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| [Approved] Avery St. Cloud[Archived] | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 19 2012, 05:45 AM (563 Views) | |
| Avery | Dec 19 2012, 05:45 AM Post #1 |
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× General Information Name: Avery St. Cloud Gender: Male Age: 17 Height: 5' 4" (163 cm) Weight: 114 lbs (52 kg) Species: Human Appearance: Short and kind of scrawny, people often think that Avery is quite a bit younger than he is. Combined with medium length blonde hair that has a terrible tendency to curl annoyingly at the edges and piercing green eyes, he is more likely to be described as cute than particularly dangerous looking. Fairly clean cut, he doesn't have any tattoos, scars or otherwise easily identifiable marks. In general, Avery comes across very innocent and often times almost childish. Often daydreaming or off in his own world, he is not the type to really draw attention to himself. As far as clothing goes, he loves bright colours and anything with stripes or checker patterns on it. He prefers to dress down rather than dress up the vast majority of the time, keeping extraneous clothing to a minimum unless he is out to impress. Often carries a skateboard with him. Image Profession: Local Criminal/Master Thief Reputation: 0 (Rank H) Background Backpack × Physical Statistics [0/0] [0/50] Aura: 14 Might: 6 Agility: 16 Endurance: 6 Accuracy: 8 × Nen Techniques Basic Nen Techniques Hatsu Affinity: Emission [6/6] [0/0] Hatsu Theme: Ghost Thief General Hatsu Description: Indirect fighting and nen use. General Hatsu Conditions: Drastically weakened physically by using nen powers. Hatsu Techniques × Non-Nen Techniques [16/16] Techniques |
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| Asylum | Dec 20 2012, 12:07 AM Post #2 |
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Prone to Madness
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Looks good, though your image doesn't seem to be working. [0/16] should also be [16/16]. For Nen Static (and Ghost Images too if he can create them anywhere in range), 100 meters seems like a pretty unneccesarily large range, especially if it completely messes up the senses of anyone within it, and you're likely going to need a duration for both of them. Your condition is that it leaves him physically exhausted to use them, but you don't really go into any detail about how much energy they consume so its not very helpful as a limiter in my mind. Also, what are the Ghost Images stats? Are they like illusions that fade after one good blow or are they like nen beings that can fight in their own right like Razor's 14 Devils? Are they independent or basically limited to basic commands/instructions given by your character if not being actively manipulated? |
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| Avery | Dec 20 2012, 12:50 AM Post #3 |
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Hey, thanks for the quick reply! I made the edits you suggested - I reduced the range of the Nen Static from 100 metres to 25 metres, and added a fair bit more detail on how the Ghost images work. If there's anything that you spot, let me know. |
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| Asylum | Dec 20 2012, 01:50 AM Post #4 |
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Prone to Madness
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Seems good now. 1/2. |
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| הּKen sweatshirt | Dec 22 2012, 05:36 AM Post #5 |
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Everyone's always telling you to be humble. When was the last time someone told you to be great?
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Image is missing, but fine since you described it. 2/2 approved. |
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12:12 PM Jul 11