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Air Traffic Control
Topic Started: Nov 28 2010, 01:02 PM (56 Views)
Ont_Excal
CANADIAN CARNIVORE
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And now a few gems from Air Traffic Control

============ ========= ====

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at
10 o'clock, 6 miles."
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital
watches!"

============ ========= ====

"Air Canada 341, for noise
abatement turn right 45 degrees."
"Center, we are at 35,000 feet . How
much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a
747 makes when it hits a 727?"

============ ========= ====

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747:
"United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock , three
miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say
this...I've got the little Fokker in sight."

============ ========= ====

A DC-10 had come in a
little fast and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a
hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.
If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

============ ========= ====

A West Jet 727 flight
waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English.
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German
airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?"
Canadian voice from another plane (in a beautiful Canadian accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

============ ========= ====

One day the
pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active
runway while a North West DC-8 landed.
The DC-8 landed, rolled
out turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted
comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little
plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about
to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of
DC-8 parts.
Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for
another one."

============ ========= =====

While taxiing at
London 's Gatwick Airport , the
crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made
a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ATC ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew,
screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?
I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway!
You turned right on Delta! Stop right
there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the
difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she
was now shouting hysterically:
"God! Now you've screwed everything up!
It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't
move till I tell you to!
You can expect progressive taxi instructions
in about half an hour and I want you to
go exactly where I tell
you, when I tell you, and how tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the
verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in
her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running
high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his
microphone, asking, "Wasn't I married to you once?"

Preserve wildlife --- use a vacuum sealer --- and freezer
 
bowhunter-57
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funny33 good ones. thmup
If it's got fur,feathers or scales it's in trouble

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Perchdrifter
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LOL
Live every day like it's your last
 
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