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[Approved] Pungala Mahki[Archived]
Topic Started: Apr 24 2013, 04:43 AM (814 Views)
Chimera
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:Undercover: × General Information

Name: Pungala Mahki (ぷんがら まき | Pungara Maki)
Gender: Male
Age: 42
Height: 189.6cm
Weight: 96.54kgs
Species: Human
Appearance: Race: Aboriginal/Native American. Skin: Medium brown. Hair: Natural black. Appears very straw-like, clumped together. It reaches the end of the neck and covers the ears; looks ragged and “homeless”. Eyes: Dark brown, yet his irises are very distinguishable from his pupils. Attire: Pungala wears a tight white shirt with tight black jeans and a black belt. He always wears a tight black leather jacket with white angelic wings on the back. Pungala has black and white converses. Pungala mostly wears the same clothes.

Image


Profession: Freelance Hunter
Reputation: 0 (Rank H)
Background

Backpack


× Physical Statistics

[0/0]
[0/50]

Aura: 15
Might: 8
Agility: 7
Endurance: 15
Accuracy: 5

× Nen Techniques

Basic Nen Techniques

Hatsu Affinity: Conjuration


[6/6]
[0/0]


Hatsu Theme: The Panther (パンサー | Pansā)
General Hatsu Description: Pungala can conjure weapons similar to the anatomy of Panthers.
General Hatsu Conditions: Pungala can only conjure and use the weapons after he has both damaged his foe and taken damage himself. The difference in the amount of damage on his foe and the amount of damage on him varies the degree of power his weapons hold.

Hatsu Techniques


× Non-Nen Techniques

[10/16]
Techniques
Edited by Chimera, May 20 2013, 01:24 AM.
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

Basically, each hatsu costs AP depending on its rank. A rank 1 hatsu costs 5 AP while a rank 2 hatsu costs 4 AP, and so on up to rank 5 which costs 1 AP, and you have 6 to spend so you can't keep both of your current ones.

You'll need some more conditions for Devil's Armor, only being able to use it when heavily injured isn't all that limiting considering the benefits and the not being repaired part is somewhat negated by how sturdy it is. Maybe some really harsh after-effects would fit well with it?

Also, there's no need to put something like Basic Fighting Ability as a non nen technique, it's generally assumed that most PC's are pretty skilled/talented in basic combat. You could put down a martial arts style the character is trained in, but just 'general combat abilities' isn't workable especially if it implies that he's just better at combat than other characters of the same level.
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Chimera
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Right. Changed the Non-Nen Technique to kickboxing.

I've completely redone the Nen section. I hope it's okay, and not overpowered. Sometimes I do go over the top and make really powerful characters without a reason for them to be powerful. :\
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Kain
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Tiger Lord aka Star Lord aka Vigo aka Chocolate Thunder

1st: How long are the claws?

2nd: Because the claws are a combat-type, I'd like to see them at least Rank 4 - Which is 2 AP.

3rd: I'm wondering if there's a set limit to the damage necessary to enable the weapon.

Quote:
 
"Only damaged inflicted by Kuroso and his opponent contribute to effect of Tail of the Panther. Self-harm or damage as a result of someone (like shooting a gun) does not count."


Here it puzzles me, Does this mean that it needs to be hand2hand to begin the weapon?

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Chimera
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Added in length for Claws of the Panther.

Changed Claws of the Panther to Supportive, which is what they were meant to be. I didn't change it upon rewriting the Nen abilities.

What do you mean by limit? The power of the weapon comes from the ratio, not the amount. Both opponents could be nearing death, and Tail of the Panther would have the same power if both were relatively unscathed. It's the ratio that counts, not the amount.

Fixed that bit. No idea why I worded it so weirdly.


Added in Kenjutsu and Single-Tail Whipping to Non-Nen Techniques.

Also renamed "Kuroso Mahki" to "Pungala Mahki".
Edited by Chimera, May 15 2013, 05:31 AM.
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Kain
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Tiger Lord aka Star Lord aka Vigo aka Chocolate Thunder

You can rank you first ability a Rank 2, I don't see any reason it needs to be so high. Which isn't a bad thing. Otherwise All looks good to me.

1/2 approved
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

You have Origin and History mixed up. The character's backstory should be placed under Origin, and History is to be left blank for now. [50/50] should be [0/50].

I agree that the first hatsu can be r2, but the second should be r4 (there's really not much that counts as a r5). For the first also, you should include a condition directly declaring who the opponent the damage is being compared to in some way, and require having to resummon the weapon if that person changes. Also, am I right to assume that it will also change back to a weaker version automatically (as opposed to only upgrading) if the opponent takes damage to offset the ration; making him have to be careful with how he attacks his opponents? Because that seems like a really good condition to me, and if not you'll probably need to add something else.

Also:
Quote:
 
Kuroso cannot conjure Tail of the Panther if he has damaged his opponent and taken damage in return. The order does not matter, as long as both have occurred.

Is this a typo? It sounds to me like you meant to say it can't be conjured 'unless' they've both damaged each other.
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Chimera
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Changes made.

And yes, that was a typo. D:
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Ken sweatshirt
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Everyone's always telling you to be humble. When was the last time someone told you to be great?


A few mistakes:
I dont think you can open your nen nodes by becoming mad. Especially if meditating is one way to open them. Also, you say he got beaten to near dead AGAIN three days later. How come he can heal after being beaten near dead after three days?

Also, he was 19 when he opened his nen nodes, and spend the next 10 years learning nen, but he is 42.

He has a high pain tolerance, i dont think that belongs to personality, perhaps make it a non nen tech?
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

Personally, when it comes to things like that in the backstory I don't mind. It can easily be changed or explained (really, its not impossible for geniuses like Neon or Komugi). For the learning nen thing, all I understood was that he said he spent 10 years learning nen and training to become a hunter, not that only 10 years have passed since then. For Pain Tolerance, only if it gives him an advantage over others (as in, he can brush off more pain than other characters could given similar circumstances).

Other than that, my main question is, how easy is it for him to change targets? If he's fighting multiple people and his current target takes a lot of damage to make the weapon disappear, can he just switch targets when resetting it rather than summoning the weaker version? Also, to go off that, can he fight multiple people with the weapon even if the power is determined only by a single target? (I'm assuming yes, but you might be thinking otherwise)
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