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| [Approved] Shadow Step[Archived] | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 4 2014, 09:52 AM (227 Views) | |
| Hunter-1000 | Apr 4 2014, 09:52 AM Post #1 |
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× General Information Name: Shadow Step Gender: Male Age: 18 Height: 1.5 m Weight: 62 Kg Species: Human Appearance: He has green eyes and a long dark hair, and he has an eye patch on his right eye, He is wearing a pair of dark blue jeans and a long dark coat. Image Profession: Assassin Reputation: 0 (Rank H) Background Backpack × Physical Statistics [0/0] [0/50] Aura: 15 Might: 10 Agility: 5 Endurance: 13 Accuracy: 7 × Nen Techniques Basic Nen Techniques Hatsu Affinity: Emission [X/6] [0/0] Hatsu Theme: General Hatsu Description: General Hatsu Conditions: Hatsu Techniques × Non-Nen Techniques [X/16] Techniques
Edited by Hunter-1000, Apr 8 2014, 03:39 AM.
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| :)Westborn | Apr 4 2014, 11:47 AM Post #2 |
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The Most Responsible Adult in your Living Room
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I guess I'll work my way top down. At height 5.6, specify what measurement you're using. If you're not going to use an image, you need at least some description. I'm not sure killing is a profession, so much as a hobby. Assassin, mercenary, aggressive bodyguard, those are professions. I'd like to see his personality expanded at least some, and origin needs to be expanded. Even if he doesn't remember all of it, he has to remember some. Shit, even Wolverine remembered parts of the Project X experiment. You don't need to list a watch or dark sunglasses under your equipment, everyone has access to that. If you're going to have a hatsu, you need to first pick a hatsu affinity. It looks like you're aiming towards enhancer. On the hatsu itself you can absolutely not have an insta-kill ability. The type of ability should be the affinity thats most closely linked to it, Category is where you'd put Offensive, defensive, or supportive. Technique Rank actually runs down from 6, with 0 being the strongest. If you were looking to make just a quickstep ability, rework it into the non nen technique section. After you get all that fixed we'll take another look at it. |
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| :)Westborn | Apr 7 2014, 10:00 AM Post #3 |
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The Most Responsible Adult in your Living Room
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The hatsu section still needs work. The theme, general description, and conditions all need to be filled out. I'l also going to say that robbing someone of their sight for 4 turns is too much. The effect should be a direct description of what the ability does (ie robs target of sight for X number of turns). Also just having a 4 post cooldown is probably not going to be enough, throw in a tougher condition. |
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| Asylum | Apr 7 2014, 10:27 AM Post #4 |
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Prone to Madness
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You don't need theme/general if you don't want them, actually. I think having to place a pin on your target to activate the hatsu is a decent condition, though; it reminds me of the Ortho siblings' ability somewhat. Would the target be able to cancel the ability by removing the pin themselves? |
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| Hunter-1000 | Apr 8 2014, 04:50 AM Post #5 |
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yes Asylum I've just added that condition and I've added other things, BTW i didn't take this technique from someone else it's all mine brand new :) i hope you'll approve it now MODS :) |
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| הּKen sweatshirt | Apr 8 2014, 05:02 AM Post #6 |
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Everyone's always telling you to be humble. When was the last time someone told you to be great?
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1/2 approved. |
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| :)Westborn | Apr 9 2014, 11:30 AM Post #7 |
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The Most Responsible Adult in your Living Room
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Approved 2/2 |
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7:50 AM Jul 11