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[Approved] Hijuu Yajima[Archived]
Topic Started: Dec 25 2012, 03:10 AM (945 Views)
Xzavier88
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× General Information

Name: Hijuu Yajima
Gender: Male
Age: 16
Height: 5’11’
Weight: 175
Species: Human
Appearance: Yajima puts you in mind of a devilish cat. He has narrow ruby red eyes. His silky, wavy, ruby-colored hair is long and is worn in an artistic, bizarre style. He is very tall and has a boyish build. His skin is cream-colored. He has slim eyebrows. His wardrobe is more of a rebel type of look, with a completely red, black and white color scheme.

Image


Profession: Black-List Hunters (Upon completion of Hunter Exam)
Reputation: 0 (Rank H)
Background

Backpack


× Physical Statistics

[0/0]
[0/50]

Aura: 10
Might: 10
Agility: 10
Endurance: 10
Accuracy: 10

× Nen Techniques

Basic Nen Techniques

Hatsu Affinity: Manipulation


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Hatsu Theme: Kami no Juuryoku

General Hatsu Description: Using his Hatsu to manipulate the air around him and others Yajima is able to change gravity upon his opponent or himself by touching specific sections of the body. With doing so Yajima must get close enough to the opponent to touch and alter the gravity around the opponent’s general space. This can also be used on items. (This technique must touch a specific point. So if Yajima is unable to touch this person due to speed then the technique will not work.)

General Hatsu Conditions: Conditions upon this Hatsu is that it puts a very large strain on the user’s muscles usually leaving them incapable for about 1 hour depending upon the amount of force used in a fight. If minimal effort is used to weigh down an opponent or himself then he is just left tired. Using any techniques Gyou has to be at least 60-40 using only his left or right index finger to place marks upon the body where force will be applied. Also upon being incapable the user must eat numerous amounts of food mostly meat to build back up the energy that was lost during the fight and two days of being unable to do anything.

Hatsu Techniques




× Non-Nen Techniques

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Martial Arts [Daitō-ryū Aiki-jūjutsu]

Aiki-jūjutsu is a form that can be broken into three styles: Jujutsu (hard/ soft); Aiki no Jutsu (soft); and Aikijujutsu (soft) which is the combination of the former two. Modern Japanese Jujutsu and Aikido both are styles that originate in Aikijujutsu. It emphasizes "an early neutralization of an attack." Like other forms of jujutsu, it emphasizes throwing techniques and joint manipulations to effectively control, subdue, or injure an attacker. Of particular importance is the timing of a defensive technique to either blend or neutralize an incoming attack's effectiveness and use the force of the attacker's movement against them. Daitō-ryū is characterized by ample use of atemi, or the striking of vital areas, in order to set up joint locking or throwing tactics.

Techniques
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Ken sweatshirt
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Everyone's always telling you to be humble. When was the last time someone told you to be great?

You still didn't do what Asylum said.


Pushes the opponent about 5 feet away from target and can possibly breaking a bone chances are 1 in 5.

Instead of that, put something like:

Pushes the opponent with a force of [Insert number] Might.

Bam done, why choosing the hard way?

Anyway, you can't choose your own sense from might. Read the guidelines, Physical statics, to give you a basic understanding.


If Oohabana isnt offensive, then why did you put offensive? Check the hatsu again. If Henkou Kakkou is offensive, then why is it put as offensve?
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Xzavier88
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edited seems right changed the hasu techs to supportive for the non nen techs
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

I'm talking about hatsu right now, the effects of those need to made clear on their own before we can talk about combining their effects with non nen techs. First, since its the hatsu that have the ability to change force and the recoil the character suffers are dependent on that, the different 'levels' of force that can be used should be listed there rather than under non nen techs that he uses in conjunction with them. On their own, non nen techs usually just have the user's stats, so there's no need to list 'this attack has 'X' might' except on rare occasions which I don't think these qualify for. In this case, the strength of these techs would be increased when using them in conjunction with a hatsu, but there's no need to mention how much it increases by in the non nen tech section since it depends on how much force is put into the hatsu.

