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Here with nothing to loose; Corr vs. Castor
Topic Started: Jan 24 2012, 07:31 PM (384 Views)
mustangcanyon
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Corr strutted onto the battle grounds, ready to fight. He pranced to a good waiting place and stilled his movements. He snorted and pawed at the ground with his right front hoof, impatient.

Corr didn't like other stallions and he koped that this one would respect him after today. Corr shook his head, trying not to become overly confident. That would be his weakness if he did. Corr snorted loudly again, his neck arched toward the sky. He would wait for the other stallion to make his appearance if he had to wait all day.

Corr smiled inwardly. He had nothing to loose from this battle and much to gain. Corr waited impatiently for the other stallion to show himself.
Stallions

Corr, Shaniko, Rangle, Nightwing
Mares

Nakoma, Mexico, Hadley, Shaquita,Zaltana, Dawn, Flare, Nala, Blair, Quartni,

Foals
Harmony (born July 31 2012), Aislinn (Born Oct. 26, 2012), Marvel (Born Oct 27, 2012), Catori (Born Sept. 22 2012), Bouron (Jan 10, 2013)


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PhantomStallion
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The bay stallion walked liesurely into the battle grounds, saving energy. He had recently ben challenged by a larger red sorrel stallion. Not being the kind to back down from a fight, Castor had come immediately. The standardbred would never go out and look for a fight, but he would never reject one. He would do anything to keep his home, and this time he would not lose everything he held near and dear. he had recently found his mother and sister in the Gathering, and he was overjoyed. He would fight this battle for them.

As he saw his chellenger in the distance, he changed courses towards him. He could see that the stallion was strutting around, a complete waste of energy in his opinion, and as he watched, the red sorrel stopped strutting and pawed at the ground, snorting and looking up at the sky. Castor could tell he was ready to get the battle over with. As he approached, he stopped in front of his opponent and dipped his head respectfully to him. Opening his maw, he greeting the other saying, Hello, I'm Castor, lead of the land you challenged for. I have few conditions, only that you will never challenge me again, under any circumstances, I will keep my land, and I will be let alone. I will ask one thing of you, and that is that if I lose, I will ask of you to consider letting me be beta and stay in my land. Waiting patiently, he watched for the other's conditions. Corr could have the first move.
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mustangcanyon
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Corr listened carefully to Castor's words and nodded once. "I am Corr and I agree to your terms." Corr dipped his head so that his nostrals were even with Castor's, his neck arched. Corr took a couple of breaths, standing very still. He watched Castor a moment longer then sprung into action. He lifted his left front hoof in an attempt to strike the stallion's chest. He kept his muzzle low, ready to bite if he got the chance. Corr was ready to swing his hind end around to protect himself. He didn't know what this stallion could dish out.

Corr tried to keep his confidence in check, but he was worked up. He didn't like stallions and for him fighting came naturally. To survive you had to fight.
Stallions

Corr, Shaniko, Rangle, Nightwing
Mares

Nakoma, Mexico, Hadley, Shaquita,Zaltana, Dawn, Flare, Nala, Blair, Quartni,

Foals
Harmony (born July 31 2012), Aislinn (Born Oct. 26, 2012), Marvel (Born Oct 27, 2012), Catori (Born Sept. 22 2012), Bouron (Jan 10, 2013)


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PhantomStallion
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Defense 1

When the stallion sprung, Castor instinctively turned to the right so that the stallion's extended left fore hit his barrel, causing a medium sized cut. He felt blood oozing out of it, but it didn't hurt too bad. Ever since the battle when he was younger he had gotten a high pain tolerance. As the other back off, Castor wasted no time in attacking.

