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for the promise land;;; Shadow vs. Diego
Topic Started: Oct 13 2011, 06:20 PM (548 Views)
IceCrystal
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The Queen of Snark (and Procrastination)
SHADOW;;

He had begun to smell the stench of rotting flesh far away from the Battle Grounds. And now as he stepped onto the area, it was so strong it burned his nasal cavities. Shadow wrinkled his nose in disgust at all the skeletons, mere fossils, that littered the earth. It made him sick, seeing all the depravity. It was hard to believe equines could stoop to such a level, to kill one of their own. The gray stallion shook his head, and then steeled himself as he walked deeper into the Battle Grounds.

He wondered vaguely where his very own father had fought in this land, where he had one his victories. Of course, Shadow would never know. He was either not even alive yet, or too young to understand. But now he understood, and now he was ready. He would use all the advice his father had given him. He would be wise and crafty.

He picked a simple open plain, where none of the land could be used to anyone advantage. It was chilly, and the sky was clear, the sun beaming down. The weather would not effect the battle either. He prepared himself for a sudden attack, just in case, arching his neck, and spreading out his legs, bracing himself. Shadow waited, ready.
ICE CRYSTAL
briseis
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Kat.
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Diego galloped into the battle grounds his heavy charger stride tore up clods of dry skeletal earth. His black mane whipping back and his forelock swirling around his face. His buckskin body gleamed with a healthy aura that only one who had been fed well in the previous less snowy and cold months could have. With every stride the muscle and sinew rippled under his tough buckskin hide. He stood 16.3 hands tall and looked like a war horse. His quarter horse heritage lent him extra muscle while his frisian heritage lent him grace and agility. He was light on his feet despite the heavy muscling on his bones. He tracked the challenger all the way to a spot where it was clear he was going to stop. Looping around the other side of the clearing he emerged from the dead and decaying trees. He presented himself to the opposing stallion. "You are Foolish Stallion why have you come to challenge me. But You have so here are my conditions." His blue eyes blazed with fury though not the blinding kind, for underneath he was cool and calculating.

"These are my conditions. If you happen to be so lucky as to win, All mares that are currently in my possession will be released from my claim except for Kohani, She will stay under my claim and come with me. My Son Tyzin will take ownership of Azrael and all of my children under the age of one and you will then have to battle twice more for my lands, once against my son and once more against Cian. Now if I win I will remain ruler of Tin Chapel and you are not allowed to challenge for it again. You nor any of your family. I will reserve the right to your first son and that is all." Smirking he prepared himself and resumed his intense study of his opponent waiting for him to strike.
Edited by Kat., Oct 13 2011, 09:42 PM.
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No.
Alecto Does Not Have A Lisp.
It is just the way he talks. Sort of like a Snake.
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IceCrystal
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The Queen of Snark (and Procrastination)
Shadow did not have to wait long, for the stallion arrived. The buckskin halted before him, and said his conditions. The hybrid rolled his eyes at being called 'foolish'. He may have been a fool in his younger days, but those days had long since passed. Once he may have lashed out for being called a fool, but now it did not bother him at all. He had thought every through before making the challenge. He knew what he was doing. "Then here are my conditions. If I win, you may not, nor your friends, allies, or family, challenge me for Tin Chapel. I also will reserve the fight to your firstborn son." It was now time to start.

Attack One
Shadow backed away from his opponent several feet. He then began to circle the stallion, picking up his pace into a canter. He did this several times, careful not to give away his plan. Then, right as he was turning behind Diego, he lashed out, slashing the side of his rump right as he sunk his teeth into the gaskin. He shook his head violently, hoping to tear up ligaments and tendons of the hind leg to hinder what attacks his opponent could use. He wasn't quite sure if he could taste blood in his mouth, but if that was the taste, he disliked it greatly. Once he was finished, he backed off, cantering back in front of the enemy, halting several feet away so he could see him coming. He arched his neck to protect his jugular, and spread his legs wide to steady himself in case of any violent ramming.
ICE CRYSTAL
briseis
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Kat.
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"I do not control my son if he wished to aid me that is his own choice not one that I forced him into. As for Cian, that is what allies are for. I can not control either one of them." Diego practically snorted. As Shadow stated his conditions a image of Carthage flashed across the inside of his eyelids. All the colt wanted was to be with his father, he could not let him be subjected to the black brutes harshness. Then he resumed a close eye on the stallion who was now circling him.