What I think you should do is basically something like this:

Under the description of Oohabana Osu add something like-
There are (lets say 3) levels of force that will send the target flying backwards as if struck by a head on attack of x might when activating this hatsu though it causes no direct damage itself, the higher the level the more severe the backlash.

Level 1:7 Might, more easily spammable, causes slight, somewhat painful muscle spasms but clear up fairly quickly (2 posts/five minutes?) and must be used multiple times in succession before it becomes extremely debilitating.

Level 2: 15 Might, a medium ground, more powerful and capable of sending away larger opponents/objects, but causes more painful and long lasting muscle spasms. Using more than 2-3 times without time to rest can end up doing severe damage that results in him being unable to use the muscles.

Level 3: 25 Might, much more powerful at the cost of pretty much losing the ability to move the muscles affected immediately after it is used.

((In this case, you could increase the Might of each level by 2 at the cost of 1 TP as your character grows stronger))

You should probably add something very similar in the description of Juuryoku Ochiru with regards to how great the agility debuff/gravity increase becomes for each level and what the side effects are.
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Xzavier88
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before i redo my bio i wanted to understand the backlash is a recoil towards me not the opponent if i am reading correctly
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

Yes, the backlash on you I listed there were representations of how much backlash you suffer upon using them.
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Xzavier88
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Ok thank you for explaining that to me
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Xzavier88
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based off ur template i believe i have come up with some good conditions based off what you wrote it has all been edited
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

Much better, but a few things:

Quote:
 
In order for an opponent to not feel the effects to a great extent they must have at least 10 or higher Might points higher than the users. If the user has more Might than opponent then the effects are normal however, if Might is extremely higher than opponents by at least 20 or more then the attack will automatically go through depending on the roleplay and have a longer effect which if it does everything (Agility and Movement) will be increased by 3 points excluding Might.

There’s no need for this. Since the effects are already described in terms of stats, it goes without saying that someone with much higher or much lower stats will be more/less resistant to them. In the case of someone much stronger than your character, for example, they will still suffer a debuff of the same agility as everyone else, it just won’t be as big a problem since they would still be pretty high above you (and vice versa for weaker).

I also think that the duration of the effect of Juuryoku Ochiru should be consist throughout all of the levels, since what’s being changed at each level is the force being used, not necessarily how long he maintains it for. You can still increase the duration with TP though.

I’m also starting to feel that you need at least one more mild activating condition for this to be workable, even with the backlash. Because, as of right now, all you need to do is touch them then get a foot away to deliver some pretty much unavoidable techniques. Maybe he has to be using Gyou at least 60-40 on the body part he touches them with in order to set the mark? Or maybe he can only use a specific body part like his right index finger or palm to set these marks?

Could you explain Kara Tenohira a little bit better? Does he move the attack from a distance by pointing his palm at them or is it something he does by physically grabbing them? If it’s the former, how? If it’s the latter, why does it say he must start at least a foot away? I don’t really understand well how this connects with Juuryoku Ochiru.

For Henkou Kakkou, the range of at least one foot away is a bit confusing to me since it kind of clearly reads as a physical attack unless you mean for him to start one foot away and then come closer, but I see no need for that restriction. Secondly, how can he use it in conjunction with Oohabana Osu if he must be at least a foot away for the hatsu’s to be usable? If he uses Oohabana once Hekou pushes them at least a foot away, then that would just be using Oohabana immediately after. ((A lot of the above applies to Kara Tenohira/Juuryoku Ochiru too)).

Quote:
 
Pushes the opponent with a force of either Level 1,2,or 3 Might.
Level 1: 30 Might {Not Mastered}
Level 2: 60 Might {Not Mastered}
Level 3: 80 Might {Not Mastered}

You also don’t really need this since, usually, non nen techs are dependent on one’s stats.
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Xzavier88
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edited i think it should be easier to understand now i meant it to be a foot in range. Also the techniques should be ok now i fixed it so it was easier to understand
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

Much better now, though I'm going under the assumption that Kara Tenohira has to physically touch the opponent to divert attacks since its still not all that clear and that the hatsu are also meant to be limited to be used within a foot of the opponent as well since their current wording states they must be further.

If I'm right and you edit them to be more clear, then I'll give it my 1/2.
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