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| Ending the Story on a Soap Note (Nuke); Nuke fan fic | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 30 2009, 09:18 PM (189 Views) | |
| Nukester | Dec 30 2009, 09:18 PM Post #1 |
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This would rightly belong on Everything Including the Kitchen Sink, but there's no sub category Kitchen FanFic. However, since this is fanfic, if for the wrong universe, I posted it here. If moderators wish to chastise me, I ask that they do so with a soggy noodle, 42 times. In any case and no matter where it rightly belongs (i.e., on a roll of toilette paper), I offer my whys and wherefores after the story. I appologize profusely in advance. This fic contains F-words, violence, and ANGST. If you don't like angst, it may be inappropriate for you and me. If you don't like the F-word, substitute FROG for it. 4 letters, 4 legs, green and amphibious--what's not to like? If you don't like violence--me neether. But see my postscript before flaming me. I dedicate this piece to dkp who made 2009 a very important year in my life. I believe it was in his, too. Ending the Story on a Soap Note "Are you there?" Noah asked again, as he asked incessantly during every silence. Since losing his sight, he'd become fearful of being left alone. He felt perpetually isolated and lonely in his new dark world. "I haven't gone anywhere," Luke assured. "I told you. I have to read this book for class." "Well, can't you sit next to me so I know you're there?" "If I do, I won't get any reading done." "I won't distract you." "Yes you will. You'll put your arm around me or a hand on my leg and I won't retain a thing I try reading. You know that. We've .... discussed.... this before." They both knew he meant "argued over." Sadly, their discussions had more often become arguments as Noah clung to Luke and Luke felt more and more clung to. It was an unhealthy dynamic--one which cast small waves of resentment onto their shore. Less and less frequently their love-making felt like their first time, and incrementally more and more like begrudged sex between antagonistic spouses. Snyder encouraged, "Why don't you practice your Braille why I read?. I'll get your study CD for you." "I'm sick of that thing!" Noah snapped back. "What's the point of having a laptop, if I have to lug around a Braille terminal, as well? It reminds me of those old farts in the library with their full sized keyboard and mouse plugged into the back of their notebook. Why even have a notebook if you're going to turn it into a desktop?" Luke went to protest, but Mayer wasn't finished. "Besides, what the fuck am I learning Braille for? What possible job can a blind guy get in the film industry? If I'd gone deaf, I could still do almost anything. But blind....? I might as well be dead!" He pounded his fist on Emma's kitchen table. "Stop that! I'm not going to listen to you go all pity! Your counselor says..." "Fuck my counselor and fuck you! This isn't pity! Shows what he knows." "Rage, pity, anger, whatever. It's borderline abuse and I don't have to put up with it." Luke snapped his book shut and made sure his chair loudly announced he was getting up and leaving. "Don't forget to turn out the lights. I'm already siting in the dark." "Now that was pity. And you're damn right I will." Luke slapped the lightswitch and slammed the screen door as he left his grandmother's kitchen. Noah crumpled onto the table, his head on his arms, sobbing loudly. Luke listened outside. He'd guessed which game this was and had no intention of leaving--rather, he gave his boyfriend a chance to vent and then release his emotional energy. He'd been coached by Noah's psychologist not to argue or debate. Just leave and wait until it felt right to return. Within a few minutes the crying abated, or at least reached inaudible levels. Luke cupped his hands against the screen door to see in from the bright daylight. Noah's head rested on his left elbow signifying he cried himself out to exhaustion. Snyder opened the door with a long slow squeak so that Noah'd know he was coming back in. He closed the screen door quietly. Noah spoke softly, "I'm sorry." "You don't have to apologize." Luke dragged out the tagline they both hated enough to laugh at, " 'Love means never having to say you're sorry.'" "I always have to say I'm sorry when I am." "Me, too." The blond put his book on the table and a hand on his lover's back. He rubbed up and down Mayer's spine for a moment. "Why don't we make-up to each other, upstairs?" "I'd like that." "Me, too. You head on up and I'll meet you in bed in a moment." "Okay," Noah rose, sensing that his lover wasn't going first by way of empowering him to make it on his own. It was too easy to lead and, thereby, diminish. The counselor warned Luke that letting (or forcing) Noah to navigate by himself was crucial to his regaining self-worth. - - - - - Luke Snyder settled atop Noah Mayer's body. The two men relished exhausted afterglow. "Hmmmmm," the blond savored the heartbeat in the chest beneath his ear. The men's hearts slowed from exertion and achieved a united rhythm. Noah kissed Luke's head. "I wish I could see your beautiful face." "I wish I could see yours, too," Luke agreed. Mayer's heart-beat left it's pairing. "Wha' dya mean?" There was almost a tinge of anger returning. "Shshshsh," Luke warned and kissed his man's lips. "The lights are out, the curtain and shades drawn. It's pitch black in here." It was the right thing to have said and done. "I see," the unsighted man relaxed back into the moment. "That explains a couple of your moves, then." "Awkward or not, I think I did my part." "Ya think?" Noah teased before his mood slipped, again. "It hasn't been like this for a long while. It used to always feel like this. I was starting to feel like...., why bother?" "Don't say that." "You know it's true. It was practically becoming a script. We hit our marks and got the job done. Wham bam thank-you man. 'Thanx.' 