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| Thanksgiving Gay; slashing 1L2L with ATWT, Happy Turkey! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 20 2009, 12:14 PM (253 Views) | |
| Nukester | Nov 20 2009, 12:14 PM Post #1 |
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Enjoy your turkeys everyone! (and yes, Nukester knows it was LAST MONTH in Canada.) This story is dedicated to b32guy, TimeToFly, and dkp, because each of them inspired parts of it. ====================================================================== (Nuking Kish with Moxy [Morris + Roxy]) Posted Image Thanksgiving Gay Morris the stuffed beaver shivered imperceptibly. Being taxidermed, everything he did or said was imperceptible to all but Roxy Balsom. "You cold, Morris?" she asked feeling the gust of cold air herself. "Close the door," she shouted to the guest holding it open for some slow-poke to enter the Angel Square Hotel. "Heat doesn't grow on trees, you know." She turned to her front-desk guardian. "I didn't think beavers got cold. You'z from the North Woods, ain'tcha?" "We don't and I was," he agreed. "But years of unliving on this desk's made me soft, I guess." Roxy gave him a squeeze. "You ain't soft. You're a stiff." "Even so...," he trailed off as the guests arrived at the check-in counter. "We've got a reservation," the blond, slightly goofy lipped shorter man introduced himself. "Under Snyder, Luke Snyder." Balsom tilted her head looking up at the guy. Even tho he was short, she was way shorter. From Luke she looked up up to the nervous, serious face of the six-foot-plus brunette guy. She smiled. "You boyz want a queen or a king bed to share?" Noah Mayer blushed. "Either's fine," Luke asserted. "So long as it's no-smoking." He liked this gal. She obviously knew the score and didn't care. "What brings you to town?" "We're here for Thanksgiving. A friend of ours and his boyfriend invited us. He lives here. Kyle Lewis." "Well, whatd'ya know?! I'll put you down the hall from him." She turned to pull a key off the rack. "Have you met Kyle's main squeeze? Dude's a hot cop, but he's okay for a copstable." she handed Luke the key and a pen to sign the registrar. While signing, Snyder noticed the improbably high percentage of Smiths and Jones having registered before them. Noah felt confused, "A what?" The writer in the couple tried to be polite, "I believe you mean constable--a member of the constabulary." 'Flatfoot's a flatfoot in my book. But Fish is alright. Him and Kyle make a cute couple. They've been carrying a torch for each other since college. But you probably know all that." Luke confirmed, "I met Kyle online on a fan-board for our favorite tv show: United States of Tara. We hit it off and became email/text friends. Noah and I were really happy when he didn't marry Nick and he and Oliver got back together. We decided it was time to meet in person. Thanksgiving seemed perfect; so we're doing turkey, tomorrow, at Oliver's apartment with his roommates." This answered Morris's question about their luggage, "I guess, that explains the giant Hubbard Squash." Which confused Roxy, "Morris says that's a Hubbard squash you got there." Mayer glanced behind himself to see whom the landlord was talking to. Nobody. Since she had flyaway hair, his second guess was that she must have been on her earphone when they walked up. "It's a Snyder tradition." Having said that, he realized Morris would have to be watching via camera to see the humongous vegetable on the hand-cart he pulled. Again, he cast about. "Whatcha lookin' for?" "The cameras." Morris and Roxy laughed. She spoke for both of them, "We don't have surveillance cameras. My hotel's all about privates." - - - - - Luke and Noah dumped their stuff in their room. Mayer summed, "She's exactly like Kyle described." "I like her," Luke cuddled up to his boyfriend, like he never did in Oakdale. "I bet she's got stories to tell." "Someone's feeling frisky." "Ya think?" Noah's hand ran a spot check, "I know!" - - - - - 45 minutes later the two dressed and knocked on Kyle's door. Lewis opened the door and proclaimed, "Noah and Luke, I presume?" "Yup." "Guilty as charged." "Come on in." He hugged each man because he felt that close to them, already. "I'm so glad you guys came. Oliver's looking forward to meeting you, as are Layla and Cris." "Us, too," Luke replied. "We've shared so much over the