| Welcome to Kishmet. We hope you enjoy your visit. You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free. Join our community! If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features: |
| The Journey Back; Chapters 1- 12 plus Epilogue | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 22 2009, 06:03 PM (5,325 Views) | |
| sporter | Sep 22 2009, 06:03 PM Post #1 |
|
This is my first ever fan-fic as well as first posting on the site. Hope you all enjoy. Rated: PG so far I don't own these characters Kyle was starring hard through the window at the rain outside. It felt like the ground was shifting under his feet. Everything was finally working for him. He had a great guy. Nick was great. He couldn’t ask for more. He was confident, intelligent, grounded, and kind. He was exactly what he had been looking for. Everything was there, but he couldn’t help but feel that something was still missing. His thoughts flew to the way things were at school with Oliver. They had so much fun. They laughed so much together. Life didn’t seem so serious, so important. They seemed to lighten each other’s loads. Of course until Oliver’s load became too much.’ It doesn’t matter’, Kyle thought to himself. ‘It was so easy for him to give up on me. What makes me think that he wouldn’t do it again? Things are tough all the time. He gave up on me. Couldn’t trust in me. What makes me even consider Oliver anyway? I deserve better and Nick is better for me.’ He determinedly turned away from the window and the thoughts of Oliver and turned back to his medical books. He was going to fail out of school at this rate. Oliver had just finished a trying day at the department. John usually kept him posted on the latest operations but today he was silent. To be fair, John hadn’t treated him any differently since he’d come out to him. He was still just as trusting in him as a cop and hadn’t really changed his way of speaking to him at all. But Oliver could see that John didn’t want to get involved with his dealings with his fellow cops. As his new partner, Brody was great. He’d even stood up to some of the guys and told them to get back to the job at hand. But things were getting worse. Nick had been pushing gay rights as the election got closer and the talk in the department had escalated. Oliver was out but he wasn’t advertising. He didn’t go to all the jerks in the department to tell them, but most of them knew by now. The insinuations were getting louder, the insults nastier. So far, he’d been able to get over the hurtle of coming out: with Layla, Chris, his parents, even John, Bo, and Brody, but he felt oddly disconnected from it all. It was like they knew about someone else’s life. Where was he in the middle of it? The person he was now didn’t really match up to where he had been. Only Kyle knew. Kyle knew who he really was. The others were learning, but if he didn’t feel alive in his own skin, how would they ever really know him? It was strange having Kyle as a friend now, but not really feeling his support. Not in the way Oliver was used to. He needed someone to let go into and to trust. And at the moment, he only trusted Kyle. Since Oliver came out, Kyle had been absent for the most part. Living his new life with Nick. Oliver shuttered to think about it. Now that he needed Kyle, or better yet, was ready to open up to him, he was gone. ‘Wow, I guess I made a huge mess of things.’ Oliver thought. ‘Just when I thought that I had it all worked out, I find out I was running in the absolute wrong direction. I should have run straight to Kyle and stayed there. Now I’ve totally lost him forever.’ Shaking his head, he grabbed his bag and walked out of the station into the rain. Kyle still couldn’t focus. He had a huge test to study for and he was getting nowhere tonight. He needed to get out. He wanted to go for a run, but with this amount of rain, it was out of the question. Nick was working for Vicki on the election tonight. He knew Kyle was studying. Nick was so great about that. He was independent and doing his own thing, but in a way, it also left Kyle feeling like he wasn’t needed all that much. Nick wanted him. There was no doubt about that. But they really didn’t have something they focused on together. Nick wanted him to help with the campaign, but that was a bit much for Kyle. He’d rather be in the background than at the front of the room talking about politics, but Nick liked being front and center. It was easy for him and he seemed to enjoy it. It wasn’t really Kyle’s style, but if Nick was up for it, then by all means. Kyle really wanted to let go, bag studying, and have a great laugh with someone. If he was honest with himself, he wanted that to be Oliver, but he skirted the thought right away. Time to get out of here. He grabbed his books and headed out. |
| 3395233954 | Sep 22 2009, 06:15 PM Post #2 |
|
Zach/8675309
|
That was amazing! Your first post and fan fic was terrific. Can't wait for any updates :). |
| appleridge | Sep 22 2009, 06:44 PM Post #3 |
|
Me Too Where is Kyle Headed Hopefully 2 Oliver |
| Trish1974 | Sep 23 2009, 12:20 AM Post #4 |
![]()
If you're a bird, I'm a bird.
