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[Approved] Thief[Archived]; Ready for Inspection
Topic Started: Jun 18 2013, 10:40 AM (314 Views)
Evilcarrot
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× General Information

Name: Thief
Gender: Male
Age: Around 22
Height: 4' 10"
Weight: 100 lbs
Species: Human
Appearance: At only four feet, ten inches, Thief is a very small man. His skin is a pale white color, although nobody would guess that, as he's constantly covered in filth. He's never gotten a haircut, so his dirty, greasy black hair is almost as long as he is. He has a large, hooked nose that almost takes away notice of his reptile-like eyes and filthy teeth(of which he's lost five). His nails are poorly trimmed and go about a centimeter past his fingers, and are pretty jagged.

He wears baggy, tattered brown trousers and an ill-fitting dress shirt. Over this, he wears a brown cloak full of stolen items, which covers everything from the neck down. He long ago shunned shoes as being too difficult to find(ones that fit that weren't for children, that is), and as such, doesn't wear any.

Image


Profession:None
Reputation: 0 (Rank H)
Background

Backpack


× Physical Statistics

[0/0]
[0/50]

Aura:12
Might:6
Agility:15
Endurance:6
Accuracy:11

× Nen Techniques

Basic Nen Techniques

Hatsu Affinity: Emission


[6/6]
[0/0]


Hatsu Theme:
General Hatsu Description:
General Hatsu Conditions:

Hatsu Techniques
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

Seems mostly good to me, except for Thieves' Hands. 10 Arms seems like a lot for a starting ability, maybe two or three would be more appropriate which you can then improve by adding TP later. Also, you say that the strength is proportional to both how thick they are and to how badly he wants something. I guess its possible for both to be true, but normally one would expect only one of those. In addition, determining how badly he wants to use them on someone and relating that to their power can be rather difficult to measure, and could become OP in some cases. In addition, the range of en starts to get really long as the character improves so I'm concerned that it will get out of hand once you're able to control them at normal strength for up to 30+ meters.

I would suggest having the arm's strength tied only to their thickness/length, and making their standard length a set distance (maybe with the possibility of improving by adding TP later) as well as noting how far and how thick they can extend.
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Evilcarrot
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Alright, took your advice into account and nerfed it a bit.
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

Seems good now, approved.
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