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[Approved] Kasophobia[Archived]
Topic Started: Feb 9 2015, 12:04 PM (443 Views)
Kasophobia
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× General Information

Name: Kasophobia
Gender: Male
Age: 3 y/o Chimera Ant
Height: 1,77 meters
Weight: 60 kgs
Species: Chimera Ant
Appearance: Muscular, black hair and eyes. Large wings in my back and a tail.

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Profession: None
Reputation: 0 (Rank H)
Background

Backpack


× Physical Statistics

[0/0]
[0/50]

Aura: 10
Might: 13
Agility: 10
Endurance: 10
Accuracy: 7

× Nen Techniques

Basic Nen Techniques

Hatsu Affinity: Emission


[X/6]
[0/0]


Hatsu Theme: Sunlight
General Hatsu Description: When it's sunny Kasophobia can absorb the light rays from his wings and then focusing them to his hands to fire beams of energy.

General Hatsu Conditions: Must be exposed to the sunlight in order to use my abilities. The stronger the sunlight the stronger the hatsu. I can't use the hatsu if there is no sun. (nighttime or very cloudy days) if the sun is weak, and the sky is partially cloudy the abilities will be weaker.

Hatsu Abilities


× Non-Nen Techniques

[X/16]
Techniques
Edited by Paradox, Feb 16 2015, 09:17 AM.
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Flash
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Those whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad.

Alrighty... list of death:



1) Okay let's start with the minor stuff: For height i assume you mean 1.77 Meters? You can omit "2000" from the birth date, the calendar wouldn't be the same. And it's "NGL" not "NLG".

2) Origin: I'd like it if you expanded a LOT more on this. Two sentences isn't really enough for me. I know it can be hard for chimera ants but it's really no excuse considering he's 14 years old. I can see you have something in the works there, just expand on it and flesh it out some.

3) Aerial Strike: Isn't going to be particularly possible. Kasophobia's wings currently aren't functional. We do give chimera ants a degree of leeway in regards to what they can do (based on their described physiology), however you must still pay for those special traits with TP like any other Non-Nen technique before you can actually use them.

4) Palm Strike: Crushing an opponents internal organs "easy" at rank 4? No. Only organ this will be crushing is the skin. As it is, this is definitely a rank 8+ ability. I'd also expect some sort of drawback to using such a powerful palm strike at your current level of ability.

5) Martial Arts Mastery: Which martial arts? You need to go into way more detail about what exactly the martial arts you have mastered is. If you aren't a master of a particular style martial arts and use your own, then you need to describe exactly what it entails. If you would like some examples, just ask in the chat and i'm sure someone can provide you one.


Hatsu

Okay, here we go. First off, let's get this out of the way: Your description is nowhere near enough. Whilst i don't expect you to write an essay about what the hatsu entails, it needs to be enough to provide a solid understanding of what it does, how it works and what it actually looks like. Bottom line is, you have to expand on this.

For now we'll forget about Light Ball and focus solely on Sunlight Burst.

1) First of all, how do you absorb the suns power? Do you just automatically accumulate solar energy whilst in direct sunlight? Do you have to perform some sort of ritual? Explain. Also, "Very Large" is not a range. Provide an actual measurement for attacks like this.

2) However you go about this, you are going to need a system in place for how much charge is required to fire a beam of energy and you also need to describe how powerful those blasts are. Are the blasts at a consistent strength? Judging by what you said in conditions, the strength of the blasts vary depending on the amount of solar energy is gathered. You're going to need to explain how much each level of charge does. You are also going to need to explain what your maximum capacity for solar energy is. Unlimited solar energy gathering is very unlikely to fly, unless you have some amazing conditions. Which brings me to my next point...

3) The Conditions: What conditions? As it is now, you don't particularly have any real conditions. "Must have sunlight in order to use this ability." What does this mean? He must have solar energy available to use? He must be in direct sunlight to fire the beams? This type of hatsu can get away with a few less conditions if you sort out the charging systems; remember that the strength of the ability is going to come from the conditions. Hell, even having the ability to destroy a building isn't completely implausible as long as the conditions are good enough.

These are the main things you need to deal with. If you have any questions you know where to find me.

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:)Westborn
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The Most Responsible Adult in your Living Room

Put a unit of measurement on the height, expand on the personality (shoot for about a paragraph) and take out the year in his birth date. We don’t really keep track of what year it is.

As for the hatsu, you need to relook at your conditions. “If I charged for 3 turns, it would be as powerful as if I charged it for 3 turn.” I assume its just a typo, but yeahhh. Fix that. Otherwise it looks pretty solid.
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Ken sweatshirt
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Everyone's always telling you to be humble. When was the last time someone told you to be great?

1/2 approved
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Paradox
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Approved
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