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| The First Last Time/The Last First Time (R-ish}; One-off - about their nervousness | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 28 2009, 05:13 PM (1,236 Views) | |
| luke75b | Dec 28 2009, 05:13 PM Post #1 |
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I was bored so wrote a 1700 or so word fic trying to explain why Kyle and Oliver seem so nervous about the whole sex/making love thing (especially Oliver). Can't promise it's any good. It's R-ish for language and a few crude words (I figured I'd err on the side of caution and go R instead of PG-13)--but it's not smutty (sorry). While I'm not a fan of stream of consciousness (James Joyce bores me to tears) this is vaguely stream of consciousness (in that it's them thinking about stuff). I suppose if you want to pin down a date for when it's set--it's sometime between 11/2 and 12/7. Anyway--enjoy. Oliver Why does the thought of finally sleeping with Kyle (well again) make me so nervous? It’s not like I haven’t seen him naked before (I’ve definitely seen Kyle naked before). And it’s not like I haven’t had sex in the interim. No, wait scratch that last bit. Sleeping with Layla and Stacy and a couple of other random girls isn’t the same. I mean yeah I had to—you know perform with them so it’s not like I’m worried about, um performing with Kyle. I mean why would I be—I mean sh—I mean da—no I mean wow—look at him. Kyle’s fu—grr—I mean Kyle’s unbelievably gorgeous. Ugh, who am I kidding—look at me I’m acting like a little kid whose afraid to swear in his own head! Kyle Why does the thought of finally sleeping with Oliver (well again) make me so nervous? It’s not like I haven’t seen him naked before (Oh yeah, I’ve seen Oliver naked before) and I’ve been with a few guys since. Don’t get me wrong—I haven’t exactly slept around or anything but at the same time I’ve learned a thing or two since college. Honestly I should be able to be with Oliver and be the cool dude who knows exactly what he’s doing. So why the hell do I get that nervous churning feeling in my stomach like I’m a freaking virgin about to get laid for the first time? Oliver The funny thing is I don’t think I could tell you anything in depth about the bodies of any of the women I’ve been with—but I could describe Kyle’s body in such detail to our police sketch artist she’d be able to create an accurate nude portrait of him. Kyle The funny thing is I have to say I’ve probably compared every guy I’ve slept with to Oliver. This one’s too hairy. This one isn’t hairy enough. This one’s too short. This one is too skinny. It was like I was freaking Goldilocks and Oliver was the third fucking bowl of porridge or something. That’s kind of warped, isn’t it? Oliver In the fairly short time Kyle and I have been back together I’ve noticed the ways in which Kyle’s changed and the ways he’s stayed the same. I’m just happy that there are those times when Kyle will be gentle and caring and nurturing, but you can still see his inner core of fire and strength. Then there are the other times when he’ll be—maybe macho isn’t the right word—but sort of macho and tough and posturing, yet his gentle spirit is still there just underneath. The funny thing is I’m not sure which Kyle is hotter! Kyle Since I broke up with Nick and me and Oliver have been back together, it’s been interesting seeing the ways in which Oliver’s changed and the ways he’s stayed the same. I’m just glad he’s still the same geeked out technophile he used to be. In some ways Oliver’s a bit reserved—likes to keep some things hidden—but when he gets all excited about gigabytes and firewalls and stuff like that, you can see the passion coming out in him. When he gets all excited and animated about something, you know it’s important to him. So I really love it when he uses that tone of voice when talking about me. Oliver Having seen what’s the same and what’s changed in Kyle, I can’t help but wonder what might have changed in the bedroom. I mean he was with Nick for goodness sake—here’s Kyle at the advanced or expert level and then there’s me who’s practically still a beginner. What if I’m not good enough in bed? Just because I can get it up doesn’t mean I can use it properly. Ugh! God, I wonder if he still swears when he comes? Or what if he only swears when it’s really, really good? If he doesn’t swear when we’re together does that mean he doesn’t do it anymore? Or does it mean I’m crap in bed? Oh God, I hope he swears when he comes. Kyle It’s been amazing seeing Oliver become so much more comfortable in his own skin. I’m quite curious to see if all that confidence translates in the bedroom. When we were together in college it was this weird situation where outwardly I ran the show but he was always the one in control. I learned not to