net, it's like we've gotten on the same channel." "I don't know about that. Oakdale sounds a lot more up-tight than Llanview. We had the gay wedding and everything. Both of our mayoral candidates came out for same-sex marriage. Ollie's bosses even support it. From what you've told me, things aren't as friendly where you live, as the world turns here. "Yeah, well," the blond lamented, "If I've one life to live, I'd still want to live it in Oakdale. That's home. My roots are there." Kyle reflected on how dark Luke's roots were, "Noah's dad shot you." Mayer sought to change the topic, "My dad was sick. He's dead now, I think, maybe, tho his body wasn't found and the next sweeps could change that. Let's talk about something else. Who's Morris?" "Morris?" "Roxy was talking to him." "When we checked in, she talked to him." "I don't know anyone named, Morris." "Over the security system," Noah suggested. "This hotel doesn't have security. If anything, this hotel has anti-surveillance. Roxy doesn't like leaving fingerprints, if she can help it. Nor do most of her guests. If there's a Morris, he's NOT recording check-ins. Trust me." He realized it was still before noon. "Did she seem sober to you?" The guys thoughtfully nodded. "That's probably the problem, then. She's a pint low. She should be soused by lunch and that'll clear her head. You can't trust anything she says sober, and only half of what she spills drinking." He paused thoughtfully, smirked smally, " --'course, it could be one of the ghosts that haunt this place, she was talking to." That intrigued Mayer, "Really? A haunted hotel?" "That's what the old-timers tell me. But I've never seen any." He switched gears. "Thinking of which, why don't I take you guys to the Buenos Dias Café for lunch? Cris's mom owns it and he works there. I'll call Ollie to see if he can join us." He flipped open his phone and pulled up the relevant number... "I want to report a crime in progress." The response was barely audible beyond Lewis's ear, "That'd be a 911 call, sir." "Oh? I thought I'd cut out the operator go straight to the cop." "This cop's not straight." "Tell me about it. I know you. And it's a crime you're not here with me now. Hey, Oliver. Luke and Noah arrived and I'm thinking Vega's for lunch. Can you join us?" Fish thought thru the list of ongoing criminal concerns. There was an amber alert, a drug bust, two convenience store robberies, a bomb-threat at the elementary school, a crazy woman haranguing people in the street over whom they voted for for mayor, a shooting at the university, a kid in a wheelchair reported having rolled out of a plane during take-off, a couple bodies found around town..., "Yeah, no problem. Pretty slow day, actually. See you there." "See you." They both hung up. - - - - - Fish arrived at the same time they did, because the restaurant is only steps away from everywhere in Llanview. "Oliver, this is Luke [handshake] and Noah [handshake] and this is my boyfriend Oliver; but most people in town call him by his last name, Fish." "Oliver, Ollie, Fish, whatever. I'm kinda hungry. How about you guyz?" They went in and grabbed a booth. Kyle waved to Cris, who deduced this must be the couple joining them for the holiday. He finished refreshing coffees at the counter, then walked over. "Welcome to Buenos Dias. You must be 'The Nukes.'" He extended his hand to each. "I'm Luke." "Noah. What do you mean by 'Nukes'?" Vega's face nearly suggested doubt, "I thought, as a couple, you were called 'Nuke.' Noah plus Luke equals Nuke." The perplexed couple looked at each other, shaking their heads. "No." "Never heard that before." Snyder continued, "That'd be like calling Kyle and Oliver, Koliver or you and Layla, Crislay." Cris gave Kyle an accusatory squint before focusing on his order pad, "Sorry, my bad. What can I get ya? Mom's made her killer chili. It's the special today. Comes with choice of antacid." He almost cracked a smile at his joke. Moments after ordering, Ollie scrunched down in the booth a tad, "Don't look now, but you-know-who just walked in." "Nick?" Kyle figured from the tone and behavior. Naturally, he and everyone turned to see Nick Chavez enter holding hands with a much older Asian guy. The ex- pulled the guy directly to Kyle's booth. "We just got back from Massachusetts. This is my husband, Kim." Sitting on the outside and being a police officer, Fish felt