| Nursery Rhymes We Didnt Have As Kids | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 24 2008, 12:14 PM (179 Views) | |
| Kayren | Jul 24 2008, 12:14 PM Post #1 |
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Nursery rhymes we didnt have as kids... Mary had a little pig, She kept it fat and plastered; And when the price of pork went up, She shot the little bastard. Mary had a little lamb. Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, Between two chunks of bread. Mary had a little lamb It ran into a pylon. 10,000 volts went up its arse And turned its wool to nylon. Mary had a little lamb Its fleece was white and wispy. Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease And now it's black and crispy. Mary had a little skirt With splits right up the sides And everywhere that Mary went The boys could see her thighs. Mary had another skirt 'twas split right up the front ..But she didn't wear that one often. Jack and Jill went up the hill To have a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill And now they have a son. Jack and Jill went into town To fetch some chips and sweeties. He can't keep his heart rate down And she's got diabetes. Jack and Jill Went up the hill And planned to do some kissing. Jack made a pass And grabbed her ass Now two of his teeth are missing. Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the pie man, 'What have you got there?' Said the pie man unto Simon, 'Pies, you dumb ass' Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings' horses, And all the kings' men. Had scrambled eggs, For breakfast again.. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall The structure of the wall was incorrect So he won a grand with Claims Direct. Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle, All over the bedside clock.. The little dog laughed to see such fun. Then died of electric shock. It's Raining, It's Pouring. Oh shit, it's Global Warming. Georgie Porgy pudding and pie, Kissed the girls and made them cry. And when the boys came out to play, He kissed them too 'cause he was gay. There was a little girl who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good. But when she was bad........ She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car. |
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| Ravengoddess | Aug 2 2008, 03:04 PM Post #2 |
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Here's a couple I learned: Jack and Jill went up the hill To smoke some marijuana Jack dropped his fly And Jill said "I don't wanna" Jack be nimble Jack be quick Jack jumped over the candlestick Jack was low The flame was high He burnt his butt and said "Oh my!" |
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| Kayren | Aug 2 2008, 08:05 PM Post #3 |
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Little Jack Horner sat in the corner Playing with his girlfriend Mary Stuck in his thumb & pulled out a plum And said ooohh what a crazy cherry!!
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3:55 AM Jul 11