go too far or suggest we do anything that might freak him out. What if he’s still scared when it comes down to things—what if he freaks out if I touch him a certain way? God, I really hope he’s a bit more aggressive and goes as far as he can—I mean odds of him being up for something I’m not game for are pretty slim. This is Officer Oliver Fish we’re talking about. Oliver Of course maybe some of the nerves are from the fact the last time we were together, it was such an unmitigated and colossal disaster. I knew this kid at church camp and one time he whispered all secretly to me about his mom walking into his room and catching him you know—playing with—I mean jacking off. I remember thinking I’d have died of embarrassment if she walked in on me doing that (or found that crusty old sock I kept hidden in the back of my sock drawer). Ha! I had no clue what it meant to be embarrassed until my mom walked in on me and Kyle. If there’s anything more horrifying than your mom walking in on you while you have another guy’s dick in your mouth—I don’t want to know about it. Kyle I just hope when me and Oliver finally make love it goes a lot better than the last time we were together. Ha! I mean there’s really no way to gracefully handle a mom finding out her son’s gay by having her walk in and find you with your cock in her precious son’s mouth. Ugh—that was a fucked up mess. Moms will believe most things that come out of their kid’s mouth—but nobody’s really going to believe their son saying ‘It’s not what it looks like’ when his male roommate is desperately trying to hide a still raging hard-on that had just come out of said son’s mouth. Like I said, it was messed up. Oliver When me and Kyle were together, there would be nights I’d lay awake and recount every little slight I’d inflicted on him. I suppose in the big scheme of things, none of them were too big—a flinch here, a dirty look there—but I knew each and every one of them hurt Kyle. Yet when things ended, I never really thought about those things again. It’s not that I suddenly became uncaring or didn’t think about his feelings. No—it was because I’d managed to top every one of those crappy things combined with the ultimate in shitty behaviour. Kyle It was bad enough trying to find my underwear while listening to Oliver running after his mom, begging her to listen to his lies but the worst came the next day when Oliver finally lowered himself to talk to me. Well, I’m not sure talk is the correct word—it was mostly a lot of stuff about how I was sick and perverted and evil—you know the usual. The funny thing though was I’d heard him say all those same things about himself when he was drunk and scared about who he was. None of that really bothered me—it was the things his parents had taught him. Like I said, I could handle that. No, the real knife in the gut was when he said that us—me and him—meant nothing. The really horrible thing was he said it with enough conviction that I think he’d pretty much convinced himself it was true—since even I began to wonder after that. Oliver I don’t know—I just want our first real night together to be perfect. Maybe that’s too much to ask but I just want it to go right. I want Kyle to know how much he means to me and how much ‘us’ means to me. I guess I just want to make all the nights I’d dreamed about being with Kyle again come true. I think most of all I just want Kyle to know that I’m not going anywhere and what we have is real and meaningful and beautiful. Basically I want Kyle to know that our relationship is the exact opposite of what I said it was after the last time we were together. I want Kyle to know that if he needs to cry in my arms about something bad happening to him, I’ll be there to hold him. Ultimately, I just want Kyle to know that contrary to what I might have said in the past, what we had in college was real and it meant something important to me and that now I’m finally able to embrace what we have between us. Kyle Maybe I just want everything to be perfect so Oliver won’t run away again. I know intellectually Oliver was pretty much beyond fucked up with this self-loathing and deep denial. Yet even now there are times when Oliver tells me he loves me and while I believe him, there’s this tiny little voice telling me it’s all a mirage—that at some point it’ll all be pulled away and I’ll be alone again. I know I’m probably putting too much pressure on myself—nothing is ever perfect—but it’s like if somehow our first night together somehow manages to be perfect, I won’t ever have to worry again. Oliver/Kyle I suppose deep down I’m nervous because I love him so much and don’t want to fuck up our second chance. |
| Popey | Dec 28 2009, 05:23 PM Post #2 |
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Nothing ever stays. Everything dies eventually.