|
Great start! Hope to read more soon:)) |
| sporter | Sep 23 2009, 07:55 AM Post #5 |
|
Okay, here's the end of the chapter. Thanks for your encouragement. I'm not sure where this is going, but I love writing about these guys. Hope you all enjoy! ********************* Kyle decided that he would head for a quiet hole in the wall where he could get coffee and try and study. It wasn’t as good as a run, but getting out into the weather helped him refocus. It wasn’t too far from Angel’s Square. He walked through the park and noticed someone sitting at the fountain in the rain. It sure looked odd since no one was out in the park. He got closer as he went to cross through and saw it was Oliver. What are you doing out here? His voice loud to overcome the rain. It’s pouring out. Are you OK? I’m fine. Oliver said unconvincingly. I was just… just.. Just what, hanging out for a bit? You’re soaked. Don’t worry about it Kyle. Come on, come on over to the diner for a sec. I was just heading there to study. Oliver looked doubtful but Kyle pressed him. He hated to see Oliver so down. Hey come on. Let’s just get out of this rain. Oliver nodded slowly and followed Kyle at a slower pace to the diner. As they came in, the place was deserted. He wasn’t anticipating a run-in with Oliver especially when he was just trying to get his mind off him, but Oliver seemed to be having such a hard time. It was too much for Kyle to see him this way. Hey, you want some coffee? Something to drink? Nah, I’m fine. Oliver mumbled. Geez, you sure don’t seem fine. Come on, just sit here for a bit while the rain calms down and have something to drink. You can help me get refocused. What do you mean refocused? Oliver asked. Well, things are pretty intense this last year of med school. I have a heavy workload. It’s nearly impossible to get through all the detail they give you on a daily basis, plus all the shifts at the hospital. I wonder how I’m going to make it through a couple more years of residency. Wow, Oliver said, I knew it would be intense for you but that sounds crazy. How are you getting through it all? You know, I’m doing better these days. I just try to focus on the moment, you know. Not get too panicky about what’s happening down the road. I do feel the pressure though. I have this huge exam tomorrow and I’ve still got a shitload to get through. Two coffees, please, Kyle turned and said loudly to the sole waitress in the place. Cream and sugar too and keep it coming. A slow murmur of Sure came from her as she sauntered to the back for the coffee. Kyle pulled some paper napkins out of the holder and gave them to Oliver. Here this won’t do too much, but you’ll dry off in a bit. As he took some for himself and dried drips from his face, he looked at Oliver. Tell me what’s wrong. I know you have a lot to deal with right now. You know you can talk to me, right? Oliver didn’t look like he believed him. He seemed lost. To give him a moment, Kyle started getting out some of his text books and notes and luckily the waitress finally made it with the coffee. Thanks, they both told her as they started adding stuff. Kyle liked a bit of cream, but Oliver liked his coffee super sweet. God, I can’t believe you still drink it that way, Kyle laughed. How much sugar can one man consume? Oliver sheepishly replied. Just in coffee. Yeah, it’s a bad habit I need to break but I haven’t seemed to do it. The guys at the station dig me about it too. Kyle smiled. They just don’t know what they’re missing, right? How are things going there, by the way? Oliver sighed. It’s been rough at times, but Brody has been great. He’s really been a good partner. Someone I can trust to have my back especially when the guys are insinuating all kinds of stuff around me. Kyle felt this right in his heart. He’d been a good partner to Oliver himself. Did Oliver even remember that? But it also hurt that Oliver was still getting pressured at work. Kyle wanted to say something but was quiet a moment. Finally he said, it’s great that you have someone you can turn to especially in that environment. Sounds rough. Oliver said, yeah, it hasn’t been the greatest lately. I feel better when I am working with John like on the drug bust. I feel like he counts on me for certain things you know, but lately… Kyle heard the change in Oliver’s voice. What? What’s happening with John? Oliver looked at his coffee, He just doesn’t seem to come to me for help the way he did. John doesn’t like to get himself in the middle of stationhouse antics. He’s distancing himself from me. Kyle looked up, you really think so? You know, I don’t know anything anymore. I felt like I had some sort of control before I came out and now that the dam is broken, I feel totally out of synch. I’m floundering, I guess. Making a mess of things as usual. You know I think I’d better go. Kyle immediately reached out for his hand. No, please don’t go. Seriously, stay. Oliver looked at him briefly then looked away. You know you really have been too good to me. I really don’t deserve it particularly from you. I guess I misjudged you. Kyle looked up quickly. What do you mean? Oliver quietly said, You know I thought you were distancing yourself from me too. All those things I’ve done to you and now you have Nick now and I’m, well, I’m…in the way. Kyle said quickly. No you’re not Oliver. You are never in the way with me. Okay? I hope you know that, well yeah, it’s been hard. I wanted to help and you’ve not let me help for some time now, but I am here for you Oliver, always. They