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| WhiskeybusPorno Part 1 updated (dec.21) [Rated R for future installments and bus shenanigans] | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 16 2009, 05:52 PM (1,386 Views) | |
| smuchshypush | Dec 18 2009, 04:55 PM Post #41 |
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woo! Focus on that! The story can wait. And congrats on your tests! Whatever about the chemistry one, you probably know enough to make smart-sounding dirty jokes, right? That's all you need on the Bus :) |
| Popey | Dec 18 2009, 05:07 PM Post #42 |
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Nothing ever stays. Everything dies eventually.
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Hehe what are talking about? This element 42 ain't got no dirty jokes. Yeah the asked out part was great......if I actually like the person........ |
| Popey | Dec 21 2009, 12:54 AM Post #43 |
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Nothing ever stays. Everything dies eventually.
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Another short chapter that makes more sense to me than to you (all three of you). Everything has a purpose I swear and if these chapters feel like a bore and slow then I have done my job. There is a George section I wrote but I moved it later in the act (yes they are acts now) because I think it flows better that way. Sooner or later the time line will even out and all events will take place in chronological order (well not really but kinda). Short chapter quickly written because I made myself finish it. Critique away people. ETA-Sorry about all the jumping tenses. I will fix them tomorrow when I am not too tired. I just realized I jump pretty them in the middle of sentences (not a good thing -__-) Trapped between two lungs The silence had reached into my mind and has been slowly turning it against me. I had tried everything to combat it to no avail. The air had become still and the walls had begun to inch forward. What was once an open house full of light has now transformed into a constricting force of nature. Well maybe I am just over dramatizing something as simple as me being lonely. George has not been around too much lately but I could see him trying to change that. He would show up every now and then and take me for dinner but something feels off. I couldn’t put my finger on it but something is wrong. I might be paranoid though due to the fact that I now know the full extent of boredom and loneliness. Sure George, or my parents for that matter, was never around that much before but now it was not the same. Sure the sting was the same but somehow it had more venom. These feelings had become more and more frequent as the days rolled on and I felt like the world would cave in any second and on some days I wished for just that. ``` The room was garishly decorated in the brightest of yellows, pinks, and blues. The teacher sat at the front and was instructing us in techniques. George was by my side which still surprises me to this very day. He insisted on coming to Lamaze with me because he didn’t want to screw up when the baby came. He was oddly attentive these last few days (maybe he was getting my not so subtle hints), and I wasn’t complaining. He had bought me a bunch of little books to read on how to take care of the baby which is how I had spent a lot of my days. I read about the future and what to do in case of an emergency of all kinds. It all meant nothing at this moment because I wasn’t in the future. The only thing I could do was focus on the now. The future would get here when it got here. George was paying more attention to the teacher than I was and I could feel him getting annoyed at my lack of concentration so I focused completely on her and mimicked what she did. As I watched her the feelings of aloneness began to show up again. I know I was in a room filled with other people (one of which was my husband) but I cannot deny the existence of the feelings. Sitting here I could see all the mistakes I could possibly make with this baby flash in front of my mind. I don’t know what brought them on (it could have been the how confidant the other women were or how prepared they seemed or what was contained in those books) but they were there and they would not leave. They started to grow and grow until I could barely breathe. The only thing I comprehended was George slightly touching my shoulder and saying, “You hear that Barb? She says you have to breathe in and out. In and out. Come on, try Barb. Just breathe in and out.” And I did just that. ``` The church was pretty, I will give it that. The sunlight reflecting off the warm colors of the stained glass gave the place a whole melancholic feeling that I welcomed. We were here getting Oliver baptized. It just seemed natural to the both of us. We were both Catholics (although we weren’t the strict Church going folks that our parents pretended to be) and we felt like it only logical. We personally hadn’t been to church in a while but it felt kinda nice being here, comforting even. Oliver could feel the peace too by the look on his face when the priest poured the water on his head. The water spread over his forehead and cascaded off the sides falling back into the pool. Oliver looked…….cleansed. He looked happy. The priest handed Oliver back to me and I stared into his eyes and he looked into my mine. A thousand words were passed in that moment. The priest’s voice broke me out of my stupor and I looked around the empty church. The priest spoke a prayer and we all bowed our heads in silence; me, the priest, and George. Edited by Popey, Dec 21 2009, 12:57 AM.
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| rhombus | Dec 21 2009, 09:43 AM Post #44 |
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Let us frankly discuss the mad hot sex we're about to have.
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Jumping around in time has never been a problem for me as a reader, as long as the vignettes have some underlying connection (which these seem to), and the time and setting are at least easy to guess at (which these are). So I was not confused. I'm still intrigued by the set-up. There's a tension now in how will these characters turn into the people we know and are supremely disappointed in. |
| Popey | Dec 21 2009, 12:45 PM Post #45 |
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Nothing ever stays. Everything dies eventually.
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Oh good. I was nervous that most people would be confused when it jumped from "I is so lonely!" to "Oh my god look at peaceful cute Oliver." I swear the story is going to get a jolt of electricity soon but I think a few more little sections of tiny character development are needed. Thanks for reading again. |
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2:48 AM Jul 11