obligated to slip out of the booth and stand to shake hands. "Congratulations." The rebound wedding made him curious. "Ummm, how'd you guys meet?" "Thru Amnesty International. Kim fled China because of the crack-down on Gays. I married him so we can challenge his right to stay thru the courts." The blond Oakdaler was impressed, "Good luck with that. That'd be a great precedent to set." //Or not,// his partner worried how a bad ruling would hurt the cause for decades. An awkward silence ensued which Nick ended by saying, "Let's get a table by the window." "Good luck," Oliver repeated as they left. He sat. "That was... interesting." - - - - - Kyle showed his guests Llanview's many facets: the financial district, farmer's market, art village, Little Italy, red light district, water SlidePark (closed for winter), Lavender Heights, The Mall, and the newly opened medical marijuana dispensary. Luke quipped as they walked past, "I keep meaning to get sick." Kyle laughed, "I git that, man. Totally. Anyway, that about completes the tour. You've already been thru the international airport. I'd take you to the docks, but it's just a bunch of warehouses and Russian Mafia hangouts." Mayer had to ask, "You've got Mafia?" "Pretty much got some of everything. But Oliver's done a lot to help bring them down." Luke remembered, "That's right! The kidnapping case he helped crack. You'd have to be a real 'phobe to call him names after that." Lewis pushed the conversation back toward tourism, "Llanview is Pennsylvania's Gay-friendliest town. There's no doubt about that. We've got a big write-up in the International Gay Ghetto Guide." Again Mayer shook his head, but more scoffingly. "There's actually a travel guide like that?" "Dude," Lewis smiled. "Wait till you see the travel section at Oscar Wilde's Books. Come'on. It's just around the corner from the hotel and Buenos Dias, of course." "Of course," Snyder agreed having learned the cafe and Angel Square were the center of all things Llanview. - - - - - That evening Oliver and Kyle took their guests back to Lavender Heights to check-out the bars. The discos were jumping, even tho it was a Wednesday. As they surveyed their choices, Ollie explained. "It's a joke. We call this corner Gay Central because there's a gay bar on every corner." The competing techno music, hip-hop, country swing, and DJ mix proved the point. He continued, "This whole part of downtown is a mish-mash of ethnicities and lifestyles, but a lot of people call it Lavender Heights cuz it's so open and friendly. A better name would be Rainbow Heights, if you ask me." He began pointing to the four cardinal directions, i.e. bars. "That's Pistons; it's got kinduva biker/leather motif. That's The Shaft. You get a all types in there. The Hay Loft caters to bears, cubs, otters, cowboy wannabes, and country lovers. And then there's Jazz Hands which often hosts drag shows, wet Ts or Undies contests, community events, anything over-the-top and showy." Gay terminology As he spoke, he and Kyle felt warm arms slip around their waists as boobs pressed their torsos apart. "Hay-ya boys," Roxy Balsom hugged her hunks from between them. Showin' the new kids a good time? Don't forget the Klit-Kat-Klub and The Stone Bridge up the road." "Oy," Noah groaned. "I'm guessing the first one's a women's bar. Not a very subtle name." Balsom shrugged, "It is what it is. Ya gotta let your Freak Flag fly, otherwise it's like a bad bikini wax: bushy....," Kyle cut her off. "That's okay. We get the picture." She was undeterred, "...stinky...," Again, "Roxy!" "...and not guiding 'em in." A couple of the guys rolled their eyes uncomfortably. Oliver corrected, "It's not called The Stone Bridge. It's Topper's. It's the oldest gay bar in town." She agreed, "You can say that again. That's why we call it The Stone Bridge. Ya get a lotta trolls in there." "Roxy!" Kyle nearly sounded cross. "That's mean." She laughed at her joke without regard. She'd spent plenty of hours with her friends in the place. She had a faghag's right of membership to joke as she wanted. He corrected her. "Yes, sometimes, some people call it that, hopefully mostly joking. Topper's attracts an older crowd. People who prefer to be able to talk over drinks, rather than shout over the music." "Trolls." *laughs* "Stop it!" But he had to admit, some of the regular regulars frequenting the lounge, wore the degenerative