Damage / Defense #1
Diego kept a close vigil on the stallions every move. He watched his body movement for signs of an attack and saw split seconds before the stallion lunged toward his hind end. He twisted gracefully out of the way but not quick enough a large but shallow enough gash began to sting and cause discomfort and a painful stinging sensation on his rump. The blood colored a patch of his normally deep buckskin coat a deep rusty red color. Once it healed he would have a new scar to show off to all the ladies.

Attack #1
As Shadow lunged for his Diego pivoted on his hind legs avoiding the brunt of the attack he pivoted in the air and plunged razor sharp hooves towards the stallion who was still mid attack towards his own Gaskin. Diego's hooves hit what felt like the fleshy ribs, and thought he heard the crack of bones of the opposing stallion but he could not be sure as his backed away from the stallion arching his own neck and staying light on his hooves prepared for what ever the stallion would throw at him next.
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No.
Alecto Does Not Have A Lisp.
It is just the way he talks. Sort of like a Snake.
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IceCrystal
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The Queen of Snark (and Procrastination)
SHADOW not all shadows are dark;;

Right as he moved to the side of Diego, after his attack, his opponent lashed out. The buckskin's hooves slashed at his sides, hitting his ribs. He continued to get out of the way before he assessed the damage. His ribs were badly bruised, though nothing was broken. The flesh on his ribcage were also torn up slightly. The cuts were not very serious, though they would surely scar when they healed. He winced slightly; his bruised ribs would make moving quite painful. But he steeled himself and prepared for the next attack.

Attack Two
Since Diego had copied him in arching his neck, doing damage to the inside of the neck was impossible. However, the neck was not the only place Shadow could do serious damage to. He lunged forward, feinting to the right, but instead reared up, wincing in pain as his ribs protested. His hooves dug into the flesh of Diego's chest, and the base of his neck. He repeated this action several times relentlessly before backing off. The pain almost left him gasping, but he steeled himself some more, and trotted lightly away to face off with Diego again. He arched his neck again, and flicked his tail. Blood had began to ooze out of the cuts on his side. He prepared for Diego's final attack.


8 years - stallion - Neutral - Mustang hybrid - 15.2 hh - silver with black stockings - the Phantom x Tavar - homeless
ICE CRYSTAL
briseis
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Kat.
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Watching the other stallion as he came in for his final attack Diego over anticipated and fell for the fake to the right and as Shadows hooves cut his flesh at the base of his neck. A momentarily blinding flash of pain released a scream of agony and raging fury from deep with in his chest. The blood was flowing freely from his shoulder as the opposing stallion dug his hooves into Diego's shoulder. The image of his family back at home Kohani and Karli, Calex, Laurel, Louron and Carthage. Carthage his first born son, there was no way Diego was going to let this foolish stallion raise his son if it was in his power.

Attack two
His thoughts cleared and everything seemed to be in slow motion for a couple of seconds. Diego lunged forward using his body weight and Shadows fairly unbalanced position plow forward and grab the bottom of the belly and tear the tender flesh. His deadly teeth sank into something and a foul taste entered his mouth, he whipped his head back a forth with a ferocity unparalleled to emotion he had ever felt. Though he faltered and released what he had hoped was the stallions under side backing away slowly favoring his shoulder which was severely torn up.


