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[Approved] Aiza Arizu[Archived]
Topic Started: Nov 4 2013, 08:04 PM (2,805 Views)
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Those whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad.

Aiza Arizu

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NameAiza Arizu
GenderMale
Age19 Years Old
Birthday31st of January
Height6 Feet 2 inches
Weight13 Stone
ProfessionBlack List Hunter ¦ Treasure Hunter ¦ Dragon Hunter
Hunter Association Rank F - 304 Reputation


Jenni13,080,000
Event Tokens 22


Aura33 (34)
Might31 (32)
Agility33 (36)
Endurance32 (34)
Accuracy33 (36)


Stat Points Earned122
Total Stat Points 0/172


Appearance


Background


Equipment


Hatsu


Non-Nen Techniques

Edited by Westborn, Aug 24 2015, 03:35 PM.
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Those whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad.

Profile is complete
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

I like the abilities, but a few things I need to say:
-Avatar of Apophis: Does the creature made of nen also shock others/conduct strong electricity in addition to the fear effect and the power to attack with its claws? Effects like doubling or tripling a stat aren't allowed, though with the ability as it is, I hardly think you need a buff on top of that. Also, you'd need a range for how far the claws or the like can be stretched.

-For Void lightning in general, it seems to combine the effects of normal lightning and a fear-inducing oppression, which in and of itself would naturally rank up the lower level techniques slightly (Void Sparks to r3, in particular I would say). Maybe if you also stated that the electrical properties were reduced somewhat so they wouldn't be as strong as plain lightning abilities of the same rank and level, you could keep them as they are.

-Could you give more description for how the dragon tattoo absorbs fear? Is it just a natural process that works within a certain radius? Does he have to actually touch them with it to absorb it? How fast does it absorb it? Can he just use it on a couple of low level grunts to easily max it out then use it full power against a strong person later? You might want to reconsider a few things about it.

-Going off from the above, how long does it need to charge to acquire full power for Void Sparks? Can it be used as both a long range attack and a short range 'electric bonus' to be attached to his sickles? By which I mean, I suppose, does it basically only last for a single attack or can it be used as an enduring buff? I would also look into some more conditions, my suggestions would be to somehow tie it into the aftermath condition of the Avatar above, and maybe add some condition like making it have to be conducted through his sickles in order to use. You might be thinking of it as more limited than me, but when I read the description, I think that just plain vaporizing body parts of someone at about the same level as you should be quite difficult and risky.

Finally, you mention that he can use this ability thanks to his immunity to electricity... if it gives him an edge over electric attacks or techniques, this immunity will need to be mentioned as a non nen technique. You would also need to think about the extent of the immunity: Is he completely immune to the point where he won't even notice if he's heavily shocked? Will he still feel pain from it corresponding to the strength, and perhaps even flinch if not prepared for it like Killua? Physical aspects of the electricity depending on how it's being used like heat or concussive force would also likely effect him. I would say that an immunity to weak levels of electricity plus the ability to not be rendered as effected as others to higher levels or electricity (but still effected to a degree) would work as a r8, and you can improve it later.
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Those whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad.

Regarding the stat doubling, It appears i misunderstood the "Effects" section a bit. Sorry about that i read a lot of this late at night xD

As for the void lightning, it takes a fully charged beam to actually vaporize anything. Any bolts of lightning that would be fired quickly wouldn't be lethal, and it would be take about 5 seconds to taze someone. Would say it would take about eight to ten seconds to charge and then fire a fully charged beam. Which of course in the realm of HxH is quite a while considering some peoples speed. I also thought, because it is a sort of laser beam, it would be a little easier to avoid due to it being slower and larger and though it would be quite powerful Aiza would have to concentrate it on a point to do any vaporizing. And even then you would probably have to be a bit unprepared if it vaporized a part of you. A nen user could use Ryu or Ko to reduce its power. I will add some specifics to the abilities to clear that up a bit though. Of course im not sure if that would reduce its rank to 4 though.

The closest thing i can think of to the tattoo would probably be Knuckles A.P.R, its almost like feeding it over time. I did actually think about the low level grunt thing earlier and that could be a problem. I think i will change it so that it A) it only fills up within a certain range and B) Drains away over time, which would prevent just scaring newbs and leaving it filled up until you want to use it. It could perhaps maybe only absorb fear from Nen users, to prevent walking into a panicked crowd and fill the tattoo. I'll add the changes anyway and see what you think.