Attack 1

Wheeling around to face Corr, he lunged towards the red sorrel, teeth extended, and hoped to slam into him and grab the side of his neck in the bay's powerful teeth. The intent was to crash into him and force him back some, while biting down on his neck and leaving a good sized mark. Quickly, he let go of what was in his mouth and backed off, tense and ready for whatever the next attack would be.
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mustangcanyon
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Corr backed up, but stayed on his feet, feeling the blood welling on his neck. It began to drip down his neck. Corr took advantage of the distance between himself and Castor. He plunged forward, gathering speed quickly and hoping to slam the bay to the ground. He would turn and kicked out after he hit his target. Corr secretly hoped that the stallion wouldn't fall into his bad eye's vision and be lost in a blur. Corr swung and kicked out behind him, ready to get out of the way.
Stallions

Corr, Shaniko, Rangle, Nightwing
Mares

Nakoma, Mexico, Hadley, Shaquita,Zaltana, Dawn, Flare, Nala, Blair, Quartni,

Foals
Harmony (born July 31 2012), Aislinn (Born Oct. 26, 2012), Marvel (Born Oct 27, 2012), Catori (Born Sept. 22 2012), Bouron (Jan 10, 2013)


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PhantomStallion
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Defense 2

The bay stallion watched as Corr plunged towards him, knowing he was inevitably trying to crash into him. Bracing himself, Castor dug his hooves into the ground to hopefully not go crashing down. And it worked; he was smashed and bruised by the bigger sorrel, but not knocked over. When Corr spun around, Castor quickly shied to the left, knowing that any good fighter would never miss a chance to buck the opponent. And his hunch had been correct, as the other kicked out with his hind legs, only nicking him on his chest, leaving a small cut. He watched as Corr put some distance between them, and started walking casually over to him, as if the fight was over.

Attack 2

When he was about three yards away from him, however, he plunged into a flat out gallop, spinning around when he got to his side and launching himself through the air towards him, fore legs extended, to hopefully slam into him, leave some bloody hoof cuts, and maybe if he was lucky, knock him to the ground. When he was finished, he backed up a ways and waited. It was all over, and he had come out with only a medium sized cut on the left side of his barrel, and some bruises and cuts on his chest. He could already feel the bruises turning black and blue, but, like with all horses, they were not visible. All he could do now was wait for the final results.
Edited by PhantomStallion, Jan 26 2012, 06:50 AM.
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mustangcanyon
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ooc: so we just wait now?
Stallions

Corr, Shaniko, Rangle, Nightwing
Mares

Nakoma, Mexico, Hadley, Shaquita,Zaltana, Dawn, Flare, Nala, Blair, Quartni,

Foals
Harmony (born July 31 2012), Aislinn (Born Oct. 26, 2012), Marvel (Born Oct 27, 2012), Catori (Born Sept. 22 2012), Bouron (Jan 10, 2013)


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PhantomStallion
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ooc;; yup. All there is for you to do now is do a final defense for my last attack and then we wait for the results :)
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mustangcanyon
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Corr saw the shape of Castor come charging toward him out of the corner of his right eye. He quickly turned to the left so he could better see his oponent barring down on him. He braced himself, making sure that he stood in a position that could withstand the force. He knew he wouldn't be able to avoid the stallion's blows entirely, but attempted to jump to the side to minimize the damage. He felt Castor's hooves hit him and slide down his sides. Corr tried not to wince from the pain. He could feel his blood welling and soaking his red coat. Corr watched the other stallion silently. He had been foolish and overconfident.
Stallions

Corr, Shaniko, Rangle, Nightwing
Mares

Nakoma, Mexico, Hadley, Shaquita,Zaltana, Dawn, Flare, Nala, Blair, Quartni,

Foals
Harmony (born July 31 2012), Aislinn (Born Oct. 26, 2012), Marvel (Born Oct 27, 2012), Catori (Born Sept. 22 2012), Bouron (Jan 10, 2013)


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kimmys
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I will let you guys know now, it may seem like your points are low, but when I judge, a normal range is 20-30. I judge each category (like the originality, damage done/taken) based on a 5 point scale where 3 is average, 1 is below average, and 5 is exceptional, so it's not that I don't like what you are writing, I just judge a little differently than everyone else.

