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Movie Reviews
Topic Started: Jul 4 2008, 06:15 PM (247 Views)
Yoda
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Whenever I see a movie I will post a review about it here, and you guys can feel free to do the same. That way we know what we're getting into before we watch a movie, wither good or bad. My inspiration for this is the badmovies.org reviews, so special thanks to him.
(I was going to make this into its own sub-section thing so each topic can be a different movie review but it doesn't let me)

My first review is for:

************

Wanted
Rated: R (My first R rated film)
My rating:4 out of 10

Okay. I was talked into seeing this movie by one of my friends because it got good reviews. It's quite obvious why it got an R from the get-go. From the langauge to the...well...sexual situations that take place. Then it gets to some action (Which involves plenty of exploding heads). This guy runs super fast and leaps through a window to get over to his opponents. Cool, right? WRONG!!! It was one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. And he's flying through the air and shooting everyone on the other side in the head, which involves slow motion effects showing the bullet go through and a bucket of blood exploding out the other side. Did they not think a couple quarts was enough?! Apparently not! So the guy talks on the phone because someone called and he is told they were just a decoy. So suddently he gets shot in...you guessed it...his head and the bullet explodes out his forehead accompanied by another bucket of blood, and it shows a slow motion of the bullet going in reverse back to the sniper who shot it (Okay, so that part was pretty cool, I'll admit).

So the main guy is a loser but it turns out he is the son of a famous assassin so some girl named Fox (No, she's not actually a fox. Don't ask) from the assassin place comes to get him so he can be trained (Which is stupid for them to do and I'll tell you why later). So the assassin who (appearenlty) killed his father on the rooftop fights and the main guy acts like a baby and is saved by Fox (Gee, I've been saved by Fox, how swell)[/End Falco Quote]. So anyways, he gets knocked out and brought to their hidehout...a textile mill. What a wonderfull hide-out they chose! It looks like a giant castle from the outside. So he is threatened at gun-point to shoot wings off of a couple of flys. He does so, but doesn't like this place and leaves.

He wakes up and Fox shows up in a car and he gets in and they go back to the hideout. Apparently he want's to go now all of a sudden. So his training to become an assassin involves him tied to a chair and beaten up. What an excellent training program! But at least it is an excuse for more blood and for some reason he quickly becomes skilled. He also learns how to curve bullets in mid air (it looks cool, but here no way that's realistically possible). So he's finally ready after he is beat up enough times and is sent on missions. He shoots some random business man and some random fat guy in a limo. Suprisingly their heads aren't blown apart so this guy isn't as violent. Afterwards he finds Cross, they guy who "killed" his father but he gets shot in the shoulder and is rescued.

He wakes up and was kept in some bath thing that restores health. Reminds you of a video game, doesn't it! But the weird thing is it shows him all hurt and stuff and they are trying to revieve him but he's in the bath next to it watching himself trying to be revieved. I think it was supposed to be a flash back because it shows him and there is just a pool of blood where the other him was. So he talks to ths guy and for some reason Fox gets up from the nearby bath things and is facing away from the camera...with no cloths on. I think you were supposed to be loking at her tatoo's on her back...yeah right. So that was pretty random allright!

The main hero guy gets another mission to find Cross again and he goes on a train. Unforunatly for him Fox has also been given an asignment...to kill the main hero. What now! They were planning this from the beggining?! Then why did they bother training him...er...beating him up instead of just killing him in the first place!!! Ah well. So the train falls of the tracks right when it goes over a huge cliff. Of all the bad places the train could have derailed! (I'll admit the special effects of that was pretty cool, though). So the main guy finds out Cross is actually his father and not the guy who killed his father...the people writing the script aren't even trying anymore. So he now knows the assassin guild thing is evil. Fox shows up and admits thats true and shoots at the glass window he is on to send him plumeting down into some water.