As for electrifying the sickles, lets say in a situation where he wanted to move into close range to attack, Aiza could electrify his palms which in turn would charge the blades with the void lightning. So it would last for as long as he maintained the charge. Think of Aiza as a mains power source. As long as the swords are plugged in, they are electrified.

The immunity would not completely protect him, for instance if somebody tazed Aiza he wouldn't be incapacitated by it, so the actual shocking properties of electricity wouldn't affect him making weaker forms of electricity nigh on useless. But as you mentioned though the heat and and force of electricity can still affect Aiza.

Thanks for taking the time to review my character. I will make the appropriate changes after i post this :D




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Edits have been made to the character sheet and it is ready for review again.
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Asylum
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Looking good, but you still need more clarification for how the fear absorption works in the hatsu description. The part about only working on nen users you explained and having it drain sounds alright, but I would also add in how how fast the fear can fill up (like maybe there's a few 'ranks' judging different fear levels and how fast it fills up on each level), plus how much it can take in total. I would also make a limit to how many people it can absorb from at once (getting into the grunts thing again), maybe if its absorbing from multiple people its not as fast for each as if it were focused on one.

The fact that it can act as both a buff to his weapons and as a long range attack is part of what made me consider this a r3. Since you weakened the lightning effects, though, I'm willing to accept it as a r4.

For Avatar, if the main condition doesn't come into effect until the next time he sleeps, I would say to add some sort of more immediate condition as well just so that it can't be skimmed over once a mission is over or something. Maybe have the paranoia and hallucinations start immediately after instead of after the sleep?

For electrical resistance, what you said above is pretty close to what I was thinking of when I recommended r8 (incapacitating effects, like disorientation or spasms are much less problematic up to great amounts), which I wouldn't consider quite at Killua's level of being able to shrug off crazy high voltages that would OHKO even Gon. If you want to make it a still weaker version, r4-6 might be fine, but r2 is definitely too low for this since electrical resistance is a fairly advanced skill. Either way though, you can still improve this later if you want.

As for your other Non Nen Techniques, I should note that you don't really need to spend TP just to say that your character is proficient in a certain martial arts style. It definitely doesn't hurt to add them (I did it myself for a throwing style my character Xandra specialized in enough to consider noteworthy), but you don't need to list every martial proficiency he has as a technique just like you don't need to spend TP just to say that your character is good at fighting or at killing people. Pretty much everyone in the world of hunters know some martial arts or are experienced at avoiding attacks in close combat anyways. Non Nen Techniques are mainly used for actual moves like special attacks or various advantages that people even of the same level wouldn't normally possess, be they acquired, trained, or somehow genetic, like your character's electrical resistance or my character's cold resistance.
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Those whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad.

I've addressed everything you mentioned, hopefully that should have sorted everything :D :Lounge:

Edits:

Avatar of Apophis: The effect has been reworked. It is no longer completely passive and needs to be applied to the target. (further explained in Avatar conditions) Aiza now suffers the effects of the Tall mans presence immediately after exiting this form.

Non-Nen Techniques: Arizu Kung fu has been removed and shock immunity upgraded to rank 6.


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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

Quote:
 
By using his Void lightning, and using his opponents fear to fill up his dragon tattoo. The dragon tattoo can only be filled up by the fear of a Nen user (generated by Void lightning) within the range of roughly a football pitch. The tattoos effect only works on a single target, marked by Aiza outstretching his palm in the targets direction and saying "I offer this sacrifice to Apophis!" after which, a duplicate dragon tattoo will materialize on the targets right arm (erasing any existing ones temporarily). The bar on the targets arm will be full, and any subsequent strikes of Void lightning will reduce the bar by a percentage. This percentage is percentage per hit is: 5% if the attack was weakened by Ryu or Ko and 10% if the target is hit in an unprotected area. A fully charged Void Spark will always increase Aiza's bar and decrease the targets bar by 10%. While the bar is active, the voltage of the electrical strikes is reduced, though the fear oppression and force of the Void Lightning becomes slightly increased.


I'm not sure I fully understand the changes here. The part about marking the target I get, but after that, he gets power from them each time he lands a hit with a void ability, or it boosts those abilities? But I thought the main point of the tattoo condition was to acquire power to use them with in the first place?

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Asylum
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Hmm, alright, approved.
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