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I likey the changing perspectives so much I am just going to ignore that Joyce comment. I loves me some SOC! Great job! Amazing that everybody is posting fics nowadays! It makes this place all the much better! |
| AzureHorizon | Dec 28 2009, 05:29 PM Post #3 |
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Kish Fic Laureate
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That was beautiful. Wow. Perfectly encapsulates everything we've seen on the show so far. |
| luke75b | Dec 28 2009, 05:50 PM Post #4 |
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Thanks for the comments. :smooch: Like I said I got a bit bored and thought I'd give it a try. While Brett and Scott do a great job showing their internal life, it would be nice if the show gave us a bit more in terms of what they're really thinking about.I've actually done the shifting perspective in some other writing before--it's kind of fun to do. As for James Joyce, I actually dislike a huge swath of the 20th century literary canon--as I find it a bit self-indulgent. :nervous: Probably the only reason I managed to actually earn an English degree was my college was a bit more classically oriented (Chaucer to the 19th century). :wow: Edited by luke75b, Dec 28 2009, 05:52 PM.
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| WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot | Dec 28 2009, 05:58 PM Post #5 |
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The Whore of Babylon
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I love how you got inside Oliver's head like this. And Kyle inner monologue? So, so Kyle! This was awesome. Lovely look at Kish as they are and Kish as they once were. |
| Popey | Dec 28 2009, 05:59 PM Post #6 |
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Nothing ever stays. Everything dies eventually.
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See I absolutely love anything 20th century and beyond. I love postmodern writers like Joyce, Ellis, Faulkner (ok he is not postmodern per se but the man knows how to use SOC like no ones business), and Murakami (both Ryu and Haruki). Anything that goes against the grain and is different (see controversial, difficult, violent etc.) I devour like candy. Which is why many of the older novels and plays (I hate Bronte, Shakespeare, Dickens, Austen) bore me to tears. However I do love me some Canterbury Tales and Poe. I do get what you mean about self indulgence. I really do. I guess I just find some odd beauty in the insanity (or it just means I am insane which probably true). |
| AzureHorizon | Dec 28 2009, 06:07 PM Post #7 |
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Kish Fic Laureate
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I'm the total opposite. I LOVE 20th century canon. Hemingway, Faulkner, Steinbeck, Vonnegut, Joyce, Miller, et. al. I love older stuff, too, like Bronte, Woolf, Shakespeare, Donne, Milton. I love it all. However, my focus for my English major is gonna be on postmodern lit., stuff like Vonnegut and Cormac McCarthy. |
| rhombus | Dec 28 2009, 06:26 PM Post #8 |
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Let us frankly discuss the mad hot sex we're about to have.
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I liked this a lot. Don't know much about literary devices (which is sad, being as I got my undergrad degree in lit), but it reminds me of when TV shows do characters talking directly to the camera, revealing personal thoughts (I'm thinking Scrubs season one, with all the characters having monologues with some off screen person). I'm rambling. Good job! Write more! :grin: |
| luke75b | Dec 28 2009, 06:33 PM Post #9 |
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Thanks WTF--any chance of an update to And so it Began? :halo: Thanks Rhombus. AzureHorizon/thesuperpope--The sort of funny thing is I actually did my senior paper on a late 20th century British author. I can more or less handle late 20th century stuff better than I can early 20th century stuff (I find something like Pynchon's "Crying of Lot 49" a lot more accessible than most anything Faulkner wrote :waah: I think I'm probably happiest with 19th century lit but the really sad thing is all the reading I did in college has somewhat rendered me unable to read most novels today as I still suffer the shakes remembering having to read 1000+ pages a week. :waah: |
| Popey | Dec 28 2009, 07:26 PM Post #10 |
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Nothing ever stays. Everything dies eventually.
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Oh god. The Crying of Lot 49 is such a tease. You think hey this is easy to read let me go get some others. Then you get to Gravity's Rainbow and it is like hitting a wall on fire. Took me six attempts to finish it and I still don't know what it was about. |
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2:48 AM Jul 11