signs of age, too much booze, and cigarettes. Luke tried to change topics. He took a couple steps to a row of free newspaper dispensers. He opened the nearest one. "Is this the local Gay paper? Mom..., Guess What? I love the title." Kyle continued, "That's one of them. There's also Outword and a general counter-culture paper called Unhidden News and a few others dealing with politics, art, music, whatever. Snyder grabbed one from every box to read thru and literarily assess, later. The fivesome people-watched for a while, before sampling the sound and mood of each bar. Fortunately, being mid-week and the night before a major holiday, there were no cover charges. By 10:15 they were back at the RogueMotel, saying good-nights in the hallway. Kyle stood in front of his room with his hands in his pockets, scrunching his shoulders appearing shorter and more impish than usual. Fish asked, "How about I come in for a while? I told Cris and Layla that I'd get home late. It's not so late, yet." "This is true." "You could light some candles." "I could." "We could watch a movie." "Or not." "Let's go with your idea." - - - - - The turkey cook-athon started well before Kyle brought Luke & Noah to the apartment with their fixings, which included a gibungous Hubbard Squash. Oliver beat them home by barely half an hour. Cris looked up from cutting carrots when Fish entered, "Well, that's what I call late. Any later and it'd be called lunch." The cop protested, tho he knew his timing was appreciated from the wink Layla gave him. "It's not even 9:00. Kyle'll bring the boys over after a short stop for coffee and bagels." "What? They're eating at the competition's? Mia poor madre." "Dias is closed." "I know that. But I can guilt you anyway, can't I?" "Stop, you two." Layla Williamson chided. "We've a lot to get done if this Thanksgiving meal's going to be ready to eat by one." Oliver agreed, "You're right. But I've gotta change clothes first. I showered at Kyle's, but I keep forgetting to leave some clothes there to change into." Ever sardonic, Vega challenged, "At?! You mean with, not at." "Okay, with and at. But I should change." The woman in the room secretly enjoyed the banter. "I swear you two. Cris is still more comfortable with you're being Gay than you are, Fish." Her smile was as bright as the sun streaming thru the skylight. "Go change. Go go go!" she teased the cop while swatting at his butt. "We need kitchen staff." He dashed and she opened the oven to peek at the bird cooking. "Lookin' goooood." - - - - - It took three trips from the car to the apartment for Noah, Luke, and Kyle to carry up all their culinary bits. The last haul was the Hubbard squash. The Oakdaler's struggled under it's weight to heft it up and into the flat. They deposited it awkwardly on the coffee table. "I'm getting too old for this," Snyder complained. "You're not even 30," his boyfriend scoffed. "Yeah, well, you heft 30 years of Hubbards and see how you feel." Williamson patted the giant squash. "You could feed half of Llanview with this thing. Couldn't you have brought a smaller one?" Snyder explained, "It's not like we're going to cook it all. Our family has a tradition that sortuv the man-of-the-year cuts the squash open and then the women cook enough to give everyone a taste. I mean, obviously, that's way too much squash. But it's like a right of passage. And last year Noah was selected to do the honors." "It was like being welcomed into the family," Mayer agreed and kissed Luke (which he never would have done in Oakdale if anyone was watching). Layla thought about it. "Seems sexist to me, but wha-ever! If that's how you roll, I won't take it personal. Who's going to cut it?" The doorbell rang. Kyle turned and opened the door. "Hey Rox." "Hey man. Am I too early? I came to help." She shifted the weight of her grocery bags full of bottles. Snyder felt inspired, "You know what? I think we need a new tradition in a new town. I think a woman should cut the squash here." Noah had a better inspiration, "Why not both women? Roxy and Layla should cut it together." "Cut what?" Oliver came into the room wearing a torso-fitting paisley shirt and crotch-endorsing bluejeans. A couple of the gay guys whistled long slow approval. Cris reconsidered, //Maybe I should ask Fish to model for me.