowing his back to fully stretch when it was needed. He rocked onto his front half before kicking directly back, hoping that his powerful hind legs would reach the golden male and his hooves would injure him. |
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| mustangcanyon | Mar 1 2012, 10:25 PM Post #7 |
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Defense 2: Peeta watched the grey stallion assess the damage inflicted on him when he should have been getting out of the way. He saw the grey preparing to kick out and instinctively began backing up, not that it would do him any good. The palomino braced himself and watched the grey stallion let his back legs fly. Peeta lifted his head and neck high, hoping to keep them out of the stallion's range. Peeta grunted as he felt one of the grey's hooves hit him squarely in the chest. The other one hit the front of his shoulder and then slid off to the side. This hoof heaves more than a mark. It leaves a cut, which has started bleeding. When Peeta took a step back with that leg pain shot through his shoulder causing him to limp and slow his already slow movements. The stallion winced when he put weight on his shoulder, but continued trying to get out of Maple's range. |
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Stallions Corr, Shaniko, Rangle, Nightwing Mares Nakoma, Mexico, Hadley, Shaquita,Zaltana, Dawn, Flare, Nala, Blair, Quartni, Foals Harmony (born July 31 2012), Aislinn (Born Oct. 26, 2012), Marvel (Born Oct 27, 2012), Catori (Born Sept. 22 2012), Bouron (Jan 10, 2013) | |
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| Magnanimous | Mar 6 2012, 08:37 PM Post #8 |
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first attacks: mustang+peeta comments: i’m not actually sure what this attack is, and what happened. to me, it just seems like peeta is running at maple. definitely try and work on the originality of your attacks, and the more detail you add the better! also, I caught a spelling mistake, and a few other grammatical errors; keep an eye out! originality: 2/5 damage done: 3/5 realism: 4/5 total: 9/15 kay/dev+maple comments: pretty good detail, and well done on factoring in the injury. Not the most original ever, but I could definitely picture it. originality: 3/5 damage done: 1/5 realism: 5/5 total: 8/15 ________________________________________________________________________ first defenses mustang+peeta comments: so, it seems the defense was just running forward. effective! But also, all that happened was scraping off a bit of hair? That is evidence of a superhorse, in my opinion. Not the most original, but I admire its simplicity, rather than something convoluted. originality: 3/5 damage done: 1/5 realism: 4/5 total: 7/15 ** - 1 for power-playing/superhorse kay/dev+maple comments: detailed nicely. So, the defense was that maple moved forward but peeta instead collided with his hindquarters, throwing his balance and causing him to fall forward onto his forelegs. One leg is injured, it had gone numb; possible damage later. originality: 3/5 damage done: 4/5 realism: 5/5 total: 12/15 ________________________________________________________________________ second attacks mustang+peeta comments: again, very short and not much description. That’s where the damage is in battles! The attack is nicely done, though. Not super original, but effective. originality: 3/5 damage done: 4/5 realism: 4/5 total: 11/15 kay/dev+maple comments: simple attack, not super original, but it was effective. originality: 3/5 damage done: 4/5 realism: 4/5 total: 11/15 ________________________________________________________________________ second defenses mustang+peeta comments: there was no superhorse this time! Seems like the defense was hastily backing up; not super effective, but realistic and fair so good job. More descriptive, too, and realistic. Well done. originality: 3/5 damage done: 3/5 realism: 4/5 total: 10/15 kay/dev+maple comments: nice. And holy cow, ouch. Realistic, descriptive. Seems like the defense was rearing up; not super effective or original, but the damage was believeable. originality: 3/5 damage done: 5/5 realism: 5/5 total: 13/15 ________________________________________________________________________ results mustang+peeta comments: watch for spelling and grammar mistakes! They can hurt you in the end. Also, description is very important so try and beef up your attacks and defenses; it will do wonders for the battle. And my biggest comment is to make sure you don’t have a superhorse! Look over some other battles to see how other players injure their horses, because I found yours a tad light, as if Peeta was invincible. =] otherwise, well done! grammar / punctuation / spelling: 3/5 total: 40/65 kay/dev+maple comments: I didn’t see any mistakes in your spelling or punctuation, etc. My biggest suggestion would be for you to work on the originality of your attacks. That’s the biggest thing that got you in this battle. =] otherwise, well done! grammar / punctuation / spelling: 5/5 total: 49/65 the victor is: Kay+Maple! Good job guys! |
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