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| [Approved] Law[Archived] | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 4 2014, 09:44 AM (618 Views) | |
| Zavy-Sama | Jun 4 2014, 09:44 AM Post #1 |
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× General Information Name:Law Gender:Male Age:18 Height:6'2 Weight:180 Species:Human Appearance: Law has shaggy white and white eyes to match. He wears a dog tag that has 'LAW' written on it in big print. Law usually wears a black t-shirt, a black short pants and black and white tennis shoes. He is muscular and has well defined muscles. If he wants to wear formal clothes he usually jst puts a coat over his shirt and wear long pants. Based Off This Profession:Hunter Applicant Reputation: 0 (Rank H) Background Backpack × Physical Statistics [0/0] [50/50] Aura:11 Might:12 Agility:10 Endurance:9 Accuracy:8 × Nen Techniques Basic Nen Techniques Hatsu Affinity:Manipulation [6/6] [0/0] Hatsu Theme:Gravity General Hatsu Description: This grants the user to control gravity in an area, shifting the gravity to another direction and manipulating animate and non-animate objects. General Hatsu Conditions: Every object affected by the user's ability has to be touched by his Nen first. Once they are touched by his Nen they can be manipulated by his ability until he cancels his ability or gets out of range of his Nen. If a manipulator is affected they can use Zetsu to keep Law's Nen from affecting them Hatsu Abilities × Non-Nen Techniques [12/16] Techniques
Edited by Zavy-Sama, Jun 10 2014, 03:27 AM.
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| Asylum | Jun 4 2014, 04:06 PM Post #11 |
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Prone to Madness
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I disagree, your first hatsu especially seems to be very potent while the conditions make it seem like you're giving up little by comparison. -> The ability to freely manipulate gravity with a 100m radius around the character at will in exchange for a debuff and the loss of one of his senses, if I'm reading it right. <- Who really cares about Taste, Smell, or Touch anyways, except maybe in specific situations? If using it struck him blind and deaf, I would be more open to it. For a hatsu like Gravity Chamber, however, I would expect something more like him needing to draw out the complete effected area beforehand and then label it in a way that states what the gravity level within it will be without him being able to freely change it after drawing. You don't have to do that if that doesn't suit you, but that's about how limiting I expect the conditions to be. Just realize that the ability to create a powerful effect that affects everyone a distance around the user's body with the snap of a finger is going to cost the character a lot. |
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| Zavy-Sama | Jun 4 2014, 05:46 PM Post #12 |
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iHavent Edited Yet (Its Tiring To Keep Editing) But How About This For The First Hatsu: He Activates The Ability, He Doesn't Want It To Affect Him So He Gives Up A Sense. When He Activates It, It Activates It At A Set Gravity Level And Cannot Change It Unless He Gives Up Another Sense Giving Him A Maximum Times Of Only 5 Times He Can Change It Before Dispelling The Ability. The Amount Resets After He Dispels It And Waiting After The Cool Down. If He Wants The Ability To Affect Him Again He Can Regain His Senses And Become Prone To The Set Level Of Gravity He Set. If He Wants To Become Invulnerable To The Ability Again (In The Same Time Frame Without Dispelling The Ability) He Has To Give Up The Same Amount Of Sense He Lost Before Unless He Dispels The Ability. The Condition Am Adding Is The Amount Of Times He Can Change The Level Of Gravity At The Cost Of A Sense. This Can Become Dangerous If He Loses Track Of Time And Gets Caught Up In The Fight, Going Beyond His Limits And Losing All Of His Sense Permanently While Potentially Damaging His Body To Maybe A Fatal Condition. Is The Conditions For The First Hatsu Fine ? And Is The Second Hatsu Fine As Well ? Please Let Me Know So iCan Edit It The Same Time .. -Thank You For Your Patience :D |
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| Asylum | Jun 6 2014, 12:53 AM Post #13 |
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Prone to Madness
