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[Approved] Elliot Cromwell[Archived]
Topic Started: Jun 13 2014, 06:44 AM (538 Views)
A Totally Badass Username
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× General Information

Name: Elliot Cromwell
Gender: Male
Age: 15
Height: 5'6"
Weight: 157
Species: Human
Appearance: This guy reminds you of a joyous songbird... of Death. He has wide white eyes that are like two bleached skulls. His silky, wavy, red hair is worn in a style that reminds you of a porcupine's quills. He is short and has an angular build. His skin is white. He has small feet. His wardrobe is complicated, and is mostly purple and black.


Profession: Crime Hunter/Black List Hunter
Reputation: 0 (Rank H)
Background

Backpack


× Physical Statistics

[0/0]
[0/50]

Aura: 16
Might: 4
Agility: 8
Endurance: 6
Accuracy: 16

× Nen Techniques

Basic Nen Techniques

Hatsu Affinity: Conjuration


[4/6]
[0/0]


Hatsu Theme: Lenses
General Hatsu Description: A complex variation of Transmutation with minute Emission properties, or maybe the other way around, his hatsus let him change his aura into curved glass, and relies on the refraction of light to Elliot's advantage.
General Hatsu Conditions: In order to have any effect, there must be light to refract. The amount needed varies from hatsu to hatsu.

Hatsu Abilities


× Non-Nen Techniques

[16/16]
Techniques
Edited by A Totally Badass Username, Jun 16 2014, 07:20 PM.
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Ken sweatshirt
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Everyone's always telling you to be humble. When was the last time someone told you to be great?

About your hatsu, 4, 7, 9 and 12 are not only not conditions, they're also beneficial. Cooldown should be longer, and what do you exactly mean with "for other's?", like a few examples?

Claws should be a seperate techniques in Assassination art of R14, that gun is too expensive, any gun is if you're starting out.
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A Totally Badass Username
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Edited a bunch of stuff so that this app was more approvable and stuff.
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Ken sweatshirt
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Everyone's always telling you to be humble. When was the last time someone told you to be great?

1/2 accepted.
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

-First, I think the ability is too low ranked considering how powerful you describe at is. I would make it r2-1. Being able to create numerous bubbles each with a ten foot blast radius is too big, imo, at least unless you give up more in exchange. At least halve the blast radius, depending on how numerous the bubbles are or how easy they are to avoid. That said, I don't think it's very clear how numerous the bubbles are or how hard to avoid they are meant to be... you really should be more descriptive there and I would say to limit it to X bubbles maximum at once.

I also think you should take out the part about him being able to freely manipulate them. Being able to physically push them is fine, but if you want to be able to control them telepathically as well then I expect more conditions.
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A Totally Badass Username
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I changed my hatsu to a cooler one with stronger conditions.
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Daguy
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I like your color ability, good job!
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

I like your hatsu (a lot), but I'm concerned that it might be a bit difficult to roleplay. Are you in control of the movement of lasers or is it basically random like a real light show?
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A Totally Badass Username
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Random like a real lightshow. Should I say it's to be assumed that the lasers generally move towards a viable target within X range of them so people don't just walk through saying that my lights randomly parted for them?
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

If its random and he can't control them to hone in on a particular target or the like, then I say you can make it rank 2.
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