First Attacks
MUSTANGCANYON & CORR
Comments: All said, this is a fairly straightforward, realistic and somewhat simple attack. Be careful with how you word things, it almost sounds like Corr is going for a double attack (biting & kicking) but I don't think that's how you meant it. It also wouldn't hurt to add more detail, but you did a fairly good job with spelling, punctuation, etc. You have one error: "nostrals" = nostrils.
Originality: 2/5
Damage Done: 2/5
Realism: 4/5
Total: 8/15


PHANTOMSTALLION & CASTOR
Comments: The attack was very realistic, but it borders on power playing. If you had left it at what he hoped to do, it would have been okay, but saying that he had something between his teeth implies that the attack landed - which is completely up to mustangcanyon. Since this is a borderline case, I didn't deduct points for it.
Originality: 3/5
Damage Done: 1/5
Realism: 4/5
Total: 8/15


First Defenses
MUSTANGCANYON & CORR
Comments: There wasn't much description here at all. I don't know how big of a cut, whether its painful, etc. All I know is that blood was dripping down his neck.
Originality: 1/5
Damage Taken: 1/5
Realism: 3/5
Total: 5/15


PHANTOMSTALLION & CASTOR
Comments: There are a few grammar mistakes but the spelling is solid. Turning away from the attack is also a pretty realistic reaction. Like I mentioned earlier, adding in more detail helps the reader get a clearer picture of what is going on.
Originality: 2/5
Damage Taken: 2/5
Realism: 4/5
Total: 8/15


Second Attacks
MUSTANGCANYON & CORR
Comments: I'm not quite sure what is going on in this post. It sounds like Corr has tried to simply run over Castor, but then there's something about kicking out after he hit his opponent (another borderline powerplaying example). This post would have been a lot clearer if you would have re-read it before posting. I do like how you mention his bad eye though - that vulnerability is always good to show since no horse is invincible. I did ultimately dock you a few points for what seems to be a double attack.
Originality: 2/5
Damage Done: 3/5
Realism: 2/5
Total: 7 - 2 = 5/15


PHANTOMSTALLION & CASTOR
Comments: This one has a little more creativity with the casual walk, but ultimately seems like a close copy of what Corr just attempted. Your spelling and grammar are much better in this post.
Originality: 1/5
Damage Done: 2/5
Realism: 4/5
Total: 7/15




Second Defenses
MUSTANGCANYON & CORR
Comments: This post makes more sense than the one before it, and you did a good job of describing how he was feeling. There is one spelling error, but overall the post was well done. The only other comment I have is that many horses, especially wild ones, struggle to move sideways or backward, so jumping sideways probably wouldn't be an easy way to escape an attack.
Originality: 3/5
Damage Taken: 2/5
Realism: 1/5
Total: 6/15


PHANTOMSTALLION & CASTOR
Comments: This is a pretty realistic defense method, although I think most horses would have tried to get out of the way. I like that you included more detail in this post - it helps give me a clearer idea of what you imagine is going on. Not much damage taken, but realistic enough.
Originality: 2/5
Damage Taken: 1/5
Realism: 4/5
Total: 7/15



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Results

MUSTANGCANYON & CORR
Comments: A little more detail in your posts helps, but overall you did a good job. What really hurt you was the second attack. With more practice you'll be doing just fine. =]
Grammar / Punctuation / Spelling: 2/5

Total: 26/65


PHANTOMSTALLION & CASTOR
Comments: There are a few spelling errors in your posts that you need to watch out for, but overall I liked that you increased the detail in your posts as you went along. It makes it easier for me to judge if I know how your characters are reacting and responding to injuries.
Grammar / Punctuation / Spelling: 3/5

Total: 33/65



Winner: PhantomStallion and Castor

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