Of course this gets the main hero to turn against them. He goes to the hide-out, and after using mice as suicide bombers he charges in and shoots about fifty people as he's charging forward through the room. He even gets his gun stuck in someones head and is shooting through his head at people. Okaaaay...that was a little creepy and unnescesary. So he finally gets to the next room, only shot once in the shoulder from all those guards. More people show up in a circle around him, including Fox. Worthless traitor! And you think she would have been good too! The main guy reveals that their leader is giving off false hits or something to cover up the fact that the code thing giving orders has given a command to kill the leader. The leader reveals the code thing also gave orders to kill everyone in that room as well, so they should either kill themselves too or kill the main hero guy istead.

Fox shoots a curved shot that circles all the way around the entire room and goes through each of their heads, ending up hitting herself in the head too (On purpose). Wow. She really took that option seriously! And how did that bullet travel ina perfect circle around the room, staying in flight even after going through multiple heads, but then stop after one complete rotation after hitting Fox? Maybe only Fox's head was thick enough to stop the rotation from another few cycles or something.

So now they're all dead except the main hero guy and the leader. It cuts off like he will never find him but the last scene shows the leader ambushing him at his work. This part is actually good because the hero says that is just a decoy and sniper shots the leader in the head, referencing to the beggining where his father sniped that guy in the head, in all the same gory effects as before and the rewind of the sniper bullet going back into the gun.

Things I learned from this movie:
*You can shoot the wings off of a fly and the fly will be perfectly allright. The wings will also stay in one piece and lay casually next to them.
*To train to become an assassin, you must be beaten up several times while tied to a chair.
*You can jump through a window and fly over a hundred yards once you become a trained assassin.
*Assassins spend their free time working in textille mills that looks just like a castle from the outside. This somehow remains top secret.
*While in a train ride going through the mountains, your train will most likely de-rail right as its going through the only place where there is an open pit on both sides.
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Darkness
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This movie looked cool in the previews. Oh well. :-/
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Darkness
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The Incredible Hulk
I give it a 9 out of 10

It's possible I'm being generous, but I believed it was a great movie. If you saw the first Hulk movie from, like what, 2002? Anyways, if you saw the first, imagine the total opposite, and there you have it.
I'll try not to spoil anything. It starts by showing you how Benner gets his powers, and where he is now, in Brazil hiding. The Army finds him, and he tries to find a way to suppress or get rid of his powers. However, another character seeks revenge against Benner and turns himself into a monster like Hulk. The fights are cool, and I don't remember any stupid parts. There is one part where an elite team has tranquilizer ammo only and they keep shooting at the Hulk, with no success. They keep shooting(which may seem stupid), but they're in a dark area and they don't even know what they're actually fighting, so you can't blame them.
And Tony Stark appears at the very end, so that makes it even cooler.
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Yoda
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Does Tony fight the Hulk?

I'm going on a movie watching spree so I'll have plenty of reviews to critique.

***********

Get Smart (You've allready seen it so I don't need as detailed as a review)
Rated: Pg-13 (it could have passed or a Pg...maybe)
My Rating: 9 out of 10

Well maybe I'm being generous as well (being the first comedy I've seen in awhile), but I thought this movie was hillarious! The cone of silence was a clasic and there were many other funny jokes in it as well. It got a little boring in a few places but over all it kept me highly intertained.


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Darkness
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IronMan doesn't fight the Hulk; they don't even meet each other in the scene. But it's cool since it's leading into the Avenger Movie.
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Billychu
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The Billychu

I saw Get Smart and I liked it, too. I also saw Mongol today but I suck at reviews, but you guys should see it but be warned: the whole thing is in Mongol or Chineese or something so you have to read subtitles.
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Darkness
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Never even heard of it, but I've googled now. It looks like it's from 2007, though.
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Billychu
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The Billychu

It came out a couple weeks ago.
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Darkness
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Batman: Dark Knight
PG 13
10 out of 10

At first, I feared the movie might have been alittle overhyped. But after seeing it, I have to give it a 10 out of 10. It was just that awesome.
I remember the Joker from the cartoons and batman movies. He was usually more of a comedian than a killer in those, or he had a gun that shoot out the sign BANG. But in this one......he's scary. I want to give examples, but that would spoil the "suprises".
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Yoda
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I saw the Dark Knight. I didn't really like it for some reason.
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