'You're welcome.'" "Stop it." "No, be honest. If we can't even be honest with each other..." "Okay. Yes, I sensed a certain.... lack of spontaneity a couple times." "You nearly said, 'je ne sais quoi.' Didn't you?" "I guess, but then the sentence structure would have been awkward and the meaning vaguer. But so what?" "Because what is what this is about from now on. You're a writer. You can write to tape. You can write with a keyboard--" Luke tried cutting him off, "Don't go there." Noah was building steam, "-- and you can proof-read by replaying the tape or using a Braille display. If you were blind it'd hardly slow you down in your career. But me...?" "Please stop. You're beating up on yourself, again. You've got to stop believing your life is over. It's not!" "Well it is and we both know it. I really think I should just kill myself and set you free." "I don't wanna be free--not like that. I want to be with you. And, and I want you to be with me. You just need time to adjust. You're counselor keeps telling you...." "Don't bring him back into this. I'm done going to him. I quit. I quit everything! If I could have one moment's eyesight back, I'd find Emma's meds and O.D." "You're not committing suicide. You don't mean that." "I do mean it and I will continue to say it. I'd rather be dead than where I am now." Snyder tried a distraction, "Well thank you very much. Sorry my body isn't more satisfying." He made as if he would slide out of bed. To his surprise, he got a push of encouragement. Noah ended the conversation struggling from the sheets. "I need to shower." - - - - - Noah Mayer's mood worsened every day. He phoned his counselor and canceled all further appointments. The psychologist said he'd keep next week's session on the calendar, unless Noah phoned to cancel a second time. Mayer told him, "Then you'll be sitting alone next week, cuz I'm not coming back" and slammed the phone down. He stopped eating and refused to sleep in Luke's bed at night. He stayed up listening to old movies on cable, and then slept during the day. Nothing Emma, Lily, or Holden did reached him. By the third day of the downward spiral, Luke was pissed-off enough to avoid Noah, which only inversely satisfied Mayer. He was glad to verify how easy it was to make everyone angry. He wanted them angry. He wanted everyone to hate him, and he said as much. "I'm making it easier for everybody." Holden didn't like the sound of that. "You're not planning to hurt yourself, are you? You know how much we all love you. The girls love calling you their 'favorite illegal brother-in-law.' It's their way of showing Gay Pride to their friends. I'm willing to put up with a lot, Noah, because I know this isn't you. You're still adjusting." He didn't need to say to what. "But you have to promise me you're not having suicidal thoughts." Noah's response wasn't convincing. Thereafter, Holden called the psychologist to relate this and other behaviors and got warned, "Watch him closely, especially for a sudden change of mood. Often a person stops acting depressed, may even become suddenly elated just before making a suicide attempt. Once a person resolves to do it, the decision can be freeing." Holden shared the warning with the rest of the family, except the girls. - - - - - On the fifth day Noah wasn't asleep when Luke got home. He wasn't watching television. He wasn't curled up in any dark corner of the house. Luke even checked the attic. //Maybe he's gone for a walk,// Snyder hoped as he went to check the barn, at the same time realizing how that would never be the case, again. Noah couldn't stroll off by himself. He'd have no idea where he was nor how ever to retrace his steps. The realization angered the youth. //It should have been me.// The last place to check was the hayloft. Unlikely, but not impossible for Noah to find. He'd insisted upon visiting their old love nest once since the accident. The moment Luke's head past the top of the ladder, he saw his lover's body. There were pill bottles, vodka, and vomit. "Noah!" Luke screamed, but the word came out a harsh whisper. The blond automatically went back down the ladder, into the house, into his parents' room, reached atop the tall gun cabinet, got the key, opened and fetched a pistol and a handful of bullets, and began returning to the barn loading the weapon. Luke lay down behind Noah. "I love you. I love you so much I can't live without you. God has to forgive me..." From a nearly comatose drug-state, Mayer heard his lover's voice and an explosion. The gunshot sobered him. He felt wet in his hair and tasted salt in his mouth. He rolled and felt the hot body next to him -- and he knew. He knew the unforgivable sin he'd caused. At least he didn't need eyes now, because he didn't need sight to take aim. He took the gun from Luke's limp hands and repeated actions. "I'm sorry Luke..." Holden nearly reached the barn when the second gunshot deflected him to slam full force against the building's wall. He'd come running across the 40 acre field at the sound of the first retort. He knew what the second shot had to mean. He pivoted slowly, putting his back against the rough weathered siding. Slowly he slid down to sit on his heals, crying. The End and a Daytime Emmy. ================================= Why did I write this? Because Nuke need a grand ending. As the World Turns is canceled, so why not end with a Gay bang? Noah's gone blind. He can't produce films. The challenge has left him depressed and suicidal Luke feels he's responsible for Noah's condition. He blames himself for almost everything, anyway. Despite his "serious money in Euros," he refuses to realize he (and Noah) are set for life. The suicide rate among Gay kids is disproportionate. Luke definitely acts like a kid much of the time. I suggest ATWT take the bull by the tail and realize they're over-looking an obviously asinine ending: Luke and Noah commit suicide together as lovers. It's tragic. It's overly dramatic. It's Gay destructive and disgusting. How could it be more Proctor & Gamble? So said, I hope you realize, to me: THIS IS ONE HUGE JOKE. ugly, dark, and nasty, I would never actually propose this as a legitimate ending. Rather, it's what some angst writers MIGHT consider a satisfyingly Goth finalé. And it's not an ending I wouldn't put past ATWT. In fact, I think of this as my anti- anti-Gay anti-ATWT anti-climax. |
| appleridge | Dec 30 2009, 09:21 PM Post #2 |
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That was Powerful Thanks |
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2:48 AM Jul 11