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Sorry, I don't think that's enough for the ability to immediately make everything weightless or 10x heavier around him at will. The primary condition(s) should apply to using the ability itself, not just making it more costly to change after activating its base effect in the first place (again, I don't think Taste, Smell, or Touch are worth much; basically the first three uses/changes seem like freebies). You can add that, but alone I don't see it as being limiting enough for such a potent ability. The backlash conditions you have where he risks losing the sense permanently or fatal damage seem better, but it only applies if the hatsu is overused and if it takes an hour for it to be harmful that's probably rarely going to really effect you anyways. You need a more immediate condition, something that makes it difficult for him to activate it in the first place or else makes him hesitant to activate it. Maybe if you had some sort of charge time, or you had to do something like the Bomb Devils where the ability needs to be explained to the targets for it to take effect. Something else you might be able to do is just make it so that its draining on his stamina to activate/maintain, and requires him to rest after use. Just trying to throw out ideas that might interest you. Changing Shifts is another matter. Does it work on people/animals as well, and can he forcefully push(well, pull with gravity) them away by thinking it? I would limit it to a force he can push with naturally, and make some sort of tag-type condition where he needs to mark them somehow instead of just needing them be within 100m of him (the harder it is to place the mark, the stronger the force of the push can be). |
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| Zavy-Sama | Jun 6 2014, 05:49 AM Post #14 |
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Gravity Chamber: Ok So To Add To The Conditions iHave Before ... -To Activate He Must Deposit 50% of His Nen Into A 'Bank' That Can Take The Shape As Anything Like Knuckles Ability For Instance. The Bank Also Has A Timer On His Head. As The Ability Progresses After 15mins Of Use The Bank Takes 10% More. After 60 Mins (Which Is His Limit), The Bank Takes 90%. If He Uses His Ability After 15 Mins Pass 60 Mins, The Bank Takes The Remaining 10% And Locks His Nen For The Remaining Thread SL And The First 2 Post Of The Next One. After Every 10% Lost His Muscles Become Weaker, Draining Him Of His Stamina. If He Dispels His Ability Before The 60 Min Mark (Up To 59 Mins), He Is Jst Unable To Move, Lightheaded And Drained From The Nen Use And Lost. If Used After 60 Mins (60 Mins And Onwards) He Will Be Rendered Unconscious And Depending On The Use Afterwords, Other Baneful Use Might Take Place. Is That Enough? If You Need Another One He Can Just Say A Secret Out Loud Or Something ... Changing Shifts: Can Be Used On Any Animate Or Inanimate Object So Yes. To Add A Condition: -Law Needs To Tag The Target Physically With With His Nen. After The Immediate Touch, The Affected Area Turns Blue. Law Needs To Tag And Hold The Target In The Same Area For Up To 10secs. The Longer He Holds Them The Stronger Push/Pull. After He Holds Them There, The Affected Area Will Show A Number From 1-10. If It Is Not To Its Maximum, Law Can Touch And Hold That Same Area Until It Gets To The Maximum. The Mark Stays There Until The Target Gets Outta Range Or Until Law Dispels His Ability. When Law Uses His Ability, The Affect Areas Turn Red Leaving Him Unable To Modify It Further. The Center Of The Pull/Push Becomes Where Ever That Mark Is Edited by Zavy-Sama, Jun 9 2014, 05:14 AM.
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| Asylum | Jun 7 2014, 09:59 PM Post #15 |
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Prone to Madness
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Ok, I'm willing to accept those. However, I'd like you to add a anti-loophole condition where he can't abuse his gravity control to make his targets 'fall upwards endlessly' or something to that effect when outdoors. |
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| Zavy-Sama | Jun 8 2014, 04:30 AM Post #16 |
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Oh Yeah, Its A 100m Field All Around ... After They Get Out Of That Field They Become Unaffected By The Ability ... |
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| Asylum | Jun 8 2014, 12:21 PM Post #17 |
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Prone to Madness
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Eh, that's right. Ok then. |
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| Zavy-Sama | Jun 9 2014, 05:14 AM Post #18 |
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Edited * |
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| הּKen sweatshirt | Jun 9 2014, 07:21 AM Post #19 |
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Everyone's always telling you to be humble. When was the last time someone told you to be great?
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1/2 accepted. |
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| Asylum | Jun 9 2014, 11:28 PM Post #20 |
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Prone to Madness
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Ok, this should be my last nitpick: Add some cooldown for each alteration of Changing Shifts per target; basically after applying target A's gravity to the right, he would need to wait a post or two before he can suddenly change it to the left on the same target (so he can't just rapidly change it to throw them around randomly). Or by 'the mark turns red' do you mean that he can't modify the direction on the target at all once he activates it? Do that and you have my approval. |
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