both looked at one another and felt like they had put something back in place for a moment. Oliver broke the silence and smiled. Thanks. I guess I’d better let you get some studying done, huh? Kyle gave him a smile in return. In a minute, he said. I don’t want to move past the fact that something is up with you. Let’s hear it, okay? Oliver looked sheepish, then said. The coffee is really bad here, right? What’s the deal? Even a boatload of sugar can’t fix it. Do you come in here for the service? They both cracked up. Kyle smiled, As far as I can tell she is sleeping one off in the back. She didn’t look too pleased to have any customers tonight, you think? Oliver pushed his cup away, I just can’t drink that. It’s like lighter fluid. Remember that great coffee we had at the KAD house. Kyle smiled again, Oh yeah, that was great, like muddy water that smelled like mud too now that I think of it. But I thought the sugar always got you through one of those cups. No way, laughed Oliver. Kyle looked at him laughing and Oliver sobered up as he looked back. Okay, I know I don’t have any right to say any of this to you. You have encouraged me and badgered me to get me here, but now that I’m out, I feel a bit lost, you know. With you, I feel a bit like someone I know, but to most everyone else, I don’t fit in. I don’t know how to.. be me. I feel like people are anticipating something I don’t know how to be. Ug, he sighed. That’s it. Does that make any sense whatsoever? Kyle had looked down for a moment. He felt so much for Oliver and how they used to be that it took him a moment to speak. Of course, it makes sense Oliver. You have been denying yourself for a long time. Denying who you are. What about sitting here a minute and being okay with it all. Not pretending, but you know, accepting of yourself. Not looking to me or anyone else, but finding your own inner compass so to speak. I think that would make you focus on what you need to do for you and not for anyone else. What do you say to that? Oliver looked deep into Kyle’s eyes. So I don’t need to rely on anyone else is what you’re saying. Kyle paused and took a minute again. I’m saying that you would be a lot happier with life, with yourself if you accepted that this was a good thing, hell, not a good thing, a great thing, to be totally impressed with the fact that you are finally being you and getting a new shot to be you. I understand why you are feeling this way, I do, but just give yourself a second to see and feel a new perspective. You are making a significant change into being someone who loves, and works, and breathes as a person ..you like…and I like..and other people will like. Someone honest and true. Oliver took that in and took a deep breath. You know, I think I get it. I get what you’re saying. I guess I have been focusing on the stuff that hurt instead of what I am actually moving into. You didn’t answer my question though. He couldn’t say it. He wanted to rely on Kyle the way he used to. Kyle smiled at him again. Didn’t I tell you, just a few moments ago, that I would be here for you? He waited till Oliver looked at him. Aren’t I here now? It wasn’t quite the answer Oliver wanted but he nodded his head in agreement. Yes, you are. Thanks for listening. It’s been awhile since we’ve talked like this. I hope we get the chance to do it again. Now, I really will give you the space to study. He started to get up. Kyle laughed and packed up his books. After that sorry cup of coffee, you think I’m going to stay here? Yeah, right. I’ll walk you out. |
| 3395233954 | Sep 23 2009, 12:46 PM Post #6 |
|
Zach/8675309
|
Even more amazing. Keep it up! :) |
| appleridge | Sep 23 2009, 01:35 PM Post #7 |
|
Yes Please Keep It Coming |
| squiddley67 | Sep 23 2009, 03:55 PM Post #8 |
|
This is great! Your narrative style flows really well and I'm really looking forward to the next part. I hope there's more. |
| devillies | Sep 26 2009, 11:26 AM Post #9 |
|
looking forward to next part. it is going very well so far |
| sporter | Sep 27 2009, 07:13 AM Post #10 |
|
Here's my next chapter. Still don't own the characters and still PG. Enjoy! I haven't figured out a good way of notating their dialogue so let me know if any of you are having trouble following it. I'm new at this! :-) Chapter 2 It was early in the morning a couple of days later and Oliver felt as though he had conquered quite a bit, thank you very much. He had talked to Kyle, for the most part said what he wanted to say, and felt like things had become clearer for the two of them. Clearer, but in different directions. Kyle wanted a friend and Oliver wanted more. Much more. Yeah, like much, much more. He couldn’t stop thinking about him but at the same time, he wanted to do true justice to Kyle’s words, to really feel more confident and accepting of his newfound place as a gay man in Landview. The weird thing was that the more he felt confident about himself, he felt less antagonized at the department. Actually things seemed to be falling more into their old rhythm. He felt more accomplished. He knew who he was and what he was doing. And he was doing it of his own volition. Kyle may have been the motivator, but Oliver was stepping up and taking on the challenge head on. It was a beautiful fall day in Landview and Oliver’s spirits rose. It was the start of something new for him. He just knew it. As he walked past Angel’s Square, he could see a group of people starting to gather. A rally? Maybe for the election, he thought. Did they have the proper permits he