Damage two
As Diego assessed the damage he realized the extent of his injuries. Shadows hooves could cause him permanent or long term damage if the muscles did not heal properly. Diego gingerly tested out the damage to his shoulder, and was met by a painful throb as fresh blood ran down his buckskin body and down his black legs. Diego realized that now the adrenalin was wearing off his situation was not a good one. He would have to make sure that the wounds did not get infected because if so it would be terribly painful. Quickly steeling himself his midnight blue eyes flashed coldly with a lingering cold anger, but his body showed signs of exhaustion. Diego held himself upright as he waited for the verdict of the battle to be announced.
Edited by Kat., Oct 18 2011, 06:54 PM.
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No.
Alecto Does Not Have A Lisp.
It is just the way he talks. Sort of like a Snake.
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IceCrystal
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The Queen of Snark (and Procrastination)
SHADOW not all shadows are dark;;

The buckskin slammed into Shadow, forcing him back a few steps. Diego meant to get at his underside, but he was now on all fours do to being pushed backwards. The lower of his chest was bitten, and torn. When his opponent finally backed off, he shifted on his hooves, wincing as his ribs protested. His chest had a deep cut, though it wasn't very wide or long. Some of his skin had been ripped off as well. It would take a while to heal, and would most definitely scar. He shook his head, sending his pale forelock out of his blue eyes. It was time for the battle to be decided.


8 years - stallion - Neutral - Mustang hybrid - 15.2 hh - silver with black stockings - the Phantom x Tavar - homeless
ICE CRYSTAL
briseis
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`d e p p
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I think everybody's nuts.
i'm using kim's lovely layout, since it's easy and not hard to understand<3 haha.

first attacks


ICE & SHADOW
comments: not very original, but could be effective.
originality: 1/5
damage done: 3/5
realism: 5/5
total: 9/15

GHOST & DIEGO
comments: it doesn't make much sense--you went back in time from your defense, which i don't think is very possible...haha. also:

Quote:
 
...plunged razor sharp hooves towards the stallion who was still mid attack towards his own Gaskin.
to me, that seems like a mild case of power-playing; which you should try to avoid, especially in battles.
originality: 1/5
damage done: 3/5
realism: 3/5
total: 7/15

________________________________________________________________________


first defenses


ICE & SHADOW
comments: his ribs were badly bruised, with slight cuts that will leave scars. these are appropriate.
originality: 2/5
damage done: 4/5
realism: 5/5
total: 11/15

GHOST & DIEGO
comments: he recieved a stinging shallow cut. this appropriate, though i thought he could've recieved a light bit more damage. =X
originality: 2/5
damage done: 3/5
realism: 5/5
total: 10/15


________________________________________________________________________


second attacks


ICE & SHADOW
comments: i liked how you carried on his injury (since it's technically only been a few min, he wouldn't have healed much at all haha). however:

Quote:
 
His hooves dug into the flesh of Diego's chest, and the base of his neck.
again, this seems like a mild case of power-playing. =X

originality: 3/5
damage done: 2/5
realism: 5/5
total: 10/15

GHOST & DIEGO
comments: again, i appreciate you carrying on his injury. i've really never seen this attack done before...unique haha.
originality: 4/5
damage done: 3/5
realism: 5/5
total: 12/15

________________________________________________________________________


second defenses


ICE & SHADOW
comments: he probably could have suffered a little more damage, but i liked how you put it together.
originality: 2/5
damage done: 3/5
realism: 5/5
total: 10/15

GHOST & DIEGO
comments: thank you for allowing diego to fall for the trick--shows he's not superman haha.
originality: 2/5
damage done: 4/5
realism: 5/5
total: 11/15


________________________________________________________________________


RESULTS


ICE & SHADOW
comments: i didn't find many grammar/spelling errors. shadow seemed to react to his injuries well.
grammar / punctuation / spelling: 4/5
total: 44/65

GHOST & DIEGO
comments: i found a few grammar issues, but nothing major; though i'd suggest that you use a program like Word or something to fix the little problems;)
grammar / punctuation / spelling: 3/5
total: 43/65




the victor is: ICE & SHADOW

the battle was so close, only one point!
great job ice! nice try ghost, you almost had it!;)
Remember...if you feel glum, just shake your bum!
#EpicStrut

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paper faces on parade;
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