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[Approved] Dante Kurokaze[Archived]
Topic Started: Jan 13 2015, 07:52 PM (725 Views)
Maxcron
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× General Information

Name: Dante Kurokaze
Gender: Male
Age: 16
Height: 180 cm
Weight: 80 kg
Species: Human
Appearance: Dante is a rather muscled man with enough muscle to be noticed without clothes but not enough to be noticed while wearing any kind of attire (obviously things like a spandex jumpsuit doesn't count). His hair is a dark shade of red and is cutted so that it doesn't cover neither his eyes nor his ears and its short enough that it leaves part 3/4 of the back of his neck uncovered. His eyes are a deep blue but this isn't normally noticed because he usually wears sunglasses. Dante's skin is a little tanned is normally left unseen due to his outfit and its also unmarked for the most part excepting a middle sized scar in the center of his back from an injury that broke his spine.

He usually wears a black suit with a white long sleeved shirt, black tie, black belt and matching black pointed shoes. His jacket is almost always buttoned. Dante can also be seen wearing a light blue long sleeved kimono vest with an unamori hakama of the same color, a black obi sash and geta. He always carries a katana that he ties to his belt or obi sash. His casual attire consist of a pair of baggy cargo pants, a sleeveless withe t-shirt and military boots.

Image


Profession: Hunter Aspirant
Reputation: 0 (Rank H)
Background

Backpack


× Physical Statistics

[0/0]
[0/50]

Aura: 13
Might:8
Agility: 8
Endurance: 9
Accuracy: 12

× Nen Techniques

Basic Nen Techniques

Hatsu Affinity: Emmision


[5/6]
[0/0]


Hatsu Theme: Soul Seal
General Hatsu Description: It lets Dante emit seals on objects and after that he can use the basic Nen techniques (Excluding En) in those objects from a distance.
General Hatsu Conditions:
The objects have to be in the range of Dante's En.
The only Nen the seals store is the one represented by the tomoe.
Since the seals are temporal at best Dante has to continously channel Nen to them.
Hatsu Abilities


× Non-Nen Techniques

[12/16]
Techniques
Edited by Maxcron, Jan 26 2015, 11:52 AM.
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Maxcron
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Ready to review
Edited by Maxcron, Jan 14 2015, 07:11 PM.
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:)Westborn
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The Most Responsible Adult in your Living Room

Both your SP and TP counter go upwards. So the [0/6] and [0/16] should be [5/6] and whatever your final TP ends up being.

For Soul Seal you should probably switch it to pure emission, for simplicity sake. I’d like to know more about the extent of control he has over an object. We also need to know the rate at which the seals deteriorate both inside and outside of the En range. Instead of saying he can use up to Rank 4 Hatsu’s through his seals, you might as well just wait until he has some of those Hatsus and just mention in a clause that its also useable through the Seal. AAAAAAAAnd, just for the sake of clarity, you mention that Dante can make the seals stronger, I’m going to guess that that means that while a normal seal takes up 1/11th of his aura, a stronger seal would take 2/11 or 3/11 and so on and so on.

Attuned sight needs to be more, I dunno, difficult to do. You can’t simply take a skill that passively increases his accuracy all the time. If you want to use a skill like that, I want to see some conditions filled, such as some prep time to focus on the target, and applying it to a single strike.
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Maxcron
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Ok im changing the numbers and the category of Dante's hatsu now. And you are right i wasn't clear when explaining the stronger seals thing and the Nen lose ratio it's just that i didn't think that any object would get out of Dante's En range long enough for it to affect theseal but I will be fixing that. But when i said the 1/11 thing I meant the amount of Nen that Dante would have for himself shoukd he split his AOP (which knuckle explained it was the amount if Nen one could use at the sametime ) evenly between all ten objects. And im removing the accuracy bonus its more trouble than what is worth. I will be changing it tonorriw's night, right now i can't use my computer and for the changes i want to do using a smartphone is very complicated.

EDIT: I already changed everything but the manipulation category stays otherwise it wouldn´t work. I tried to explain everything better but I've got the feeling that I'll be editing this some more before it's approved.
Edited by Maxcron, Jan 18 2015, 02:32 PM.
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

Apologies for the delay.

You say the power of recall depends on the number of tomoe, but don't explain how powerful each one is. My recommendation would be to make one tomoe have the same power as if he'd thrown the object.

I'm not certain if your description of Soul Seal implies that each one he creates takes up so much of his aura, or a percentage. So if his Aura Stat increases he can make more? Instead I suggest making it so that each mark he creates results in -1 Aura from his AAP (which is what your Aura Stat represents), but he can only make so much. To train the ability it should cost TP. 10 is a pretty big number to start with, so I say maybe start at 3 with 1 TP per additional one.

