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[Approved] Wei Zhijun. waiting for approval[Archived]
Topic Started: Jun 14 2014, 10:21 PM (366 Views)
Trunks0101
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× General Information

Name:Wei Zhijum 

Gender: Male

Age: 16

Height: 5"11

Weight: 162

Species: Human

Appearance: Wei is tall, slim, has shoulder length black hair with a bang that goes over his right eye. His eyes are narrow and grey. His ears are abnormally pointy which is a useless common trait in his family. Light skinned and he has a burn scar covering must of the left side of his face which he got 2 years prior to his adventure. He wears usually a white shirt with extra long sleeves, black baggy pants, and black shoes.
Image


Profession:(Wants to become a Lost Hunter)

Reputation: 0 (Rank H)
Background


Backpack
× Physical Statistics[0/0][0/50]
Aura
: 8
Might: 8
Agility: 10
Endurance: 8
Accuracy: 16

× Nen Techniques
Basic Nen Techniques


Hatsu Affinity
: Unknown

 [X/6][0/0]Hatsu Theme: 

General Hatsu Description: 

General Hatsu Conditions:

Hatsu Abilities
×

Non-Nen Techniques
[X/16]
Techniques
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Kain
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Tiger Lord aka Star Lord aka Vigo aka Chocolate Thunder

Please try to use the template in full, the values and others help up maintain order in your char app when you update.

Clean Template
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Trunks0101
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Sorry, I'm using a phone so it's kinda hard to write on here, is it possibly to tell me specifically what needs to change?
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Ken sweatshirt
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Everyone's always telling you to be humble. When was the last time someone told you to be great?

The thing is, you accidentally just copied the template, instead of the code. The code makes it look like it does in the template. Just fill everything in as you did before, but copy this template instead:

Spoiler: click to toggle
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Trunks0101
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Okay I think it should be good, I apologize for the inconvenience

Can someone approve it naow please? :P
Edited by Trunks0101, Jun 15 2014, 03:39 PM.
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Trunks0101
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I'm hoping that I did everything right lol
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:)Westborn
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The Most Responsible Adult in your Living Room

I’m going to focus on your Hatsu and Non-Nen Techs instead of the formatting, as that’s what needs the most work. So to begin, your Hatsu is incredibly strong. Like we’re talking top tier strong, never mind rank 3 or 4. To get your hatsu to pass you’re going to need to tone down just how strong the blood impact is (three feet of material just simply gone is nuts.) Even if one of your conditions is that it cant harm living tissue, that still means you can just make all of the valuables some characters have simply not exist any more. Even with the toned down ability you’re probably also going to need to increase the number of conditions more than just saying you have to cut yourself and then use it 6 times before a cool down. Things using his blood to draw glyphs would be acceptable. One glyph for a proximity mine, another for a remote mine, a third for a timed mine if you catch my drift.

Secondly we need to look at your regular techniques. Ikkyo is fine, but Tachi-Dori is wayyyy to strong, especially for a rank 8. Many of our characters are weapons users and would not be particularly happy if their prized weapons were disarmed so easily. I don’t think you have enough TP total to get that one to fly. Please replace it with a separate Aikido technique.

Lastly, a short piece, it says Wei is a Lost Hunter, but you also state that “after learning nen, which I presume is when he becomes a hunter”. If Wei is a Hunter, the only equipment he can start off with is his weapon, and ring I suppose. If he’s not a Hunter yet, he can still know nen, he’ll just have to take the Hunter Exam.
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Trunks0101
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As far as the Hatsu go I'll work on that
But since I'm not a Hunter I'll just get rid of it for now (I thought I was supposed to make it before hand)
Tachi-Dori I had a feeling would be lol I just figured personal skills would way in, for example I could use it on a weak NPC however a stronger one maybe not.
I'll get rid of my Hatsu, ring, and the second technique. Then I should be good right?
As far as formatting goes I used the clean template and just added some spaces so I figured that would be fine
Edited by Trunks0101, Jun 15 2014, 10:05 PM.
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Trunks0101
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Okay I believe I've fixed/gotten rid of every problem.
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

With those gone, not much left to say. Fix your image (only one [IMG][/IMG] code is needed) and I'll 1/2.
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