wondered? He wasn’t on duty, but he thought he’d check it out casually. He didn’t want anyone to get in trouble. When he got closer, he saw Kyle with Nick. They were standing close with their heads together and touching each other’s backs. Oliver stopped in his tracks. He had never seen them together like this before. He knew, yet he couldn’t believe it. Kyle with someone else. Suddenly, he thought he needed to get out of there. He couldn’t stand it, but as he turned away, he stopped again. This is it, he thought. I can’t always turn and run. That’s all I have been doing. It’s time to stand up and face it. Face this. Don’t think about it, he thought as he directly turned and headed to them to say hello. Hi, I saw the two of you out here. How are you guys? Are you here for a rally? Kyle looked up quickly and dropped his arm from Nick. Oliver?! How are you doing? Nick didn’t look particularly pleased. Hi Oliver, he said, keeping an arm on Kyle. Kyle said, Nick organized the rally for Vicki to support the gay and lesbian community and get the word out about Vicki’s message. We think she could really do some great things in this town. Oliver heard the ‘we’ in his stomach, but continued to stay there. That’s great, he said. I’ve heard a little bit about her message, enough to know I’d like to hear more. The department is a supporter of hers too. Guess I’ll stick around to hear more. Kyle looked slightly shocked but happy, and Nick looked taken aback by Oliver deciding to stay. Oliver said, what’s her main message to the community? Nick started to say, She’s focusing more on gay rights rather than gay marriage at this point in the campaign. She’s doing some investigating as to what would need to happen on a state level for marriage to be possible in Landview… Right at that moment a volunteer came up to Nick with a bunch of questions and issues in getting the speakers introduced. Reluctantly Nick said, I knew this would happen. They need me. I guess I will be busy for a bit till Vicki speaks. I guess I’ll see you in a little bit. He turned to Kyle and touched his face and kissed him tenderly. Oliver looked away. His stomach clenched but he stood his ground. As Nick turned from them, Kyle said, See you later. Kyle turned back to him. So Oliver, out with the crowd today. I see you are stepping out. Good for you. Oliver smiled, Yeah, not exactly how I planned to spend a beautiful afternoon, but I am very interested in what she has to say. Plus it is good to run into you again. He continued quickly, I just wanted to thank you so much for what you said and did for me the other night. It really helped, really. And since then, I have been working on things myself, and I have to say I feel better, good even. Things are even going better in the department. Kyle looked at him. How’s so? Oliver shrugged, I just feel more myself. Less like I’m a gay man in a police station and more like the man who’s gay and a policeman. Ehh, you get that, right? Kyle smiled, Yeah, I did. Good for you Oliver. I’m proud of you. And coming out here today. Big steps. Pretty soon you’ll be out so far you won’t care who knows. You got me there, Oliver said, I’m not quite ready with the guys at the station, but I’m getting there. You know it almost feels good that people know. I feel good with …everything. Almost. He quickly said, I guess I still have a twinge that when there is no doubt at the station that things will change, but I did that with my parents too and I got through that and felt good afterwards. Anything is possible, right? ! Absolutely, Oliver. Kyle gave him one of those melt your heart smiles and then turned to look toward the stage. Oliver took a breath. If anything is possible, I wanted to ask you…Oliver’s heart was in his throat. He could barely get out the words he wanted to say to Kyle. He never thought he would actually say them aloud. I was wondering if you can forgive me for what I did..? Do you forgive me, Kyle? Kyle looked at him quickly, What are you talking about, Oliver? I wanted to ask you to forgive me for what I did.. to us. Leaving you. Making such a mess of our lives. I guess I can’t do anything about it now, but I was hoping that you could forgive me. Kyle looked away for awhile. His face serious. He hadn’t expected this today. He had pushed all this aside, these feelings for Oliver. Did he forgive him for abandoning him and for all the heartache afterwards? No, he answered himself. He really didn’t. Oliver had torn his heart into a billion pieces again and again. This was so odd that he would ask this now. He was here with Nick wasn’t he? He was starting to get angry. You know what Oliver, all I can say is I have moved on. Do I want you to be happy? Absolutely. Do I want you to be proud of who you are? Definitely. Do I want to hash the past? Not really. Can we drop it? Oliver’s heart sunk back into his stomach. Sure, he said, although Kyle had pretty clearly answered his question. Of course. I guess I’m going to head out, he said. I’ll let you and Nick enjoy your day. Catch you later, Kyle. And with that Oliver quickly walked away. Kyle didn’t try to stop him. He didn’t want to be looking at this. He didn’t want to deal with these feelings. He wanted to punch something. Because then, he started to feel guilt mingled with the anger of what Oliver had done to them. Oliver obviously wanted to make things right between them. Kyle just wasn’t ready for that yet. |
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Fan Fiction · Next Topic » |



2:49 AM Jul 11