That said, I think the condition of removing it just through Shuu is a bit too limiting for a curse; but maybe for temporarily nullifying any other abilities he tries to activate. Same goes for the countdown that will remove it anyways. However, I am assuming you might intend for other uses as well. For instance, tracking a mark's location even outside of en.

Cone En is not going to count as emission. Its considered Specialization.

Kaze Giri does not constitute a branch from your mastery skill. An example of a branch would be a sword strike derived from a weaker sword strike.

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Maxcron
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Ok I made Cone En and Kaze giri dissapear ( although the latter will come back).
Now the tomoe count is still 10 but now it's mandatory for each seal to start with that and it has a much solid logic behind it wich it's explained in the conditions. Thanks for explaining that the Aura stat represents the AAP (which I suppose is the same as AOP). Now i didn't lower the tomoe count for a simple reason: i had already explained that outside En range the seal lose 1 tomoe per post and 3 tomoe per seal made Recall unusable. I can't track a seal's location outside Nen like Knuckle does with Hakoware because unlike Hakoware the seals are self-degrading and don't last much. Instead of lowering the tomoe I lowered the seal's quantity to adapt to the new logic of self-degrading seals.
I added a new technique to replace Cone En. I admit I may have to lower the potency of Recall but otherwise I think that my hatsus are a lot more explained and logical than before.
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

My apologies, I think I may have misunderstood the way the Seal works (or perhaps you changed it slightly). I thought he placed the aura there on contact and chose the number of tomoes to be split between 10 objects; so each tomoe equaled a charge that he could infuse with it. But now I'm understanding the mark as some sort of portal that lets him transfer as much aura as he wants to the objects in range.

If each seal starts with 10 tomoe, and they cost 1 aura each does that mean he can only theoretically make 1? I suggest changing it to something -2 or 3 Aura per seal instead, with aura used for a seal reducing his AAP and not counting towards Shuu for said object.

Another thing, I said that Recall could have strength of being thrown per tomoe on the assumption that he had a set amount to distribute. If he gets 10 automatically then that's completely different.

Finally, does Soul Seal actually allow him to control the objects from afar? As in make them float freely and according to his will?

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Maxcron
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You misunderstood the way the seal works but I also changed it slightly.
Now you are still misunderstanding it, but that is probably my mistake for bad explaining. The way I understand it you said that the Aura stat represents the AAP which means Actual Aura Power which would be how much Aura he can expel per moment or in this case lets say per post.

Dante now has an Aura stat of 12 which means he can expel 12 Aura points per post ( not really but for the lack of a better time measure lets say that). Since each tomoe equals 1 Aura point, to put a Seal Dante has to use a Shu (or Ko depending how you want to see it) of 10 Aura points to place it anywhere that's why his Aura stat lowers 10 points ONLY for that post.

Afterwards we know the seal deteriorates by a rate of 1 tomoe per post, to negate this Dante constantly channels Aura to each seal to sustain it. Now comes the complicated part: each Seal consume 1 tomoe per post to sustain itself, when the seal is inside Dante's range that tomoe comes from Dante himself and since we already explained that a tomoe is equal to 1 Aura point Dante effectively has an Aura point less to use because it is spent in sustaining the seal.

In the description says that the seals lose a tomoe per post but I should probably add it to the conditions part.

I think all of this can be deduced from the conditions 6°,7°,8°,9° and the last one. If you think it's not possible to do so please tell me and I will fix it.

Now i found a hole in this so I will change my Aura stat to 13 and Endurance to 9 otherwise i wouldn't be able to use 3 seals. And yes in case you haven't noticed this technique makes Zetsu impossible or I risk the tomoe count decreasing.

I will change Recall's potency and yes Soul Seal lets Dante control objects from afar it states so in the description and effects part altough it says manipulate. He can make them float according to his will. Please don't make me add a more conditions to let Dante manipulate them. And remember that seals only work in Dante's En range outside it they start degrading and the only usable technique is Recall.

And I think that to increase the number of seals he can make it should cost around 4 tp although I dont know if i have to add that to the hatsu description.

I think that's all.
Edited by Maxcron, Jan 20 2015, 09:15 AM.
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

Hmm, alright, I'm pretty satisfied with the Soul Seal ability now.

Change Nen Slash to a set range, or at least note that the power starts to decrease past a set range; and add a cooldown of 2 posts.

-Finally, I feel bad for doing this, but Recall to me strongly seems to be more of a manipulation abillity than an emission one. Soul Seal could still be either, but the free control of the items makes me lean towards Manipulation for it too. I recommend changing your affinity, or just changing recall and paying the +1. Although unfortunately that will make it hard to the get Nen Slash as well.
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Ok i'm putting Nen slash a range of 40M after that it dissapears. Second I'm sorry but unless you give me a reason why Recall won't work as it is now I won't change the category. In Recall's description it states how it works and i think it fits in the Emission category.
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