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[Approved] [COMPLETED] Aradjinn Yeager[Archived]
Topic Started: Jan 5 2014, 01:27 AM (540 Views)
Jon The GOAT
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× General Information

Name: Aradjinn Yaeger
Gender: Male
Age: 12 Years Old
Height: 4’6”
Weight: 110 lbs
Species: Human
Appearance: Aradjinn looks quite innocent, one would say adorable. Ocean blue eyes, a warm swarm, blue locks of hair going down to the middle of his back. He doesn’t wear many clothes, an unbuttoned blue sleeveless jacket, bandages covering his chest so the perverts don’t feel tempted, and loose baggy white pants for ease of movement as well as a turban and red ruby inserted into it. He often has a flute hanging by a thick thread on his neck, and a staff in hand.

Image


Profession: Criminal
Reputation 7 (Rank H)
Background

Backpack


× Physical Statistics

[0/3]
[0/53]

Aura: 23
Might: 10
Agility: 5
Endurance: 10
Accuracy: 5

× Nen Techniques

Basic Nen Techniques

Hatsu Affinity: Manipulation


[4/6]
[0/1]


Hatsu Theme: Puppet Master’s Melody
General Hatsu Description: The Puppet Master’s Melody at its core, is the manipulation of those who are cursed with hearing its sounds with the exception of the Puppet Master himself. That being said, it can often entail other uses as well, such as direct assaults through sound waves.
General Hatsu Conditions: --
Hatsu Techniques


× Non-Nen Techniques

[17/17]
Techniques

Edited by Asylum, Jan 13 2014, 10:40 PM.
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Jon The GOAT
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DOOOOOOOOOOOONE
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Kain
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Tiger Lord aka Star Lord aka Vigo aka Chocolate Thunder

I like your NN-Techs, but I'm going to start with them >D

Deadly Melody is going to have to be about R9 and Deadlier might be a bit higher Ranked, if you're willing, you could make Master Flutist about R1 and use the remaining TP on Deadlier Melody. I say this simply because bleeding ears and going temporarily deaf is pretty extreme.

Note: you could also add in the rewards from the Winter Bonus to your app. http://s1.zetaboards.com/Hunter_X_Hunter_RPG/topic/5314088/1/,

And with that you'd have an extra TP to use for your NN-tech to make it about R16, which i think is an acceptable rank for Deadlier Melody
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Jon The GOAT
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Complied and edited.
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Kain
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Tiger Lord aka Star Lord aka Vigo aka Chocolate Thunder

Well, your totals haven't been edited and you forgot to add some stuff in from the rewards in the Winter Event. But that can wait.


Onto the Hatsu:

Step 1 - Compliment: Your hatsu is really good. I like the concept and we haven't really anyone with a true manipulation ability like this.

Step 2 - Corrections: In all fairness, being able to control someone is pretty heavy stuff and for that reason I need to ask for 2 things.

-1: Increase the rank of the ability to about Rank 2.
-2: For now, make it so that everyone can hear, but only one person can be affected with the manipulation at a time. And you can add that you can increase the amount of influenced people by investing TP. [I'd say about 5 TP for every 1 extra person]
-3: Range = Might multiplied by 2.5
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Jon The GOAT
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Kain
Jan 7 2014, 01:44 PM
Well, your totals haven't been edited and you forgot to add some stuff in from the rewards in the Winter Event. But that can wait.


Onto the Hatsu:

Step 1 - Compliment: Your hatsu is really good. I like the concept and we haven't really anyone with a true manipulation ability like this.

Step 2 - Corrections: In all fairness, being able to control someone is pretty heavy stuff and for that reason I need to ask for 2 things.

-1: Increase the rank of the ability to about Rank 2.
-2: For now, make it so that everyone can hear, but only one person can be affected with the manipulation at a time. And you can add that you can increase the amount of influenced people by investing TP. [I'd say about 5 TP for every 1 extra person]
-3: Range = Might multiplied by 2.5
Done everything, while on the last part, I tried to take a different take on it. Here's what I added, if you feel it's still too strong then I am more than willing to change it.

"The Puppet Master is only able to manipulate one victim at a time. That being said, the puppet master is able to relinquish control of someone (they will still be forced to fulfill their commands but will be free once it is fulfilled) and take control of someone else. To be able to maintain control of more than one person at a time however (as in give out commands without having to relinquish full control of the target when wanting to control someone else), the user must invest 5 TP into the technique. For every 5 TP invested, the user can control an extra person. "
Edited by Jon The GOAT, Jan 7 2014, 02:35 PM.
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Kain
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Tiger Lord aka Star Lord aka Vigo aka Chocolate Thunder

I don't think anything else needs changing so without further adeu

1/2 Approved
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

So, can anyone be placed under your control just for hearing the flute, regardless of their level? That sounds WAY too easy, regardless of the conditions you have up right now. My suggestion is to make it so that only people with maybe half your aura stat can be controlled after playing a short song, and that it would take maybe an additional minute or so of playing for every aura point above that before it can take effect.

Quote:
 
The Puppet Master’s Melodies maximum length takes into consideration two physical stats, the endurance of the user and their aura. The number in between these two stats (rounded up if a decimal) is the number of minutes The Puppet Master can play his melody without stopping. (An aura stat of 10, and endurance of 20 would mean the melody can last up to 15 minutes)


I would replace this condition with the number of commands that he can give to a single person before the ability ends. Say, able to give them one command/regulation with the ability to add an additional one for 3 TP. Keep the part about having to continuously play it or the abilities ends, and maybe set the maximum duration that the effect can last to X posts.
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Jon The GOAT
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Asylum
Jan 7 2014, 03:40 PM
So, can anyone be placed under your control just for hearing the flute, regardless of their level? That sounds WAY too easy, regardless of the conditions you have up right now. My suggestion is to make it so that only people with maybe half your aura stat can be controlled after playing a short song, and that it would take maybe an additional minute or so of playing for every aura point above that before it can take effect.

Quote:
 
The Puppet Master’s Melodies maximum length takes into consideration two physical stats, the endurance of the user and their aura. The number in between these two stats (rounded up if a decimal) is the number of minutes The Puppet Master can play his melody without stopping. (An aura stat of 10, and endurance of 20 would mean the melody can last up to 15 minutes)


I would replace this condition with the number of commands that he can give to a single person before the ability ends. Say, able to give them one command/regulation with the ability to add an additional one for 3 TP. Keep the part about having to continuously play it or the abilities ends, and maybe set the maximum duration that the effect can last to X posts.
I PM'd you Asylum in regards to this.
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Jon The GOAT
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Updated.
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