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[Approved] Avery St. Cloud[Archived]
Topic Started: Dec 19 2012, 05:45 AM (563 Views)
Avery
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× General Information

Name: Avery St. Cloud
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Height: 5' 4" (163 cm)
Weight: 114 lbs (52 kg)
Species: Human
Appearance:

Short and kind of scrawny, people often think that Avery is quite a bit younger than he is. Combined with medium length blonde hair that has a terrible tendency to curl annoyingly at the edges and piercing green eyes, he is more likely to be described as cute than particularly dangerous looking. Fairly clean cut, he doesn't have any tattoos, scars or otherwise easily identifiable marks.

In general, Avery comes across very innocent and often times almost childish. Often daydreaming or off in his own world, he is not the type to really draw attention to himself. As far as clothing goes, he loves bright colours and anything with stripes or checker patterns on it. He prefers to dress down rather than dress up the vast majority of the time, keeping extraneous clothing to a minimum unless he is out to impress. Often carries a skateboard with him.

Image


Profession: Local Criminal/Master Thief
Reputation: 0 (Rank H)
Background

Backpack


× Physical Statistics

[0/0]
[0/50]

Aura: 14
Might: 6
Agility: 16
Endurance: 6
Accuracy: 8

× Nen Techniques

Basic Nen Techniques

Hatsu Affinity: Emission


[6/6]
[0/0]


Hatsu Theme: Ghost Thief
General Hatsu Description: Indirect fighting and nen use.
General Hatsu Conditions: Drastically weakened physically by using nen powers.

Hatsu Techniques



× Non-Nen Techniques

[16/16]
Techniques
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

Looks good, though your image doesn't seem to be working. [0/16] should also be [16/16].

For Nen Static (and Ghost Images too if he can create them anywhere in range), 100 meters seems like a pretty unneccesarily large range, especially if it completely messes up the senses of anyone within it, and you're likely going to need a duration for both of them. Your condition is that it leaves him physically exhausted to use them, but you don't really go into any detail about how much energy they consume so its not very helpful as a limiter in my mind.

Also, what are the Ghost Images stats? Are they like illusions that fade after one good blow or are they like nen beings that can fight in their own right like Razor's 14 Devils? Are they independent or basically limited to basic commands/instructions given by your character if not being actively manipulated?
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Avery
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Hey, thanks for the quick reply!

I made the edits you suggested - I reduced the range of the Nen Static from 100 metres to 25 metres, and added a fair bit more detail on how the Ghost images work. If there's anything that you spot, let me know.
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Asylum
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Prone to Madness

Seems good now. 1/2.
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Ken sweatshirt
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Everyone's always telling you to be humble. When was the last time someone told you to be great?

Image is missing, but fine since you described it.

2/2 approved.
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