// Lewis finally stopped gawking and answered, "Cut the squash. It's some sort of male Snyder thing in Oakdale. We're talking about reversing the tradition in Llanview." "Fine by me," Oliver agreed. "Okay then," Luke pulled the saw from one of his bags and handed it dramatically to Layla. He then nudged Roxy beside her. "The two of you... No wait. We need to get a picture." Noah pulled his camera off his belt holder. "Ready." "Okay. The two of you cut the squash open. -- It's okay to be a bit dramatic." The gals feigned being LumberJills and attacked the Hubbard with the saw-toothed tool. Noah click-click-clicked the action. "Fantastic!" he approved. "More! Make it look like hard work! Yes, that's it. Work it, girls." Suddenly the squash split apart. A torrent of seeds spilled out onto the table, gushed over its sides, and cascaded onto the carpet. "Oh my gawd!" Layla freaked as everyone except the photographer tried using their hands to hold back the flood--to no avail. Noah continued documenting the event. "I'm sorry!" Luke pleaded. "I'm so, so sorry. This has never happened before. It must be overly ripe or something." Cris ran and grabbed the kitchen trash bin. They started plopping handsfull of the slippery, stringy seeds into it, filling the small, bag-lined basket in no time. He went to the sink and pulled a 30 gallon garbage bag out from under it, as well as a dust-pan to be used like a snow-shovel, scooping up the debris. It took several minutes to empty the squash and clean the table and floor of the vegetable's guts. Noah and Ollie each took a squash half and moved them to the kitchen linoleum floor. Kyle and Luke carried the table down the hall, preparatory to figuring out how to clean the slime out of the carpet. "I'm sorry," the farmer said one last time. "I'll pay to have it cleaned." Cris tore 3 feet of paper towels off the roll and dropped it for others to be able to use, as well. After 15 minutes of daubing, plus a second roll of absorbent towels, they gave up as having the done the best they could. Layla set a fan to blow-dry the wet spot to help prevent it becoming stinky and/or moldy. Before they were ready to eat Thanksgiving together, the carpet piles had dried together into stiff bristles which Aziza delighted in walking on, as her paws made snap, crackle, and crunch sounds. - - - - - I know a lot of readers expect a bigger climax--something with a lot of moaning and shouting, "Yes!." But I'm going Pythonian. The script is over. The bit played-out. The characters enjoyed their Thanksgiving together. There doesn't have to be a penultimate punch-line beyond their happiness. The End Afterward (Monday afternoon): There was a knock on the Snyder farmhouse screen door. Luke got up from the kitchen table and called, "I'll get it!" into the living room where his dad sat with whomever it was playing his mother at the moment. "May I help you?" he asked thru the screen. A pleasant looking woman with a kindly voice said, "Hi. I hope I'm in the right place. I'm looking for Luke Snyder's house." "I'm Luke Snyder. What can I do for you?" he asked stepping outside to be polite. The woman immediate thrust an envelope in his hand and took a very authoritarian tone, "You're being sued by Llanview Apartments for destruction of property. Here's your court date. Have a nice day." She turned, got in her car (a Nissan Cube), and wasted no time leaving. We're talking drag-racer tire spinning. As the dust settled from the gravel driveway, Snyder noticed a plastic bag left behind. Curious, he approached. A yellow caution sticker stuck to the side read: He unwound the twisty and peered in. "EEEeeeeeuuuuuu!!" It was full of gooey slimy maggoty Hubbard squash guts. Edited by Nukester, Nov 20 2009, 12:18 PM.
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| TimeToFly | Nov 20 2009, 02:00 PM Post #2 |
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James
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awww, thanks for making me a part of the dedication!!! Great story! ;) |
| appleridge | Nov 20 2009, 03:33 PM Post #3 |
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LOL Too Cool |
| b32guy | Dec 2 2009, 08:39 PM Post #4 |
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I love it long and wavy!
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Your mind is a scray thing to read, but I've always loved scary things. And I love you man! |
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2:48 AM Jul 11