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| [Approved] Grey Einstein[Archived] | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 10 2015, 02:05 AM (367 Views) | |
| Kortopi | Jan 10 2015, 02:05 AM Post #1 |
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Leorio x Kurapika
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× General Information Name: Grey Einstein Gender: Male Age: 15 Years Old Height: 5'0" Weight: 104 Pounds Species: Human Appearance: Grey is a thin built, small and fair-skinned man. He has a hair that is has the length up to his shoulders. He also wear a white short sleeved-shirt with matching blue pants on the bottom. He also wear black suspenders because he feels that he's cute with it. He can also be cross-dressing whenever he feels bored. His wearing black shoes with tied laces that are designed for that shoes. Image Profession: Candy Shop Owner Reputation: 27 (Rank H) Background Backpack × Physical Statistics [0/11] [0/61] Aura: 11 Might: 12 Agility: 12 Endurance: 15 Accuracy: 11 × Nen Techniques Basic Nen Techniques Hatsu Affinity: Emission [3/6] [0/3] Hatsu Theme: General Hatsu Description: General Hatsu Conditions: Hatsu Abilities × Non-Nen Techniques [16/21] Techniques
Edited by Westborn, Apr 28 2015, 08:32 AM.
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| Asylum | Jan 10 2015, 03:34 AM Post #2 |
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Prone to Madness
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For Angelic Kiss: Give a duration in posts for this to work, rather than just saying that it takes some time. I'd also like to see more conditions and limitations to it, because while kissing and touching the target's pulse is a decent activation requirement there's no real drawback to the ability as far as I can tell; which is necessary for a hatsu. Archangel's breath, for example, had limitless healing potential but was an extremely hard to obtain card and was limited to GI unless someone won the game. Maybe you could define the ability as a way of greatly speeding up their natural recovery abilities, but with the drawback of rapidly consuming the target and user's stamina in the process - just to throw out an idea. -Animal Aura: As long as it doesn't really have any real combat/field effects, this is fine as a rank 1. Stray dogs or such taking a liking to him and following him around similar to Knuckle is alright, taming wild beasts like bears or lions that would normally try to eat him for breakfast is not. -Fast Swimmer: Saying he's a good swimmer is alright for r1, but holding the breath for longer depends on how long. Morel-level breath holding would obvious be high ranked, but anything upwards of a few minutes should cost something. -Dragon Kick: I'd like to see more information on this. If its based off a real-life kick, at least tell us how it is performed. -Spin: Same as above. How does the spin help him defend? What kind of attacks might he use with it? |
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| Kortopi | Jan 10 2015, 07:55 PM Post #3 |
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Leorio x Kurapika
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Done adjusting my Nen and I deleted Spin as I made Fast Swimmer into an 8-ranked. I also made some new description to my Dragon Kick. I hope it is good for your liking. I also point out the examples type of animals who will be attracted to Grey. Thank you for your hardwork! Edit: I also placed the drawback effects of the nen in the Effects section. Didn't know really where to put it.
Edited by Kortopi, Jan 10 2015, 07:59 PM.
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| Asylum | Jan 11 2015, 12:18 PM Post #4 |
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Prone to Madness
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Add in that it can only be used to heal injuries that a person can recuperate from naturally (for example, no regenerating lost limbs, but it can close the wounds), and that the longer it would take for an injury to heal normally the more tired it leaves both target and user. For example, you could say a wound that would normally take a month might leave him needing 2 posts of rest. |
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| Kortopi | Jan 11 2015, 09:32 PM Post #5 |
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Leorio x Kurapika
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Noted and done.
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| Asylum | Jan 12 2015, 02:28 AM Post #6 |
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Prone to Madness
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[X/6] should be [3/6]. Give us more for personality. Try for at least a paragraph. Do that and I'll 1/2. |
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| Kortopi | Jan 12 2015, 04:09 AM Post #7 |
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Leorio x Kurapika
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Done!! Yay!! Can't wait to start roleplaying.
Edited by Kortopi, Jan 13 2015, 04:21 AM.
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| :)Westborn | Jan 12 2015, 08:53 AM Post #8 |
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The Most Responsible Adult in your Living Room
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Just to be nit picky, for the time it takes for the ability to work, lets just say 1 post for basic cuts, while 2 posts for more severe injuries, like broken bones, deep cuts, ect. Reguardless You have my approval. 1/2 |
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| Kortopi | Jan 12 2015, 09:17 PM Post #9 |
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Leorio x Kurapika
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Done! *^_^*
Edited by Kortopi, Jan 13 2015, 04:21 AM.
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| Asylum | Jan 13 2015, 06:02 AM Post #10 |
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Prone to Madness
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Approved 2/2. |
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1:19 AM Jul 11