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[Approved] Gale Zephyr[Archived]
Topic Started: May 29 2014, 06:47 PM (427 Views)
Stingray_Beats
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The roleplayer formerly known as Prince

× General Information

Name: Gale Zephyr
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Height: 4 feet 6 inches
Weight: 80 pounds
Species: Human
Appearance: Gale is a miniscule and lightweight girl, with a look about her that a strong wind might know her over. In total, she weighs about 80 Lbs, and stands at a mere 4’6”. She is thin for her size, not to the degree of looking unhealthy, though lacking the definition or tone to have an athletic body, nonetheless, she is quite thin. Despite her diminutive stature, Gale carries herself proudly and to the extent of her height, walking confidently, yet cheerfully.

Her light grey hair remains in a perpetual wind-blown look, while it would normally reach to her neck, it is almost always standing on end, pointing wherever it may please. Her eyes are a pale yet striking, ranging from grey to grey-cyan depending on the light and environment.

Atop her head are a pair of windproof, tinted goggles, used to protect her eyes from wind and debris mid flight, these usually remain on her forehead while awake, never leaving her head for a waking moment. At her lowest visible layer of clothing, Gale takes the minimalist approach, donning a black tank top and black bike shorts.

Above that is a custom bluish-grey canvas jacket, zipped from the tall collar to just below her breast, open past her exposed midriff, and reaching her hips; the sleeves break off at the elbow, but widen and continue on to resemble banners or wings when blown by the wind, several cyan patches and stripes adorn the torso and sleeves of the jacket. Around her waist and wrists are a cyan cotton belt, and cyan leather bracelets. As far as footwear is concerned, Gale wears similarly bluish-grey shin high boots, held tight with buckles, and folded over the top.

Image


Profession: None, at the moment
Reputation: 0 (Rank H)
Background

Backpack


× Physical Statistics

[0/0]
[0/50]

Aura: 20
Might: 3
Agility: 17
Endurance: 7
Accuracy: 3

× Nen Techniques


Hatsu Affinity: Emission


[3/6]
[0/0]


Hatsu Theme: Mach Burst

General Hatsu Conditions: Gale’s hatsu takes a lot of energy. As such, Gale must eat a lot to keep her hatsu from starving her, and must have energy in order to use it at all.
For any sort of burst, Gale must charge, at least a little. While doing this, she must remain as still as possible, or the charge will empty out with no expulsion.
Gale's aura reaches maximum charge capacity after one minute.

Hatsu Abilities


× Non-Nen Techniques

[X/16]
Techniques




Edited by Stingray_Beats, Jun 4 2014, 10:40 AM.
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Stingray_Beats
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The roleplayer formerly known as Prince

Ready to go!
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Kain
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Tiger Lord aka Star Lord aka Vigo aka Chocolate Thunder

Alrighty here we go:

First, try using exact values please, halves and "1 - 4" 's are a too uncontrolled....if using that word makes sense. But what I mean is that it'd be preferred if you had it down to exacts. This includes, coodown times, charge times, and ranges.

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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

A problem with using fractional posts for charges and cooldowns is that post length and amount of time that passes in one post can very greatly. Its generally simpler to keep them as whole numbers.

The problem I see with the Tier 1 (less than 1 post charge/cooldowns) is that they could basically work like an Autododge and just enable her to avoid any attack sent at her in your responding post. While cooldowns prevent them from being used rapidly, they seem short enough for her to use every post anyways. This might not be how you plan to use it, though.

That's my main beef, but another thing is that the amount of time you state passes per post is very specific. While I guess that a single post can cover the span of just a second or two in especially condensed close combat where each post describes a single set of actions like blocking and throwing a punch, I rarely see combat that slowed down (and it doesn't seem to me like the higher tiers of your hatsu would be very useful in those situations anyways).

I think taking a full minute to charge up a jump that lets you scale several stories is fair, but I don't think you should have to spend 4-5 posts charging up a single jump either. In my opinion, it would be fine if you just described the charging period for the higher tiers and then took off either in that post or in the next. If someone thinks you're leaving yourself open for too long, they'll interrupt the action or take advantage of it or a narrator or grader would call you on it and punish you/dock your rewards.

It would also probably be simpler if you just a single set charge and effect for each tier instead of making them ranges, like Kain said.
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Stingray_Beats
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The roleplayer formerly known as Prince

Okay, I've split everything even further to lower the ranges for each tier, I've also split jets from bursts, as they have sorta different cooldowns. I also nerfed the tier one burst so it can't be used as an auto-dodge so much.
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

Not really what I was getting at...

If you really want to spend 5 posts charging it, though, I'll 1/2 it.
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Stingray_Beats
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The roleplayer formerly known as Prince

Uh, so I'm probably getting this wrong. >.> I put the times in posts as a general guide, trying to follow the average amount of time passing per post, but kept the time in actual seconds as a solid measure. Of course if given the option to pass an entire minute in one post, I will, rather than waste posts for just waiting. I'm kinda stupid, so if there's an issue with the charge times I may need it all spelled out plainly, or I'll likely misinterpret it ^_^;

Edited out the time in seconds.

MOAR EDITS redid the whole tier system following Zunga's instructions
Edited by Stingray_Beats, Jun 4 2014, 10:38 AM.
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Ken sweatshirt
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Everyone's always telling you to be humble. When was the last time someone told you to be great?

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