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[Approved] Rahpeth[Archived]; char. bio
Topic Started: Dec 7 2013, 06:24 PM (601 Views)
rahpeth
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My first character

× General Information

Name: Rahpeth
Gender: Male
Age: 16
Height: 6' 1"
Weight: 82kg
Species: Human :Lounge:
Appearance: He has long skinny limbs, with strong conditioned muscles (muscle growth similar to Killua :Highkick: and less like Morel) He wears a black hoodie over a green shirt with blue denim pants and black tennis shoes. The hood is usually down and never fully zipped. He has short black hair that falls straight forward, as well as dark blue eyes.

Image


Profession: Blacklist Hunter: hunts down dangerous criminals
Reputation: 0 (Rank H)
Background

Backpack


× Physical Statistics

[0/0]
[0/50]

Aura: 10
Might: 10
Agility: 15
Endurance: 10
Accuracy: 5

× Nen Techniques

Basic Nen Techniques

Hatsu Affinity: Conjuration


[6/6]
[0/0]


Hatsu Theme: My World
General Hatsu Description: based on ability to pull people into his world
General Hatsu Conditions:

Hatsu Techniques



× Non-Nen Techniques

[14/16]
Techniques
Edited by rahpeth, Dec 14 2013, 06:23 PM.
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rahpeth
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think I'm good to go. So what did I do wrong?
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Kain
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Tiger Lord aka Star Lord aka Vigo aka Chocolate Thunder

Easily enough you've only got a few mistakes with the actual profile.

1.Your history can be left blank, but move what you have to the "Origin" sections.

2. Under your Non-Nen Techniques, Replace the colored text with the corresponding answer, basically just delete the colored text questions.


3. Also for NN-Techniques, for Hidden King, I'd suggest re-wording it a bit better maybe like saying he's acquired assassination-like habits such as soundless steps, increased adrenal response, and contortion-ism, etc. things of that sort that are more or less traits rather than actual abilities and would fit into an Rank 4 technique.

4. On your NN-techniques, since they're virtually traits rather than an extension ability, put the RANGE for them as "Self".

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rahpeth
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Alright, I fixed what you told me.... anything else?
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Kain
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Tiger Lord aka Star Lord aka Vigo aka Chocolate Thunder

Above your NN-technique's spoiler; you'll see [X/16], change that to [14/16]
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rahpeth
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OK I'm guessing something like that for Nen Technique too?
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Kain
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Tiger Lord aka Star Lord aka Vigo aka Chocolate Thunder

yes, but not yet, still determining how to assess your ability
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rahpeth
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okay
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rahpeth
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my character is ready to be critiqued
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

You only have 6 AP to spend on hatsu to begin with, and right now you've spent 8. Collecting Offerings and Dimensional Rift both need some work. I assume that you want the Collecting one to work by gradually weakening the opponent, but not many hatsu really qualify as r5 so it will have to be lowered. Any hatsu that are r5 are typically basic applications of an affinity or a unique variation of a basic technique. For Dimensional Rift, being able to teleport anywhere you've ever been before is going to need some really strong conditions as well.

Really, however, I recommend taking out the other two and either leaving the AP spent at 5, or adding in some really simple hatsu. An idea of a hatsu that costs 1 AP would be like Pitou's oddly shaped En, conjuring a simple item with no special abilities, or emitting a simple ball of nen. Since you're a conjurer, maybe a hatsu where he conjures a sword or something out of his world to use in combat?
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