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| Air Traffic Control | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 28 2010, 01:02 PM (56 Views) | |
| Ont_Excal | Nov 28 2010, 01:02 PM Post #1 |
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CANADIAN CARNIVORE
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And now a few gems from Air Traffic Control ============ ========= ==== Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles." Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" ============ ========= ==== "Air Canada 341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." "Center, we are at 35,000 feet . How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?" ============ ========= ==== O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock , three miles, Eastbound." United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight." ============ ========= ==== A DC-10 had come in a little fast and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport." ============ ========= ==== A West Jet 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English. Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?" Canadian voice from another plane (in a beautiful Canadian accent): "Because you lost the bloody war." ============ ========= ==== One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a North West DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one." ============ ========= ===== While taxiing at London 's Gatwick Airport , the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ATC ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking, "Wasn't I married to you once?" |
| Preserve wildlife --- use a vacuum sealer --- and freezer | |
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| bowhunter-57 | Nov 28 2010, 01:14 PM Post #2 |
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Administrator
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good ones.
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If it's got fur,feathers or scales it's in trouble Excal Exocet 175 Middleton DTM330 S/W 44Mag | |
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| Perchdrifter | Nov 28 2010, 01:50 PM Post #3 |
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Trophy Hunter
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LOL |
| Live every day like it's your last | |
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7:15 PM Jul 10
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Furia Orange created by Sarah & Delirium of the ZNR




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good ones.

7:15 PM Jul 10